Chapter 9

Over the next few weeks, Julie came to wish she could be adopted by Raul, Barbara, Sammy and Bobby.

She began to join Bobby and Sammy on their bus after school every day. She would spend her afternoons with them at one or the other's house, until it was time for her to go home to make sure her mother ate something. She came to spend most weekends with them as well, just hanging out or coming along to whatever activities Sammy and Bobby had going on.

Julie felt like she'd stumbled through the looking glass and found heaven. The way that Raul and Barbara treated their kids was a revelation. She had no idea that a parent could be anything other than an inflictor or pain or humiliation. She basked in their attention and instinctive nurturing when she was in their homes.

They in turn were all charmed by her seeming child-like innocence and gratitude for any kindness. They tried to help her improve the horrible self image inflicted on her by years of psychological abuse at the hands of her parents.

One of the first things Raul did was persuade her to join Bobby and Sammy in their Karate lessons. Given that her father was now an unpredictable threat to her, Raul taught her some basic strike and evasion techniques immediately. He gave her some mace and a police type baton to hide in her bedroom in case she became trapped there. He gave her a pre-paid cell phone to carry with her, with 911 and Raul's cell phone programmed in for speed dialing in an emergency. Then he began working with her on strength training and fundamentals of self defense.

Underneath all these positives, there was a secret fight she was still losing. It was her growing dependence on marijuana and cocaine to help her through the night.

When she left the shelter of her new friends' homes, she still had to return to the hell that was her own home. As she spent more and more time away, her mother's verbal attacks became more focused and intense when she was available to be abused. After a couple hours of it each night, the young girl would take refuge in drugs to purge her mind of the hate and pain. They enabled her to tune her mother out, and look forward to the coming morning when she would physically escape again. She was also beginning to use coke during the day when she could get it, trying to sustain her mental "up" feelings into more of her waking hours.

The combination of her secret drug use that she hid from her new friends, and her mother's continued bombardment of her psyche, set within her a sense of unworthiness that she could not shake. Inside, she felt she did not deserve to be happy.

In spite of all evidence to the contrary, she saw Bobby's resistance to her romantic advances as just another confirmation of that belief.

When Barbara told Bobby about her engagement and pregnancy, she'd been stunned when he'd replied that while he was unconscious, her late husband had told him that he would be getting a sister, after she and Raul were married.

"What!?" she exclaimed.

"Dad said that Raul would become a good father for me and my sister, and that I should help him know that I accept him as my dad. At first I thought he was talking about Sammy, but Raul's already a good father for her. So I figured another sister must be coming."

"And you didn't bother to share this little bit of information with me?" she asked.

He shrugged unapologetically. "You already looked at me like I was crazy when I told you he approved of you and Raul being together. I thought you'd send me to a nut house if I told you he said you were going to get pregnant too."