Chapter 16

Paul threw a couple of loads of clothes into the Spyder. He had the house rented for the summer, but he didn't want Alice to stay there alone. All right, admit it, you're feeling sorry for yourself and you want her around. It was a good way to kill two birds with one stone. He wasn't worried what his mom would think, but gays and lesbians had never come up in a conversation with Dad. He could be as homophobic as Reitz. Not likely, he wasn't the asshole that Reitz was.

The drive home was short. That gave him little time to think about Jane. That was a good thing.

"Mom, Dad, I'm home!"

"Stop yelling," his father answered, "we're in the kitchen." Like many homes, most of life revolved around the kitchen.

Paul had been able to convince his parents that they didn't want a two story house. Stairs are Hell when you are old. Paul had suggested a large living area in the middle of the house, a master bedroom and study on one side, kitchen and dinning room on the other side, another living room (the so-call den) on that side and three bedrooms. It keeps the grandchildren away from the grandparents at night.

"I need to ask a favor of you," Paul said while he fixed a cup of coffee. His parents were sitting at the table drinking coffee and working crossword puzzles. Paul loathed crossword puzzles.

"What is it?" There was no concern in his dad's voice.

"Do you remember me talking about my friend Alice?"

"The girl you said is your best friend," his mother replied.

"Yes ma'am, that's the girl. She needs my help. Since she has helped me so much I really want to help her. It goes beyond being obligated. She is my best friend and I don't want to let her down."

"Now you're getting me worried," Mr. Lawton said, "What's the favor?"

"I want her to live with us this summer." If that stunned them what are they going to say when I tell them she is a lesbian?

"Paul, that wouldn't be proper."

"Mom, nothing will happen between the two of us. I can guarantee that."

"Paul, I know you think you can, but a man and a woman your age living together unsupervised much of the time, things can happen even with the best of intentions," Mr. Lawton answered for her.

"No sir, it can't. Alice is a lesbian. That's why she needs a place to stay. Her parents kicked her out of her home. This is a very hard time for her and I don't want her to be alone."

It took a moment for his parents to digest the information. "This would only be for this summer, right?" his father said after a long pause.

Yes! "Yes sir, just this summer."

His parents looked at each other. Mr. Lawton finally shrugged his shoulders; Mrs. Lawton looked at Paul and nodded yes.

"Thank you so much."

"I'm going to unload my car and go get the rest of our stuff."

"How are you going to get all three vehicles back with just the two of you driving?"

"I'll rent a trailer, Dad, and use it to carry the bike."

"Nonsense, I'll come back with you."

Paul unloaded the car. "You can wash your own clothes when you get back," Mrs. Lawton reminded him that he would have house work this summer.

"Yes ma'am."

"You don't seem as happy as I thought you would be. What's the matter?" Mr. Lawton was driving the Spyder and Paul was staring ahead.

"Jane broke up with me."

"I'm sorry, she seemed like a nice girl."

"She is and she isn't. She has a problem she needs to address and she doesn't know how to do it. I know from experience that it's a hard thing to do."

"But whatever your problem was, you've addressed it. I can see that in your eyes. You're no longer a boy and I don't mean that you're bigger, although you are. You're more mature. What happened?"

"Good things and bad things, Dad. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I'm doing a lot better. I've got three good friends and I feel pretty good about myself. This thing with Jane hurts, but it'll pass. You know Steve, he's a good friend and Arthur is too. I'll have to get Arthur to visit us."

"Are either of them..."

"No Dad, they both like girls and so do I. None of us has found the girl yet."

"Paul, I know I'm not really your father."

"I don't want to hear that crap. I never knew my father and you make Mom happy. You treat me as if I'm your son. You can tell me what to do anytime you want. I'll ignore you just like I do Mom."

Mr. Lawton chuckled. "You shouldn't be looking for the girl. You should be dating for fun. That's what college is for."

"It seems kind of pointless. Like just dating to get laid. One of the girls I dated told me how important a family was. I want to have that."

"Did you plan to marry her?"

"No sir."

"So maybe just dating can teach you things you need to know. Just don't lie or get a girl drunk to get in her pants."

"I won't Dad."

"They won't admit it, but women like sex almost as much as men. It's just more dangerous for them. It can ruin their reputations and even ruin their lives. It isn't fair but the world isn't fair."

After a brief pause, Mr. Lawton continued. "If the girl comes along, you need to know how to understand her. You can only learn that by practicing. So date for fun. Take a girl to the movies. It doesn't have to be about sex and it doesn't have to be about love. It's practice. Women are different."

"That's for damn sure."

"Did you call Alice?"

"No sir."

"So she is sitting at your house worried that we might say no?"

"There's a phone booth across the street!'

"I know," Mr. Lawton said patiently.

"Thank you for letting me stay here Mrs. Sheppard."

"It's Lawton now, dear."

"I'm sorry, I think of you as Sheppard because you're Paul's mother."

"Don't worry about it, it doesn't matter." Paul and his dad had gone to buy bedroom furniture. Paul had slept on the couch last night. "How did you and Paul meet?"

"I sometimes go to the stadium to think, so does Paul. One night he was acting strange and I was worried about him. I went over to him to make sure he wasn't going to jump."

"Was he going to?" She was worried.

Alice smiled, "he said that it was a good idea but he couldn't do that to you. I hope you know how much he loves you."

"Stay here. I'm going to need a box of Kleenex for this talk."

She was blowing her nose as she came back into the room. "You'll need these too." She put the Kleenex on the table. "Why was he so upset?"

"There are some things I can't tell you. I didn't promise him but it was implied." Alice looked into her face.

"OK." She nodded.

"He was confused. He thought he was a bad person. He thought all his decisions were selfish. He knew he only thought of himself. He didn't realize that we all do that. I went over to help him because it made me feel good about myself. I can delay gratification and get more out of life rather than by being impulsive. That doesn't mean I'm bad. That means I'm human."

Mrs. Lawton nodded and waited for Alice to continue.

"He put you up on a pedestal. He hasn't figured this out yet, but he will. He thinks that you dropped everything in life to take care of him and he may be right. But you did it because you wanted to. You did it because it makes you feel better about yourself than you would if you hadn't done it. You are a very good person, but you aren't Saint Lawton," Alice laughed, "and it has been worth it, hasn't it?"

"Yes. It was worth it when he didn't fit in. Now," she paused, "I can't describe how good it is." She blew her nose again. "What are you going to do this summer?"

"Paul gave me two choices. I either have to have surgery on my scar or I have to show him my boobs."

"What!"

"It's true. Your son is a pig." They both laughed.

"So you're having surgery?"

"Yes ma'am."

"We hesitated to invite you because... well you know, but Paul said that you were special. He's right even if he is a pig."

"Thank you. Can I make a long distance call? I want my parents to suffer but not too much."

"Of course dear, you'll be our daughter this summer. After your call we can go shopping, I want to talk about Jane. "

Jane was getting it from all sides. Her parents and even her brother wanted to know what Paul had done. They didn't believe it was nothing. Her brother was going to go kick Paul's ass.

"He did not do anything wrong. I decided that I wasn't going to date him this summer."

"Why?" Her mother asked.

"I'm not explaining myself to you. I can date whomever I want. It's my life. Leave me alone." She walked out onto the porch. Her brother followed.

"If he hurt you I'm going to..."

"Oh, fuck you." Crap. My parents heard that. Jane walked around the lake but it didn't help her anger.

That night Jane drove her parent's car to the Burger Queen. Most kids there were high school kids but some of her old friends were sitting inside. The Juke Box was playing Alley-oop as she walked in.

"Well look what the cat drug in," a blond girl with her hair piled up high and glasses like Jane used to wear was sitting next to a boy with a plaid shirt and blue jeans. The girl's dress was pink.

"Hi Carol; hi Bobby."

"You sound unhappy."

"Carol, I'm mad at my parents."

"That's never happened before," observed Bobby.

"Fuck you."

"What are they doing?"

"They're upset I broke up with my boyfriend."

"Boy, he must have been a drag if your parents liked him." Carol and Bobby laughed.

"Honey you need a new boyfriend but you aren't going to get asked out with that snarl on your face. Hmm, James Wallace isn't going with anybody."

"He's stupid."

"Yeah, but he's cute."

"Do you know any college men?"

"None you would want."

"Who is that guy in the corner next to Dean?"

"Some new guy in town, Josh Coulter is his name. You interested?"

"Maybe."

"Then smile for a change."

"Hello Mom."

"Alice, where are you? We've been so worried about you."

"I know, that's why I called."

"Where are you?"

"I'm in Palatka."

"What are you doing there?"

"I'm staying with a friend."

"Is it that girl?"

"No Mom and her name is Barbara. I'm staying with the family of a boy I know."

"A boy?"

"Don't get your hopes up Mom, he's just a friend. More like a very good friend, but I'm not attracted to him."

"You need to come back and see Dr. Akins."

"Dr. Akins can't change me if I don't want to change and I don't want to change. I want you to accept me."

"Please come back and try it for two weeks, that's all I'm asking."

"There's no point in going over the same stuff again and again. I love you Mom, tell Daddy that I love him. Let me give you the phone number here so you can reach me if there's an emergency. Please don't get angry with the Lawtons, they're good people. They'll keep me safe this summer."

Paul came back from Europe for Ann's wedding in Palatka. It was two weeks before Rachel's. That gave Ann and Bill time to have a honeymoon and still get back in time for Ann to help with Rachel's wedding. Paul, Alice, and Steve went to both weddings. Paul found he was able to sincerely wish Ann all the happiness in the world without any regret. He had needed to fuck-up some before he began to get things right. At least Ann hadn't had to suffer with him.

Arthur and Barb came over the weekend of Rachel's wedding. Paul returned to see them. Alice's face was healing from surgery and she was cranky for a change. Arthur pretended to be Barb's boyfriend. Arthur, Paul, and Steve had great fun with it. Alice, not so much.

Arthur and Paul were in good humor waiting to see what the sleeping arrangements would be at the house. Paul's parents knew that Barb was Alice's girlfriend, not Arthur's.

Alice looks tense, Paul thought. She's horny and she has a bad case of goo-goo eyes.

"Paul, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure, Mom."

"Paul, what do I do about the sleeping arrangements?"

"Mom, do you want the truth?"

"No. Yes."

"It doesn't matter where you put us. Those two girls are going to be in the same bed tonight. Pretend they're normal girls. Give them a room together. At least Arthur and I will get a good night's sleep."

"Paul I don't know."

"It's hard for you, isn't it? I don't know Barb that well but Alice may have saved my life. She deserves any happiness I can give her as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. Will it hurt you for them to be together tonight?"

"I don't know."

"Gross, huh?"

"Yes."

"If I tell Alice and Barb to stay in their rooms or they'll hurt you, they'll stay in their rooms. Do you want me to tell them that?"

"No."

"Then I suggest that you meet Dad dressed in the little negligee that you have."

"What?"

"Don't you think I went through your drawers as a kid? As I was saying, give him something to think about tonight. It will keep your mind off other things."

"Paul Sheppard I may ground you."

"I love you too."

Jane had her second date with Josh Coulter that night. He was taking her to a party in Bartow. Their first date had been a good one. He took her to Winter Haven to see Butterfield 8 starring Elizabeth Taylor. It was a good movie. They made out in the car for some time before he took her home and she only had to take his hand off her breast once. He kissed like a man, not like a high school kid. He was going to get to second base tonight if he played his cards right. She hadn't had sex for 4 weeks and she didn't plan to go 2 months without it.

Josh was six feet tall, thin, and elegant. He was a Business major (bad) but he went to school at Harvard (good!). He was handsome and smart. He opened the door of his 1960 Thunderbird for her. They talked about the economy as they drove. She reminded herself, again, not to compare him with Paul. Josh wasn't better and he wasn't worse, he was different and she needed something different.

"What are your plans for after graduation?" Jane asked.

"My father can get me a job on Wall Street. I'll move to New York, and you?"

"Probably graduate school, it's hard to do research unless you have an advanced degree."

"You're kidding?"

"No. Why?"

"Aren't you going to have kids?"

"Sure, but not right away."

"That's why women don't get paid as much as men."

"Why?"

"Because if you hire a young woman and spend time training her, it's all wasted when she quits to raise her children."

"What if I decide not to have children?"

"Then you'd be a rare woman. Grab the hand-drawn map from the glove compartment, will you?"