Chapter 1

"WHAT IN HELL IS THIS HORSESHIT?" Barbara Gaynes wailed as she threw the front-page headline onto the bed where Jared lie, he just thinking about getting up.

"Aw FUCK, they leaked it. It wasn't supposed to be this way." Jared said looking at the splash of black ink in the front page. "WINNIE WINSLOW GOES TO N.E.A.T."

"Ummm DUH! You're moving 125 miles away from the woman you promised to marry 6 years ago and lived with for the past 9. Don't you think I should have a little say?" She demanded.

"Let me explain it all Barbie, sit down." He said patting the bed.

"Fuck you, don't sugar coat it. Just tell me!" She spat back at him.

"Do you think we've been happy for past few years? We haven't made love in 3 months and not 5 times in the last 2 years. We seem to be on auto-pilot and I thought changing jobs would be time for a fresh break." He started before she cut in.

"A break? Do you mean like a coffee break or a break up?" She asked sadly preparing for the worst.

The look on Jared's face told her it was more than a coffee break

"What about the house? How do I pay for that?" She asked suddenly worried about her well being rather than the relationship.

"I'll pay it off and deed it to you. Don't think this is the absolute end. Maybe a break from each other is all we need to get the spark back."

Barbie spun her body away from Jared and sat Indian style on the bed, her arms crossed and her head, pouted lips and all, hung in defeat. Her straight raven hair hung shiny and perfect as Jared looked at the ball she had put herself into and at what his inconsiderate move had done to the woman he once loved so much.

Sunday was just the worst day for him to tell her what he planned to do. The announcement wasn't supposed to be until Wednesday. March was late to announce coaching changes, but the Valley Tech program was so much on cruise control that it would suffer little as long as they promoted good coaches to his position. He promised to leave his assistants at Valley Tech for at least one season, not wishing to raid the cupboard. He would have little time to recruit for this season, but felt he had a small nucleus to work with and could shape some sort of team.

Barbie was sobbing and Jared got up from the bed and went to her side and knelt on the floor. He laid his head beside hers on her lap.

"I want you to be happy, and I felt we just weren't in that place. We've been going through the motions for a long time; two people living together saying hello in the morning, and goodnight at bedtime. The passion is gone. I used to look at you and get excited both mentally and physically. Now you seem disinterested, unhappy and bored. At a time in our lives when we should be flourishing we're going through the motions like an old married couple." He tried to explain.

"I can change!" She exclaimed, "I can make it more exciting again. Tear off my pajamas and do anything you want to me. You always said I gave great head, let me do that for you. I still love you, I really do."

"Barbie, you love the security I provide. The spontaneity of our lovemaking dropped out a lot of miles back. I can jerk-off and make myself happy in that way, and I have many times. You're still an attractive woman, but apparently don't find me as the one who rings the bell for you, or you don't feel the need to be rung. That alone should tell you something." He reasoned.

After falling back into her ball she raised her head again. "I don't love you and the fact that we don't fuck is proof?"

"Yes, YES it is! Not having the need to express your love, or the need to feel reciprocated tells me a lot. Can you seriously tell me that you love me? Do you love me to the point where you can swear before God and all of our friends that you will uphold your marriage vows and leave the altar wanting me to take you to the marriage bed and love and please you, and then you me?" He asked her.

Her sobs got louder and more pronounced before she looked up through her tears and looked him in the eyes.

"You're right. I would be a hypocrite to take the vows, but I would take them just to be there with you. You are my security blanket and I don't want you to leave. Please Jared, reconsider or take me with you. That's it, I'll go with you and in a new setting things will change!" She said coming to a new false realization.

"Barbie, what about your career? What of all the children who depend on you? Rehabilitating those young bodies into normal children is your life. You couldn't leave them and you know it. I've tracked something since Wednesday, that's 4 full days. We have said a total of 30 words to each other before this morning. Now I know I'm not here all day, but I have went to bed with you and woke up each morning with you. We watched the news together and shared coffee each day. Thirty words!" Jared complained.

"Barbie face it, we've grown apart. I don't know if this is the end forever. We may decide that we like our little 30 word 4-day forays into blandness. But, I think we both deserve better. You know that I will always love you as the person who fulfilled my life for all these years. Now I've got the opportunity to move on to huge things with this school. I've known the Division 1 challenge would be presented to me at one point and truthfully other schools have asked and VT refused them permission at my request. At NEAT I have a license to fail for a year or so, taking over for Sherm Woodard. He should have stayed in the NFL ranks, but thought he could go back to how colleges recruited and played in the 60's. They've had 2 sell-outs in 2 years and the fans were there to see the other team on both occasions. I can do this and be set for life. It's an open door, but I don't think I can go through with you in clear conscience. I want a new start. We deserve to find out if we can be happier." He continued.

Barbie looked up, her eyes red from crying.

"Is it all that easy? Just a "don't let the door hit you in the ass?" Is that all I mean to you?" She asked.

"You mean the world to me, and that's why I'm setting you free, to find yourself, to see what life and love hold for you. You are still a beautiful, attractive woman who I'm sure still gets her share of second looks and elevator eyes. You should have a vibrant and happy life. Instead you're stuck in doldrums with me in a stale relationship. We worked hard and paid down the principle on the house and it will be yours now. I want you to keep the ring so you never forget me, and who knows, maybe we'll be together again. I'll be going to a furnished coach's quarters there where I only need bring my clothes and personal items." He further explained.

"Is it all that simple for us? I woke up this morning thinking I was with my future husband, the one who promised to marry me but never set a date. Then I read in the paper he's moving 125 miles away from me to start a new life. Now, 20 minutes later I'm on my own?" She asked somewhat rhetorically.

"It's NOT that simple and you seem to think this all came easy for me. I love you in so many ways and we've lived our lives so closely together. I don't even know if I can exist without you, but the situation tells me I should try, for both me and you." He said tenderly.

"When do you leave?"

"I have to be there Thursday morning for a press conference, then I meet with the players that night and Friday and then Saturday there is a get together for the Athletic Directors staff. Then I'm off to meet with players who were recruited last year, all the while evaluating the staff that Woodard had, some might be salvageable. On Wednesday before I leave here they plan a send-off. I'd like you to be by my side for that. You've been as big a part of my stay here as anything, and make no mistake, I want you to be a part of my life in the future. We just have to find out where we are and what part of each other's life's we can be. If during our time apart we decide we want to see someone else we have to pursue that, it's a part of the process."

"So what do you say at the send off on Wednesday night? ... and now a special thanks to the woman I slept with and led on for the past 9 years?" She asked with attitude.

"I never led you on. You were in this thing with both eyes open, and most of the time leading the way. Do you really think we're OK?" Jared asked, amazed at her denseness.

"Don't look at me like I'm stupid Jared. I KNOW we were standing on opposite sides of the wedding cake. I've always figured you asked me to marry you to keep me here. Now you want to give me the house to pay for all the times we screwed. But, do you know what? Your words have been a merry-go-round for the past 20 minutes. You love me, you don't love me, you can't live with me, and you want to live without me. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT, EXCEPT APPARENTLY, A NEW PIECE OF ASS!" Barbie said losing her temper and burying her head in the pillow with her back to Jared.

"Barbie, stop the theatrics and listen to me. YOU'RE RIGHT, on a few counts. To have sex with someone new is NOT the reason I want to move on. I'm not exactly Don Juan, or Robert Redford, but I've had my share of opportunities. A lot of women want to see if Winning Winslow will rub off in them. I've turned down EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM! Do you know why I'm sending mixed messages? ... because I don't know what I want. But, plain and simple, I cannot live with you and be this way anymore. I can't tell you I want to marry you anymore, I can't say I don't either. DO YOU WANT ME TO STAY HERE WHEN I CAN'T SAY I REALLY KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU?" He said frustrated that he was at a loss for cogent expression of thought.

Barbie cried for a few more minutes before the room went totally silent. She was sure Jared had left her there to cry herself out. She sat up and he was still there, lying next to her, tears coming from the corner of his eyes.

With her face full of tears and a nose that needed wiping she kissed him hard and pulled back.

"Jared I know we've been in a terrible rut, I'm not stupid. I just figured we would weather it. You never told me you were considering the big move. I know I can't leave here, at least right now." She said, her eyes just an inch from his.

"The fact I didn't need to tell you, or ask your opinion was the biggest tell in my whole decision. I didn't feel bad about it at all." He said.

"As far as the sex goes, we're just in a normal married persons rut. After a few years you grow tired of the same sex routine. Nothing's exciting because you know what is coming next and soon it's a couple times a year." Barbie said.

"Who fed you that logic bullshit, your Mother? If I ever thought YOU would become the unfeeling ice queen she was I would have left a long, long time ago." Jared sniped back.

"My Mom was sick and we just never knew it. My Dad should have left her long before she died. Once he found out she was unbalanced he pitied her. She only fed me venom for all the time YOU knew her, but I remember a great childhood." Barbie reflected.

"But she fed you the sex horse shit, I'll bet."

"She told me she didn't sleep with my Father once I was born. I slept in their bed every night. She would buy him "personal happiness" magazines." Barbie admitted.

"After I leave, YOU should go see a shrink if you had to listen to THAT bullshit. Although, ... she DID feel guilty if she bought him jerk-off material." Jared said, getting testy once again.

"Alright, let's leave my parents out of this. I know they were fucked up and I had hoped we wouldn't end up like them. I shouldn't have told you that. That was secret."

"SECRET? What other secrets have you kept from me?"

"None, Jared. God, let's just figure out what we have here." Barbie said suddenly realizing the situation around her was really happening.

Barbie bent forward again to look Jared in the eye.

"I do love you, even though I've done little to show it. You used to grope me to initiate some play, but that always seemed to be at a bad time. I guess I tried to avoid spontaneity when THAT'S what we needed. You haven't done that in months." Barbie said with a soft sincerity to go with her admission.