Chapter 23

I've sure enjoyed the rain

but I'm looking forward to the sun

You have to feel the pain

when you lose the love you gave someone

I thought by now that time

would take away these lonely tears

I hope you're doing fine all alone

but where do I go from here

'cause

Without you I'm not okay

And without you

I've lost my way

My heart's stuck

in second place

Without you...

(From "Without you..."

-- Silver / Maines)

Bobby and Sammy had slept separately that night. They both felt they needed time by themselves, to somehow come to terms with the prior day's events.

The realization that they had shared a dream, or vision, or something, was mind boggling enough.

But the idea that their long held belief that they were destined to be together... was quite possibly, painfully, crushingly... wrong... had shaken both of them to the core of their young souls.

Sammy had thought her vision of where Bobby lay hidden on the hill was a validation; a validation of her expectation to be with Bobby... to marry Bobby... to bear his children.

She remembered an earlier conversation with Patty. When the older girl described missing the ship she had been planning to board her whole life. And feeling like jumping in the ocean to swim after it... Sammy felt similarly adrift.

And on top of the stunning 'vision, ' she'd just told Dave Simpson to go ahead and date Leticia Blakely! A girl so oversexed that she slept with her own brother, for god's sake! The joy of Bobby returning to baseball, the happiness from moving into Bobby's house, the anticipation of spending the night with Bobby... it had all... turned... to ashes.

For his part, Bobby kept coming back bitterly to his father's predictions of pain. Pain before he learned who would be his first love, his first lover, his best friend, and his wife. Was the pain to go on and on, for his whole life?

Neither of them slept much during the night, as the uncertainty and stirred emotions went around and around in their heads.

The next morning, Bobby got up first. He felt like he hadn't slept at all. He padded downstairs in his tee shirt and boxer shorts, and poured himself a bowl of cereal.

Sammy, also awake, heard him stirring, and followed him to the kitchen. She was wearing a long baseball jersey that Bobby had given her years before when he'd outgrown it. He turned as he heard her round the corner, and she paused. They stared at each other for several moments, with eyes tinged red with fatigue.

Then they both began to slowly smile affectionately at each other. Bobby held out his arms, and she came to him and sat on his lap. As they gently hugged each other, they looked out at the back yard through the sliding glass doors to the deck.

As they watched, the early morning sun suddenly struck the trees that framed the back yard, its light fragmenting against the gently moving leaves to arrive on the grass as pinpoints of light, dancing to and fro like dozens of tiny Tinkerbells.

Sammy nuzzled her head under Bobby's chin. "Can we go out there?" she asked softly, watching nature's light show.

"Sure."

Bobby grabbed a stack of large beach towels to cover the dew on two of the flattened lounge chairs, and to use as light blankets against the rapidly fading morning chill. They lay down on the improvised outdoor bed, with Bobby spooning Sammy from behind.

"I guess we've got a few hours before Sandy comes to take us to the airport," said Sammy. "I'm glad we planned to go there to pick up Mom and Dad. Mom's probably freaked out enough as it is. I'm sure she's anxious to see us."

"Yeah," he agreed.

They lay quietly for a while, watching the shadows and light changing as the sun rose higher in the sky.

Eventually Bobby broke the silence. "Sammy, I don't think... I guess I'm trying to say... Oh hell, I don't know what to think," he said in frustration.

Sammy reached behind her to touch his cheek. "I know," she replied softly.

They were quiet for a few minutes. Then Sammy asked, "Bobby, we were so freaked out last night about... you know, the dream we both had... that we didn't talk about your dream about your dad. Can... can you tell me about it?"

He hesitated, if only for a moment. "I guess so. I've only told Mom about it before... I was standing on a pitcher's mound," at this Sammy grinned, "and my dad was talking to me from the sidelines. I couldn't see him; I could just hear him.

"He said I needed to be honest with Patty. That I'd been telling her what she wanted to hear, and I needed to tell her how I really felt.

"He said he was glad that Mom and Dad had found each other. He told me to let Raul be my dad, to encourage and accept him.

"He said Raul would be a good father to me and my sister. That's why I figure Mom's going to have a girl. Raul's already a great dad to you.

"After that is when it got freaky," he said slowly.

"Like the rest wasn't?" teased Sammy, again ruffling Bobby's hair as she said it, so he'd know she was just trying to reduce their shared tension.

"Yeah," he said with just a touch of humor in his voice, before going on with describing his dream. "I asked him if Patty would come back to me. He didn't answer for what seemed like a real long time. But then he said..." His voice trailed away, almost in embarrassment.

"It's okay, Bobby. Just tell me," Sammy said softly to reassure him.

"He said that I'd already met my best friend, my first love, my first lover, and my wife. And he said there's a lot of pain in front of me, but that... but if I was honest with myself, my family would help me come through it okay."

"Wow," said Sammy. She inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to fully grasp what he'd said.

"Yeah," he replied.

"And... you thought I was the wife?" she asked, awe in her voice.

"Well... yeah. I figured Patty was my first love, 'cause she kind of was. It could depend on what you call love though.

"And I thought Dave was the best friend. Julie was my first lover, you know that already."

He hugged her a little tighter. "Which leaves you," he whispered in her ear.

Then he suddenly loosened his grip on her. "That's why I don't understand the dream with your mom," he said in frustration. "If we both hadn't had the same dream, I'd just blow it off. Now... I don't know what to think."

They lay silently for a while. Bobby was dismayed to feel her gently shudder, as she began to cry. Sammy was still trying and failing to accept that her dreams of being with Bobby could be in doubt. He held her, not knowing what to say. Eventually, Sammy moved away from him a bit, getting enough room to turn over so they were facing each other.

"Hey," she said, wiping away tears from her puffy eyes and putting on a brave face, "let's not worry about it. Fuck it! Besides... if I'm not going to be your wife," she said with a sniff as she reached to caress the side of his face, "then I sure as hell am going to be the best friend you've ever dreamed of."

Bobby gave a start at that. "Oh my god," he said in wonder, "do you think that's what our dreams meant?"

"It's the best guess I can make," she said in a determined voice. "We'll go pick up Mom and Dad. But after that," she said with a smile, "I'm going to go get my future husband back from the girl I just pushed him off to. I'm done waiting for what is supposed to be mine, goddamn it!"

They wrapped each other up in their arms, hugging tightly. Eventually, it was Sammy's turn to be dismayed, as she felt tears falling on her bare neck.

"Bobby... I still love you... with all my heart. If it turns out we're meant to be together, we will. If not... well, we're going to stay in each other's lives, no matter what. I will stay with you, whether I'm your wife, or I'm your best friend. All right?" she said, lowering her face to make sure Bobby was looking her in the eye.

"You're going to be okay, Bobby. I'll make sure of that, all right? I promise you," she said, looking earnestly into his mournful face. "After all, your dad said your family would help you through it, right?" He nodded. "Well, Bobby... I am part of your family now."

His eyes widened at that. "That's right," he said in mild wonder. But then his expression turned dour again.

"You know... I'm tired of this shit," he replied somewhat bitterly. "Why am I being put through all this crap? I already had to deal with losing my dad. I almost get killed — twice - trying to help my friends. Now I'm losing you, before I've ever had a chance to be with you. And I'm supposed to try to figure out who my wife is, when I'm fifteen fucking years old? You have a dream that tells you exactly who you're going to wind up with. I get a riddle. Why is all this pain happening?"

She hugged him yet again. "I don't know, Bobby. But I do know... that I love you." He was about to reply, when Sammy leaned forward, and gently kissed him.

"And Sandy won't be here for a couple more hours," she reminded him. She leaned in and kissed him again. This kiss was longer... wetter... more forceful.

"And right now," she continued, "I'd... I'd like to make love to you, Bobby Taylor. Whether you're my best friend, or my husband, it doesn't matter. We will always be together."