Chapter 11

"What I need is a dirty woman." Paul was talking to no one in particular and no one was really listening to him. Paul was sitting in the house with Alice, Suzi, Arthur, Anna, Steve, and some girl named Linda.

The others knew to ignore him but Annahad to ask, "What do you mean a dirty woman?"

"She could be a dirty girl, but it is more an outlook on life than anything else. She needs to enjoy sex."

"You need a whore?"

Paul wondered how old Anna really was. Arthur said 18, but if she was 18 she was a very naive 18. "Whores don't really enjoy sex; they just do it for the money." I was too harsh when I judged Ava, he thought. She did enjoy it most of the time.

"I need to fall in love with a girl who loves sex and I want her to love me. Perfect for a marriage but I'm too young to get married," Paul continued.

"Right; you're too young," said Alice sarcastically as she walked towards the kitchen.

"Alice please, go to Hell, and get me a beer on your way back." Paul was happily drunk.

Anna looked uncomfortable and Arthur was not happy.

Shit, they think I'm talking about Anna. Paul turned towards Linda. "Linda, do you know any girls that would fit my criteria? I've known such women in the past but did not appreciate the blessings that God had bestowed on me."

"Not girls but I do know women who fit perfectly." The room was silent.

"Who?"

"It's obvious, divorced women. Married women would be good too but you might get shot."

"You're brilliant. I bow to your enlightenment."

"Steve, is this how you spend your weekends?" asked Linda. "Do you sit around and talk about Paul's love life or rather his sex life?"

"Only when he's really drunk and there aren't any parties."

"I'm afraid he's going to get maudlin soon. Can we go to the movie?"

"Sure."

"Mind if we tag along?" asked Arthur.

"The more the merrier, as long as the drunk stays here. I don't want to be around when he starts to cry."

When the four left, Alice and Suzi moved closer together, their arms around each other. "Oh stop staring. This is all you get to see."

"You know I've seen you two together so much it doesn't do anything for me. I just stare at you to pull your chain."

"Why do men get off on watching lesbians?" Alice asked. "I wouldn't want to see two men."

"We're different. Men don't care what a woman is sexually active with, as long as she is sexually active. Then his hindbrain tells him that he has a chance. So it doesn't matter what you are touching as long as you are touching something."

"I'd like to watch two men," said Suzi.

"Good luck but I won't be one of them. Alice, it wouldn't be good for me to date a divorcee, would it?"

"I don't know Paul. Have you thought of seeking professional help?"

"No, I don't want a whore."

"Go to Hell Paul Sheppard, Suzi and I need your room."

"I'm sleeping in my bed tonight. I don't care if you're in it or not." He left the house. He would walk off the booze then head to the stadium.

By the time he was sober, he had come to a realization. His plight was no different than most of the other poor slobs on campus. They weren't getting any either. They had no girl friend and no love. That's what you hope to find in college but not all succeed in the four years and certainly not all succeed as sophomores. At least things were better this time. He had three good friends and dozens of people he could stop and talk to. He hadn't had that last time around. Keep that in mind when you start to feel sorry for yourself, he thought.

He called Mandy. She was dating and it was serious. Paul wished her luck. That would have been way too easy.

At the stadium he made a decision. He was going to have his Spyder salvaged. It would cost a ton of money but there had been no reason to take his frustration out on an innocent car. He didn't like the thought of it sitting in a swamp. It should be on the road somewhere. He'd call a salvage company tomorrow. The car was in almost anoxic water and shouldn't have rusted too much. Maybe it could be fixed by February. Four months should be long enough if he paid extra. It would be too embarrassing to show up at Sebring without the Spyder.

Ava was not the only person he had mistreated. When he got home that evening, he would write a letter to Mr. Chinetti and one to Mr. Ferrari, apologizing for his abrupt departure at Monaco. He would ask if he could help at the US Grand Prix which was being held in Sebring in December and ask if there were any promotions that he needed to do.

He didn't write the letter that evening when he got home. Alice was still there but Suzi was gone. Alice had been crying.

"What happened, Alice?" He asked as he sat down on the couch.

"Suzi and I had a fight."

"I'm sorry."

"Aren't you going to ask what we fought about?"

I wasn't, he thought. I didn't know if it was safe. Sometimes girl friends are as dangerous as girlfriends. "What did you fight about?"

"She wants to have a threesome."

"That's crazy. You're enough women for anyone."

"She didn't want another woman."

Oh shit! This could be really bad. Choose your words carefully. "Is this my fault? You know I've just been teasing you. I would never do anything that would endanger our friendship. If Suzi is thinking about me joining the two of you, it'll never happen."

"She has wanted you since the first day." Alice was crying again.

Paul went into his room and brought a box of Kleenex to Alice. He sat down next to her. "And I've been a jerk and made jokes about it. I'm so sorry baby."

"It's not your fault. If not you then it would have been someone else. At least I didn't walk in on the two of you in bed together."

"Be thankful for little blessings."

"Can I sleep here tonight?"

"Sure. I'll sleep on the couch."

"No," she smiled, "just stay on your side."

After he turned off the light and slipped in bed, he crossed to her side of the bed. He kissed her cheek and said, "I love you. You're a good friend." He turned over and tried to sleep.

His hardest class this semester was Italian. His other classes were easy. None of the instructors were exceptional so classes were boring. He could have skipped class, but that wasn't his nature. Instead he read books during class and tried to pay enough attention to stay out of trouble.

Other students quickly learned that he could explain the difficult concepts. He got together with classmates in the library and helped them with the difficult and not so difficult concepts in science and mathematics. The first time around he would have treated them with scorn. This time he found that he enjoyed helping them. There is a change in a person's eyes when they suddenly understand, when a little of the beauty of mathematics or science appears before them. Paul liked to see that look in their eyes.

After Optics class in the morning, Dr. Brennan stopped Paul. "Do you have time to tutor one more student?"

"I'm not really tutoring them. It's just a study group..." Dr. Brennan stared at Paul. "I mean, yes sir. I have time for another student."

"Good, do you know Jane Cooper?"

"Yes sir. I don't really know her but I know who she is." Jane was a nice looking girl with short brown hair and ugly glasses. She was the only girl in Optics.

"Good, meet her in my office tomorrow at 7 AM."

"Yes sir." 7 AM! I have to get up in time to tutor someone at 7AM. Why can't Brennan be one of the Professors who comes in at 9 o'clock?

The next day, Paul was only a minute or two late. Jane came in shortly after. Dr. Brennan showed up at 8:00, in time for class. Graduate students were in the lab when Paul and Jane arrived; they opened the office door for Paul and Jane. Jane was smart, but not as smart as Mandy. Smart enough to learn optics but she had no passion for it. She would learn enough for an A or B and yet she would never see the beauty of Maxwell's equations. Why was she so intent on a physics degree? Paul would ask her tomorrow when they met at the reasonable time.

"You don't really seem to like this. Is there another branch of Physics that you like?" Paul asked Jane.

"What did you say?"

"You don't seem to get any pleasure out of solving these problems."

"I like the problems. I don't like having a boy explaining it to me."

"We can talk to Dr. Brennan. Maybe he can find someone else."

"Of course he can," she said sarcastically, "another male." What does she have against males? Christ! The women's liberation movement will now start. She's right though, most of the professors are chauvinistic pigs.

"It really isn't my fault that more women aren't interested in the hard sciences."

"Men!"

"Well, I've moved up. I was a boy a minute ago." Paul smiled. He let the smile fade. "It must be hard. Your professors assume that your mind is too childlike to learn science, at least all of them except for Dr. Brennan."

"What would you know about it?"

"I dated a girl last year who had a first class mind. She would have a successful career in any field she chose. I saw how hard a time she had with sexual stereotyping. She was going to wait to start her career until her children were grown. I thought she was nuts, but it was her choice. I don't know if she was making that decision, at least in part, because of the pressure being placed on her."

"Why did you say except for Dr. Brennan?"

"If he didn't think you were worth it, he wouldn't waste my time."

"Why, are you some kind of special student?"

"Yeah. So back to the original question, do you like Physics?"

"I do, but I feel that I have to be the best student or no one will take me seriously."

"OK. Give me a nickel," Paul said with a smile on his face.

"What?"

"You're going to bribe me. Give me a nickel."

"I can make a higher grade than you."

"No, you can't. Give me a nickel."

"You'd really make a lower grade if I pay you a nickel?"

"It's not the money. It's the principle of the thing. I've never taken a bribe before. Now I can say I have."

"Are you sure I can't beat you fair?"

"Yes you can make a higher grade than I can and monkeys may fly out of my butt."

"You're crazy," she laughed.

"That's been said before. Oh and by the way, this nickel puts you in debt to me in any other way, but I may ask you out this semester."

"I may give you an answer."

Paul received a letter from Mr. Chinetti, welcoming him to come to the race in Sebring and asking how many rooms and passes he would need. Paul wrote back asking for three bedrooms. His parents, Steve, and Arthur were going to the race.

Alice was at the stadium that night.

"Do you want to talk or should I go to my other seat," Paul said as he stood beside Alice.

"Both. Have a seat. Suzi wants to get back together."

"And how does that make you feel?"

"Stop that," she laughed. "Thanks. I haven't laughed much lately."

"Is she going to pressure you again?"

"She says no but I'm not so sure." Alice hesitated. "Paul, would you ever do it with a guy?"

"Not if I could help it."

"Does it just seem, I don't know, just seem gross?"

"Yeah."

"Don't take it personally, but that's what it would feel like to have sex with you. I love you. I like it when we are close, but, sex would be gross."

"You play for the other team but we can be friends off the field. I understand and you know I don't share my toys with others. Do you need to be alone?"

"Please?"

Paul reached around to her shoulder and pulled her to him. Then he stood up and walked home.

The next day Alice and Suzi made up noisily in Paul's room.

The Nobel Prize in Physics was announced. Emilio Segre and Owen Chamberlin won the prize for their discovery of the anti-proton. Paul wasn't sure how he felt about it. He still wanted fame. If he didn't win the Nobel Prize for the laser, he would win it for dark matter. He didn't want to win it twice. That would be the height of vanity. Only Madam Curie had won two scientific Nobel Prizes.