Chapter 40: Chick Stuff

A bunch of us were sitting on the side porch of the Phi Kappa Phi house. They were having an Oktoberfest party, complete with a buffet of German food. They had a keg of some cheap German beer, good enough for us college kids, in a washtub of ice in the kitchen. The evening started with oom-pah music, but we all tired of that pretty quickly. It was soon replaced with standard shit-kickin' Southern rock music, Tom Petty, Lynyrd Skynyrd, the Allman Brothers Band, .38 Special, Charlie Daniels Band, with a little bit of Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings thrown in for seasoning.

Bryan and Melanie, now in graduate school, were at the apex of our little group. I was there with Alex, and Jesse had his girlfriend, Brittany, by his side. A couple of Bryan's friends from the fraternity, Mitch Yates and Robby Santoro, were sitting with us, too, along with their girlfriends. Chris Bolden, one of the freshmen on the soccer team, was a Phi Kap pledge. Bryan had commandeered his services for the group, and Chris was charged with making sure our cups were never empty.

Alex was perched on the railing next to me. She was so close we were nearly in a full-body press. Our thighs were touching, and our arms and our shoulders, and she even had her foot wrapped around mine. It was a warm evening. I tried shifting even a half-inch away, just to give our skin some breathing room, but Alex reestablished the contact right away.

Chris came up with three full cups of beer. He looked over in my direction, noting my half-empty cup.

"You ready for a cool one, Boss?" he asked.

"I'll wait, thanks," I said.

"Cap'n?" Chris gestured to Bryan.

"Sure," said Bryan. He took the offered cup. Melanie looked quizzically at Bryan, and then at me.

"How come you're Cap'n, but he's Boss?" she asked suspiciously.

"It's nothing," mumbled Bryan.

"No, really, I want to know. You're the team co-captain, right? How come Sean is called Boss?"

"Honey..."

Chris was about to open his mouth and make things worse, but Bryan caught his eye and gave him just the tiniest shake of his head. Chris's mouth snapped shut again, and he stepped out of the way. Sharp kid.

I tried to divert Melanie from pursuing this line of thought. "It's because my team nickname shouldn't be used in polite company," I said. "So instead they just call me by its acronym."

"I'm not sure I believe you," said Melanie suspiciously. She peered at me. "What is it?"

"I'd tell you, if you weren't such a nice lady," I said.

"It's Big Ol' Sack of Shit," blurted Alex.

Melanie looked at Alex in surprise, but Alex just sat there, looking as innocent as she could.

"Well, you might be too nice of a lady for him to tell you, but everybody knows I'm not," she said. Bryan and Jesse burst out laughing, and pretty soon everybody in our area picked up on it. The beer made it funnier than it probably was, but Melanie finally let it go, once we all got a laugh out of it.

Much later, and after many beers, it was quite dark in our corner. The music had been turned down a little, and there were candles in cut glass jars set out to provide a little bit of ambient light. Alex was in line to use the restroom with Brittany. Bryan, Jesse, and Chris were rehashing our last game, and Melanie was sitting there, looking bored. Beautiful, but bored. She glanced over at me, and then moved to sit next to me.

"Thank you," she murmured, glancing over at her man to make sure he wasn't paying any attention.

"For what?" I asked, trying to be just as quiet.

She stared at me for a moment, perhaps taking her measure of me once again. Seriously, she said, "I didn't like you very much last year about this time."

I allowed one derisive, humorless bark of a laugh to escape. "Not very many people did. I didn't like myself very much."

"Well, the team aside, I didn't like what you said to Reggie. She was really upset."

I sighed. "Yeah, I know," I said sadly. "And I need to apologize to her." I looked up at Melanie, trying to read her expression. "I haven't seen her this year. Is she living in the sorority house? Can you give me her number?"

Melanie just stared at me for a moment. "You don't know, do you?"

"Don't know what?" I didn't like the sound of that, but I had to know.

"Reggie. She didn't come back this year. She ... stayed up in Pittsburgh, to be with Elvis."

"Oh." Why was I a little disappointed? I believed it had to do more with a need to clear the air than it did with missed opportunities, but I have deluded myself before. "Well ... can I get her address from you? I'd like to write to her, explain what all was going on..."

She smiled sadly. "I don't think you should, Sean. It's a clean break, leave it that way. Don't go opening old wounds. Besides, she's making a life for herself, for ... her family, back home."

"Her family?"

Melanie put her hand gently on my wrist. To comfort me? Or to gauge my reaction? "When she called me over the summer, to tell me she wasn't coming back to Florida, she told me she was pregnant, Sean. It happened over Spring Break. She and Elvis are expecting in December. That's really why she decided to stay."

I took a deep breath and held it for a long time before letting it out slowly. Was this another stain on my karma? Did I have still more to answer for?

Melanie looked into my eyes searchingly. I was sure she could read me easily. "Don't blame yourself," she whispered. She gently caressed the side of my face with her hand, her expression softening. "You didn't cause this. It was Elvis, Sean. Elvis and Reggie. It had nothing to do with you."

"I'm not sure I agree with you," I said roughly.

She smiled, and I was gladdened by it. "Last spring I might have said the same thing," she said. "Now I know better." She held my gaze with the force of her look. "You're a good person, Sean. Better than I gave you credit for a year ago." Her expression was serious. "Bryan respects you, and Jesse thinks the world of you. I tried not to like you very much, after ... But you deserve better than that. You've earned better than that." She gazed fondly over at Bryan, still deep in discussion with Jesse and Chris. "I love him, Sean. I know he's the co-captain of the soccer team, and I know he's worked hard to earn that. He earned it."

"Yes, he has," I said.

She turned back to me. She smiled a knowing smile, and leaned forward to kiss me gently on my cheek. With glistening eyes, she nodded, and then she silently moved back over to sit with her boyfriend.

"What was that all about?" asked Alex. She and Brittany had just returned, and she had seen Melanie give me her kiss.

"Aw, you know better than I do," I said, moving over to make room for her. "Chick stuff I will never understand."

"Chick stuff." Not a question, but a statement. "Right."

But she let it drop. Smart girl, I said to myself, though I really wasn't certain if I was thinking of Alex or Melanie. I was well aware they both outstripped me in brainpower.

By two in the morning I was ready to call it quits. I was exhausted. The party was still going on, but I wanted nothing more than to be in my bed.

"Alex? I think it's time for me to go."

She stood up. "Okay," she said. "We can go."

"No, you stay and have a good time. I'm tired, but that doesn't mean you have to leave."

She gave me a flat look, and then she smiled. "Of course it does," she said.

Uh-oh, the test approaches, I thought. I kept my mouth shut, though. Who says Sean Porter can't learn hard lessons?

We said our goodbyes to our friends and walked down the street to my car. We got in, and I headed over toward Alex's.

"Where are we going?" asked Alex.

"I'm taking you home," I said.

"Nope. Let's go to your place."

"Alex..."

She folded her arms beneath her breasts and leaned against the passenger door. She had a set expression on her face.

"Okay," I said, "but I'm tired. I'm going to sleep. No fooling around."

"Oh, good," she said. "I hate it when you try to fool around."

"You do not," I mumbled. Why are you trying to defend yourself, you idiot? She just said she didn't want to fool around. And that's what you want, right? It was an internal argument with myself I knew I wouldn't win.

I pulled into my parking spot. Alex sat there and waited for me to open her door for her. She was just being stubborn and difficult. I was tempted to walk away and let her stew, but I knew that would be counterproductive to practically everything. I swallowed my desire to make some sort of cutting comment, and instead I silently stepped over and opened her car door. She gracefully stepped out and favored me with a smile as she reached up to touch my cheek with her fingertips. I accepted the gesture, and we walked together to my apartment.

I stopped in the bathroom on our way to my bedroom. I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I ran my damp fingers through my hair as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. The Sean looking back balefully at me had no advice to give, so I turned away.

Alex stepped into the bathroom as I came out. I heard the shower starting as I turned down the bed. I switched on the small lamp on the nightstand, and I scooted over to the far side, leaving room for Alex. I closed my eyes and prayed for a quick slide into sleep, before Alex was done with her shower.

I was dozing off when I vaguely heard Alex come out of the bathroom and into my room. I felt the bed shift as she got in, and the covers slid around as she scooted over toward me. I felt her arm go around me, and she pulled herself to press against me.

"Sean?" She whispered quietly enough not to fully wake me, and I allowed myself to slide back down toward unconsciousness. I was barely aware as she turned around to lie on her side. She reached back and gently grasped my wrist, pulling my arm around her. She held my hand against her breast and snuggled back against me. The last thing I could recall before the dreams began was the soft bellows of her body against me, warm and soft and undemanding.

We were in pretty much the same positions when I woke up. My arm was still around her, and my morning hardon was pressed into her ass. She was snoring softly, taking in air through her nose and exhaling out her mouth. I really had to pee, but I was also quite comfortable beside her.

Finally, I had to get up and go to the bathroom. I spent an uncomfortable few minutes standing over the toilet, desperately wishing for the blood to reverse its flow so my aching cock would relax enough for me to go. Finally, after going over soccer drills and trying to recall the names of all my campers the previous summer, I deflated enough. After emptying my bladder, I turned on the shower. I stood under the needle-sharp spray and let its invigorating action work on my neck and shoulders. I shampooed, rinsed, conditioned, lathered, shaved, and rinsed it all off. After drying myself by briskly scrubbing at my skin with my oversized towel, I wrapped the towel around my waist and went back to my room.

Alex was sitting at the side of the bed, wearing one of my t-shirts as a nightie. She was blearily looking at the alarm clock, trying to decipher the time. She glanced up at me when I came in, and her eyes lit up.

"You look good enough to eat," she said.

"All rinsed off and ready to attack the day," I said.

She stood up. "I just have to rinse out my mouth, and I'll be ready to attack the boy," she said.

"Alex..."

She looked a little crestfallen. "Yeah, I know. No attacking the boy this morning."

I smiled sheepishly. "I know it sounds crazy, but ... thanks."

"Thanks for not jumping your bones? You are one fucked up college kid, Porter. You know that?"

"Yeah," I said. "I know." Boy, did I know.

She shuffled past me toward the bathroom. I decided to remove temptation altogether while she was in there, so I hurriedly got dressed and went out to the kitchen. I made a big pot of coffee and began to break some eggs into a bowl.

As I was whisking the eggs with a fork, Spencer came out of his room.

"Hey, g'morning," he said.

"And what are you so cheerful about?" I asked.

He stepped over and poured a cup of coffee for himself. He gestured toward my cup and raised his eyebrows. I nodded, and he topped off my cup. "Well, for one thing, I got laid last night," he said. "Wanna hear about it?"

"Not on your life," I said. I added milk to my scramble and poured the mixture into a hot pan. Just then, Alex came out of my room.

"And it looks like I'm not the only one," said Spencer.

"Yeah, you were," I said.

"The only one what?" asked Alex. She opened the refrigerator and took out a jug of orange juice.

"Nothing," said Spencer.

"Anybody want juice?" asked Alex. She opened the cupboard where we kept our mismatched set of gas station giveaway glasses and cups.

"Sure," replied Spencer.

"Me too," I added. I scraped the cooked egg from the bottom of the pan, stirring the concoction with a spatula. While it continued to cook, I took some shredded cheddar cheese from the fridge and sprinkled a liberal amount into the scrambled eggs. While the cheese was melting, I put two pieces of bread in the toaster and pushed the handle down.

In just a few minutes, breakfast was ready. I brought the pan of eggs to the table, and put in two more pieces of bread into the toaster. Alex had set the table for the three of us, and Spencer filled our coffee cups.

After breakfast, Spencer offered to clean up the kitchen. Alex got dressed, and we got in my car so I could drop her off at her apartment. We drove there in silence. When I pulled in and parked, Alex stayed there, staring straight ahead. I knew she wanted to talk about it all. I really didn't, but I also knew that, in this instance, the girl had to have her way. I waited.

Finally, without looking at me, she said quietly, "Why, Sean?"

It was unusual for her to use my first name when we were together. I looked at her, watching her. Her expression was serious, none of the spritely playfulness with which she so often was filled.

"What do you want me to say, Alex? You know I care for you."

"But," she said sadly.

"But," I agreed.

"There's got to be a but, doesn't there?"

"Sorry," I tried. It was lame, but it was all I had at the moment.

Tears were forming in her eyes. "Is it Erin?" she asked quietly.

I sighed. Here it is, I said to myself. To Alex, I replied, "No. It's not Erin."

"But you're willing to fuck her. Why won't you fuck me?"

"Okay, yeah, I slept with Erin. And I shouldn't have, especially when you were there, too. For that I apologize."

She turned to me, the tears running down her cheeks. She looked absolutely miserable, and I knew it had less to do with me not making love to her than it did with me having sex with Erin. And there was nothing I could do or say to take that knowledge away from her. "Do you love her?" she whispered, miserable to have to ask it, dreading the answer.

I shook my head slowly, looking her in the eye. "No, I don't," I said without hesitation. "And she knows it."

"Are you sure, Sean? Because I don't think she does."

"She knows," I confirmed. "We talked about it, Alex. We like each other, we love each other as friends, but we aren't in love with each other." I leaned back and took a deep breath, staring unseeingly at the ceiling. Dangerous ground, and I was not good at traversing these minefields. All I could do was blunder on, though. "She's looking for a no-strings-attached friendship. A fuck buddy. Somebody she likes, somebody she can trust, and somebody who can scratch her itch."

"I can do that," Alex whispered, but she was looking inside herself more than she was looking at me, perhaps wondering if that was really as true as she wanted it to be.

"Yes, sometimes you can," I reassured her. "But sometimes you can't. Sometimes she wants ... something ... you can't give her." I sat up and turned to her again. "But neither can I, Alex."

She snorted, and focused on me again. "Sure you can," she said roughly. "A good stiff dick."