Chapter 20

Roger pulled up in front of the cabin just before dark. He had been worrying about finding the cabin and had spotted a couple of motels on the main highway. He had decided that he would have stayed in a motel if he hadn't found the cabin before dark. The gravel road leading to the cabin was about a mile and a half long. It was a county road and the owner of the cabin had assured Roger that the county would plow the road if it snowed but it might be a few days before they got to it. There were other cabins on the gravel road. Most of the cabins had been closed up for the season. The couple of cabins that were still occupied looked like the owners were winterizing them prior to closing up for the winter.

Roger pulled his SUV into the driveway off to the side of the cabin and turned off the engine. He saw that at the back of the property there was an open-front shed that shielded the fire wood from the rain and snow. It appeared that the shed was as full of fire wood as it would hold. No electricity was available this far from the road but an evacuated-tube solar collector provided hot water and a single solar panel provided power for the solar hot water circulating pump and the water pump for the cabin's water. There was also one small light and one receptacle in the cabin. There was a small, apartment sized propane stove for cooking. The owner had informed Roger that lighting was done by kerosene lanterns and that he had two five gallon containers of kerosene in the tool shed and three small canisters of propane. Roger had a half-smile on his face as he thought to himself that this would be really roughing it.

A stop at the local grocery store on the main road had allowed Roger to stock up on a substantial store of food. Most of the items were canned goods that could be warmed on the wood stove. The few perishables that he had purchased would be gone in a few days. Since there was no refrigeration in the cabin perishables would rot if not consumed within days of being purchased. After the food was unloaded and brought into the cabin Roger was sure that he had three to four weeks supply.

The owner of the cabin had warned Roger to thoroughly wash out any food cans that he opened and to flatten the cans and store them where bears couldn't get to them. He also warned against trying to store food outside in the cold mountain air as bears and other wildlife always seemed to be able to get the food. He warned Roger that bears would often be seen around the area. Roger knew that bears are solitary animals and didn't like being around humans and even avoided other bears except at mating time or when the mothers were with cubs. If the bear smelled food, its fear of humans would take a back seat and the bear would do whatever it took to get the food.

Roger put on his down jacket and went out on the porch. The air had a chill to it and he knew that it would be below freezing after the sun went down. Since it was early fall the daytime temperatures could reach fifty-five or sixty but it could get down to twenty or below before sunrise. It wasn't usual to have snow this time of year.

Roger sat down in one of the two Adirondack chairs and stared out at the distant mountains. The cabin, while technically in the mountains, was not high enough to hit the really severe weather that the higher elevations experienced. It would still be possible to drive down to the main roads with the SUV.

It was not long before his thoughts turned to Lei. He could still feel her soft skin and he smelled her scent. He raised the sleeve of his jacket to his nose and tried to smell her scent on it. It dawned on him that her scent would not be on the jacket because he had just bought the jacket for this trip. Tears came to his eyes as he tried to envision her face as he held her in his arms.

A slow rage began to build in his chest. Along with the rage great frustration began to build inside him. He didn't know why Lei had been killed and he needed to know who did it. In his mind's eye he saw himself with one hand around the man's neck while he ripped the man's heart out. He saw himself watching the man die. Roger was stunned when he realized that he could really do such a thing to the man that had killed Lei. He would have no remorse if he had the chance to rip the man's heart out and actually did it. He realized that something was happening inside of him. He had always considered himself a good man and the thought of committing violence against another human was foreign to him. He shook his head and closed his eyes but the rage wouldn't go away; it just simmered and slowly grew larger. Roger had never thought about having a soul but he felt the rage constantly growing and finding a home in his soul. The most precious thing in his life had been taken away from him and he didn't know why.