Chapter 4

Evan laid back on his bed with a sigh. He was exhausted, stressed, and he missed Cat. He hadn't seen her in over a week. At least she would say more than two words when he called now. He wasn't quite sure what he'd done to piss her off, but he was sure that she would tell him. He guessed it had something to do with him being inconsiderate of something. Sometimes, it was easy to forget she had feelings. She rarely showed them.

He didn't feel like things were going so well between them at the moment. However, something about Cat made him unwilling to give up. It had only been a month, but they connected deeply. She was a spicy little thing and she warmed up the cold spot in his soul like no one else ever had.

He drug himself off the bed and into the next room and sat at his keyboard staring at the sheet music he had been working on. Some of Cat's sketch paper and pencils were still at the drawing table by the window. He hoped that was a sign she didn't intend to stay gone too much longer.

His dream a few years ago was to become a musician. He hadn't quite given up. There was an amateur night at a club on New Year's Eve. Cat had talked him into auditioning with his electric guitar for a time slot and to his surprise, he'd gotten one. That left him with a month to finish his set.

In the middle of an intro knocking interrupted his train of thought. Who could that be? It's, what... almost midnight. Probably the neighbor wanting me to pick the lock to his front door again. Still can't believe he asked me if I would do it the first time because he thought I looked like a criminal. I guess I do, at least when I haven't shaved. He padded through the apartment to the door. He looked through the little security window, but didn't see anyone. Puzzled, he opened the door just in time to see chocolate brown and caramel streaks atop a tight black leather jacket disappear down the staircase. He heard her boots on the concrete and it removed any doubt he had left that it was Cat.

Despite the cold and his relative lack of clothing and footwear, he ran out after her.

"Cat! Wait!" he yelled after her as he tried to catch up. He had always thought he was quick until he met her.

She stopped but didn't turn around. Only when he put a hand on her shoulder did she turn to look at him. What surprised him more than anything that had just happened was the shimmer of unshed tears in her darkly lined eyes. At that moment he didn't care what the problem was or why she had been avoiding him or the fact that he was barefoot and shirtless in twenty degree weather; he wrapped both arms around her and pulled her tightly to him. He felt her shaking and knew she was trying not to fall apart on him.

"Hush, hush sweetheart. It's ok. Whatever it is, it's ok." He didn't loosen his hold on her, only rocked slowly back and forth.

A few moments later, she took a deep ragged breath and pulled back from him. She dabbed at her eyes with the edge of her shirt sleeve. "Shit. You're going to get frostbite. Umm, can we talk?"

Evan didn't say anything, just took her hand and led her back up to his apartment.

She felt horrible about what had been going on and his kindness shocked her and made her feel even worse about it. She wasn't used to guys caring about her. It puzzled her. That was the whole problem. She had quickly found out that, though she wanted a relationship, she didn't know how to have one. She was scared. What had drug her here was how much she cared about Evan. She had never felt like this about anyone before and she didn't want to lose him.

He looked sleepy and a little ragged as he pulled her onto the sofa with him. He tried to hold her to him but she pulled back. She felt guilty for what she had been doing to him and didn't want him to comfort her while she apologized; that just seemed unfair. He looked hurt as she slid a little farther away from him and she decided that she had to start talking fast before she did any more damage. He looked tough, but he was actually pretty sensitive when it came to her.

"Evan, I'm so, so sorry. I don't know where else to start. That's almost all I have to say." She looked at her feet, then at the wall. He stared straight at her, feeling a bit confused.

"Why? I mean, I'm the one who..." she cut him off before he could finish. She wondered what he was planning on apologizing for.

"Shh. No. It wasn't you at all. It was me." He tried to cut in but she motioned for him to stay quiet. "I want to try to explain. It won't make sense because it's stupid. I'm not trying to say it's an excuse, because it's not. It's just what I was feeling, even though it's wrong. You know I've never done this before. You know, cared about someone. Or especially the someone caring about me part. It confuses me and it makes me nervous. What makes me more nervous is how much I like being with you."

"Why does that make you nervous?" he said, still confused.

"Because... because it will hurt more if you leave."

"I'm not planning on it."

She sniffled, still trying not to cry. "Ande told me I was just scared. That I was trying to push you away or something. Like I thought it would hurt less if you left now rather than later."

"The curse of living with a psychology major." He laughed and she finally brought her eyes to meet his.

"Why are you so understanding? I don't get it. I act like a bitch and you're sitting here looking like you're just glad to be talking to me."

"That's kind of how I feel."

"Fuck you. I love you."

The statement took Evan completely by surprise. Not the first part, but the last part. And the fact that she put the two together. "I love you too."

Finally, she let him drag her onto his lap. She curled up in the nook under his arm. He bent his head forward, his hair brushing her cheek and neck. He looked into her eyes for a long moment then leaned down to kiss her. She opened her mouth willingly and accepted his tongue. They broke apart when both needed to breathe. She leaned forward and gave him another light kiss before snuggling back up to his chest.

He held her there until she fell asleep, truly happy to be with her again no matter what her reasons for leaving had been. It scared him a little that she was so afraid to let herself fall in love, but he found hope in the fact that she had opened up to him. Usually, the two of them communicated well without words, but sometimes things just needed to be said. He picked her up and carried her to the bedroom. He laid her down, leather jacket, boots, and all, then curled up behind her and held her.

She woke up a couple hours later and realized they were both still wearing what they had been all night. She gently squeezed his hand and turned to kiss him. He woke up a bit and smiled. Geez, I wonder if he knows how that sleepy little grin makes me feel. Probably. I'm such a pushover. She sat up and took off her jacket and boots, decided it was enough, and spooned him again.