CW: Self-harm, suicide.

Albert Ambrosius sighed as his urine splashed into the toilet. He’d been holding it all class and had barely made it to the nearest washroom. “Ohh yeah...” Sometimes finally letting out a pee you’ve been holding was almost as good as an orgasm, though it really wasn’t worth the agony leading up to it.

“Are they all that big?”

“WAAAHH!” the young man screamed and thrashed at the sudden, nasally female voice from just over his shoulder.

“Calm yourself, dude! You’re splashing it everywhere, and nobody comes in here to clean anymore.”

Albert winced as he pinched off the stream, covering his seven-incher as he turned to the female student that seemed to be floating in the air next to him. He could see the stall door through her translucent form.

“You’re ... a ghost?!”

“You can see me!?” she responded and a smile bloomed on her not-so-pretty face. Even in her spectral condition, the average-sized young woman had unfortunate, large front teeth and drab brown hair.

Her eyes, though ... Albert was struck with how pale gray they were. “Uh ... ghost ... right ... yes, I can see you ... my family’s always been attuned to spirits.” He tucked his penis back into his pants.

She frowned. “Aw, you’re not gonna finish peeing?”

“Not while you’re watching.”

She floated backwards and passed through the stall door. “Okay, go ahead. I remember from when I was alive that it didn’t feel good to hold it.”

Albert unzipped, let out another sigh, and resumed urinating while swiveling his head to make sure that the cheeky ghost didn’t slip her head back into the stall. Finally, he was done, and he felt so much better. At a tittering giggle, he looked up ... she had been hovering overhead!

“Damnit! Ack!” He turned away at the sight of a ghostly pair of panties between the girl’s pale legs, since she was still wearing her school uniform that included a knee-length skirt.

“Sorry not sorry!” she giggled again and settled next to him as he tucked his trouser snake away once more. “You didn’t answer ... are they all that big?”

He sighed again. “I’m above average. Uh, name’s Albert.”

“Winnie.”

“Oh, Wailing Winnie?” He realized that he’d stumbled into the school’s East wing unisex washroom.

“Ugh! I hate that fucking name!” she wailed.

“Sorry, you’re just kinda famous.” While there were a few other ghosts flitting about Stalwart’s School of Sorcerous Studies, none of them were interested in talking to him, or wanting to see his penis, for that matter! This washroom’s normally-invisible apparition was described by others as a harrowing keening noise that nobody could endure for long.

“Hmp.” She sailed out of the stall.

“What year is it?” she asked him as he washed his hands.

“2025.”

“So long? I died a few days after the twin towers fell.” At his blank look, she continued, “September, 2001? World Trade Center?”

He ran his hand through his sandy blonde hair. “Oh, right, I read about that.”

She rubbed at her wrist through the spectral fabric of her long-sleeved shirt. “Seemed like the end of the world.”

“Anyway, I gotta go...”

She quickly flew in front of him. “Will you come see me again?”

“I, uh, guess...?”

“Please, dude? Nobody else comes here anymore ... it’s so fucking boring!”

“Okay, I’ll visit soon.”

“Thanks!” She went to kiss his cheek, but of course she had no physicality ... he felt a slight cooling on his skin but that was about it.

After the young man left, for once, Winnie didn’t start her signature wailing.

A couple days later, Albert sat on a chair he’d moved into Winnie’s washroom and read. “So healing a wound is a combination of spiritual energy and manipulation of protein chains?”

Winnie floated next to him. “Yep! It’s complicated to try to combine them both ... that’s why magical healers are rare. I was getting not too bad at it before...”

He looked up. The translucent young woman was looking over at the toilet stalls. He closed the book. “I think that’s enough for tonight.”

She blinked and looked back at him. “Hm? Oh, yeah. Is it late? No windows in this fucking washroom.”

“Yeah, time for me to go eat.” He put the book into his backpack and slung it over his shoulder.

“Hey...”

“Hm?”

“Do you know about spirit crystals?”

“Yeah, my parents packed one with my stuff.”

“Can you bring it next time?”

He held out the pendant with the blood-red gem. “Are you sure? Mom told me these are used to exorcise spirits. Do you actually want...?”

“No! There’s a way to bind me to the crystal without trapping me inside it. I can walk you through the incantation.”

“These things are kind of expensive, Winnie...”

She floated close. “Are you saying that you can’t think of a good reason to have an invisible friend nearby, able to look at, say, the other students’ answers during a pop quiz?”

“Oh.”

“Uh huh.”

“Okay, let’s do this.”

An hour later, the pendant around his neck and tucked under his shirt, Albert left the washroom, Winnie floating behind him. As expected, the students in the wide stone hallway barely paid him any notice, and they definitely didn’t see her.