Chapter 11

Marsha struggled with what to do for the next several weeks. She and Randy continued to make love often and she almost confronted him when he repeatedly alluded to their making a baby. She had been convinced before that having a baby would cement her relationship with Randy and they would truly come together as a family. Now she was disillusioned with his dishonesty (and her own) and wondered if her marriage could be saved.

She knew she still had feelings for Randy but now with what she had learned it was obvious he had no intention of having children. He was getting all the benefits from their agreement and was giving up nothing.

Maybe, she thought, if a child did appear, it still might provide the family she wanted so badly. If Randy had been fooled into believing someone else's baby was his once, might it not work again?

Yes, she knew it wasn't right, but Randy knew it wasn't right to deceive her about his ability to have children. Perhaps turn about was fair play. She ignored Trent's recounting of Randy being a just a so-so father, telling herself it would be different this time. She would make it work and they would be happy. The only question was who she could get to father the child. Of course Trent would be only too happy to oblige, but that presented all kinds of complications including the statutory rape charges if anyone ever found out. No, it would have to be someone else. She considered an anonymous sperm donor, but what a gamble that would be in terms of what the child would look like and then there were potential health problems. No, an unknown sperm donor was out as well. But who? It was then that the solution presented itself to her.

She was cleaning out some old Christmas cards when she came across a photo card from a couple of years ago. The picture was of a loving couple, but it was the man who garnered her interest. Yes, she thought, he and Randy even look a bit alike. It could work, if only she could convince him to be the sperm donor. There was a clinic in Lewisburg where she could be impregnated. She stared at the picture realizing that even his photo still had a magnetic effect on her.

She laid the picture aside and chastised herself for entertaining such a ridiculous fantasy. Of course he would say no. Why should he want to father her child? Why would he want to engage in such an elaborate deception? She was being silly.

Yet, she wanted this, a baby of her own to bring her and Randy closer. Perhaps he might even give up this obsession with young girls and focus on their child and his wife. In her mind it was worth a try.

So, silly or not, she picked up the phone and dialed.

Marsha hurried up the front steps, the umbrella shedding the heavy mist which seemed to have been falling all day.

"Hi, Marsha, please come in," he welcomed. "I've got a pot of tea brewing. Interested?"

"Sounds wonderful, especially on a day like this. As a matter of fact wasn't it raining the last time we spoke?"

"You know, I believe it was. I hope this doesn't mean we have to wait for it to rain before we can have a talk with each other," he smiled as he walked into the kitchen, prepared the tea and returned, pouring them each a cup. "Now, what's this that you said was so important?"

"I ... I really don't know where to begin," she sighed, taking a sip of the steaming brew.

"Try the beginning. I find it's a good place to start any story," he chuckled.

And so for the next thirty minutes Marsha spun the story precisely as it had happened, leaving nothing out. She paused a few times, especially when it came to the parts about Trent and their affair, but she struggled through and in the end felt better although she was no longer sure what opinion Dan might hold of her.

"And you still love Randy enough that you want to try to save your marriage by having a child -- which isn't his -- and pretending it is."

"Believe it or not, I don't like lying, in others or myself. I'd rather just confront him and get it over with, but I'm afraid it would be over if he knew everything, including our marriage."

"Then you think this deception is the right thing to do?"

"I know it's not an ideal solution, but I've racked my brain and can't come up with anything better. If I tell Randy what Sheila did and the fact that Trent isn't really his, it will do nothing more than destroy his relationship with Sheila and Trent. Perhaps with Sheila it wouldn't matter so much, but despite the fact that Randy hasn't always been the ideal father, he does have a good relationship with Trent. I don't want to destroy that. I even suggested that since we were having so much trouble conceiving we should consider In Vitro fertilization, but Randy said absolutely not."