Chapter 4

The Birthday party

I settled in very quickly with the family Christmas was a lavish affair, and my parents came to visit. Lady temple and Fiona behaved impeccably and my parents went away very impressed. I quickly became used to having everything done for me in the way of washing and cooking and my apartment cleaned every day. Most nights I was joined by Fiona, but every time I raised the question of paying rent. It was totally ignored and I was told to leave it for the time being.

By way of repayment I started doing little jobs around the house such as decorating and minor repairs.

The twins identity problem was very much on our minds, and every time I entertained them the fact that the one who should have been just watching seemed to be having the same orgasm as the sister being mounted was at time a little disconcerting.

I raised the question with Fiona one night. "What happens when they marry, will they both suffer labour pains when one has a baby? Then just consider the very big problem of one making love and the other one may start having an orgasm when she is in an embarrassing situation with her husband or entertaining guests? The only reply I got was from Fiona saying "Well darling you will have to tell me when you make up your mind which one to marry"

The whole problem came to a head one afternoon just after I had returned from school a bit later than usual. I arrived home just as Fay was walking past on her way to the lake. I asked her where she was going and she told me she wanted to go and see if the nesting swans wee OK, before darkness came...

I arrived indoors just as the dinner gong went and Fiona was a bit annoyed that Fay had decided to go out just at that time.

We had just started dinner when Misty started to double up in pain and cry out. I immediately knew that Fay was in trouble and I shot out of the house towards the lake as fast as I could go. It took me about three minutes to cover the distance the lake and as I got near I could hear some youths laughing and I heard Fay cry out, I cam on the lads almost by surprise in the twilight and I hit them at full speed. when they fell flat into the lake.

Fay was covered in mud and very wet and clung to me crying profusely just as a massive explosion rang out and I felt buckshot hit my rear end. Luckily I had Fay covered and I heard Fay shout out "No Grandma you have shot Tony."

A very muddy Lady Temple came running up to me and she said as she tried to recover her breath. "I fell over and I was just about to shoot as I thought you were one of the trespassers and was assaulting Fay". I replied through the waves of pain that were wracking my body. "No I was being assaulted by Fay: Her assailants are in the lake."

She murmured "Thank the Lord no-one was hurt."

I remained silent, although my body was wracked with pain as I did not want to cause Lady Temple to lose her shotgun licence. Although on reflection I was beginning to realise that life would be a lot safer for me if she lost her driving licence and her shotgun licence as well.

We gradually recovered from the shock of the last few minutes seconds to see two terrified youths standing up to their chest in the muddy water and two very angry Swans with their feathers fluffed up not at all amused by the interruptions round their nest site and debating whether to leave the nest and attack the intruders...

Lady Temple waved the gun at the youths and told them to come out of the water and when my old mate Jack Dempsey the local policeman turned up having been called by Fiona they were arrested for trespass and for attempting to steal the eggs of a protected bird. They in turn said they did not know that Swans were protected by a royal warrant.

They in turn complained they had been shot at but everyone scoffed at that idea as Lady Temple had hidden the shotgun in a nearby bush. I meanwhile was wondering how I was going to sit down for meals in the next few days. I could feel the blood dripping down my legs.

As jack took the two intruders away in handcuffs I felt myself go dizzy and that was the last I remembered until I came to my senses a few moments later, having been loaded into the Landrover by the girls, with Fiona saying "I thought he was tougher than that, and now I am not sure whether I want to marry a man that faints at the slightest upset."

I realised that no-one had gauged the full extent of my injuries and I could not help quipping. "I am not sure whether I want to marry a woman whose mother knocks him off his bike and then fills his ass full of buckshot."