Chapter 35

Preparing for U Delaware Dover would be, perhaps, the hardest the team had worked all year. UD was a team strong in many ways, but lacked a defined execution style to be consistent. They were young, with only 2 seniors and 8 juniors and a whole new coaching staff, but they were finding themselves week by week. Coach Winslow wanted to go at them hard on their first offensive set before using his normal game plan. "We'll try to show them our explosive fire power with Marv's arm and our receiving corps in hopes of knocking them off their game plan. They're going to key Boge and Kemmer and if we can get ahead in the air, early, and then get about our normal game, I think we can upset them. I hate the oddsmakers, but they have UD a 4 point favorite, they're coming off a big win over UMass West, who beat us." Coach Winslow said opening Monday's workout. "When we come back and start prep on the blackboards, the coaches have got a tough job to prepare you. They've gotten better every week, just like us. Pay attention and be ready for me to kick your butts all week." Jared warned. As the players shuffled out to workout in the cold late fall afternoon air, they were glad there was no snow to deal with. The long range forecast didn't call for any precipitation until beyond the weekend and that promise, although sometimes fickle in a Vermont winter, made their job look easier. In the shuffle of shoulder pad to shoulder pad trudging to the field with helmet in hand, Oksana Cushman caught Jack "Whiskey" Daniels eyes and smiled sweetly at him, hoping to get an understanding nod or wink from him. He only turned his eyes away. She gritted her teeth at her self and saw why Coach Winslow frowned on inter-team relationships. Monday afternoon workouts were always tough, knowing it would end with a long note-taking study session with coaches play-acting the importance of knowing your job. Seeing Coach Winslow take part in all the exercises including the lap of the field perimeter and the up and down of the steps of section 7 made the whole trip easier, but not less tiring. The workout was a typical Monday session with most of the contact with training equipment, dummies and sleds. Both quarterbacks stretched out with long toss and then a short session of hitting receivers in motion until darkness began to take over. It was more a physical preparation for the strategical practices they would take part in during the week. The later blackboard session was just as intense as Coach had advertised with the scouting staff seeming to have as much information on the UD Destroyers as they knew of themselves. Little used plays and defenses were dusted off and promised to be used in practice all week. For the first time for players wearing a Green Aggie uniform, they were protecting a winning record. Coach Winslow's magic was rooted in self-pride and team-pride. The promise of winning was one thing to profess, once it became reality on the scoreboard the belief in yourself was easy to buy and spread around the locker room. The session broke up around 7 after the kitchen delivered an array of healthy sandwiches for the players to bring back to their dorms to assure they each had dinner while making it an encouragement to go back, settle in, and study. Most picked up a sandwich or two along with offered bottles of Gatorade and cartons of milk. By eight o'clock all student athletes were in their dorms, or off campus apartments, hitting the books. While no active player was on academic restriction, a few were nearing a warning level and Coach offered tutors to any who needed it. Being seen out of your dorm on Monday night of a short study week would certainly insure scrutiny. There was one exception that night. Oksana Cushman was not in her dorm room at Allen Hall. She had quietly slipped out and went across the concourse to Ethan Hall where most of the male team members were housed. She knocked at Jack Daniels door. He opened the door and saw her, rolling his eyes. She pushed her way in and let the door close behind her. "What are you doing here, pushing your way in?" Jack said, surprised by her straightforwardness. "Jack, I thought we were friends, real friends. You took off on me yesterday when we still had a lot to say, and today you avoided me like I had cooties, or something." She said in an accusatory tone. "Yeah, well MY friends don't go around accusing me of being a queer!" Jack said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Okkie exhaled deeply and looked into Jack's eyes, hoping he would see the compassion she held for him right now. "Jack, ... if you are gay, it isn't a deal breaker with me for our friendship, and I would never, under any circumstance, tell anyone. "BUT, GODDAMMIT, I'M NOT GAY! What makes you THINK that?" He demanded. "Jack, we've been through this. Lot's of guys like petite women, but I think I'm pretty well put together. If I took off my clothes, you would shit your pants, at least I'd hope you would. When you first asked me out I was really, really happy. I had a little crush on you already. I did everything I know how to do to show you I wanted to advance our relationship, until I realized you asked me out because I was probably gay too, and safe." She explained in a soft voice meant to show him she meant nothing mean by her assumptions. Jack exhaled deeply and looked her square in the eye. "I have another personal problem that makes me shy away from relationships and women in general. It's funny, I asked you out because I thought you wouldn't want an intimate relationship, and after we dated the team guys who thought YOU might be gay, all recanted." Jack said calming down and again seeking to have an ear he could trust. Oksana stepped into Jack's arms and hugged him tightly, until he finally reciprocated. "Jack there couldn't be anything that would make me shy away from wanting to get to know you better and more intimately, you big teddy bear." She whispered in his ear. "I'm not ... I'm not much of a man." He said, even shocking himself. "You're WHAT!" She said stunned as she broke the intimate hug. Jack's eyes welled up and he began to turn away, but she wouldn't let him. "From the time I started showering in locker rooms, I was made fun of because I was ... small." He said hesitating, not believing he was confessing. "Since college guys are a little more mature, I don't hear the teasing. But I've seen the porno's as well as other guys in the locker room, I know I'm small and couldn't satisfy a woman." "MEN and their fucking cock obsession!" Oksana said disgustedly, totally dropping her arms from him. "Jack, all a woman wants is to be treated special, respected and made to feel part of something special between two people. When they want to show that affection and devotion to each other, just make her cum. Sorry to be blunt, but it's all we want. Spend less time worrying about your dick and more time making us cum, satisfying us and she won't care if you're 3 inches or 12, well 12 would hurt." Oksana turned away, embarrassed at what she said. Jack stood stunned, wanting to run out of the room rather that face more of her wrath. " ... and another thing, you vain, vain member of the male species, If you worried so much about your dick why didn't you go to the library and study up on it? I know a lot about animal anatomy, but I've gleaned a little human anatomy. The penis is attached to the superior ramus, I think it's like part of the pubic bone. It's attached there on every man. The more weight your carry the more the body provides protection of the area with soft fatty tissue. During copulation the fatty tissue squishes back and the females get the entire length, no matter what shows. So how big your cock is when it hangs in your pants, NOBODY FUCKING CARES!!! When I think of the Goddam heartache I've went through over you ... ARGGGGGHHHH!! It makes me scream ... worried about how big your precious penis is YOU SELF CENTERED JERK!!" She railed at him as tears filled her eyes as she turned towards the door. "Okkie I'm sorry, I..." Jack began to say before she turned and lashed out before she opened his door to leave. "Don't apologize to me Jack!! I'm the fucking idiot who cared about you, even fucking masturbated over you, thinking it was ME that had a problem. You're a psychiatrist dream!!" She said opening and slamming the door shut behind her. Jack stood stunned already worried how this would play out in the locker room. He knew she wouldn't make a public issue of it, but surely she had a confidant she might tell the story too. Could he look everyone on the team in the eye without wondering if they were the one she might tell? Suddenly it struck him like a lightning bolt. "She left here upset and confused, and all I can think about is myself and what effect this has on ME?" He thought to himself. "Maybe I AM as big of a self-centered jerk as she tried to say I was." Jack had chapters to read before he retired that night, all the while thinking what words he could use to fix this rift with Oksana. Coach Winslow's evening was the most hectic he had spent in a while. He had planned a family night with Meg and Declan, but a FedEx package of game videos that arrived late waited for him at home. The DVD's were of U Delaware's last game Saturday and he had a last minute meeting with his 3 assistants, the video editor, and his den. Once dinner was finished Ira, Frank and Jordy were coming to work strategies. His new modified DVD video editor allowed him to load 4 discs and watch them on 2 split screens on two 42 inch flat screens in his den. Normally this was done all day Monday before that afternoons practice, but late is late and Meaghan already knew there were some parts of a Coach's life she wouldn't like, this was one of them. As the Coach and his assistants modified their game plan and prepared the video package for their staffs to comb over, Meg kept Declan occupied until his bedtime. She still had study plans to fill and still knew she would go to bed alone. She was beginning to see the obsessing side of Jared as the season wore down and she accepted that as part of his job. When Jared finally came to bed, sometime past midnight, she thought of rolling to his side once he seemed settled beside her, but the next thing she heard was the morning alarm. They both had been exhausted. As Jared sat up in the bed to be sure he didn't fall back asleep, she crawled up behind him and draped herself over his back. "I missed you last night. I thought about making love to you all day." She whispered. "I'm sorry, Meg. Some days are going to be like that, but we'll have plenty of time soon. I think we can make a date for tonight, I'll be on time." He said reveling in the feel of her warm body on his.

"I have Parent-Teachers meetings tonight, but I should be home by 8:30, we can catch up then?" She sighed as she put her mouth over his shoulder and sucked at it, commenting, "God, you taste so good, I can't wait for tonight already."

Jared felt a stirring in his loins at the feel of her mouth and her whispered words and knew he should get going before something started they wouldn't be able to explain to Declan when he got up to his alarm soon. He stood and turned around to kiss her before going to the shower ignoring the nagging urge he felt. Despite what they both considered an active sex life, sometimes there was just not enough alone time. They both knew sexual urge would wane, but, as of yet their hunger for each other hadn't faded. No more than a few days of each week went by when they weren't active.

This day was an early practice day and he quickly let thoughts of football strategy dull the need in his loins. Flying to Delaware and going at a team with a new game plan was the typical type of challenge that made Jared's creative juices flow. He was always one to stick with what worked, but he saw a lot of his own team in this UD team, youth and talent coupled with a factor that the team did not know or realize how good they really were. The Green Aggies were just beginning to gel as a squad and as that realization became apparent from teammate to teammate, they play got tighter. They could make small mistakes and overcome them without assessing blame. There was a time to point out errors and mental discrepancies and prevent them from happening again, during the game was not it. Win as a team, lose as a team and keep the finger pointing constructive and inside the locker room.

Jack Daniels didn't sleep well Monday night. He had hurt someone whom he had feelings for after she had poured her heart out to him. He didn't really know if he could salvage a relationship from what they had left, but he wanted her to know that he did realize the error of his ways. He was up very early and showered and sat by the phone searching for the words he wanted to use.

In the spirit of wanting to start all over again, he dialed her number.

"Hello?"

"Good Morning! We both take football together and I was wondering if I could buy you a coffee this morning before our early class. I would love a chance to get to know you." Jack said play-acting brightly, hoping she didn't hang up in his ear.

The line was silent, but Jack heard her draw a deep breath and stay on the line.

"If anything, you have to give me a chance to tell you how sorry I am for being such a self-centered jerk and hurting your feelings. If this is all we have left, I understand. I don't deserve another chance. Just let me say the words to your face." He said hopefully, still not understanding what her silence meant.

She drew another long deep breath, almost sounding like a sigh, before she spoke,

"I'll be at The Seattle at 7:15. I'll wait out front for you."

The clock on The Union turned 7:13 as both Jack and Oksana walked up in front.

"Can we sit out here and talk first?" Jack said showing her the bench out front.

Oksana said nothing and sat facing him.

"I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for being such a self-centered jerk, not just yesterday, but for a while. When you left in tears yesterday I felt all self-righteous until I realized I had hurt you. It was a real stab at my heart of hearts because it became apparent to me that I really care for you, and do not want to lose you as a friend or whatever else we might make of this. If you tell me to take a hike right now, I understand and don't blame you." Jack said softly, sincerely.

"Jack, I ... haven't had the best luck with guys. I've done a lot of things I'm sorry for, a lot of things I'm ashamed of, and had my heart broken a few times. When you never moved to any of my advances, never even tried to kiss me, I made assumptions that anyone would make. When two people care for each other, they accept everything, warts and all. Your worries are so shallow, it's beyond my comprehension. Here I was ready to accept you as my dear friend, even when I thought you were gay because a friend is a friend. But you were going to reject me over ... stupidity!" She replied with little emotion.

"Oksana, I don't want this to be the end of us. I think we have something to save, to at least try." Jack said hopefully.

"You realize that if we date again, it still has to be the way it was, low key. You know how Coach feels about relationships." She warned.

"I only have a few games left and then I'm done anyway, but yes I know." He nodded.

"I'll agree to go out on a date or two with you, see what happens. Don't think this means that I'm going to get intimate ... at least not right away ... if ever. I came to a few realizations myself in last nights introspection. Don't kiss my ass and fall all over me trying to win me over. I'm saying we can be friends and maybe something will become of that, nothing else. I'm going to have a hard time looking at you and not see a guy who obsesses over his genitals. Your character took an awful blow." She said with some reluctance.

Jacks eyes welled a bit and said "I understand. I'll try..."

"Jack I'm begging you, don't TRY anything. Just be yourself, the Jack I got to know that I wanted to be my friend. I don't know if I can ever see that person in you again, but I really, really want to." She said as she got up, signaling the end of the conversation.

She extended her hand to him and he took it and stood up.

"Get me the coffee you promised me, and we have to get to practice." She said with a little sly grin.

Tuesdays practice was what everyone called "killer". Coach Winslow and his 3 assistants all huddle over Monday night's notes while their staffs ran them through exercises and drills. While most would think the staff would be easier on the team, they were in fact harder and more vicious. When ever one of the Coaches would come out for a mind break and watch what was going on, they wanted them to see a hard working unit. There would be no finger pointing if any player wasn't ready, or tuned up enough.

At 10 o'clock, when they usually broke, showered, ate early lunch and went to the war room for strategics, the 4 coaches came out and asked them all to gather before going back to lockers.

"We could easily have our toughest game of the year on Saturday. We've looked at their last game video and they've turned a lot of their plays and strategies around and we suspect they are doing the same to prepare for us. This leaves them a little vulnerable because they are still trying a lot of new offenses and defensive sets, we've beat ours into you so much, you probably dream about them. We may not have executed every page of the playbook in a game, but we all know what we're doing. We're going to go into this game with a wide open offense. That's a little risky, even the best laid plans can go to hell once the ball is in the air. Defensively we may have to fight back early. Once we've established ourselves, shown them what we are capable of, or at least willing to do with the ball, we'll slow down the offense and try to keep the ball like we've proven we can do, and be patient. You guys and gals never get down when we're on the bad side of the scoreboard and we expect you to stay that way. We don't think our defense will have their hands as full as we might have to for some other teams. Not that we should take these guys lightly when they have the ball, we just see a lot of glaring discrepancies. If we work hard this week, we'll be ready for them." Coach Winslow bantered on as he paced before the assembled bunch.