Chapter 5

When I woke, my morning experience turned out to be real uncomfortable, mostly because one arm was trapped under Ellen. Hell, a hundred thirty pounds is fine when it's vertical, but when it's completely relaxed and playing sleeping beauty all over you, different story. Why I don't usually encourage overnighters. That and sharing a bathroom before I'm functioning properly. Still, she looked cute. Not as cute as the night before, all fired up and sparkling eyes, working on gratitude with energy and due diligence, but still kinda nice to watch.

The arm was another matter. I eased it out from under, slid out of bed. Good God above, only six-thirty. Put a good face on it, I thought. She's got work to do, you don't want her to be running late all day, feeling resentful. Would be kinda nice if she thought the next piece of 'thank you, Doug' could be penciled in for next week, maybe.

Morning necessities: you gotta visitor, so try not to splash, juice, coffee. Full consciousness returned and I took a cup through to her and shook her gently. She mumbled sleepily and sipped, then saw the clock and went into frenzy mode.

'Shit, good job I gotta car, ' she called from the bathroom. 'Doug, you are a prince. Wanna go someplace and party, next week maybe?' Bingo. She zoomed into the front room to fetch her clothes, and I stayed out of the way, remembering the times when I had to get up early and start moving almost immediately. Jesus, how I'd hated it. She erupted into the kitchen again, kissed me cheerfully, brandished her car keys with a goofy smile on her face, and was gone. I poured more coffee and felt pretty good.

I was still busy doing that, when there was a knock on the door. I looked at the clock: not eight o'clock yet. There were obviously more fools about than I thought, but the knock said "Susan", so I opened.

'Uh, Good morning, Doug.'

'Hi to you, Susan. You couldn't sleep either, huh? Want some coffee?' She looked puzzled.

'Oh, no thanks. I've been up for ages. I saw your light and wanted to ask you something.'

'So shoot.' Now she colored up. I was astonished all over again that someone who looked so fucking hot could be so timid. In her summer shorts and T-shirt, hair loose, spraying good health and sex-appeal every which way, she was a pleasure to look at. She took a deep breath, which distracted me some.

'Uh, I was wondering if I can use the garden, now that summer's nearly here. Would that be alright?'

'You wanna plant something?' She stared, then almost laughed.

'Oh no, not at all. I mean, would it be OK if I sunbathed there at weekends? If I could study out there it'd be so neat. I might even get a little tan.' My kitchen and bedroom overlook the garden.

'Sure, Susan, no problem. Every year there's someone who's a sun-bunny. Nothin' too provocative though: Timmy's third floor back, remember, and he's kinda susceptible. Don't want to hafta resuscitate him twice a week.' This time she did laugh.

'I think you're teasing me now, uh, Doug. Just an ordinary, decent bikini, I promise.' She spotted the clock and gasped. 'Oh, heavens. I must run. Thank you so much.'

She disappeared like the White Rabbit and I poured more coffee. Seemed like the world was full of cuties in a hurry today. I wondered what an ordinary, decent bikini would look like on that firm young body. Might as well hit the gym early, I thought, seeing as was awake already.

Later I stood and looked out of the bay window. Early rising, early gym. Shit. I shuddered as I remembered what that reminded me of: those last four months of my junior year, trying to save Judy from the consequences of me. Jeez, I'd been so glad when that bomb went off in my head and I knew the talent was going to kick in. Later I wasn't so sure.

I'd woken up in hospital. Turned out that the gym director couldn't rouse me, thought I'd ruptured something vital and called a fleet of ambulances, all the usual overreactions. A doctor came, told me I was fine, lay off the weights for a while, and I started dressing. I knew the next day or two were gonna be tense, but hell, if all that awful effort was gonna pay off, I was good with it. No gym today though, nor ever again, if I could help it, I thought as I strolled back to the apartment.

The campus had that end of year feeling. People looking wiped out after partying, happy people who'd done OK, depressed people who'd flunked; an air of finality washing over everything. I went looking for Judy, like a good thoughtful guy should.

She was sitting in the wreckage of her room, projecting glum.

'I have to pack stuff I'd forgotten I had. Look, there's photos of us.' She showed me Polaroids. Our first proper date, the morning after an overnighter, with her looking well-fucked and happy and me looking like the cat that ate the canary, goofy pictures of college kids doing dumb things. Kinda bought a lump to my throat.

'They look like two younger people. You wanna let me have some of those? Something to take me through the next coupla weeks.' She was going home for a while, catch up with family, kick back, do some thinking she said. I knew she had a proper internship arranged, and that it was three states away. We'd talked about that some. She kissed me.

'Of course you can. I've got others. You really think we look younger?' She sounded a little wistful, but I nodded. Pointing out that we'd changed was gonna be important, I hoped.

'We've both grown up some since I broke your leg.' She always smiled when I reminded her of that .8

'Two days Doug. What are we going to do with them?' I didn't have a clue. I was waiting for something to happen, for the clicks to butt in.

'Whatever you want, girl. Didn't you get an invitation to some party? We could go show off some, or we could go be private somewhere, or... ' She interrupted me.

'Can we do both? The party's tonight, at Shania's sorority, and then we can go to the apartment, and then tomorrow go off somewhere for the day.' I'd done my bit, I thought. What was gonna happen was gonna happen through her, same as it had with Patty and Annie. I was there to listen for the clicks, let them prompt me.

'Sure. How formal?' She rolled her eyes.

'Formals are all done, Doug. How long have you been here? Not Levis, though.' She hopped up and kissed me. 'Stop looking as if you're going to ask me if I want help with the packing: you're so sweet, but the answer's no. You'd drive me crazy. There's things that girls need to do without help. Go play Frisbee or something, and pick me up here at eight. OK?' She kissed me again and made shooing noises.

Six-thirty, I was looking at pants and wondering what to wear when the phone rang.

'Doug?'

'Who else? What's happening? You think I should wear dark pants, light shirt, or the other way round? What you wearing?' When she spoke her voice was hesitant.

'Uh, Doug, I feel so bad saying this, but can we call tonight off? All that packing kinda killed me dead; I don't think I can manage anything loud.' Click. And about time too.

'No problem, Judy. What you wanna do? Quiet meal, come watch TV, massage your neck if you want, promise not to hit on you.' Weak laugh.

'Uh, Doug, I feel real wobbly. I'm gonna take a Tylenol, go to bed. I feel so bad about this... ' Click.

'Shit, Judy, if you're sick, you're sick. You want me to bring you anything?'

'You're so sweet, but no. I'll just try to sleep and call you in the morning, OK?' I was sympathetic and we talked foolishness for another minute, and she said she loved me and hung up. I looked at the phone. Judy Olsen just lied to me. Never shit a shitter, Ms Judy. We know evasion when we hear it. I wondered for half a second whether to go see Annie, then turned the idea down flat. I was gonna be upset but loyal, stay at home, watch reruns of MASH. Something was moving for sure. Maybe I'd say a little prayer of gratitude.

What I did instead was read some. History, not trash. Reading's a soothing thing to do, and for slackers it's the best. You can put the book down any time, no need to wait for a commercial break, take a leak, fetch a beer, go away for a week, anything. The book's still there when you get back, waiting patiently. Books are not time-sensitive.

I was outa bed at nine next morning, shaved, dressed for a summer picnic, wondering what was gonna happen.

There was a ring on the doorbell and I picked up the basket of goodies I'd bought and hit the stairs. She wasn't dressed for a picnic, not at all, and looked as if she hadn't slept any. I examined her closely. Her eyes were shifting and she looked nervous, and at the back of them was something I recognized. Judy Olsen, I thought, you got laid last night.

'Hi, Doug. Uh, we need to talk.' Her voice was small and flat, like a little kid who's been ordered to apologize. Click.

'Sure, Judy. Shit, what's the matter? Ya look terrible.' I tried to kiss her but she twisted away.

'Can we go up?'

'What's wrong, Judy? How come you're dressed like that? I kinda thought it was picnic time.' When we got into the apartment she sat down in an armchair, not on the couch like always, and gulped twice, then started.

Shit, it was terrible. I mean terrible. I'd been concentrating like a fucking maniac on not hurting her, trying for a civilized break-up, one where I wasn't gonna cause her pain. And my fucking talent had said OK, let her hurt herself instead, and think she's hurting you as well. Won't be you hurting her, boy, and you can sleep easy.

Shania had come round, she said in that dead little voice, and her brother and cousin were with her, and they'd been excited about the party, and Shania had persuaded her to go out for lunch, leave the packing for an hour, and she'd agreed.

The cousin's name was Mitch. He'd just graduated from med. school, was doing a first year internship, starting in September. They'd talked. His internship was in the same city as hers. Wow, they were gonna be neighbors. He was real confident, good-looking, intelligent, dedicated, a fucking saint. She sounded as if she thought he could walk on water, and as if every word she said was a self-inflicted wound.

They'd spent the whole afternoon talking, and he was so fascinating. He'd suggested they go to the sorority party together, and she'd said no, and he'd kinda smiled and said sure you will, and she'd finally agreed, because he was so interesting, she didn't mean it to be anything more. And this and that, and that and this, upshot was she called me and begged off, went to the party with him, they finished up in her empty room at three in the morning, fucking like maniacs; well, what she said was, "we ended up in bed". Then it was oh Doug, she didn't know what to say, it was like a bolt from the blue, but she loved him. She'd never felt like this before, and she was so sorry, lots more stuff like that. I didn't ask if she'd blown him first.

I have to say that I was pissed. Didn't need any clicks to react right. Looking back, I can't say for sure if I was pissed with her or with what I'd fuckin' done. Suddenly she was the most precious thing in the world, and she was walking away from me of her own free will.

Of her own free will? Bullshit. I knew that she didn't understand either, was confused and unhappy, didn't know why her heart was telling her to do this. She didn't know it was me that had twisted it. I was angry with her, with myself, with my ability. What's the point of having a fuckin' talent if it don't treat people right?

So I stomped and shouted and begged, and she looked sadder and sadder and kept shaking her head, and I made an effort and calmed down some. Pissed or not, did I really want her to change her mind?

'Shit, Judy, if that's the way it is, then I hope you'll be real happy. You think you could go now, please?' She got up and left, didn't say a word. I looked outa the window and there was a Mercedes convertible a little way down the street. She climbed in the passenger seat and put her head on the driver's chest. I knew she was crying. He held her and stroked her hair some and I turned away from the window.

Problem solved.

I spent the rest of the day in the apartment. Hardly moved off the couch. Didn't go out, didn't do anything, just like it had come as a real shock. About six, I went up to the dorm. Her room was empty, and I stood and looked at it. A couple of girls stood in the doorway of another room across the hall, watching me kinda pityingly. I turned to them.

'She left already?' One of them nodded. 'With him?' She nodded again. I turned round and left.

Good thing people were packing and leaving. I don't think I coulda stood too much sympathy. News got out about what had happened with Doug and Judy, and I got embarrassed words of condolence, people feeling sorry for me. Shit, I hated it.

Gary was a prince.

'Whaddya gonna do, dude?' he asked the next evening. 'Anything you want, you got it. You want company or not? Wanna go get drunk?'

'Hell, Gary, I don't have a fuckin' clue. I never felt like this before.' That was for sure true. He shook his head.

'Shit, dude, I seen ya workin' on it, seen her being pleased, seen you together. Can't imagine what changed in her head.'

'Shit happens, Gary.'

He worked summers in his Dad's business but put off going back home to his family and his fiancée, so as not to leave me by myself, and I felt guiltier and guiltier, and he thought I was depressed and I couldn't fucking bear it. After three days I had to say I was beginning to feel better, and he looked at me kinda strange, but relieved. We agreed the same deal as last year: he'd keep on paying his half of the rent, I'd stay in town, earn some money, heal up a little, fresh start next year: all the clichés. He looked happy, went off home to get laid, first time in weeks.

Economics being a fucking soul-burning fact, I did for real have to find work. I guess I lucked out some, because I got last summer's job back, as team leader yet, except they called it "Promoter of Excellence". Bullshit of course, but it meant more dough, less physical stuff, the chance to order people around; more responsibility as well, but shit, stacking shelves ain't exactly rocket-science. I was pretty sure I could do it excellently.

One week later I stepped into Annie's dad's shop. He was sitting looking at nothing, dreaming of Hawkwind, I guess, Annie dusting stuff and humming. She looked round, put the duster down. examined me closely.

'Some hurt, some experience, some decisions, mebbe a little guilt, ' she said, and smiled. 'Whaddya wanna do, Doug?' No pity. Thank God for that.

'Early dinner, tell you thank you. You done more for me than you know.' She looked pleased.

'You OK to say thank you properly? It's been a while.' My heart lifted and I began to understand in like better.

'My place, call for pizza? I got chocolate ice-cream too.' She went over to her dad and shook him gently.

'Gonna go out, Dad. You're on your own.' She picked up an old alarm clock and set it. 'Close the shop when the clock goes, OK?' He beamed and nodded and we left.

As we walked to the apartment I just told her that Judy and I had split up, she'd gone off with another guy, I was still feeling kinda upset. She nodded wisely.

'Sure, Doug. That's what happened. But you ain't upset enough. You did somethin' to make it happen: somethin' smart or somethin' stupid. Smart, probably. Told you a long time ago you'd be dangerous one day. I don't wanna know too much, tell the truth. Am I the first person you talked to?'

'No-one else knows who I am, Annie.' She looked pleased again.

In the apartment we lasted about ten seconds before we were undressing each other. Two minutes after that we were naked on my bed, late afternoon sun streaming in through the window. I'd forgotten how small she was, fragile even, and how she looked so vulnerable and was really so tough. She crawled into the crook of my arm and wriggled.

'Shit, Doug, I'd kinda forgotten how you feel. It's like openin' a good book you read a hundred times before. Better than grass, even.' Who'da thought that a skinny little hippy could be so comforting?

'Missed you some too, Annie, and I got no plans to do that again.' That was all I said, and she didn't ask for more, just reached down and stroked my cock.

'We got a lot of catchin' up ta do, so we better think about this. I oughta go first, by rights, seein' as I been neglected, but I get such a fuckin' kick outa seein' you hard for me, I'll be patient. Don't expect too patient though. Here.' She let go of my cock and pulled my hand down to her crotch, opening her legs wide. I cupped my palm over her tangled curls and she snorted.

'Way too fuckin' polite, Doug. This is Annie, remember? I ain't a college kid.' She pushed my hand away and curved a finger inside herself, withdrew it and held it to my mouth. I sniffed, then licked it clean. It was sharp and aromatic and moist, and my cock began to firm up.

'Annie, you be as impatient as you like. You gotta starvin' man here.' Her hand slipped to my cock again and squeezed it.

'One little whiff of pussy and you got a fuckin' boner?'

'Your pussy, Annie.' She squirmed upright and leaned over and kissed me hard, catching my tongue, twining hers round it. Then she trailed her lips down my neck and chest, slowly over my belly, and drew me into her mouth. She shifted slightly to get a better angle, and made a little sound of contentment. Her eyes were closed and she parted her thighs slightly, lifted her mouth for a moment.

'Just tease for now, Doug, and don't bite your tongue. I don't want you chewin' on my first course.' Judy had never been so upfront. Bawdy in her own way, but only afterwards: she never came out, said exactly what she wanted. I reached out gently and slid my fingers through the soft fleece and ran them slowly along the damp lips. Annie shivered and dropped over my cock again, her mouth working in that good way, the sorta way that lets you know you can come real fast and she won't care, because she's doin' this for you. Hell, for her too, I guess. Nobody wants a two minute main course. Pleasure bolts raced through me as she took me along the always new, still familiar route, and a heavy liquid sensation began to pool in the pit of my belly. My balls stirred and churned, and she cupped them gently with her free hand. I thought I felt her smiling to herself, but that can't have been true. She did something behind my balls, a twisting kinda pressure, and it all came flooding out hard into her, while my body tensed and arched with the flashing sparks of release.

One thing about Annie, she never choked or spilled. One of her talents was sucking and swallowing at the same time. When I'd finished she stayed quiet, letting me soften in her mouth, then cleaned me with her tongue and scooted back up into my arms.

'Jeez, Doug, how long you been savin' that load? Ever since she split?' She chuckled to herself, then reached up and tugged my ear. 'Didn't mean to be unkind. You probably done your best, and sometimes there's no way to avoid shit. She get hurt bad?'

'Hell, Annie, she'll recover. You want your first course?'

'Thought you'd never ask. I wanna be on my back though.' So I knelt at the foot of the bed, her skinny thighs beckoning me, worked through the bushes, slid my tongue once along her warm center.

'Annie, you gotta start cuttin' this stuff back again. It's like the Brazilian fuckin' jungle down here.' I felt her stomach flutter as she suppressed a giggle.

'You want it trimmed, you can trim it yourself. Now do that stuff I been missin'.' She was urgent, her folds slippery with desire, and I lost myself in her, savoring her texture and flavor, loving her thin thighs squeezing my head as she began to respond. Truth to tell, once I started the party trick I kinda forgot about anything else, and was surprised when her hand pushed at my head.

'Shit, stop that. Twice is enough. You want me to die in your goddam arms? Get your ass up here and kiss me where I can see ya.' She hugged me hard, and kissed me like she'd said she would, arms and legs wrapped round me tight. For the first time in a fortnight I felt peaceful. She unwound herself and patted my cheek.

'Pitstop, then food. You wanna call while I repair the damage?' I reached for the phone, a lightness of heart washing through me.

One thing about being shallow: you heal easy if you get the right medication.

Later we were back in bed, my cock deep in her. She was breathing hard, sprawled across my chest, and the tiny aftershocks that I loved feeling were squeezing me in an irregular rhythm. I wasn't through and I tightened my ass and made myself swell; she craned her neck and bit my shoulder.

'Don't you start doing that again till I tell ya. Jeez, Doug, that was the best time since the last time. Better, tell the truth. I've kinda marked you up though. I kinda forgot myself, but I sure as hell love chewin' on a man while he's workin'.

'Proud to wear your scars, Annie.' No point in fussing.

Summer passed and I was pretty good. There were a coupla messages from Judy on my answering-machine, hesitant and wanting to be in touch. There were a coupla letters too. I erased the messages, tossed the letters without even opening them. Don't open that box again. I did some thinking about how I love regular pussy and fresh pussy as well, what was I gonna do about that. Spent time wondering how I was gonna get to live easy. Only one more year of college, then the big bad world was gonna come knocking. I figured that now I knew my limitations I could handle stuff a lot better.