Chapter 6

Very early Saturday morning, well before eight o’clock, my phone rang, waking me from a deep sleep. A very nervous sounding Fliss asked if she could come around. Groggily I agreed. Less than fifteen minutes later the doorbell rang and I let Fliss in. I’d barely had time to wake up and get dressed. The kettle was on and there was some bread in the toaster. Before I could ask if she wanted anything she was in my arms crying. I held her as I had done before, in silence. I heard the kettle switch itself off and a few minutes later the toaster pop up.

A couple of minutes after that she started to talk. She’d had a nightmare, in which she kept reliving the assault. Her father had heard her and had told her angrily to snap out of it, that it was all over. She went on to say that he had been full of anger since her attack and although he never actually said it was her own fault he had implied a few times that she shouldered at least some of the blame. He had never been a tactile man and whilst she didn’t doubt his love, she needed him to show it and it seemed he couldn’t. I asked about her mother and was told that she’d disappeared years ago. I then tried to find out about other family and friends. There were no other close relatives and she had no real friends just loads of acquaintances. It seemed that even her lovers never hung around for very long.

“Knowing what a selfish bitch I was, you could hardly blame them.” She commented mournfully. “I had a lot of time to think while I was in hospital. I asked a lot of questions of myself and didn’t like any of the answers. Just about everyone I knew was either after my body or my father’s money or favour. Yours was one of the very few genuine messages I got, that’s one of the reasons I came around.”

It was only at this stage that she looked up at me. The intensity in her quite dark blue eyes was heart wrenching. ‘Poor little rich kid’ sprung to mind. As if reading my mind she continued.

“I’ve had to do a lot of growing up these last couple months.” She said.

“Well I can’t say I knew the old you other than our very brief introduction but I must say I like the new one. I can’t even begin to imagine what you went through, but to come out of it as you seem to have done, shows a strong character.”

She laughed quietly. “As you can tell when I arrived, I’m not out of it yet, not by a long chalk.”

It seemed an appropriate time to ask the question that had been bugging me. “Why me?”

“That’s easy. As I said earlier you were one of the few that seemed to genuinely care, something that my visit reinforced. I didn’t plan to breakdown and cry but that happens a lot lately, but when you held your arms out I just rushed to you without thinking. My subconscious must have known that I needed reassurance and human contact. I don’t know if it’s because of your size that I immediately felt safe, protected from life’s little nasties.”

Again she looked up at me but this time her eyes were smiling, the remaining tears adding a real sparkle. Again my heart raced, this time for rather inappropriate reasons. I would have to be careful, she was vulnerable but suddenly so was I, vulnerable to those eyes. Whether she saw anything in my reaction I don’t know, but if she did she didn’t show it. She put her head back against my chest and said.

“I know that I’m actually no safer but it’s what I feel.”

Without thinking whether it was appropriate I said what I felt at that moment. “You are welcome in my arms whenever you want.”

It was if I could feel her smile as she snuggled closer to me. We stayed like that for a while with me continually warning myself not to misinterpret the contact. After a while I found it more and more difficult and when I felt my loins start stirring I knew I had to break the hold.

“Well I don’t know about you but I need a caffeine boost. I never function properly before my first coffee.”

Fliss smiled. “You functioned perfectly this morning, but yes I’d love a coffee. Black, no sugar please.”

I started my usual retort of ‘you don’t need to watch your weight’ etc. but decided it was not really suitable. “Same as me!” I said instead.

After I gave her her coffee she said. “Do you know, I’m 34 and that’s the longest anyone has ever held me since my mother left.”

I was doubtful, she had commented on past lovers and surely they must have held her longer. I was also a little surprised at her age. When I had first met her I remember thinking she was in her twenties and without her full make-up I had still thought her a couple of years younger at least. I told her of both my doubts.

“Oh I’m 34 alright, and to be honest I feel a lot older just lately. As for the other I can assure that it is easily a record. I think my lovers just held on long enough to fuck me and then fucked off and if I’m honest, that suited me most of the time. I’m pretty certain that I didn’t attract the right sort of man for anything else.”

“You really did do some serious thinking didn’t you?” I stated rather than asked. “Although I’m sure there were plenty of good men interested.”

She grimaced. “I know I look good and have a nice body. That will attract all men, but as soon as I opened my mouth only the bastards seemed to remain. Let me ask you a question. When we first met, if you knew for certain that I would let you have me, would you have done?”

I thought back to that evening. When I first saw her there was no doubt that she was desirable but as she said as soon as her personality showed it was a definite no-no. “No!” I answered honestly.

She grinned. “There’s your answer.”

“Well I like the new you and I’m sure that whenever you’re ready there will be a queue of young men, although this time you’ll have to discard the bastards.”

“It’ll be a while yet before I can trust a man again.” She said sadly, “present company excepted of course.”

I smiled. “I understand. In fact I am more than a little surprised that you trust me so easily.”

“So am I, but I do. I think my need for comfort exceeded my fear at that particular time and you proved yourself trustworthy. Which one is your girlfriend, Marion or her daughter?”

The change of topic threw me for a moment, but soon I was explaining my relationship with Penny. Fliss asked about other women and I told her the pain I’d gone through and how it had taken me so long to look again. She probed for reasons why I had not hooked up with any of the women that I’d mentioned, often contradicting me and saying my reasons weren’t genuine just excuses to myself. In the end I admitted that although I missed a woman’s company, I was still a little fearful of being hurt again. By that time it was lunchtime and although I offered to prepare something, Fliss said that she had taken up enough of my time already and that she should go. I admitted that apart from why she was there, I had thoroughly enjoyed the morning and if she wanted to call around again then she didn’t need any other reason.

After she had left I got around to doing my housework and washing; both were boring jobs leaving me plenty of time to think. Why did I tell her almost everything, more than I’d admitted to Penny? As usual with me, I was very good with the questions but not so hot with the answers. The afternoon ended with a grocery shop and a sit down in front of the telly for the football results. Halfway through, Vicki turned up. Amy had already told her of Fliss’s first visit and we had briefly spoken about it on the phone. I told her about the latest visit and talk. When I asked Vicki the question ‘why me?’ she laughed and said. “Don’t let this go to your head Dad, but you are a nice man and a good listener too. Why do you think me and Amy spend so much time around here?” As an answer. I fetched a bottle of Morgon and held it up.

“This, maybe?” I said laughing.

“Well that is a bonus, of course.” She said smiling, before launching in with her own news. Vicki could talk to me about anything and everything and did for the next couple of hours; once again making me feel proud and happy that both my daughters felt comfortable sharing their problems and gossip with me. I managed about twenty percent of the talking and Vicki managed about twenty percent of the wine. She wasn’t much of a red wine drinker but she did enjoy a nice Beaujolais Cru. The wine helped me sleep that night.

I dreamt of Fliss, once again I awakening to the ring of the telephone. I grabbed it quickly and found myself really disappointed when it was Steve, Amy’s husband, asking me if I fancied going to Alton Towers with them for the day. I didn’t and told him so, knowing that there would be no hard feelings. I joked with him that Amy probably knew I wouldn’t go, but had Steve call me just so that if she had to be awake early on a Sunday morning then so should I be. He laughed but didn’t disagree.

As I was wide-awake I decided that I might as well get up. A quick check out of the window showed it to be a bright sunny morning, ideal biking weather. I got dressed in my leathers, grabbed my lid (helmet) and gloves and headed into my garage. Half an hour later my silver Triumph was fuelled up and we were heading for the twisty roads of Wales. The road surface was still a bit cold for fast riding but this didn’t bother me too much, as I wasn’t a knee down rider or a speed king. I kept my speed down, or at least relatively down, and just played around the bends. Two pleasant hours later I was sitting in the Ponderosa Café at the top of Horseshoe Pass sipping a hot coffee. It was still quite early but already there were a couple of dozen other bikes there, their riders circulating and talking to each other.