Chapter 7

Just for a change, I wasn't staring outa my window. I was wondering how the hell I'd spent so much fuckin' money. The cost of fixing the room Susan wrecked was plenty more than the goddam deposit, I was out four months rent and I'd dropped near fifteen hundred bucks getting even with her. I looked at the screen again, but the figures stayed ugly so I pushed the laptop away. Time for beer number one. As if by magic there was a knock

'If you're good company, c'mon in.' Candice's head popped round.

'The best, ' she said, and smiled. She looked so good that I gave her one right back.

'The very fuckin' best. You wanna beer? It's way past noon.' She looked down at me and her smile widened.

'Yassuh, Massa Doug. I know where the fridge is. Two beers, right?' She came back with the necessaries and plumped down in the armchair opposite me.

'I need to talk about a couple of things if you've got a few minutes.' I hitched up straighter and put the beer on the coffee table.

'For you, Candice, the rest of my life. Whaddya need?'

'Uh, what happens in the summer? I've just realized that everyone's talking about leaving, and the contract you gave me only runs to the end of this month. Do I have to start looking for somewhere?

'You're gonna be here all summer? I thought teachers got vacations.' She snorted.

'Teachers do, assistants don't. I'm gonna have to be a full-time library rat this summer. What I want to do is carry on living here, and if you say I have to go someplace else I'll curse and swear and carry on, stamp my feet maybe.'

'Shit, Candice, if you can stand the smell of paint. Jose's gonna be decoratin' in between his regular work, and it'll be a kinda slow process. You'd hafta camp in one of the other rooms while he did yours. You serious 'bout wantin' to stay?' She stared.

'You want me to leave?'

'Hell, girl, no fuckin' way. I'm happy if you are. Make the figures look better too. Last coupla months there's a hole in the accounts.' Her eyes dropped.

'I feel sorta bad about that.' Gaah.

'Water under the bridge, Candice, and worth every cent.' Hard saying that, but it made her look happier. 'Rachel tell you that little Miss Dykehater's transferring?' She nodded.

'She told me, and I'm glad. OK, that's really great, so thank you, but there's one more thing.' She looked kinda embarrassed. 'You held me while I cried, and you made me feel safe, like a little girl being comforted, and you never came even close to copping a feel, and you've not said anything to me or to anyone else. It's like it never happened. The next day was just "Hi Candice, howya feeling, you want coffee?", and that was it. And I'm kinda curious. Most guys would have tried to follow up, dyke or no dyke.' Faint click, outa nowhere. Way to go, Doug. Welcome to the summer.

'Candice, you needed holdin' for one night, not ongoin' fuckin' therapy. As for talking about it, Jesus Christ, girl, what the hell do you think I am?' She looked at me and her eyes glowed with something that set my spine tingling. Her hair was out of its rows and was floating round her head like a dark halo.

'Damned if I know, ' she said finally. 'You're real laid-back and you swear way too much, and you don't give much of a damn about anything, but you're smart and you gotta capacity to surprise; I mean when something pushes your buttons you're a different guy. I may have been upset that day, but I was watching you when you saw what had happened, and it was pretty impressive.' Her eyes dropped for a second then she took a deep breath and looked up again. 'I told Ellen about what you did for me and she said that now I'd understand why she liked you. I know about your relationship with her, and I know she told you about her and me, and you've never even hinted, not once, that you know about us, and Ellen says you never mentioned that night to her.' Fuckin' girl-talk. It's like the goddam axis of drivel.

'Shit, Candice, Ellen and I have a history, and we're friends I guess, with privileges, so if she says somethin' about her personal life to me that's where it fuckin' stays. And I guess you and her are friends with privileges too, so you tell her stuff, and I bet you twenty bucks she hasn't repeated it. Not to me, that's for sure. Privilege goes with respect or everythin' goes south.' She thought about that some, and I drank beer and realized that the fuckin' summer could turn out a sight more fun than I'd hoped. Day at a time. The smarter they are, the slower you go. Noble Doug.

'What if you and I were friends with privileges as well?' she asked at last. Looked a little shy, but she stared me in the eye as she spoke. 'Would everyone be able to talk with everyone?' Way to go. Just enough gym-time, just enough brainwork: result, first Ellen and now her. Susan out of the picture, but hell, two outa three is good for an erratic talent you gotta handle with care.

'Jeez, Candice, what do I know? Local call, I guess. I never had a whole circle of friends with privileges. Sounds like a clusterfuck to me.' She stood up and came and leaned over me. She was wearing summer clothes, white like always, contrasting with her dark skin, and I could see the outline of her breasts through the thin material. No bra, not really necessary, but I never been a size fetishist. Shit, I'd rather have Annie and her flea bites than a D cup bimbo every time; after the first, that is. Candice knelt down and put a hand each side of my face, like she had before, and kissed me. Not like before though: it was the whole fuckin' ball of wax with whistles and bells. She straightened up.

'Friendship part's there already, far as I'm concerned. We'll see about the rest.' She went before I could answer but I heard her humming as she went upstairs. I got up and went to my place in the window, real glad that I didn't want anything bad enough to risk hurting her.

All that summer after graduation I was wanting stuff real bad. I knew, I mean I knew that this was gonna be the big one. I knew it was gonna take a little work somewhere down the line, and I'd tried to prepare myself for that. Didn't realize how much work though, nor what the talent was gonna do to get me what I wanted.

First of September I showed up, looking pretty dam' spiffy. New sportscoat, pressed slacks, tasteful tie. When I got there, the only person about was Kelly.

'Hi, Ms Kelly. Am I expected or did I get the day wrong?' She smiled.

'Just Kelly, Doug, and you got the day right. You'd better keep using "Miss" with Molly and Amelia though. It took me three months before Molly let me use her name. They're quite suspicious of you. They think you're a frat boy who got lucky.' I shrugged.

'Lucky, yes; frat rat, no. Just a small town guy. Thanks, Kelly. Where is everyone? And if I have to say "Miss Molly" too much I'm gonna rupture somethin'.' She half smiled and looked at her watch.

'I usually have a coffee about now. I open the office, check the mail, see if there are any urgent phone messages, stuff like that, so I arrive around nine. Molly and Amelia arrive at nine-thirty. Mr. McCarthy's usually here by ten. Coffee machine's in back, by the bathroom. Would you like a cup?'

'Is the pope a Catholic?' She slipped the catch on the door, and we sipped lousy coffee and sized each other up. I don't know what she thought of me, but I was way impressed. Better than cute. She was late twenties, just thirty maybe, and Playboy material, from her shoulder-length blonde hair to her elegant legs. Conservative blouse and gray skirt; the blouse didn't disguise what she had upstairs, and the skirt wasn't having much more luck with her ass. She was tall too, my height in her heels. Smooth, intelligent face, warm blue eyes, sorta smile that made you wish she'd do it more.

'About that stuff last year, ' she said after a couple of minutes. 'Did you really persuade the police not to prosecute Terry?' I tried to look unfazed.

'I'm not sure that a DUI charge woulda stood up. Mr. McCarthy's probably got a pretty hot legal team, and the cops aren't usually too keen to write up stuff that might bounce back on them.' She'd been watching me intently.

'So you don't brag, even to blondes.'

'Nothin' wrong with blondes. They just get a bad press from dark-haired girls.' Her lips twitched.

'You're smart, aren't you?' Click. Just a faint one

'Better than the alternative. If you think it's turnin' into smart-ass, tell me. The charge has been leveled a coupla times.' Her mouth quirked again.

'Molly and Amelia will be here in a minute. I'll show you your desk, give you some passwords, set you up. Mr. McCarthy's planning to have you work some figures, come up with a first conclusion.'

'Figures for real or a theoretical job?' Now she smiled properly.

'My lips are sealed.' I sure knew what I'd like to unseal them with.

'Lead on, Ms. Macduff.' She raised an eyebrow.

'I think that's "lay on", if it's Shakespeare you're quoting.' I shrugged.

'We only just met, Kelly. You want me to be suggestive already?'

'Smart-ass, ' she said, but her eyes didn't look annoyed.

That first day went alright. The figures I'd been given were a crock of shit, didn't match with external data. Even I could see that, so I jigged with the program a little more; when I showed McCarthy the results he looked at the hard copy and then at me.

'Well?'

'Mr. McCarthy, if this business existed and had results like this, we'd be in a different universe.' He was looking at the print-out again.

'What's this stuff?' I craned my neck to see.

'Uh, dollar weighting against a currency basket, Fed forecasts against actual figures, election cycle, housin' starts... ' He stopped me.

'Whyd'ya put that stuff in?' Click. That surprised me.

'Lemme sound like a smart-ass for one minute, Mr. McCarthy. I don't know anything about this business, about money, about makin' money, only what I see in the financial pages. But I guess it wouldn't be there if it wasn't useful. The program's got all that stuff in it now, asks to be updated monthly. I didn't put them in there with superglue, and I can sure take them out again, but when I saw the figures you gave me I needed to test values, and it don't work. I don't know the answer but with the extra stuff I can for sure see the question was wrong.' He half-smiled.

'Can you show me how to do that?'

'Sure.' He thought for a while and I stood awkwardly, wondering if I'd blown it. Shit, the clicks hadn't been wrong before. He came to a decision.

'You show me this afternoon and I'll see if your goddam fiddling about is smart or smart-ass. And Doug, don't push it too much till I've done with that. You got more learning than teaching to do here.' He nodded and I went out. Shit, he was right about that. Knowing what to do with the figures you got is one thing. Choosing the figures, that's something else. Or mebbe the other way round. I went out and sat at my desk and dived into old files.

Jeez, I never used my brain like that before, and I don't plan on doing it again. The technical stuff, the nuts and bolts of betting millions of bucks is a ball-buster. No wonder the guys who do it full-time are so dam' weird. I stayed quiet and worked at it. Molly and Amelia didn't like me much, Kelly was neutral, McCarthy didn't look like he paid attention, but I didn't spot him missing anything. Kelly didn't miss much either: she thought the sun shone outa McCarthy's ass and he trusted her judgment some. One more thing to step round carefully. The two old biddies just did filing, tax returns, gossip, stuff like that. Charity work, it seemed to me.

By December I'd learned a little but not enough. I was keeping myself on a real tight rein, not even peeking at the unofficial stuff I'd slid into Kelly's program. Day at a time. I had to start spending an extra hour at the fucking gym on Saturdays though. Hated it, but it kept me from getting too antsy. Saturday before Christmas I was on my way back, looking forward to a shower and a beer. I wasn't paying a lotta attention and she had to practically jump in front of me before I reacted.

'Doug, where's your head? I've been waving at you for a full minute.'

'Uh, Kelly. I'm sorry, I was on another planet. Whaddya doin'? You live round here?' She shook her head.

'Just shopping and wondering where to have lunch. I don't know why I came up to this end of town. My feet are like meatballs and my arms are going to fall off. Where's good round here?' Click. Ah hah.

'There's the usual fast food stuff, and a tavern, or there's Mrs. Fellini's home-made meatloaf she gave me yesterday because she thought I looked kinda peaky. She lives downstairs from me.' Her brow wrinkled.

'What's the catch?'

'You make a salad while I shower. You think I wanna eat lookin' like this?' She still looked dubious. 'Kelly, I got testimonials and besides, if I'm eatin' Mrs. Fellini's meatloaf and thinkin' of you with a Big Mac and fries, I'll choke to death and you'll hafta apologize to my Mom.' The half-smile again, and I could see her decide.

'Terrifying thought. OK, where do you live?'

'Hundred yards down the street, corner of seventeenth. Gimme some of those parcels.'

When we got to the apartment I showed her the kitchen

'Meatloaf goes in a medium oven, salad stuff's in the fridge; you do that, I'll go shower: what I can smell must be me.' She looked round.

'At least the kitchen's clean.'

'You live alone you gotta treat yourself right or it all goes south and you end up eatin' pizza from the box every night. My Mom kicked my butt twice a day till I believed that. Result, I've never seen keepin' a clean home as a chore. You need to be shown stuff?' I was telling the truth apart from the stuff about my Mom. She snorted.

'Kitchens aren't too complicated.' I went and showered. Left the doors ajar just in case, but no luck. Day at a time. Thought about shaving but didn't. Casual Doug. When I came out the apartment smelt of meatloaf and she was setting out place-mats and stuff. Her eyes flicked over me and her shoulders relaxed a fraction.

'You hungry?' I asked. She nodded and I hauled out the meatloaf, turned it onto a platter and put it on the table. 'Salad?' She opened the fridge and produced it. Real girly, crown cut tomatoes and stuff, so I admired it, said it looked too good to eat. She made a good dressing though. Eat your heart out, Paul Newman.

'Whoops. What you wanna drink?' I got up and looked in the fridge. 'I got coke, beer, wine, juice in a carton... ' She put up a hand

'What's the wine?'

'California paint stripper, guaranteed ten minutes old, medium dry.' She almost choked on a mouthful of meatloaf.

'I'll risk it. This meatloaf is a dream. I wish I had neighbors like yours.'

'Mrs. Fellini thinks she's my grandma.' We carried on eating, not saying much. She was the kinda person, silence isn't uncomfortable. When we'd finished I shooed her into the front room while I made coffee and when I got back with the tray she was looking at the bookshelves, head twisted so she could read the spines.

'You've got hardly any fiction here, Doug.' I shook my head.

'Didn't enjoy readin' much till my sophomore year, then History kinda snuck up on me and that was it. Haven't had that much time recently though.' She sat down and grinned.

'Mr. McCarthy's a hard taskmaster. Are you enjoying the work?' Click. Outa nowhere.

'I enjoy learnin' stuff, but I never been too sure about big money. When you get over ... over a million, I guess, it's just another way of keepin' score, and all you really got is a more expensive set of worries.' I watched her take that on board. Didn't know why I'd said it though.

'You said you lived by yourself. Don't you get lonely?' I shrugged.

'Don't have enough time for that either. I got friends here, people I value, but I never been one for the social whirl: lotta noise, lotta stress, not much fun. I'm better with one on one.'

'I saw you with someone a month ago, in town, and Amelia told me your girlfriend runs that hippy shop. I always imagined you as being with a college-type person, more your age.' Click, and my voice came out a little harder than I expected.

'Annie's the best friend I got in this town, Kelly. She runs that shop so her Dad's got somewhere to dream about the Summer of Love, don't have a great time doin' it either. She's helped me through some hard times, been a good shoulder to cry on, and I owe her plenty.' Her hand had flown to her mouth and she looked embarrassed. I wasn't just a smart kid: I was a loyal friend too. You want them to think you're a goddam prince, play that loyalty card. I was real glad Annie hadn't heard me.

'Oh, Doug, I'm so sorry; I shouldn't have said what I did and I shouldn't have pried.' Weird conversation. Click.

'Don't sweat it. Annie and I aren't a couple; not the way you mean, anyway. We're friends with privileges, kinda. Don't tell that to them two office gossips though. They don't like me much, and I sure don't want them discussin' my private life. What does your boyfriend do?' Her eyes dropped.

'I'm not, uh, seeing anyone right now. We broke up around Thanksgiving.' She looked miserable.

'Whoops. My turn to be sorry.' She peeped up and our eyes met. That could have been it: thanks for lunch, Doug, now I gotta get on with my shopping, but there were no clicks so I went on asking stuff. She perked up some, seemed kinda happy to talk. Lonely maybe, since her dumb-ass boyfriend let her go. I never went wrong listening to women yakkin' on, realized the clicks had felt like groundwork.

Turned out she was pretty normal, except she'd majored in math. Then when she realized that the job market for math majors isn't that great she dropped her sights. Agency sent her to McCarthy when Amelia needed sick leave to have her fuckin' piles cauterized, serve her dam' well right, and McCarthy had seen what she could do with figures, held onto her, turned her into an analyst.

'So that's why they don't like you much, ' I said. 'Came and took him away from them; same reason they don't like me I guess. They been with him so long they think he's theirs.' That caught her attention.

'You're very perceptive, Doug. That's part of it, and they hate that Mr. McCarthy lets me make decisions.'

'Same coin, other side, ' I said wisely, and she nodded as if I'd reinvented the dam' wheel.

One thing I know, clicks or no clicks, is to let a woman go at her own pace. No use hustling, and the smarter she is, the slower you gotta go. Less they're one wing down, of course, but that's a whole different deal. Now Kelly, who was smart as hell, was a call for trustworthy Doug. The more they all trusted me, the happier I'd be.

'You need to be anywhere, Kelly, or you wanna another coffee, coke, somethin?' I'm gonna have one. I gotta theory that caffeine puts back what the gym takes out. Seems to work.' She looked at her watch and sighed.

'I should go really, Doug. It's getting late. Thank you for lunch, and thank you for listening. You're a nice person to be with.' Click

'Knowin' you better is a privilege, Kelly. Where's your car? I'll help you take the stuff down. You got enough parcels there to need FedEx.' Her eyes suddenly looked panicky and when she spoke it was as if something was squeezing the words out of her.

'No car right now, Doug. Uh, Carl took it when he left and I haven't got round to replacing it.'

'You fuckin' serious? Uh, excuse me, Kelly, you mean he stole it?' She nodded. 'Why didn'tcha go to the cops? Auto theft ain't like litterin', ya know.' She shook her head, and her face began to crumple.

'Three years together and then I got home one day and the apartment was empty. Just the bed, one table, one chair, one of everything.' Her voice was tight and strained. 'Just one pillow.' Holy shit, I thought; the guy musta known her real well to risk that: nine women outa ten woulda been onto the cops in half a goddam second.

'Why the hell didn'tcha say anythin', Kelly? Hell, your apartment's stripped, your car's stolen, and you stay quiet? Mr. McCarthy know?'

'No-one knows, ' she mumbled, 'and I don't know why I told you. And please don't say anything about it at work.' She seemed to be in a state of total goddam collapse. I looked at her for a full minute. No clicks. 'I really don't know why I told you, ' she said again, tears coming hard now, rolling quietly down her cheeks like they'd overflowed from a deep well. 'It was as if suddenly I had to tell someone or I'd explode. Maybe it was the wine.' Shit, I knew why. This was like Judy not knowing why she climbed into bed with Mr. Doctor; hell, whatever was happening, better to go with it: I can do trustworthy real good. Like I said, one wing down is a different story, but Kelly's wing was shot clean away, and that's different again.

'You can't untell me, Kelly. I wanna take a look.' She protested but let me put her coat over her shoulders and lead her to my car. She gave me directions automatically, but when I pulled up outside the place she didn't move; just gave me her house key.

'You go in, Doug. I don't want to be with you when you see it.' I shrugged and got out.

Jeez, she hadn't been kidding. The apartment was almost empty. One of everything, just like she said. It was clean, I mean spotless, but seeing a cupboard with just one cup and one plate sitting all alone on a shelf is sorta unsettling. She'd been sleeping on one side of the bed, it looked like, not in the middle, and the furniture that was left was all against one wall, like she only wanted to be in half the apartment. There were piles of unopened retail therapy stacked neatly in the second bedroom. Kinda spooky. I went and looked out the window; she was still in the car, not moving. I thought some, then went looking.

When I came out with the cases she got kinda agitated.

'What are you doing, Doug? What are you taking away now?' I popped the trunk and heaved the bags in, climbed into the car.

'You can stay here, Kelly, live like that till you have a full-scale breakdown, or you can use my spare room for a while, rest up while you think what you wanna do. You're gonna do that this weekend whatever you decide. Monday, you wanna come back here, tell me so without crying, then fine: we'll haul this stuff back, but I ain't leavin' you alone right now though, not if I have to handcuff you to the fuckin' radiator. Uh, excuse me. I just packed some clothes for now. You gonna do as you're told for two days?' She didn't answer, so I started the car and we rolled.

Back at the flat she was like a zombie, let herself be settled on the couch while I hauled her stuff in and got Gary's old room ready. I looked through the cases, then put her bathrobe, clean underwear, a pair of sweats, socks too, on the bed, put her bathroom stuff where it was gonna belong. Then I went back to the lounge.

'OK, Kelly. Here's what's gonna happen. Come see.' I led her through, showed her the room, how the heat worked and stuff, then sat her on the bed, squatted in front of her.

'Go take a shower and change. I ain't a dam' therapist, so you don't need to talk. I'll fix something light, mebbe one real drink, you get an early night. Room key's in the door. You use it, I won't be offended. Talk tomorrow if you wanna do that.'

'But, Doug, what about your privacy, your... '

Jeez, Kelly, will ya give it a rest? You gonna do as I say?' She stared at me for the longest time, then gave a tiny nod. 'OK. Start now. Hot water never hurt anyone.' I left her to it, heard her moving about some, footsteps, bathroom door shutting. The pipes began to gurgle and I knew the water was running.

Twenty minutes later it was still running and when I checked the kitchen tap it was running stone cold. I went and listened at the bathroom door. Just the noise of the shower. Shit, if she'd cut her dam' wrists or something, that'd screw everything up royally. When I tried the door it was locked, so I put my shoulder against it, hard.

It was kinda pitiful. She was sitting in the shower stall, head resting on her knees, ice-cold water pouring over her, shivering like a bastard. She didn't look up and I felt a stab of worry. I reached in and turned the water off but she didn't move. Shit.

'C'mon, Kelly, lemme give you a hand.'

She was a rag doll, like everything was too hard for her, but she let me lift her up, put her robe on, walk her through to her room, dry her like a good friend should. I put a T-shirt and a pair of running shorts on her, helped her into bed. Trustworthy Doug. Even blue with cold and with full-body goosebumps, she was something to see. Everything where it should be, perfectly groomed, muscles toned, pale nipples shriveled up like raisins on her firm breasts. Natural blonde, I noticed. She lay looking at the ceiling and I left her, went and heated some milk, put a big shot of Mr. Walker's famous Scottish medicine in it, fed it to her sip by sip, one arm propping her up, laid her down again. I left her curled up under the covers, eyes closed. Door ajar, hall light on. Found the toolbox and fixed the bathroom door where I'd torn it up. She'd appreciate that if she remembered anything. I had a drink myself and wondered what was gonna happen next. It wasn't the way I expected, but I was learning to live with that. I decided that I'd read something a little taxing, keep my head in shape for tomorrow. She was sure in a bad way and I almost felt sorry for her. Slackers have feelings too.

I was in bed and almost asleep when I heard her crying. When I went and looked she was curled up in a ball, shoulders heaving, funny little sounds coming from her. I sat on top of the covers, pulled her head round, settled it on my lap and put my hand on her shoulder. No brotherly cuddling yet: that stuff is pure cliché and anyway, way too soon. After a little while her breathing smoothed and she seemed to be asleep again. I didn't think I could move without disturbing her, so I sighed and leaned back. I fuckin' hate being uncomfortable.

When I woke up she wasn't there. I was cold and stiff and my neck felt as if it would never move again. I could hear sounds from the kitchen so I hauled myself upright and went to check. She was making coffee, wearing the sweats I'd put out the evening before, looking pale and a little nervous. Her hair was wet, hanging round her face like curtains and I could see that she was goin' commando. Nice sight.

'Mornin', Kelly, is that coffee I smell?' She nodded, didn't say anything, and I went and fetched her hairdryer from her case. 'Uncle Doug forgets nothing. Go use it. Don't want you to catch pneumonia, start bein' a burden.' Her eyes filled up again but she took the hairdryer and went. I poured juice and coffee, took it through to her, then sat on the couch with mine, feeling kinda smug. I remembered that I hated being pitied and that she was a smart and independent person, just like me. When she came in she sat in an armchair opposite me and looked at me kinda shy.

'Uh, I don't really know what to say.'

'That's because you don't need to say anythin'. Shit happens, shit hurts, recovery takes time. Have a slack day, Kelly. I'm gonna go to the gym, go to the store, come back and fix somethin' to eat. You sit quiet, think a little maybe.' When I got back she looked as if she hadn't moved a fuckin' inch. Didn't seem to want to say anything so I went and took a shower, then made a BLT and took it through to her on a tray.

'Eat it, girl, or I'll paddle you good.' Tiny half-smile. She managed about half and I took the rest away without comment then picked up my book. After mebbe two hours she stirred and went to the bathroom, spent a long time there. When she came back she had the nervous look again.

'You sat there all night holding me, didn't you? I slept and woke up, and slept and woke up, and you were still there.' I shrugged.

'Someone needs to be, Kelly. I been where you are and it's way too hard to do by yourself.' She was silent again, then got up and went to her room. I took a bathroom trip I didn't need and glanced through the door as I passed. She had her cases open and was hanging stuff up, folding things and putting them in drawers. Way to go. I went back and picked up my book again.

She came back and sat facing me again.

'I unpacked my clothes.'

'Good. Later on we'll talk about decidin' how to do this. Not now though. You rest up a little more, take your time. You're kinda embarrassed right now, and you oughta get over that first.' If she hadn't been there I swear I'da done a fuckin' happy shuffle.

The rest of the day she was quiet, and Monday I dropped her two blocks away from the office, went and parked where I always did. Said nothing, got on with what I was doing. When I left I didn't hang around, just went home. She got back an hour later and went to change, then came and sat down.

'I'll leave the couch for you, ' she said, trying for natural. 'It's got your body contours on it.'

'You can use it when I'm not here. How ya feelin' now?' She closed her eyes for a moment.

'Lousy but safe. Uh, I couldn't move when you banged the door open, but I can remember everything, and you didn't uh, touch me or anything, not even pretend by accident, and that night was the same: your hand never moved off my shoulder. So thank you for that, and yesterday, and being normal today.' I put my hand up.