Chapter 1

Savage pains tore across Lisa's mid section and she sank to the floor in agony, desperately trying to breathe rhythmically through the contractions. Eventually, the pain faded away again and she reached for the telephone to dial Ellie's number. She didn't think she had much time now and the hospital was a good half hour drive away.

"It's coming," she managed to gasp when Ellie finally answered the call.

"Don't panic, I'll be round straight away," her friend said hurriedly.

Lisa didn't reply. She dropped the receiver onto the floor as another vicious pain held her tightly in its iron grip. By the time Ellie had burst in through the front door, Lisa could hardly move.

"Come on Lisa, we need to get you in the car. Where's your bag?"

Lisa pointed towards the kitchen and continued to pant heavily. She tried to stand, but once more a contraction hit and she closed her eyes tightly, as the sweat poured down her face.

Ellie rushed and grabbed the small holdall, throwing it over one shoulder lightly. Frankly, she was worried that they wouldn't make it in time. The speed with which the contractions were coming suggested that this baby's arrival was imminent.

She took hold of Lisa's arm gently and steered her towards the door. "Not far, sweetie," she said encouragingly. "We'll soon have you nice and comfy at the hospital."

"Good," gasped Lisa, clutching her swollen belly again. "All I want is to have this baby out now." For a fleeting second, her mind flitted on to him, but she automatically dismissed the thought as soon as it arose. He had made his decision and they both had to live with the consequences.

Ellie sat in the corridor, staring at a poster of a photogenic baby. Nurses came and went, but nobody seemed to have any news. The magazine was lying open on her knee and went unread. It was impossible to concentrate on anything — she was too worried about Lisa and the baby.

By rights, it shouldn't have been her sitting here, waiting. But what choice did she have? She could hardly have let the poor girl deal with this alone. Lisa had nobody else. She had no family and the baby's father was not around. Not that Ellie really knew much about what had happened. Lisa had stayed tight lipped on the subject, merely saying, early on, that he wasn't going to be around.

As much as it was none of her business, Ellie couldn't help but wonder what kind of man walked away from a woman who was carrying his baby. She just wished she could tell him what was happening. Maybe if he knew Lisa was in trouble, he'd show up and everything would be okay.

"Are you the woman who brought Lisa Jackson in?"

Ellie jumped, startled from her grim thoughts by the tall man standing before her. His white coat indicated he was one of the doctors and his grave expression suggested all was not well. Her heart began to thud painfully in her chest. Please God let everything be okay...

"Yes, I'm Ellie Donnelly," she replied quickly. "How is she?"

"Could you come with me, please?" The doctor didn't wait for her to answer — he turned and strode off down the long corridor and Ellie was forced to jog after him. He reached a door and pushed it open, indicating for Ellie to go into the room.

She spun round. "Please, tell me what's happening?"

"It's not good news I'm afraid. As you're aware, we had to perform an emergency caesarean. Unfortunately, there were unexpected complications, and despite all our efforts, we lost Lisa."

Ellie heard the words, but she didn't quite believe them. Surely this man was joking! Women didn't die in childbirth in this day and age, did they? She sat down abruptly, the shock knocking the stuffing out of her completely.

"What about the baby?" she croaked. She could hardly comprehend that Lisa was gone. It seemed surreal. She should be standing beside Lisa's bed now, cooing over a baby while Lisa beamed happily. Instead, she was having this bizarre conversation with a man who was telling her Lisa was dead.

"The baby is fine — Lisa had a little girl." For the first time, the Doctor allowed a faint smile to briefly illuminate his tired features. "Which brings me to my next question - do you know who Lisa's next of kin are? We'll need to contact them."

"She doesn't have any."

The doctor looked slightly taken aback. It obviously wasn't the answer he was expecting. "What about the baby's father?"

"That's a difficult one," admitted Ellie. "I don't know much about him." She racked her brains, trying to think if Lisa had given her any information over the last few months. The trouble was Ellie hadn't known Lisa when she was seeing that man. She'd only moved into the street after she was pregnant and the relationship was over.

"Nothing at all? If the baby's biological father is not on the scene, we'll have to call social services."

"Look, let me see what I can find out."

The doctor nodded. "Okay, but I'll still have to set things in motion." This was not the outcome he expected. To lose a patient was tragic enough, but to find out the baby was effectively an orphan, was the worst-case scenario.

He left Ellie sitting in the pale green room, still in shock. Days like this made him wish he'd studied art instead of medicine. Abruptly, his pager went off, alerting him to a fresh problem. Pushing the image of the dead girl from his head, he dashed back down the corridor.

Michael silently washed the dishes as he stared unseeing out into the garden. The water was scalding hot, but he barely noticed. For some reason, he'd been thinking about Lisa again. Despite the months that had passed since they parted, he hadn't really forgotten about her. Once, he'd tried ringing her mobile, but the number was no longer in use.

He guessed she had met someone else by now; she was too pretty to be on her own for long. This was one of the reasons he hadn't tried contacting her when things changed — the thought of finding out she'd fallen in love with someone else was too painful. No, he had to accept that he'd blown it big time. It had been his own fault — Lisa had given him every opportunity to choose her, but he'd been unable to do it. In the end, she'd given up on him and their relationship.

At the time, it had felt like he had no choice but to cool things off for a while - Helen's tearful announcement of her illness had rocked him to the core. To abandon his wife in her hour of need was not something he was capable of. He may have been a lousy husband, but even he wouldn't do something so callous.

By the time he had discovered Helen's betrayal, it was too late. He had desperately wanted to contact Lisa, but she had moved house and changed her job, thus, effectively cutting him out of her life. As much as it killed him, he realised that staying away from her was probably in her interests. He had hurt her enough and he didn't want to cause her any more pain had to respect her decision

He never intended to hurt Lisa, but he couldn't give her what she needed. He had to be there for Helen. Michael gripped the edge of the sink tightly, as he thought about Helen and how he'd been duped. He still found it difficult to forgive her for what she'd put him through. She was lucky he hadn't killed her when he'd found out.

Thinking back to that final time he saw Lisa, he wished he'd known then what he knew now. He would have held her and never let her go again. But he hadn't. Instead, he'd lost the woman he loved.

"I'm sorry, Lisa," he had said sadly, as they stood beside his car the last time he'd seen her. "I love you, but I can't leave her now. She needs me."

"I need you too, Michael," she replied brokenly.

Her pain cut him to the bone. It was his pain too. Silently, they held each other one last time.

"Maybe when things are different..." he tried to say, but it was no use. He was clutching at an invisible straw and they both knew it.

"Goodbye, Michael," she said sadly, a lone tear sliding down her pale cheek. Without further ado, she walked away and climbed into her car. Before Michael could stop her, she was gone, forever.

Ellie unlocked Lisa's house and walked in. Dirty dishes were laid in the sink and she noticed a vaguely stale smell lingering in the air. For a while she stood in the hallway, listening to the sound of silence. It was still difficult to comprehend that Lisa wasn't coming back. Everywhere Ellie looked, there were reminders of her friend.

A copy of Parents magazine was open on the sofa, a half drunk mug of tea congealed on the table. Ellie perhaps imagined she could hear the radio playing pop tunes in the kitchen and Lisa would appear at any moment, grinning as she produced a packet of chocolate biscuits for them to eat.

But Lisa wasn't ever coming home. The house would soon be cleared and offered to another tenant and all traces of Lisa would be gone. Apart from the baby she'd left behind. Ellie had been to see the baby that morning. She was tiny; a little doll in an oversized stretchy suit. It almost broke her heart to see the infant in the crib, happily sucking away on her thumb as she slept; obliviously unaware that she was an orphan.

Which was why Ellie had come back to the house - she felt certain there had to be something here that would give her a clue as to the whereabouts of the baby's father. Irrespective of what had gone wrong between them, Lisa would have wanted him to know about the baby now that she was gone. The thought of Lisa's baby ending up with foster parents, when she had a father somewhere, felt wrong. Ellie was determined to do all she could to help.

She began to hunt through drawers in the dresser, trying not to think too much about how only a day earlier, Lisa had sat in this very room, excited about the impending birth. It still felt unreal.

When she found nothing of interest downstairs, Ellie moved on to Lisa's bedroom. Now she felt really uncomfortable, like she was prying, but she kept reminding herself of the fact there was nobody else to look. Ellie was the closest thing Lisa had had to family.

There was a shoebox on the top shelf of the wardrobe. Standing on a chair, Ellie managed to reach it and she carefully lifted it down. Inside, there were several letters, cards, and photographs. As soon as she glanced at them, she realised she'd found what she had been looking for.

The first photograph showed a smiling Lisa with a tall, dark haired man. He had his arm draped around her shoulders as they stared into the lens of the camera. The picture appeared to have been taken a while ago because Lisa looked younger; her hair was much longer than it had been in the time Ellie knew her. The man appeared older than her friend, but they seemed happy in the picture.

The next picture showed the man smiling as he sat beneath a huge tree. There were a couple more of him at the same place, then a final one of the two of them, arms wrapped round each other.

Whoever he was, it seemed that it had been more than just a casual relationship, that much Ellie was certain. There were three valentine's cards carefully placed in the box, each one, cute and sentimental; no name inside, just a scrawled M and a few kisses.

There were also a few hand-written notes, love letters for want of a better word. Ellie glanced at the words; it felt like an invasion of privacy to read such personal stuff. Since there was no real information in them, she started to put them to one side. The last sheet of paper caught her eye. It was a print out of an email conversation. From the content, it looked like it was one of the final pieces of correspondence between Lisa and Michael.

He appeared to be justifying his reasons for not ending his marriage in order to be with Lisa. Ellie realised, then, why Lisa had not wanted to discuss it. She'd been having an affair with a married man. Judging by the date on the emails, they were sent nine months ago, which suggested Lisa had ended the relationship around the time she fell pregnant. Had she even told him about the baby? It seemed now that there was a possibility she hadn't.

The only positive side to these emails was that he had sent the messages from his work account. This gave Ellie a starting point to finding him. She now had his full name, Michael MacArthur, plus his company name. Assuming he hadn't changed his job, she should be able to contact him. Just what exactly she was going to say to the man was something she hadn't yet considered. Nevertheless, she felt she owed it to Lisa and her baby to try to find this Michael. If he truly didn't want to know for whatever reason, then at least she'd done her best. Thereafter, it would be up to Social Services.

Michael replaced the receiver on the phone and realised his hands were shaking. His whole life had just shifted on some invisible axis and nothing would ever be the same again.

"Would you like a cup of coffee, Michael? I'm just--" Jenny, his PA, stopped dead when she saw his demeanour and the rest of her sentence was left hanging.

He took a deep breath and tried to compose his thoughts. Judging from Jenny's continued look of concerned curiosity, his attempt to look normal wasn't working.

"No, I have to go out. Can you hold all my calls and cancel that meeting with Rod James? Tell him I'll reschedule for later in the week."

"Sure, no problem," Jenny said carefully. "Is everything okay?"

"No, not really," Michael said as he began to pack his briefcase hurriedly. He doubted it would ever be okay again.

Jenny waited for him to elaborate on this intriguing statement. When he said nothing more, she gave up. "When will you be back?"

"No idea," he said. "I'll call you later." He swept out of the office, oblivious to the discreet glances from the staff. The only thing on his mind was the news he had just been given.

Ellie sat in the coffee shop wondering what the hell she was going to say to this stranger whose life she had just upended with the most catastrophic news. She supposed that she should be pleased he had even listened to her. For the first few moments, she had expected him to hang up — but he had been willing to listen when she mentioned Lisa's name. For that she was grateful.

She recognised him as soon as he strode through the door. He, on the other hand, had no idea who she was, so she stood, feeling a little self-conscious, and waved at him.

Michael sat down and faced the petite dark haired woman who had just dropped the biggest bombshell of his life on him.

"You must be Ellie," he said, for lack of anything better to say.

"And you must be Michael," Ellie replied with a ghost of a smile flickering across her face. "I'm sorry to have to be the bearer of such news," she apologised, "but I felt you had a right to know."

Michael looked down at the table and studied the scratches in the worn pine surface. He sensed her sympathy, but he wasn't sure he deserved it.

"How did you find me?" He was still mystified about that.

"Lisa had kept some letters amongst other things. There was a print out of an email you'd sent her and I found your telephone number through the company details. Can I fetch you a coffee?"

"No, it's okay. I'll get it. Would you like another one?" Michael needed a moment to collect his thoughts. This was all too much.

Ellie shook her head. "No, thanks," she replied. "Too much caffeine is bad for me."

He stood and joined the queue for drinks. For some reason, this reminded him of the many times he'd met Lisa for coffee at lunchtime. When their affair first began, they had spent many hours talking over coffee. Short, stolen, blissful moments, all fitted in between meetings. The local coffee shop had been a refuge from all that was wrong with his life.