Where Trouble Lurks
Copyright© 2007 by curious2c
Drama Sex Story: Chapter 1 - Surprises in the life of one man. Not all good ones either.
"Hey Dave, got a minute?"
Her sweet voice sliced through the cloud that surrounded me. I was trying to make sense out of a blueprint drawn by someone whom obviously didn't have a clue as to what was important in a design drawing and what was useless.
"Sure Lynn. What's up?"
Lynn was our firms youngest, brightest and also the newest engineer. She had graduated 'Magna Cum Laude' from MIT and our organization had recruited her. Of the engineers on staff, or in the 'pool' as it was referred to, she was the one I most often worked with now.
Blonde, blue eyed, and built to perfection, well, to what was my ideal of perfection in a woman anyway. She was the ultimate of what my 'Dream woman' would be. Even as young as she was I hold some very interesting fantasies about her and me in my mind. How could I refuse her anything?
There were only two real big things that kept me from trying to act on those fantasies. The first and most important one was that my loving wife would probably have my balls in her hand should I do something so stupid as try to cheat on her, and second, Lynn is around 26 years old. To a man that is almost fifty (in a few months as a matter of fact) that would literally be robbing the cradle.
I figured that even if I were single, she'd never go for me due to my age, so I was left with the 'fantasy' and that was the extent of my involvement with her in that way. I go happily home every night and love up my wife.
Speaking of wives, my wife and I have been married for 27 years now and while it hasn't always been a bed of roses, it has been a good marriage. I love Dawn and I know she loves me. The only real issue we've had over the years is our sex drive differences.
Dawn thinks that I have an 'over-active libido' while I think that she would prefer to be a nun. Early in our marriage this difference caused us to have to see a counselor and in the end I decided that I loved her more than a little and if that meant that our sex life wouldn't be as fulfilling as I would like, so be it.
Hence, over the years, I'd figured out ways to work around the sex issue, and for the most part we survived in spite of the differences. Dawn is my mate and my partner. She is also my best friend. I would be lost without her. I knew that once the counseling finally got through to us both.
Over the ensuing years we had three kids, and our oldest was Sarah, our daughter. Our two sons are now attending college and Sarah is married and her and her husband have given us two grandkids.
Over the years I'd have many, many temptations to cheat, but I managed to remain faithful to Dawn. Some of those temptations had been her friends at various times, who came on to me rather than the other way around That made me wonder at how Dawn chose her friends in the first place...
I have also fallen deeper into love with Dawn in those years together as well, and in spite of 'the difference' I have been happy in that love. Dawn has told me numerous times that she loves me and she has also demonstrated it daily (non-sexually)to me as well, so I guess you can say that we are a happily married couple.
Needless to say though, Lynn, and any other 'dream woman' was off limits to me, by me. Every once in a while Dawn would tell me; "You can look Dave, but no touching. Don't ever touch." She will tease me once in a while if she catches me looking, so I try not to be obvious when Dawn is around however, when I'm alone that courtesy goes by-by.
Lynn drew my attention back to her.
"I was wondering if you could help me with a few things tonight Dave?"
"Okay, what do you need me to do?"
"I have some furniture I want to move and I think it's too heavy and awkward for me to move alone."
"I'll be glad to help you move that stuff. What time do you need me at your place?"
"Well, could you come right over after work? Dawn is gone to Boston this week and you're all alone, so I'll make you supper as partial pay. Honestly, I could use some company too. It's been... lonely for me."
Lynn had broken up with her boyfriend of three years a few months ago. She'd been coming over to our place to 'girl talk' with Dawn and they had kicked me out of my home more than a few times while they 'fixed' things.
Dawn and Lynn had met at a Christmas party a year back, and for whatever reason, they really hit it off. I think that Dawn was looking for a 'replacement daughter' for Sarah who had married and moved away. I also think that Lynn was looking for a mother-type figure to bounce things off of too.
At any rate, they were fast friends now and I was used to seeing Lynn at our place or Dawn and Lynn going out shopping or 'Girls night out' every once in a while. Part of my issue with Lynn being a fantasy for me besides her age was of course, her being my wife's close friend.
"Well, you know I like to go home, shower and change clothes after work Lynn, so how about I do that and then stop on over at your place?"
"No problem. You'll take a shower at my place. I'll even wash your clothes for you while you're in the shower too... that way you don't have to make that long drive across town, then all the way back... twice in a night."
"Uh... I don't think that would be a good idea Lynn. Someone might see me at your place waiting for my clothes to dry and get the wrong idea."
I was uncomfortable about being alone at her place with her. Not that I didn't trust her... it was me that I had the trust issues with.
"What? NO way. I trust you and you should trust me by now. I know that Dawn trusts me and she's my best friend. Besides, you live clear across town and that is a long assed drive. I was hoping to move the furniture and then feed you before midnight."
I know, wimp assed thing for me to do, but knowing Lynn as I did I couldn't find a flaw in her logic. The only thing that gave me pause was the fact that if she knew what my fantasies were, she'd never have been quite so trusting of me. I wasn't too trusting of me. Of all the women over the years that had tried, I knew deep inside that Lynn could be the one woman that could have a chance of causing me to stray.
I knew that I had to be on guard, always, when around Lynn. Not that she'd do anything with me of course, but that I might try to do something really stupid and regret it afterwards, whether it led to anything or not. Lynn wasn't just a co-worker, she was my wife's best friend and as such, my friend too. Off limits.
Yet, in the back of my mind little warning bells were dinging and ringing louder and louder. Lynn was acting a bit different with this request to begin with. It was more in the inflection of her talk than anything else, but I sensed an undercurrent that I'd never felt before. I'll admit I was curious as to why I felt it.
The rest of the day smoothed up and went right for a change and by quitting time I was pretty relaxed and even laid back to a degree. My job at the firm was to run the shop. I'd been told it was my shop to run and I took that to heart, as did the six managing partners that actually owned the firm. I had about thirty people working in 'my' shop and out of them all, I was the oldest by ten years.
My second in command was Bill, and he was the one ten years younger than me. Capable and having a sharp mind, he had helped me over the years to build this shop up into a world class machine-weld shop. We had made millions for the firm bailing out other companies that were up to their necks in doo-doo.
Most of the projects we took on were ones that other firms refused to even as much as look at. 'My' shop was the difference in most jobs that made the firm noteworthy in our line of work. I hold no degree other than that of the 'school of hard knocks'. Yet, all the partners treat me as an equal.
We work with the 'pool' and together we have managed to build, rebuild or actually create some rather significant things over the years. Everyone that works at the firm is on a bonus plan and since I am a 'manager' I get a rather huge bonus most quarters. Dawn and I are not hurting for money.
Dawn, by the way, is a very good and very busy corporate lawyer. She is a partner in a firm that does work nation-wide and sometimes internationally as well. She travels often, but usually she's home more then not. We almost have what one could call a normal life.
As I left that day I remembered my office locker. I keep a change of clothes in there for emergencies. I lucked out and found all that I needed ready and waiting. At Lynn's I was greeted with a huge smile and then a disconcerted look as she glanced at the clothes I was carrying.
"You drove all the way home?"
"No. I remembered that I had these in the office locker for emergencies, and grabbed them. Now I can borrow your shower and not have to wait for my other clothes to dry. Besides, I should wash them at home anyway."
That 'Oh' spoke volumes. Her manner was off hand but again, the inflection in her voice and her body language shouted 'Disappointed'. With the capital 'D'.
The hairs on the back of my neck began to rise. Matter of fact, I almost turned and left.
"Lynn, is there something going on between us that I'm missing or maybe not seeing quite the same as you are?"
"What? Oh no. Really. I just need your assistance and I am grateful that you came to help me. Honest."
What had been hairs rising was now that famous robot from the sci-fi TV show of the sixties... "Danger! Danger Will Robinson! Danger!" Lynn was talking too fast to be honest with what she was really thinking.
There was one other thing too. Lynn had just lied to me for the first time since I'd known her. I knew her well enough to know that something was up, but she wasn't ready or possibly didn't want to tell me what that 'something' was. I was sorry I'd told her I'd help her now. I was worried that I was headed into a place I didn't want to go to.
"So I guess I'll go shower up? Or would you rather move the furniture first?"
"Oh, uh... probably go shower up first, then we can move the junk and then I'll feed you. Sound good?"
She was up to something and the look in her eyes was one that made me wish Dawn was here to referee this whole thing now. To say I was nervous was putting it mildly. In the bathroom the first thing I did was lock the door.
I showered and then dressed. Feeling somewhat better I opened the door and almost stumbled over Lynn, who was standing right next to it in the hallway.
"Oops! Are you okay? I didn't expect you to be standing here."
"I'm okay. It's my fault. I was waiting for you to come out so I could grab your clothes and get them in the washing machine."
"Oh, not to worry, I'll take them home and do them there."
"Give them to me. It's no problem and I WILL wash them for you. No argument from you either." Lynn was speaking firmly, almost demandingly.
I handed her my clothes, wishing that this was all some kind of weird dream. It wasn't though, and I felt that I had a whole evening of 'weird' to get through. Her 'demand' kind of shook me up a little too. Lynn had never 'ordered' me to do anything before. Not like this. She grabbed my clothes and took them with her.
Once my clothes were in her washing machine she led me to her living room. Looking around she pointed to a light looking and not very big chair.
"We can start with this one I guess. I'd like it over there, then the couch over here, then that table moved over to that wall, and then we can take a break and I'll see if I like that arrangement or not."
Business... all business like. No joking around, no comments that normally would have been peppered through the conversation. Matter of fact, I just realized that there had been no 'conversation' only her directing. This was a Lynn I had never seen before.
I moved over to the chair and as I picked it up I glanced over at Lynn. I was looking for eye contact, but what I saw was that she had turned her head and was staring off into space. I moved the chair over towards the area she'd pointed to and sat it down.
"This about where you wanted it Lynn?"
She didn't answer me. Still staring off and away from me she just stood there like she was in a trance or something.
"Lynn? Lynn, are you all right?"
"What? Oh... yeah, that's perfect. Lets get the couch next okay Dave?"
She was blushing, her face flame red as she moved to one end of the couch. We moved that and then the table. It took all of five minutes, including her staring off as she had been doing. I sat on the couch and waited to hear what was on her mind for the next furniture to be moved.
Lynn had sat in the chair and was again staring off into space. I was not sure what was going on anymore and it was very obvious that this whole 'help her move the furniture' thing was some kind of ruse to get me to her place. I decided that I would wait out the silence.
This was getting ridiculous now. We sat there for ten minutes with no talk. I had made up my mind that I was going to out wait her so I started to work on some things in my head that were from work. Normally I didn't think about work while at home or away from work, but this was an unusual situation, and I certainly didn't feel 'right' about thinking about my fantasies.
Finally I had to break the silence. Otherwise I'd fall asleep. I already nodded off once waiting, and it was obvious to me that I would be taking a nap real soon if I didn't get up and do something.
"So... do you have more furniture to move around Lynn?"
"Oh... I'm sorry. I was thinking and lost track of time."
"I saw that. What's going on Lynn? You've been acting weird all day and now you really are acting strange. You've something on your mind that you need to tell me?"
"Actually I do have something to tell you. It's just that I'm not sure how to start, or what to say... exactly. You and Dawn have been like second parents to me over the last year and since I've come to work at the firm you Dave, have been super great to work with. I guess that I love you guys and this whole thing has my head messed up."
"Is your ex boyfriend giving you grief again Lynn? If he is, say the word and I can mention something to Billie Joe and Red. They'd love to help you out with something like that. They were pretty upset when you went through all those problems a few months ago and let me know that they could lean on him a bit if you wanted. They're some good guys and they care for you. I'm not sure what their wives would think about the offers they made to help you, but I know that their hearts are in the right place."
"Oh, it's not him. He's history and has been. I haven't talked to him in months. No, this is closer to home. I... I wish I didn't care for Dawn and you as much as I do. This is going to be a difficult thing to get past and I hate to see either one of you hurt, especially you Dave. You're a good man, and you're also a damn good manager. I'm not sure how things will go once I tell you what I have to tell you though."
"Okay Lynn, you have to know that you've gone too far now. You have to tell me whatever it is that is bothering you. Come on, out with it."
I wasn't sure what the hell was going on in her mind, but I knew that she was reluctant to tell me whatever it was. That she mentioned that she wished she didn't care for us as much as she did worried me. My first thought was that she may have fallen for me and wanted to go somewhere that we'd both regret later. I was wrong about that. Way wrong.
"Okay. There's no good way to tell you this Dave, but I love and respect you too much to let it go on with you in the dark. Dawn and I have gotten close. Too close. She has confided in me things that have shocked me. I've been fighting deep inside for a few weeks now, trying to figure out the right thing to do. Oh God... this kills me to have to tell you this... Dawn has a lover in Boston. They've been intimate for over a year. Every time she goes to Boston she's seeing him. Every quarterly meeting."
Towards the end of her confession her words ran over each other. She was blurting it all out, as if it were a dirty secret that she was ashamed of even knowing about.
I sat there for a moment too stunned to understand her. Then it started to settle into my mind in a way that I understood what she was telling me but I couldn't believe it. DAWN? MY Dawn was having an affair? The same Dawn that thought sex was too troublesome to bother with more than once or twice a month?
Suddenly I remembered the guys talking about some pranks they'd pulled on people in the past. I guessed that I was being the recipient of a prank right now.
"I get it... you're joking right? What, is this that new show on TV... what is it called? Oh yeah, have I just been PUNKED?"
I was looking around the room for the cameras.
Lynn burst into tears.
"I knew you'd be like this. It's not a joke Dave. She told me his name and everything. At first I thought she was kidding around so I just smiled and nodded my head at her talk... then I realized she was serious. She is having an affair with this clown and you didn't know. She must have changed somehow in the last year and you have to have seen that change. Right? You had an idea of something being wrong, didn't you Dave?"
"Not a clue. My God... Dawn is cheating on me? I just can't believe it."
"I asked her how she could do this to you and she just shrugged and said this thing with Steve just happened. The first time she said she felt extremely guilty, but then they did it again and she said that she couldn't keep from doing it with him. It was different and exciting for her. She'd never done some things with you that she's done with Steve and I guess she loves the rush she gets from doing it behind your back. She also said that she had a 'bible' that helped her to hide it all from everybody. It's in her office in the locked bookcase."
"Oh... God. I think I'm going to be..."
I got up and ran for the bathroom. I barely made it. As I calmed down and cleaned up from the release of tension, I started to think.
'What do I do now? What should I do now? Does she love this Steve guy? Why would she do this and how did it all start anyway? What happened to us?'
All the questions hit me at once and I was actually dizzy for a moment as I tried to settle back down. Lynn knocked on the door and asked me if I was okay.
"Dave, are you all right? Dave? Please, talk to me."
"I'm okay. I'll be out in a minute Lynn."
I sat there for a bit more, and then once I felt strong enough, I came out.
"So, she told you about her lover?"
"Yes. Like I said, at first I thought she was kidding. Once I knew she was serious I started to dig at her trying to get her to see the danger and pain she was tempting fate with. She said that the affair would soon be over and that you'd never know about it. She also said that she loves you too much to lose you, so as long as you weren't aware there'd be no problem. She said that she just needed to let loose once in her life and this Steve guy allowed her that out."
"I don't get it. Dawn has always had a low sex drive, how could she even think about cheating on me?"
"I know about that Dave, and that's something that bothered me too. She told me about your problems early on in your marriage over the sex drive differences. She told me she didn't know why now, suddenly her drive was going up, but her bible made it plain as day that she'd have to keep things normal between you. Just like they've always been."
"Her bible huh? She has a book that advises her on how to cheat on me?"
"She said it's in her locked book cabinet in her office."
I was finally getting pissed off. Real pissed off. Dawn was cheating on me and had been for a year now... and it had all been kept from me. She even confided in Lynn, who had been torn over doing the right thing and how to do it. Lynn, who was like our second daughter had been drug into a fine mess that should never have involved her.
"She wanted me to find out. That's why she told you about it."
"What? You know, I think you're right Dave. I think she knew that I'd spill the beans to you eventually. But... why?"
"Probably because she wants out of our joke of a marriage and didn't know how else to do it."
"No... that's not right Dave. She told me she loves you too much too..."
"Bullshit. Lynn, she's playing you and me for fools. If she loved me so God-damned much she'd never have cheated on me to begin with. No, she knew that if she told you that you'd have to tell me eventually because you care for me and you respect me too."
"Oh Dave, I 'm so sorry to be the one bringing you all this pain."
"It's not you Lynn, it's Dawn that brought it on. I need to go. Can I take a rain check on that dinner with you?"
"No... don't go Dave. Please. I don't want you to be alone right now. That's why I asked you to come here in the first place. I thought I needed a good excuse to get you here and then I found that what I had to tell you was so hard to say that I just couldn't come right out and say it. You can't be alone right now though. I know what it's like to be in your situation and believe me you need someone to be with you."
I could see that Lynn was remembering her ex-boyfriend and the hard time she'd had just a few months ago. We'd helped her as much as we could then, and I know that Dawn had really gone out of her way to talk and be with Lynn too.
"Lynn, thank you for the offer of a shoulder to lean on I may take you up on it later, but for right now I have some things I need to do."
I drove home and on the way I just thought about our years together and wondered where it had gone wrong. I couldn't think of anything directly, so I figured it must have been a combination of things that finally added up to Dawn going where she'd gone. Now I had a mess to clean up and didn't really know where to start.
I knew that she planned to be in Boston for one more week so that meant that I didn't have much time to work with. Once I got home I was busy finding a private eye firm in Boston. I kept remembering 'the bible' in Dawn's office. I had to find that book and see what the hell it was all about. I came up with a plan for that I could do tomorrow. If I pulled that off right, Dawn wouldn't have a clue that I knew or what information I actually had.
I was glad that it was a Thursday instead of a Friday now. I had one business day to take care of some important things before the weekend could ruin them from getting done. It also meant that Dawn wouldn't have any inkling of impending trouble until probably Monday morning.
Friday morning I walked into Dawns office area. It had been a busy morning for me so far, and even though my whole life had gone into a tail spin I perked up once I saw her secretary sitting there. Peg, her secretary was working on the computer.
"Hey Peg. Dawn needs a book from her library. It's a personal one, and she wanted me to pick it up for her."
"Oh. Did she give you the key to her office too?"
That was a joke. You see, Dawn has never locked her office. The bookcase she kept locked but her office was never locked.
"Yeah, along with the one to her heart too."
It killed me to say it, but it went with the joke, and I had to keep it normal as I could. I wasn't going to let Peg know which book I was getting, if I could figure it out myself that is. I wasn't sure what book I wanted, but I figured that once I opened each one, the right one would stand out.
Peg grabbed the key ring and we walked into Dawns office. Opening the book case took only a second and as she pulled the key out of the lock Peg turned to face me. She'd been giving me some glances as we walked up to the case.
"You know, I've never opened this bookcase before. It's strange. Dawn could care less about the office with the thousands of dollars of paintings and knick knacks all over, but she keeps her law books and some other things under lock and key. She's strange in being that way don't you think?"
"Yeah, I've mentioned that fact to her before but she says the building security keeps out the likely suspects."
"I'll be right outside at my desk if you need anything Dave."
I watched Peg walk away. She is another woman that I've had some thoughts about over the years. Married to a pretty great guy, I knew that he was one lucky man to have her. Of course, maybe Peg wasn't as honest as I thought either.
'Maybe all women are dishonest in... no... don't get that way' I told myself. 'It's Dawn that's cheating and that's all. Let it go'.
I started to go through the books on the shelves and finally, after about ten minutes I found the one I was looking for. How did I know it was the right one you might wonder? It was easy. The paper cover was about some kind of Law review and the insides were far different.
Inside the hard cover was a complete guide to 'How to tell if your spouse is cheating on you'. It was a type of self help book. I noted as I flipped through some pages that parts and paragraphs had been highlighted in different colors of 'highlight' pens. Yellow, pink, and blue seemed to be the colors of the day.
"Funny, I've never seen that book before and I'm surprised that Dawn marked the pages. She never marks a book."
Peg had walked up behind me and was looking over my shoulder. Surprised, I just stood there as she took the book from my hands.
"Oh my God... it's about how to catch a cheating spouse. Why on earth would Dawn... Oh no... you haven't been cheating on her have you Dave? That would kill her. She loves you so much..."
"Actually Peg, I just found out last night that it's the other way around. She referred to this book as her 'bible'... so she has been using it to cover her cheating on me."
"NO. NO WAY. Dawn would never cheat on you Dave. She loves you too much, I know it. There must be some mistake."
"Do you know where she is right this second Peg?"
"She has some appointments in Boston with a client."
"The client's name is..."
"I can't tell you that Dave, you know that."
"I can tell you his first name. It's Steve. They've been having this affair for over a year now."
Peg looked shell shocked. I could see her thinking things out in her mind. Her head shook suddenly, as if she were forbidding herself to do something. Suddenly she started to read some of the highlighted sections of the open book.
"Oh my God. She's marked all the typical things that give away a cheating spouse. How they act, things they may do differently, everything. She's used this as a guide to keep anyone from telling that she's been cheating on you. I can't believe this. I can't believe that she'd do something like this. Oh Dave, I'm so sorry."
"I know Peg. Look, I'm not ready to let her know that I know about her and her lover yet. If she calls, please don't mention my having been here today... please?"
I could see tears forming in Peg's eyes as she nodded her head affirmatively to me. She hugged me quickly as I turned to leave.
"Dave, I never knew. If I had I would have said something to you about it, honest. We all go a long ways back and I care for you two a lot. Please don't do anything too rash."
"I know. I don't think anyone knows except those two. I think this book explains why too. She really did use this as a bible of sorts. It told her what she needed to do to keep things from everyone. Item by item, word by word, this book helped her to pull the rug over our eyes. As far as rash goes... we'll see."
"If you need anything Dave, just ask. We'll work something out. I just can't believe this yet. I respected Dawn so much and now..."
"Peg, don't worry. I'll be fine. Eventually I'll probably look back on this time as a learning experience and it won't hurt... as much. You're a good woman and you have a good man. Keep each other close. That's what matters."
I knew that as it stood, our marriage was on very poor ground. I hadn't thought about what to do yet, as I had never been in this situation before. Skipping work this morning wasn't something I did and I knew that eventually everything would come out, especially if Dawn and I ended up divorced. Right now though, I just didn't know what it was I wanted... or needed. I ended up back at work that afternoon, trying to get something constructive done before the weekend came.
Lynn was at work and she came by my office just before quitting time.
"Hey, would you be interested in talking later? I'll make dinner. You can bounce things off of me."
"Thanks Lynn, but I was thinking that I need to be by myself for a while. You know... work some things out in my mind before next Friday."
"What about when she calls between now and then?"
"I'll fake it for now. When I know what my plan is, then we'll see, but for now I'm faking things so she doesn't find out that I know about it yet."
"Dave, I'm in the middle here already. I can't say you owe me visits and talk, but I want to help as much as I can. Hell, Dawn may realize what she's about to lose and try anything to keep you. You'll need me to talk things over and to help you... no matter which way things end up. Please, don't shut me out now."
Again I folded. I wasn't sure why Lynn wanted to be so involved with me in this type of thing, but she was right in that I needed someone to talk to. I could see myself doing some pretty stupid things on my own right now, and in my state of mind I needed someone to call bullshit on me when I headed in the wrong direction. I felt that Lynn, of all the people I knew would call bull on me when she first saw it.
"You're right Lynn. Thank you. I'll be over around... ?"
"How about sevenish?"
"I'll have some dinner warm and ready for you Dave."
Later that evening Lynn and I were sitting in her living room talking. We had been trying to figure out why Dawn would have done what she did, and then set things up so I'd find out.
"Has her diary said anything about her thoughts on this Steve guy?"
"Her diary... I'd forgotten all about her diary. Damn. I wonder. I suppose she took it with her though. I mean, if she even still uses it."
"Oh she uses it Dave. She was telling me how that when she goes out of town she uses a little notebook then when she's home she transfers all her thoughts from the absent days into her diary... so you may have more to go on sitting right under your nose."
"I've never read it you know. I'd never invade her space. Well, not until this all came out. I suppose that in some way I have a right to know what she's thought now. I may find that she hates me in reality. Or that she's about the leave me. I guess I should go hunt it up and read the damned thing."
"I'll come with."
Lynn and I drove over in my car. Once at what had been my happy home we looked around for Dawns diary. Lynn found it.
"Here it is. In an old shoe box on the floor of her closet. Go figure. It was covered with some shoes and stuff, looked like they'd been there for a while too."
"Hiding it perhaps?"
"More than likely."
"Can you open it? It has a lock."
"Hey, you're talking to the shop boss now. I'm a machinist, remember? We'll get it open, one way or the other."
I pulled a pair of scissors out of Dawns nightstand and cut the leather strap that held the book closed.
"There. Now it's open."
Lynn gasped. "Oh my God. You cut it!"
"She'll know you read her personal stuff."
"Yep. Don't think it's going to matter much though, do you? I mean, by the time she knows about this, things will be pretty wild around here anyway."
"Oh yeah. Good point. I guess it really doesn't matter does it?"
"Well, I'll tell you that I feel a little creeped out here Lynn. I mean, I've never invaded her privacy like this. It's not how I usually operate."
"I know that, but these are trying times Dave."
We read the latest entries in Dawns diary and they were eye opening to say the least. At one point I actually had to leave the room and take a walk outside. My anger towards my wife was getting away from me and her thoughts on things written in that damned diary drove me to the edge.
Her first entry on 'Steve' showed that she was upset and guilty about having cheated on me. It was actually one of the longest entries. She had gone on and on about how bad she felt and how much it would hurt me if I found out about Steve. I never read anywhere in there that she planned to tell me about having done it with him though. She just felt guilty, that was all.
The second entry she admitted that Steve had excited her more than she had been able to withstand a second time, and with the alcohol she'd had, it was one thing leads to another and she cheated on me again, that same week. It was also when she mentioned the book about cheating.
This Steve guy, according to Dawn was tall, very dark skinned and handsome. He paid attention to her and complimented her often. I found myself thinking that he must be her perfect dream lover. I had dream lovers, yet I'd never acted on them. I'd had chances over the years too. What had changed so much between us that Dawn would allow this to happen?
The entries went on over the last year and I found that though she struggled with her guilt for being with Steve, the one thing that was obvious was that she still loved me. According to her diary, she loved me enough that she'd die if I left her over this affair with Steve. Well, she was about to find out about that pretty soon. I'd see if she had meant what she'd written there or not.
I read how they'd fucked twice on that first trip. The second trip to Boston had evidently loosened her inhibitions as they fucked almost each night for the whole week she was there. She talked about the kinds of sex they had, and what she'd thought about each time.
Always after each trip, she'd pour out her guilt and feelings of shame on how she was cheating on me and how it would kill me if I knew. She wrote that the book was helping her to keep her life, for all appearances, normal as she could.
Lynn had started crying as she read the diary and when I left the room for a long walk she kept reading. When I got back upstairs, I found her deep in Dawns closet, digging around.
"What the heck are you doing Lynn?"
"Dawn's diary... diaries... she has one for each year. They end just after she started this one last year... she has more around here... maybe this isn't the first time..."
"I think it is the first time, but you're right, we should check and see for certain. She keeps her old diaries in a box in the library. Lets go I'll show you them."
It ended up being a long night. We went through Dawns diaries, and discovered that Steve was the first and only since we'd been married. There had been a one night indiscretion just before we got married at her bachelorette party, and that hadn't led to anything but her giving a guy a blowjob. Other than that, there was nothing else. One other thing I noted was that the only diary to have a lock on it was the one I had cut open.
I found that over the years she'd written down things about us and how much she loved me too. I read with care about the times we spent in counseling and as eye opening as those entries were, they still didn't really help me all that much. I kept going back to her latest journal.
What we both knew after reading through her diaries was that Dawn loved me, but she had somehow gotten caught up with this Steve guy and couldn't stop herself from cheating. It cut me deeply, all the way to the bone. One thing in her favor was that she'd mentioned that this two week trip would be her last, and she hoped, would cause the end of the affair. She wrote that she planned to break it off this trip at any rate.
Dawn had actually written that she was going to tell Lynn about it all in the hopes that it would cause her to find the strength to break it off with her lover and come back to me. She somehow felt that if Lynn or someone was to know about it, Dawn would gather strength to quit. She was taking a huge chance that Lynn would still be her friend or worse that Lynn wouldn't tell me. She had honestly seen that didn't work, so now she was going to stop it on this trip.
It was two in the morning when we finally quit reading her diaries. I asked Lynn to spend the night, and she accepted. She stayed in Sarah's old bedroom while I went to bed in the guest bedroom.
My whole life suddenly felt wrong. My king sized bed sat there in our master bedroom, teasing me it seemed at how fragile my life really was. How things I had thought were 'count on them absolutes' were not. I found I couldn't stand to see Dawns things in our bedroom so I had to sleep in a strange room. I needed something that didn't have her things in it that would cause me to think about her and amplify my fears.
I slept roughly and found that I didn't feel rested at all the next morning. I woke up around ten and just laid in bed thinking. My thoughts weren't ordered as they usually were. In fact my thoughts couldn't stay focused on one single thing for any length of time at all.
The knock on the door gave me some focus.
"Hey sleepy head... you want some breakfast? I'm making some eggs and bacon and toast."
Lynn's voice was muffled behind the door.
"Hey Lynn. Yeah. I'll be down in a minute or two. I want to shower up first."
"Okay. Dave, you okay today?''
I could hear the concern in her voice. Lynn was a sweetie that was for sure. I'm not real sure how'd things would have gone so far without her there to help me as she had. I owed her a lot for everything she'd done so far.
"About as okay as I can be considering Lynn."
"Yeah. I figured that. See you in a few then."
After my shower I threw on some cut-offs and with a tank top draped over my shoulder and a towel in hand to dry my hair, I headed off to the kitchen. As I walked in Lynn glanced at me, then took a longer and deeper second look.
"I never realized that..."
She stopped talking and just stared at me as I stood in front of the refrigerator. I was suddenly uncomfortable and looked down at myself.
"Realized what Lynn? What's wrong? Do I have something showing or hanging off of me that I should know about?"
She was blushing a brilliant red. I wondered what was up. Things were suddenly different yet again. I wasn't sure what was going on but I knew that my having shown up dressed like I was had more than a little to do with it.
I suddenly realized that Lynn had never seen me in cut-offs only before. I was thinking that there was something about me that was bugging her.
"Uh, maybe I should go back upstairs and throw on more clothes or something. I may be a tad bit underdressed here."
"Oh no. You're fine. I just haven't ever seen you in anything but baggy work shirts and jeans before. I didn't know that you had such a... I mean, I never knew that your body was... Oh my God... I'm sorry Dave."
She turned and ran from the room. I was sitting there trying to decipher what the hell had just gone on in my kitchen. The eggs were still frying in the pan so I got up and watched them cook. The bacon was done and the toast popped up just as Lynn came back into the kitchen.
"I'm sorry Dave. It's just I never thought of you in a way that I did this morning and it all kind of hit me at once. You are well built, especially for a man your age. You take care of yourself, and I didn't expect that I guess."
Now I was the one blushing. Getting a compliment from a young and beautiful woman like Lynn was more than enough to give me pause. Was there something starting here that I'd need to put a stop to or was Lynn just being a buddy? I couldn't tell yet and I sure didn't need any more issues in my life at the moment.
"Thank you. I work out, and the shop helps to keep me in shape too. I've always tried to stay in shape as much as possible. Don't want to end up like other men my dad's age. Fat and out of shape is no way to be, and it's also unhealthy for people too."
"Well, your body is in great shape. To put it like some of my friends would, you Dave are a hottie."
She blushed as did I when she called me a 'hottie'. I just changed the subject and hoped that this little... whatever it was would go away.
"Eggs are ready. Would you like some jam or jelly for the toast?"
Lynn sat down as I served the food she had mostly cooked. We ate and as time went by we calmed down from our earlier conversation. By the time we were finished eating I knew that there was an attraction between us that I hadn't seen before, or if I had seen it I had held it back out of the fore front of my mind.
Lynn left after breakfast and I was alone for the rest of the day. I let her take my car, since I had the truck yet too. It was a Saturday and I did the usual yard work all the while thinking about what moves I needed to make on Monday. I couldn't let Dawns indiscretion of the last year go by without some kind of action on my part.
The more I thought about things the more I knew that while we may separate for a while, I didn't really want to divorce her. After having read her diaries and knowing pretty much what she was thinking all this time, I knew that we were about to have one of the hardest times in our marriage.
In spite of her though, I knew that I loved her enough to want to try to fix things between us. I wasn't sure if we'd get that far though because of her actions. I had a lot to think about and I also knew I had to push Dawn hard now for a while at least.
She first of all had to get a little idea of the pain her cheating caused me. She also had to know that I wasn't some wimp or push over kind of guy either. She had to understand that if I forgave her this affair, that if there was another one that would be all between us in that instant. If I could only forgive her for this one that is.
I wasn't so sure I'd be able to forgive her for her affair with this Steve person and I wasn't so sure that my ideas on what she'd have to do to begin the healing would go over with her at all. In my mind I built a list of things I'd require of her, and none of them were too much with the exception of her job.
I decided that if we were to stay together she'd have to quit her job. Several reasons came to mind for me. The biggest one was that her job had set her up to have the affair in the first place. The secondary reason was that I'd not be too trusting of her for quite some time and she'd have a long hard road to repair that trust too. Her job required her to be out of town on her own too much for my taste now.
Her job had to go. It had led to her cheating on me and it had covered for her to have the time and place to cheat, so it was definitely out. Of course, knowing Dawn as I did, I knew that she'd fight tooth and nail about leaving her partnership behind and doing something else at this stage of our lives.
I knew that after she got back next week our lives would be on edge. I wasn't sure how she'd take my demands, and I had a list of them after having read her diaries. She was going to either have to learn to love the new me or she'd hate me totally. There was no other way that I could see though. I also know that I have nothing to lose.
Knowing that she was a lawyer and had lots of connections, I'd have to work to find the right representation for me in case this went the divorce route. I also knew that if it went the divorce route Dawn would have some of the best attorneys in the state working for her.
I had to have an edge one way or the other. I sat down and made up a list of things to do on Monday and then Tuesday too. I also knew that I'd have to take some time from work if I could. I'd need it one way or the other.