Chapter 25

The conversation in the kitchen between Mirriam and Prudence had, in fact, evolved into a, “I don’t want him... you take him,” kind of banter. Both women, to be honest, thought about the man. He was single, good looking, educated, and would only be in town for a few months. For a woman who had needs, but didn’t want to get tied down, he was very attractive. Mirriam had been trying hard not to think about him in that way. But he was a very engaging man. He wasn’t pushy, but he was a lot friendlier than the average man might be. Their conversation was cut off as if by a knife when Constance and Jeff came back into the kitchen.

“What’s wrong with Bobby?” asked Constance.

“Wrong?” Mirriam looked confused. “Nothing. He went looking for you. Didn’t you talk to him?”

“No,” said Connie. “When we came back in he was sitting in the living room ... in the dark. As soon as I said something to him he got up and left.”

“That’s odd,” said Mirriam. “He said he needed to talk to you.” Her eyebrows pulled together. “Where did he go?”

“He didn’t say,” said Constance. “He looked upset, though.”

“He’ll show up,” said Prudence. “We’ll find out all about it then.”

“Can’t you at least stay and have dinner with me?” asked Terry. Class was over for the day. He’d suggested they have dinner every night. She’d consistently said she had to get home. She hadn’t told him about Owen, for some reason. They had eaten lunch together every day since the seminar started, but usually they talked about what they’d just heard in the classes. It was a good seminar.

But in the evenings she needed to pick up Owen. Her breasts were full and tender by then, and needed relief. She’d brought a pump with her, and used it during the day. One of the women in the cafeteria let her put the bottles in the refrigerator, so she could deliver them to Renee when she picked Owen up. Renee used them the next day. It had been working well, thus far. After that there was dinner to get, and Owen to spend time with. She had always been in a hurry to get home after class.

“If you have a boyfriend just say so,” said Terry.

A week of getting to know each other had gotten them to the point where both of them felt pretty safe saying whatever was on their minds. They argued about things, but not that often. She had left Owen out of things intentionally, in the beginning, though she didn’t know why. Now that they were almost friends, at least in her opinion, she felt like she should have told him. If she did now, though, he’d know she’d held it back. She didn’t want him to think that. She didn’t understand that either.

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” said Erica.

“I find that exceedingly odd,” said Terry.

He looked like he was waiting for an explanation. He did that a lot. He’d say something, and then wait for her to respond. Why she always seemed to feel like she had to respond was something else she didn’t really understand.

“There are complications,” she said.

“Not too surprising,” said Terry. “You’re a complicated woman.”

“What does that mean?” she asked, her voice querulous.

“It means that there are many facets to your personality,” he said. “You’re capable, but not overbearing. You’re intelligent, but don’t throw it in people’s faces. You can be hard as nails, but have an obvious soft side. You store breast milk in the cafeteria kitchen, but don’t have a husband or a boyfriend. I’d say that classifies you as being complicated.”

That he’d somehow found out about the breast milk made her feel like he’d been spying on her. And now this question about the boyfriend.

“I never said I didn’t have a husband,” she said, confrontationally.

“Do you?” he asked.

“No, and that’s none of your business anyway!” she said, her chin jutting out. “Why are you spying on me?”

“Oh,” he said. “You mean the breast milk. I wasn’t going to mention that, but sometimes you’re so interesting that I don’t watch my mouth. I wasn’t spying on you. They let me keep a six pack of Coke in the same refrigerator. I saw the bottles and had to ask about them. One of the cooks thinks I’m interested in her, and she told me.”

“That’s horrible!” she gasped.

“What? Why is it so horrible to ask about something like that in a university refrigerator?”

“I mean about using that poor girl’s emotions to get information out of her!”

“Oh,” he said. “She’s married, Erica. All I did was be friendly. I can’t help it if I’m dashing and handsome, and make married women have naughty thoughts.” He smiled wryly. “That’s where I went wrong. If I’d have married a married woman, I’d probably still have her panting after me.”

“Men are such a pain in the ass,” sighed Erica.

Terry didn’t miss a beat. “No wonder you have problems with men. I don’t think you’re supposed to let them do it in the ass, Erica.”

She was once again, shocked by this curious man. He’d said something completely unacceptable, but the way it came out was just a little teasing joke. Still, she didn’t want to respond to that, so she went back to his comment about the breast milk.

“I have a son.”

“I figured,” he said. “I shouldn’t have brought it up, and I’m sorry. You obviously wanted to keep that private. Like I said, sometimes I say things without thinking them through first. I should have waited until you were ready to tell me.”

“I have to go,” said Erica. “I need to get home and feed him.”

“Okay,” he said. “When school is going on I’m busy all the time, but in the summer I get a little bored. You’re fun to talk to. That’s one reason I keep trying to get you to stay. I guess I assumed it would be that way for you too. I should have known you had a good reason to get home every night.”

On the drive home Erica wondered about his choice of words. He said that she was fun to talk to, and that was one reason he wanted her to stay. That suggested there was another reason he wanted her to stay too. Her imagination supplied that reason. She thought it was interesting that that didn’t make her unhappy with him.

Erica parked the car. Bobby was sitting on the edge of the ramp. Will spent almost every night at Christy’s now. She got out, expecting him to come help her with her things, but he just sat there. She wondered if any of the neighbors had seen him waiting, and then decided she didn’t care. People thought what they thought, and there wasn’t anything she could do about that. She left the diaper bag in the car and just took Owen out. She needed to feed him first, and could come back for her other things later.

“Hi,” she said.

He looked up and, even in the dark she could tell that something was wrong.

“What happened?” she asked. “Come on in. I have to feed him. I’m about to burst.”

He followed her in, but still didn’t say anything. She felt completely normal opening her blouse in front of him. Rather than fiddle with the nursing bra, she handed Owen to Bobby and took both the blouse and the bra off.

He still hadn’t said anything, but handed Owen back to her. Their son latched onto a nipple eagerly and she felt the tingling zings as her milk let down even before she could sit down.

She sat back and sighed as Owen sucked hungrily at a nipple. She let the other one just drip, because it felt so good to let the pressure diminish. Because of the seminar, she hadn’t talked to Bobby in over a week.

“What’s wrong?” she asked again.

“I don’t know,” he said. His voice was low, and she could hear the pain in it.

“Well what happened?” she insisted.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said.

“Not acceptable,” she said shortly. “If you’re going to come over here all broken up about something, you have to tell me about it.”

“I’m not all broken up,” he said.

“You want some milk?” she asked.

“No thanks,” he said.

“See?” she said dryly. “When was the last time you weren’t interested in my breasts? You haven’t even looked at them tonight!”

“Yes I did,” he argued. “You just took your top off. I couldn’t miss that.”

“Tell me what’s wrong, Bobby,” she wheedled.

This was a Bobby that Erica had never seen before. Gone was his confident air, and his calm demeanor. He was in agony, and it was so harsh that it brought memories of Will’s flashback to mind. He wouldn’t volunteer anything, but she found out he’d answer questions, so she asked them until she narrowed the field, and found out it was about a woman. It was something she’d never thought about before ... Bobby Dalton with another woman. She realized that was silly. If he’d won her over, he wouldn’t have any trouble winning other women over too.

Little by little she got deeper into his funk, until he did begin volunteering information. It was disjointed. It was about a woman named Connie, but she got the wrong answers about this woman. He didn’t date her. “Not really,” was his characterization of it. She wasn’t his girlfriend. That made Erica feel better. If he’d been making her pregnant while cheating on his girlfriend, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to keep from wringing his neck. It was as he finally began to describe what he’d seen, earlier that night, that the situation gelled in her mind.

He was jealous. She knew what that felt like.

“You like this girl,” said Erica.

“She’s my best friend,” said Bobby.

“No, I mean you really like this girl.” Neither of them noticed the irony of the fact that Erica was using high school girl terminology for that kind of affection. Subconsciously, though, Erica knew it wasn’t precise enough. “You love her.”

“I can’t love her,” said Bobby.

“Why not?” asked Erica.

“Because I don’t know what love is, for one thing,” moaned Bobby. “And anyway, there’s Tim.”

Then Erica found out about Tim.

“That’s awful,” she said. Owen had fallen asleep on her other breast. She just held him, and let him sleep.

“That’s what I don’t understand,” said Bobby. “She was so broken up about Tim. I knew she needed me, but not like you needed me, or the others. But now this guy comes along, and in one night they’re planning on having babies? She just met the guy, for Pete’s sake!”