Chapter 31

I'm looking through you, where did you go?
I thought I knew you, what did I know?
You don't look different, but you have changed
I'm looking through you, you're not the same

Your lips are moving, I cannot hear
Your voice is soothing, but the words aren't clear
You don't sound different, I've learned the game
I'm looking through you, you're not the same.

Why, tell me why, did you not treat me right?
Love has a nasty habit of disappearing overnight...

(From "I'm looking through you,"

-- Lennon/McCartney)

Patty rang the doorbell at Dave's and Collette's front door, doing her best to compose herself. She didn't want Collette's parents to see how desperate she was to talk to their daughter.

Collette's dad opened the door. "Oh, hi, Patty," he said pleasantly. "Come on in."

As she crossed the threshold, she asked, "Hi, Mr. Simpson, is Collette here?"

"Well, I just got here, but her car is in the garage," he said with a grin. "So she must be upstairs."

"Okay, thanks," she replied, and turned to climb the stairs.

When she reached Collette's closed bedroom door, she could hear her stereo through it. Knowing from first hand experience that no mere human could knock loud enough to be heard when Collette was listening to music, she turned the doorknob and pushed the door open.

She pulled up short and gasped. Collette and Bobby looked up from her bed, where they had obviously been spooning under the shelter of just a light sheet. Collette's hair was messed up, and it was obvious that Patty was disrupting a post love making cuddle.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" she said hurriedly, and turned to leave.

"Patty, wait!" called Collette. Patty stopped in the doorway, facing away from them. Collette reached over and snapped off the stereo.

"Come back in and close the door," she called softly, which Patty reluctantly did, still facing the door.

"Bobby, could you put your shorts on? Okay... Patty, come here. Don't worry, Bobby's covered up. What's wrong, baby?" Collette said softly. In the brief look she'd had of Patty's face, she could tell from her red rimmed eyes that she had been crying.

Patty came to the bed and sat down rigidly, still facing away from them. She was obviously still feeling bad about intruding on them.

"Patty... do you want me to give you two some privacy?" asked Bobby. "I can go down to the rec room and watch TV for a while if you'd like."

Patty, still facing away from them, finally said softly, "You can stay. I... I can use all the help I can get."

Collette and Bobby glanced at each other in concern.

A moment later, the dam burst and Patty began shuddering and sobbing violently, gasping for air as she let loose all her pent up emotions, venting them in the emotional sanctuary of Collette's bedroom.

Collette jumped from under the sheet to sit next to her and wrap her up in her arms, unconcerned about her naked and slightly sweaty form. Bobby got up on the far side of the bed and circled around to sit on the other side of Patty, and the crying girl was enveloped in as much loving support as Collette and Bobby could offer.

When the sobbing finally subsided, Collette asked quietly, "Do you want to talk about it, baby?"

Collette calling her 'baby' nearly set her off again, but she managed to hold it together.

"I... I found out... some things about... Morton today."

Alarm bells went off in Collette's brain. 'Uh oh, ' she thought.

"What did he do?" Bobby asked quietly. Collette saw his face begin to go slack and expressionless.

"Knock it off, Bobby," she warned him. Bobby blinked and visibly relaxed, giving Collette a brief tight smile.

"He... he took me out on a picnic. I could tell... that he wanted to talk about something serious."

"Okay," said Collette in quiet encouragement for her to continue.

"He told me... he... I'm sorry, I don't know how else to say it. He said he'd learned about... sex... by... by having sex with his sisters. All three of them!" She sniffled and angrily wiped her damp face with her sleeve.

"And, you know, I mean, I was freaked out, but I was thinking I could, you know, maybe deal with it.

"But then, then... he... he... he t-told m-me that he loved me, so he was going to stop having sex with Leticia. Which means he'd been still... still doing that... w-while he was with me! And... and I just lost it.

"And... I don't know what to do. I mean... oh god damn it, I think I still love the son of a bitch," she finished miserably.

They were all quiet for a while. Eventually, Collette said softly, "Bobby, uh, maybe it would be better if you let me talk to Patty alone for a little bit."

She was surprised that Bobby made no move to stand, and appeared to be trying to decide whether to say something.

Eventually, he raised his gaze to look in Collette's eyes. "Collette... I already know about... that."

Collette gave a small gasp. "How?" She was incredulous that Dave would have told Bobby that she and her brother had been lovers.

"It was, uh, something you said once," he said.

"I said? When?"

Bobby shook his head at her, gesturing to Patty, indicating they should focus on helping their friend. Collette knew he was right. So she did her best to set Bobby's surprising revelation aside, and sat thinking, trying to come up with the right thing to say to help her former lover.

"Patty," she began hesitantly, "only you and Morton can decide what you want to accept about each other. I mean, I can tell you some stuff to think about. But it's you that has to decide that."

"Okay," Patty said tiredly. She felt like her brain was fogging over from trying to deal with everything, nearing a kind of emotional exhaustion.

"I think we can all promise each other..." she said, glancing at Bobby and back to Patty, "that nothing that we talk about will leave this room. Right?"

Bobby and Patty both nodded seriously.

Collette sighed. "Okay. Patty, remember it's up to you and Morton. But, uh, well... Patty, I know other people, besides Morton and his sisters... that have done... that. It's not as, uh, unusual as you might think."

"Oh, right," said Patty, rousing herself enough to be sarcastic. "I mean, I'm sure!" she said, rolling her eyes. "I suppose you and Dave would have no problem with it then, right?"

As Collette returned her gaze without speaking, she unconsciously squared her shoulders slightly, as if to make it clear that she had nothing to be ashamed of. As the silence went on, Patty began switching between looking at Collette and looking at Bobby. And she realized she was seeing the same matter of fact, unrepentant expression on both of them.

"Oh," she finally said. She turned to Bobby, and asked in an amazed tone of voice, "And it... it doesn't bother you?"

"No," he replied honestly. "We haven't actually talked about it, because, well, Collette didn't know that I knew. But I chose not to bring it up. I mean, I wouldn't ask her to tell me all the details of other guys she dated before me, either. That's her business to decide what to tell me about."

"Geez, Bobby, you were being sweet without even having to be told," Collette teased him.

"How can you guys be so freaking casual about this?" asked Patty incredulously.

"I think one difference," Bobby said slowly, thinking through it, "is that I don't think Collette or Dave would... would be together, if either of them were in a real, well, serious relationship with someone else. And since Dave has been with Sammy for a while, I would be willing to bet that Collette hasn't been with Dave for a while now, either.

"Have you?" he asked Collette confidently.

"Well, no, we haven't. Not since he and Sammy started dating." She blushed slightly. "He might have been able to maybe, uh, you know, seduce me if he wanted to," Collette said, blushing more furiously, "but no, we haven't for a while."

They were startled when Patty again burst into tears.

"What is it?" asked Collette quickly. Bobby just looked at the crying girl sadly.

"Fuck!" Patty moaned. "I was so mad... I told Morton I might just leave him for you, Bobby. God, I'm an idiot," she sobbed. "I'm never going to be with you, am I? Fuck!" she said to Bobby in anguish.

Collette and Bobby again hugged her from both sides, rubbing her back, murmuring assurances to her.

When she had stopped sobbing, Collette said softly, "It's okay, Patty. I know how you feel about Bobby, and it's okay. Don't be sad! You're in a tough time right now. But you said you still love Morton. Do you?"

"Yes," she sniffed. "But he said he'd been screwing Leticia... for years! I can't get over thinking that he might have been with her some morning, and then he would come over and... and... fuck me the same god damned day! It makes me feel... cheap... like an idiot... like a cheap idiot."

"Patty, like Collette said, you have to decide," said Bobby. "But... remember, it must have been a tough decision for Morton. I mean, he could just have never told you. But he decided to stop having sex with Leticia, and to tell you about it. He's risking losing you, rather than continuing to hide it and be dishonest with you. No question he should have done it a long time ago. But at least he did it. That says... I don't know... something."

"You know... I gave up you to be with Morton," Patty said softly to Collette. "I think I have the right to expect the same from him."

"Yep, he fucked up, big time, and he knows he fucked up," Collette summarized briskly, in her usual direct manner. "You have to decide what to do about it. You can take him back, or you can walk away."

Patty sighed. They were encouraged when she looked at Collette with a small smile.

"I can't take anything you say seriously. You're naked," she observed.

"All the better to comfort you, my dear," she said, smiling back.

"In case you're worried, it doesn't bother me," offered Bobby.

"Pig," Collette replied.

"Guilty," he replied.

Patty looked at Bobby wistfully. She started to say something several times, always stopping herself before the words came out. Watching her anguish, Collette made a decision.

"Bobby," said Collette, "get lost."

He grinned. "How can I refuse such a polite request?" he said with a grin. "I'll be down the hall."

Leticia was in her home's family room when the phone rang. She knew she would have to answer it, since their parents were out, and Morton had barricaded himself in his room.

She'd done her best to console him when he came home from his picnic with Patty. He was so devastated, she'd thought about inspecting his room for sharp objects before letting him close the door.

She had done her best to remind Morton of Collette's advice about dealing with Patty: That you had to give Patty's head time to catch up; to not react to her initial emotional reactions when she was under stress.

Morton was still largely inconsolable. He could only hope that Patty would come back to him. But regardless, he and Leticia still felt he had done the right thing for the long run. Because... Morton loved Patty. It was as simple as that.

"Hello."

"Hi, is this Leticia?"

"Yes, it is."

"Hi, Leticia, it's Collette."

"Oh, hi! How are you?"

"Well, I think I'm probably in the same situation as you are."

"Oh?" asked Leticia.

"Yeah, you know... consoling friends with broken hearts. How's Morton doing?"

"He's... he's pretty sad right now. I reminded him about what you said about waiting for Patty's head to catch up. That perked him up a little, but he's still pretty busted up. So I take it Patty's there with you?"

"Yup," said Collette. "She's a little bit of what you described... and, well... she's still a little bit pissed off, too."

Leticia bit off a snippy response before it escaped her mouth. Her brother wanted that girl, she reminded herself.

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Leticia contritely. "We kind of expected that, frankly. But... Morton decided he had to tell her."

"Yeah. I agree with you. I'm afraid that Patty... well, she knows about me and Dave now, too. I think it helped her calm down a little bit, actually."

"Wow. That took guts, Collette. Thanks for doing that for Morton."

"Sure. Hey, do you think Morton would come to the phone?"

"Of course! He's dying to talk to her."

"I can't promise that yet, Leticia. He'd just be talking to me at first, and maybe just me."

"Oh," she said disappointedly. "Well, I'm sure he'll talk to you. Hold on."

She ran upstairs to her brother's room and rapped on the door.

"Morton?"

"Go away."

"You have a phooooone call," Leticia crooned, trying to sound enticing. She heard him scramble to his feet, and the door opened.

"Is it Patty?" Morton asked hopefully.

"Almost."

"Almost?"

"It's Collette; but she said Patty's there at her house."

"What does she want?" he asked cautiously.

"Do you want me to talk to her for you, and send you an e-mail about it later?"

Morton sighed. "Sorry," he said sadly.

"Oh, knock it off," Leticia snapped at him. "Get your head out of your ass and engage your brain. You want this girl, right?"

"Yes," he said softly. She glared at him. "Yes!" he said strongly.

"Better," she said. "Snap out of it! I don't know what Collette's going to say. Be ready to fight for what you want!"

"Thanks, sis," he said, stepping forward to hug her.

"Alright, alright, get going," she said shooing him down the stairs.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Morton, it's Collette."

"Hey, Collette!" he said forcefully, minding his sister's admonishments.

"How're you doing?" she asked sympathetically.

"I've been better," he said candidly. "Patty's there?"

"Yeah. I've got her tied up so she won't break anything."

"She's pretty mad. I heard that loud and clear."

"Well, Morton... you fucked up. Didn't you?"

There was a long pause before he answered. "I sure did."

"Well, all right. The question is, where do we go from here?"

"I really don't know, Collette. I decided I had to tell her. I hoped that she would stay with me, or... or at least come back to me."

"Morton, do you remember when we talked at the hospital... you said Patty's always got a place in her heart reserved for Bobby?"

"I think that she does, yeah," he said somewhat cryptically.

"Patty said... you told her that if she, uh, needed to get Bobby out of her system, that you would... understand."

"Yes, I said that. I also told her not to mislead Bobby about it. He's her friend, not her fuck toy," he said, sounding self-righteous.

"Oh, I see," Collette said tersely. "Because, I'm sure it couldn't be anything like what you and Leticia probably did for the last time, when you finally decided to fully commit to Patty."

Morton gasped. "Oh, hey... I, uh, I didn't mean..." he stammered.

"It couldn't possibly be something loving, and tender, between two people that have known and cared for each other their whole lives — right? Nothing like you and Leticia."

"Collette, I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."

"Do you know how long Bobby and Patty have known each other? Do you know how many years they've loved each other? Right up until you were god damned lucky enough to stumble across that wonderful girl, during their first ever separation?"

There was a long silence. Finally Morton began speaking, softly, and sincerely.

"Collette... you're absolutely right. I had no right to lay a guilt trip on Patty about Bobby. I hope you'll believe me, it wasn't intentional. But you're right, that's what I was doing, and she doesn't deserve that.

"I wasn't as unselfish as you were with Dave. Dave had a relationship with Sammy, and you respected that. I had a relationship with Patty, and I... I cheated on her. It's not Leticia's fault. I'm her older brother. I'm the one that should have thought to do the right thing. I was just lying to myself that Leticia was different because she's my sister.

"You're right, Collette. I... I don't deserve Patty."

Collette let him stew a little bit in silence. Then she said, "Morton... you really messed up big time. But if you and Patty can get past this, well, I think you guys are so made for each other that you'll probably go the distance together. But it doesn't matter what I think. It's up to Patty."

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked mournfully.

"Well... I was thinking I could tell Patty that you want to talk to her... about what you really meant to say to her; about how sorry you are; and about... Bobby."

Morton snorted in frustration. "You know, sometimes I kind of wish..." he said, his voice trailing off.

"What?"

"Sometimes... sometimes I wish Patty would just go ahead and make love to Bobby and get it over with. I think that's one of the reasons she holds something back from me.

"I think deep down inside, she feels she was... well, cheated out of being with him. By mistakes she made, or by other random, unfair events that shouldn't have happened. Like her getting manipulated by that Van asshole... I think she feels she might still be with Bobby, if Van hadn't come along to fuck up her head so he could try to get in her pants."

There was a brief silence from the other end of the phone.

"Do you want to talk to her now?" asked Collette softly. "She's still upset; it might be better to wait until she calms down some more."

"If you can get her to talk to me now, Collette, I'd like to." He chuckled ruefully. "I'll probably lose my nerve if I don't."

"All right," said Collette kindly. "I've probably put you through enough pain. I'll see if I can get Patty to come to the phone."

Collette got up and walked to the guest bedroom next to hers. Patty was sitting with the telephone receiver in her hand, staring off into space.

Collette, now clad in a sweat shirt and sweat pants, gestured for her to follow her. Patty gently put the receiver down on the bed and padded after the older girl. They went to Dave's room where they couldn't be overheard.

"So... you heard?" asked Collette.

"Yeah," she said thoughtfully. "I'm not sure I wanted to hear all of that, though."

"Okay. So... do you want to talk to him right now? If you don't want to, or if you need more time to think about it, I'll go tell him."

Patty visibly straightened up. "I love him, Collette. I want him back. But I'm so mad at him right now, I don't know if I can trust myself to talk to him."

"Okay... so... you want me to..." Collette waited, trying to get Patty to be clear about what she wanted.

"I'll talk to him," Patty said almost grimly.

"Whoa. Remember, I said do you want to talk to him. If you say you want him back, maybe you should let a little more time go by first. That is, if you really do want him back."

Patty glared back at Collette, who merely looked back expectantly.

"I do," she said, this time with a little less heat in her voice.

"Okay," said Collette briskly.

They walked back to the guest bedroom. At the door, Collette gave the smaller girl a firm hug, and whispered in her ear.

"Remember, Patty. Morton loves you. Give him a chance to tell you."

"I will. Thanks, Collette."

She turned and walked slowly towards the phone, as Collette closed the door behind her.

Collette found Bobby watching TV down the hall. She came to sit in his lap. His welcoming smile faded when he saw the serious look on her face. "Uh oh," he thought.

"Bobby... you know that... I think the world of you... don't you?"

"Oh, god," he moaned in mock pain. Collette just smiled affectionately at him and waited. "Yes, I do, Collette," he said.

"And you know that I trust you?"

His look back to her did not waiver in the slightest. "It's a bit early to start asking each other questions like this. But... yes, if I'm not there, I'm on my way, too," he said sincerely.

"Okay," she said, obviously working herself up to say something. "And you know that I love Dave... and Patty, too?"

Bobby hesitated at answering that question. "Yes," he said cautiously.

"And... you love other people, too," she said softly.

"Collette... what's this about? We have a lot of things to learn about each other. I mean, we're just getting started."

"Right. But you do love other people too, just in different ways. Like, you love Sammy, and Patty. And you love Julie."

"Well, yes, I guess that's true."

"Bobby... do you want to have a relationship... like your parents have?"

Bobby stared at her long enough that Collette began to squirm slightly.

'How the hell does she know about that?' he thought. Then slowly dawning...

'Oh, no, ' he thought. 'Just what else had the ladies at that wedding shower talked about, for god's sake?'

He decided to put off that discussion for now.

"I guess I hadn't thought about it. Right now, after all that's happened, I think being with one person is all I need."

She smiled at him. "Don't you say the nicest things?"

"Well, it's true," he replied.

"Okay. Now... but what if... what if I told you that I want... what your parents have?"

"Collette... you're sounding a lot like my mom," he said suspiciously. She gave him an enigmatic smile, but said nothing. "Have you been talking to my mother about this stuff?"

"Bobby, you just have to accept the fact that there will always be things you don't know or understand about women," she said teasingly. "Especially this woman."

"Well, no freaking shit," he replied, shaking his head. He could see Collette's stomach vibrating as she tried hard not to laugh.

"I'd have to think about it," he said. "If we're together, thinking of you with someone else, even if it's Dave... or Patty... I don't know."

"Bobby... I wouldn't want you to be with someone else either... if I'm not part of it."

Bobby thought back to the last night in the cabin loft, with Julie... and Dave... and Sammy. That was at least a little like what Collette was talking about.

"Well... I think... I think I could maybe... try that. But not with just anyone."

"Me either," agreed Collette. "And I trust you, like you trust me, to have it be only together, and only with... well, special people."

There was a long silence. Collette was slowly rubbing his chest as she sat in his lap.

"I'd be willing to consider it, some day," he finally said. "But... it's not something I want to be surprised with, ok?" he said, looking at her seriously.

"If we haven't discussed it ahead of time," he continued, "I don't want it to happen. We could really... well, fuck ourselves up if we put that kind of pressure on each other. I don't want to be asked out of the blue to do something we haven't already talked about. You know?"

Collette gave a small sigh of relief. "Yeah. Okay then," she said. She leaned into him, kissing him long and hard.

"So... let's discuss it," she said with a somewhat sly smile.

Bobby looked back at her impassively. He was no dummy; he'd seen where this was headed from miles away.

"Patty?" he asked simply.

"Yes."

"Not a good idea."

"Why?"

"Because she's too upset with Morton to make a rational choice. We could hurt her, and screw up her chances of getting back together with Morton."

"I agree," she said. "I don't know if anything's going to happen," she continued. "But... Patty's talking to Morton on the phone. And some of the things that Morton said before I turned him over to Patty... well, I don't know what to expect when Patty finishes that phone call."

"You're saying she may want to..."

"It's possible. Morton thinks part of their problems stem from Patty feeling cheated... out of being with you."

"I don't know about this."

"Well, we said we would talk about this kind of stuff first. So, we're talking."

"Well, yes, but..."

"And you know that..." she paused and blushed slightly, "that Patty and I have been lovers."

"I thought we were talking about with, like, another couple. Is she going to want to be... uh, with just me, or with us? What about Morton?"

Collette looked at him seriously. "I love Patty. I want to help her be happy. But if you and I are together... if she wants to be alone with you... I don't think that would be a good idea."

Bobby gave her a reassuring smile. "Then it won't happen."

"Good answer! What about Morton? I don't know. I agree we would have to ask Patty if Morton's okay about it. Like you said, we don't want to mess them up by doing something with Patty while she's upset."

"So... now what?"

"Now, we wait for her to finish her talk with Morton."

"Okay."

They sat in thought for a while. Eventually, Bobby said, "Hey, if we, you know, do get together with her... I mean, you're not going to want to do anything... weird, are you?"

"Weird? Weird like what?"

"I don't know. You're not going to open the door dressed like a nun with a whip in your hand?"

"No, that's next week."

"You're not going to dress up like a cat burglar that comes through the window with no panties on?"

"Week after next."

"You're not going to dress up..."

"I'm never going to dress up as anything if you keep this up."

"Well, then, what are we going to do?"

"I don't know! You just do as you're told, and we'll see."

A half hour later, they heard the door open where Patty had been talking to Morton. She poked her head around the door to peer at Bobby and Collette.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Come on in," said Collette, holding out her arms to her. She came and sat next to Collette and the two girls hugged.

"How'd it go?" Collette asked gently.

"Okay... I think," Patty replied slowly.

"Good," said Bobby. "You, uh, you two want me to get lost again while you talk about it?"

"No, Bobby, please stay," said Patty. "We had a good talk... we talked about why he told me about... about Leticia. When I listened to him, it did make sense. I'm still upset he didn't stop... you know... with her, when we starting going out."

She paused and gave them a little smile. "I'm pretty sure he understands that I don't want any more surprises like that."

"I'll bet," commented Collette with a grin.

Patty looked to Bobby. "And we talked about my... my feelings for you."

She paused, seeming to try to choose the right words.

"He's... he's afraid I'll never be completely happy with him, because of... you know, how long we've been friends, and how we feel about each other."

She shook her head. "I told him he had nothing to worry about. I'd never cheat on him, and I know you'd never let that happen either, Bobby.

"He believes I mean it. But he said he'd always be afraid that sooner or later, I'll get pissed off at him again. I mean, it happens with any couple, and I... I know I have a temper some times. It kind of goes with the hair," she said with a smile, running a hand through her red mane as Bobby and Collette smiled.

"He's worried that when that happens more than once, I'll leave him because... because I've never really been with anyone else. No other boys, that is," she said, with a brief glance at Collette.

"He said it's pretty rare for somebody to have only one partner their whole life. He's worried that... well, you get the idea. He's worried that my feelings for you," she said looking at Bobby, "and my lack of other experience, will make me eventually want to try... someone else."

She paused and picked on her fingernails. "I had to admit, when I thought about it... that maybe that could happen," finishing in a near whisper. "I mean, look how I fucked up with Van. I know some of that happened... just because... because I was... curious."

The three teens sat thinking quietly for a while.

Eventually Collette spoke.

"Bobby... you and Patty have loved each other since kindergarten. You might even still be together, if some things had turned out differently... or if other people hadn't come along to mess things up."

She smiled at him affectionately. "You love her, Bobby." She looked warmly at Patty. "And she loves you too."

She waited for a reaction. Patty sat silently next to Collette, looking very uncomfortable. When no one spoke, Collette went on.

"I am not afraid of losing you, Bobby. I trust what you said to me."

"You don't have to prove anything to me either, Collette," he replied calmly.

She smiled. "Thank you, Bobby."

She looked at Patty. "Did you and Morton talk about you being with Bobby?" she asked, in typical straightforward Collette fashion.

Patty seemed to jump in surprise at such a direct question. Then she slumped down into herself in embarrassment, as she prepared to answer. "Yes," she managed to squeak out.