Opening Day - Chapter Three

There were a number of indicators that should have told Bob that something odd was going on, but he didn't pick up on them right away.

The first was that, as he ate breakfast by himself at a small table, he didn't see, scattered around the dining room, the couples that he usually saw, when one of his seminars was about to take place. He did see the group of nine people, sitting together, but didn't associate them with his group. His groups never started out sitting together. His groups started out sitting apart, and then, in about the middle if the seminar, sat together, and by the end sat apart again, though sometimes not in the same pairings.

The second was when, as he reviewed his notes one more time, the group he had seen sitting together all walked tentatively into the conference room he'd been assigned. He recognized it as the same group, and that surprised him so much that he didn't fully process the information.

The third was that, when they sat, they didn't sit boy-girl-boy-girl style, which was almost inevitable when paired couples gathered and sat around a table, like these did. That was also so odd that it threw him off. In fact, they didn't sit like paired couples at all. There was, for the most part, an equal distance between them. Women usually sat closer to their chosen mate, extending the distance between rivals, and asserting their claim. They weren't aware of it, but it was quite common.

He usually launched into his material almost immediately. His concepts were strange enough, to most people, that he needed all the time available to get through them, and deal with the resistance that invariably arose. Instead, what he did, was look at them curiously. He was used to dealing with human reactions, but these people were acting differently than his expectations, and that was interesting. In the process, his mind strayed away from his presentation. He also forgot to ask them for their surveys.

"Good morning," he said.

He got the normal responses and curious looks.

"I'm glad you could all make it," he said. He'd gotten an odd communication that said his group was snowed in, in Toronto, but would try to make it anyway. "I understand you all had some excitement on the way here."

The reaction wasn't what he expected. He got some blank looks. His attention was drawn to one unusually tall woman, who, according to his perceptions, had chosen to sit by a much shorter man. She wasn't sitting close to him, though. It was almost as if they had just met, and she was attracted to him. There was a woman sitting on her other side. He examined the man the tall one was sitting by. He had a relaxed countenance, indicating he was comfortable. He had looked at the woman and smiled, when Bob mentioned excitement.

Almost no one else reacted. The older man in the group was looking at Bob intently, but he said nothing. Bob gave his head an invisible, mental shake. If this was an odd group, he'd better get on with it. He wanted to get rid of any of them who were going to resist, so he could spend more time with these very interesting people.

He used a light pen and laptop, slaved to a plasma screen, instead of a dry erase board. It let him display graphics, as well as things he wrote to emphasize them during his talk. Most people who had been to college, or who worked in an organization tended to take notes, whether it was needed or not. In Bob's case, what he was going to tell them would be remembered. No notes were necessary, and, by the second day, people stopped taking them, usually.

"OK," he said into the silence. "We all know why we're here, so let's get to it."

He opened with his regular spiel about how sex was the basic drive that, along with the need for food and shelter, demanded a lot of the attention that was involved in living a life. He suggested that any organism that fails to have successful sex will die, leaving nothing behind to continue its line, and that, therefore, successful sex was imperative for all living things.

He got some odd looks at that, but still no one said anything.

He went on to say that the only things that regulated sex were competition, and social mores, and suggested that social mores didn't regulate sex nearly as well as they were intended to.

"Why do you think we have social rules about sex?" he asked.

Nobody said anything.

He held up a hand. "Let me back up for just a second. We're here to talk about sex, which is something that most people are not comfortable doing. That's one of those rules I mentioned a moment ago. We're told 'Don't talk about sex', among other things." He looked at each person, and got a couple of nods. It was interesting that several of them smiled, and looked around the table, though not at any particular person. The woman with braces, who looked too young to actually be in this seminar, nodded her head vigorously.

He went on. "But, to make progress, we need to communicate, and to communicate, we need to trust each other. If we don't, we'll just tell each other lies, or half truths, and that doesn't do any good at all. So, I need you to be as open and honest as you can... much more open and honest than you'd usually be. Nothing we say here will leave this conference center, unless one of you takes it outside and talks about it."

He got more odd looks, and began to suspect something was seriously wrong. Either that, or this was the most up tight crowd he'd ever seen in his life.

He tried again. "OK, so... why do we have rules and laws that restrict sexual behavior?"

After a too-long pause, the older man finally broke the ice. "All laws are intended to protect, and regulate the members of any society."

"Very good," said Bob, relieved. "So why would there be a law that says no one under the age of, say, sixteen, can engage in sex?"

Nearly everybody moved, either sitting up, or leaning or doing something to let tension out of their bodies.

The good looking blond spoke.

"That's too early for them to have sex," she said, as if it were obvious.

"Too early by whose standards?" asked Bob. "When a woman begins to menstruate, she is capable of bearing a child. Nature says that she's ready to have sex. Nature says it's NOT too early. So why do we make that rule?" He looked at Tiffany.

"This is silly," she said. "Girls that young shouldn't have babies. It's hard on their bodies."

"Now..." said Bob, "you have a REASON for making a rule. If women try to have babies too young, they may not survive. The babies may not survive. The rule comes into place because we, as humans, are capable of gaining wisdom. This is the whole crux of my program. When you leave here, I hope to have taught you to question everything. If there is a rule that restricts your behavior, I want you to question it, and understand whether or not it is a good rule, or a bad one."

"I don't understand," said the young girl with braces. "I thought we were here for Sexual Education Training."

"You are," said Bob, missing another cue. "But education begins with asking questions, and ends with finding the answers to those questions."

Several of the group looked confused, now, and uncertain. Bob was used to seeing that look, but didn't realize it was for different reasons that he usually saw it. He went on with his presentation.

"OK," said Bob, moving to his next point. "Let's talk about 'sex' all by itself, for a moment. Sex has dual roles in any society. You can do it for procreation, and you can do it for fun."

He didn't look for acceptance of that. While there were still a few people on the globe who thought sex was only for making babies, and that no fun was allowed, they never showed up in his seminars.

"Now, Sex, just for the purpose of sex, is OK, but, for most people, at one time or another, is not the really desired outcome. Love makes for better sex. Admiration and respect lead to truly satisfying relationships, and there's a lot more than sex to a good relationship."

He got a few more nods.

"The problem is, that in most long term relationships, sex is more important in the beginning, than it is later on. Why do you think this happens?"

Again, it was Roger who spoke, perhaps because he was the only member of the group old enough to have been in a really long term relationship.

"The sex drive is stronger, when you're young," he said.

"Really?" asked Bob. "What about Hugh Hefner?"

The man snorted. "I thought we were talking about long term relationships... not a harem that changes constantly."

"OK," said Bob. "You have a point there. MY point, though, is that it is quite possible for people of, shall we say, advanced age to be thoroughly interested in having a vibrant sex life." He looked around. "So the question then becomes... what is it about prolonged relationships that causes the sex drive to diminish?"

Crystal spoke. "Sometimes the relationship changes," she said. She was thinking about her ex-husband's gambling addiction. When everyone looked at her she looked uncomfortable. "I mean, there's disappointment in your mate," she added.

"I agree," said Woody suddenly. "Things change, and your mate disappoints you." He was thinking about how he'd been ready to marry Mandy, but she'd dumped him.

"Yes," said Roberta, thinking about how her husband loved work more than he loved her.

"Me too," threw in Jeff, thinking of Melanie, sitting at home with her parents, instead of with him, where she belonged.

Bob blinked. They sounded like they all had marital problems that his seminar wasn't equipped for dealing with.

"OK," Bob said slowly. "but those are situations where marital counseling is called for... to ease the stress and bring about changes of behaviors. What I'm talking about is an otherwise healthy relationship, where sex has gotten, shall we say, less exciting, even though the partners are fully committed to the relationship."

He got blank looks. The majority of the group had never been in a fully committed relationship at all. He looked at the older man, expectancy in is gaze.

Roger saw that look, and responded.

"I can't help you. When my wife died, the sex was as good as it had ever been."

Bob blinked again. This man was a widower? What was he doing at this seminar?

"But you remarried," suggested Bob.

"No," said Roger. "Dating is a real pain in the ass."

Bob had just been presented with another indicator that something was terribly wrong. Already off balance, though, he didn't stop to take the time to investigate this. He had noticed that there were four men and five women in his seminar. It wasn't unheard of for a man to refuse to go to a seminar to "get help" with his wife, but the change in numbers, now suggesting there were TWO women without paired partners didn't fully penetrate.

"Uh..." said Bob, trying to think of how to get back on track. "Can we, for the moment, agree, just for the sake of argument, that sometimes people who are married... get used to each other? A little bored, maybe?"

The looks he got now were positively confused.

The young woman with braces finally spoke.

"I still don't see what any of this has to do with sex ed."

It was her use of the shortened term "sex ed" that finally penetrated into Bob's consciousness. It was just the wrong term to use in this situation. It stopped him cold in his tracks, and he took a mental step back.

"How many of you are married?" he asked suddenly.

Two hands went up, one belonging to a woman, and one to a man. They were not sitting together.

"Are you two married to each other?" he asked.

He got astonished looks from both of them, but noticed the woman blushed too. Both yipped "No!"

Bob felt a sinking feeling in his gut.

"And you - all of you - are not from Toronto... are you?"

They all looked like he'd asked them if they were from Mars.

Bob looked around.

"I think there has been a mistake here," he said finally. "I think you all are in the wrong seminar."

"What seminar is this?" asked the older man.

Bob said "This is the seminar on human interaction and sexual relations."

The tall woman opened the notebook she had brought to the room and looked through papers in it. She pulled one out.

"Human interaction and sexual relations." she read. "It's right here on the memo I got."

"Memo?" asked Bob.

"Yes," she said, looking up. "From the school board."

"School board?" asked Bob.

"I just said that!" said the woman, heat in her voice. "They sent me here for continuing education. I teach sex ed. We all do."

Roger spoke again. "What is the purpose of this seminar?" he asked.

Bob looked at him. "The purpose of this seminar is to re-invigorate stale sexual relationships in paired couples who are in long term relationships."

It was so silent that Bob could hear the whisper of the air conditioning.

Woody chuckled, and then laughed. Everybody looked at him.

"Well, you have to admit it's ironic," he chuckled. "I mean, here we are, trying to learn how to keep kids from having sex, and they send us to a seminar on how to have better sex!"

Bob stood up. "Hang tight for just a second. I'll be right back."

He left the room and made a call to his office. The information he got stunned him. Somehow, a state board of education had actually screwed up monumentally, and sent nine teachers to his seminar. He had no idea how that could have happened, but he was quite sure it was an error. He had no idea what to do now.

He went back to the room.

In the conference room, the conversation was animated, as soon as the door closed. There were the expected "I can't believe this!" kinds of statements, but the irony of the situation gripped all of them, with the possible exception of Lori, who was just confused. She had no sexual experience at all, with the possible exception of closely watching what farm animals did. She didn't know what to think.

The irony of the sexual interplay that had affected the group was also recognized, though it wasn't talked about openly. When Bob had said he taught people how not to be bored with their sex lives any more, Jane automatically thought of her relationship with Jed. They weren't even married yet, and she dreaded what she considered to be the boring life she would lead, once they were. Roberta thought much the same thing, thinking of how her sex life with Phillip had tapered off to practically nothing.

All of them, except Lori, of course, were contemplating one thing or another while Bob was gone. It was very interesting to all of them, if only because it was such a surprise about what had happened. They were just beginning to think of how this might affect their jobs, when Bob returned.

Bob went to his briefcase and opened it. He searched through it and pulled out a slim folder, which he opened. It was the results of the lab tests that were required of all attendees in his seminars. His secretary routinely screened such results, and put them in a folder for him, but she only drew his attention to them if something was positive for an STD. Obviously, she had screened only the results, without looking at the names. If she'd have looked at the names, she'd have seen that all nine were different, and said something.

Bob stood, addressing the group.

"Here's the deal. I have no idea how it happened, but somebody made a huge mistake and misinterpreted the purpose of my seminar. You were all sent here intentionally." He gave them a chance to gasp and look at each other in bewilderment. He didn't see as much of that as he expected. "I was expecting a group from Toronto, but they got snowed in, and you all showed up, which is why things got all tangled up."

"So what do we do now?" asked Roger.

"Well," said Bob, "I've never run into this situation before. You WERE sent here, and the bill has already been paid. I'm sure it was an error of some kind, though. I suppose you could all just go back home."

"Could we stay?" asked one woman. She had raised her hand when he asked who was married.

"Before we talk about that, let me find out a little bit about you all." Bob suddenly remembered the surveys. "You all should have been given a survey. I imagine it looked a little weird to you."

He got lots of nods at that one.

"Never mind that now," he said. "Just introduce yourselves and give me a thumbnail sketch of where you are in your sexual life."

They stared at him.

"I'm not asking for intimate details," he amended. "Just tell me what kind of relationship you're in." He looked at the woman who had asked if they could stay. "Can we start with you?"

She looked uncomfortable and her face darkened, but she took a breath.

"I'm Roberta Tinsdale. I'm married, but my husband is never home because he's always at work. We don't... um... see each other very much." She stopped, looking uncomfortable at what she'd divulged.

"That's fine," said Bob. "Anybody else?"

Perhaps because her situation was similar, in a far-fetched way, to his, Jeff spoke next.

"I'm Jeff Watts," he said. "I graduated mid year, and took a job to replace an injured teacher, so I've only taught for four months. My wife, Melanie, decided the pay was too low and went back home to live with her parents. She's kind of spoiled."

"Thank you," said Bob. He looked at the tall woman. She looked back and then made an almost physical decision to speak.

"Crystal Smith. I've been divorced for five years. I left him because he wouldn't stop gambling. I'm not in a relationship. Men don't date tall women." Her voice was tight, and almost confrontational.

"Thank you," said Bob, ignoring her confrontational gaze. He looked at Roger next.

"When did your wife pass on?" he asked.

"Ten years ago," he said. "I'm Roger, by the way. Roger Zowalski. Like I said, I have a hard time with dating, and playing the games that dating seems to require just... I just can't get motivated to do that."

Bob nodded and looked at Chuck.

"Chuck Bradshaw," he said. "I'm not in a relationship."

That was apparently all he was willing to say, so Bob went on to Tiffany.

"My name is Tiffany Jones. I had a serious boyfriend when I was in college, but, when I went to teach, he stayed to get a Masters degree. We seem to have drifted apart. I've been too busy to look around, and all the good ones were taken at my school."

Woody preempted being looked at by speaking first.

"I'm Woody Buckholtz. I wanted to get serious with my girlfriend, but she didn't. She dumped me. It's hard to find a woman who wants a serious relationship."

Bob noticed that Crystal looked at him interestedly, when he spoke. That confirmed, in his mind, that she HAD chosen to sit by him. He'd seen this group together, eating. That made a lot more sense, now that he knew why they thought they were there. It would have been natural for them to cluster. There must have been some interaction besides eating if this woman was already interested in one of the men. It was a good sign, but not to be dealt with now. He turned to one of the remaining two women.

"I'm Jane Watson," she said. "I'm engaged."

She stopped there. It was about like Chuck's reticence, but required a bit more.

"And how long have you been engaged?" asked Bob.

"Six years," she said. She didn't sound unhappy. It was more like she was embarrassed.

"That's a long time to be engaged," suggested Bob, knowing there was something under the surface.

"I'm... not sure I want to marry him," said Jane, looking down.

Bob let her off the hook, for now, and turned to the girl with braces.

She blinked at him, looking scared. He waited. The others looked at her. As peer pressure almost always does, it forced her to say something.

"I'm Lori Simpson. I'm twenty-three and I'm a teacher," she blurted.

Someone snickered, and Bob spoke instantly, but kept his eyes on Lori.

"No one has said anything funny. In a group like this, any time you are asked to speak, it can be a very uncomfortable situation. Let's not be unkind to anyone who does speak, OK?"

He let that soak in and then asked Lori: "Do you have a boyfriend, Lori?"

She blinked. "No."

He waited for more.

"I wasn't allowed." Then, almost impulsively, she added: "Sex is bad... I think."

There was all kind of movement around the table, but nobody said anything, for which Bob was grateful.

"If you'll indulge me, I'd like to do a little thinking out loud. Then you all can make some decisions."

They nodded, and he began talking, looking at no one in particular.

"OK, they got sent here, and the bill is paid. I'm dealing with a bureaucracy, here, and if I send them all back, trying to pay the money back will be a nightmare. They're all sexual education teachers, which means that they have to deal with the issues of young people and sex, which is difficult under any circumstances. To top it off, none of them are in a committed, long term relationship that's meeting their needs. That's going to make for a continuing high level of anxiety, which will make it even more difficult to deal with kids."

"Now, if they stay here, I might be able to offer them some information that could help them in forming and maintaining committed, long term relationships. If that happens, it could be a positive influence in their lives, which could end up making their interaction with their students more positive as well. So really, it all boils down to an ethical question. Can I provide them with enough information to make them better sexual education teachers, which will justify the expense they've been sent here at?"

"Wouldn't it be a legal question?" asked Roger, "Instead of an ethical one?"

Bob looked at Roger.

"The legal question is pretty easy. The board signed a contract with me by enrolling you. I'm obligated to supply the information they've paid for. The ethical question comes in when we know it was an error, and that what I have isn't what they THOUGHT they were paying for. At this stage of the game, I can demand payment, because I'm here, and willing to do what I was hired to do. They could sue me, but I imagine it would cost them more than just blowing off the expense of the seminar."

"How could you make us better sexual education teachers?" asked Tiffany.

Bob smiled. "Sex is a complicated and intricate dance, and while the basic steps are easy to figure out, the music that goes with this particular dance is not easy to compose. Imagine dancing, with no music at all... no beat to help you time your steps... no stimulation to your brain as you enjoy both the music AND the dance. What I can teach you is how to write the music."

"You mean how to have a better sex life," said Crystal, cutting to the chase.

"I don't need to learn how to have a better sex life," said Lori. "I don't have sex!"

"Do you plan to never have sex in your whole life?" asked Bob.

"I'm barely a teacher!" she yipped. "How can I even THINK about sex? My parents told me sex was bad so much that I don't know if I could even stand to DO it! I never even kissed a boy!"

There was more shifting of bodies in chairs. It was practically unheard of for a woman twenty-three years old, who wasn't in a convent, to be that inexperienced.

"Sex doesn't have to be scary," said Bob gently. "Even if you decide never to have sex - and let me say here that's a perfectly honorable decision - but even if you decide never to form that kind of relationship with a man or woman, you still will be surrounded by it. You should learn not to be afraid of it, if only to be able to function in a more relaxed and comfortable way in your daily life."

"Wait a minute," Tiffany interrupted. "Did you say with a man OR woman?"

Bob didn't smile. "As I said before, there is sex for pleasure, and there is sex for procreation."

"But that's just wrong!" said Tiffany.

"It may be wrong for you, and that's fine," said Bob. "That doesn't make it wrong for everybody else. Some people like cottage cheese, and some people don't. That doesn't mean cottage cheese is to blame. It's just there."

He let them chew on that for a few seconds. He sat down. When they were all looking at him again, he spoke.

"So, as I see it, there are two options. One is for you to all go home. The other is for you to honor the board's decision to stay here and go through my seminar." He paused. "From my perspective, just to cover all the ethical bases, I'd prefer that you either all went, or all stayed."

"But your seminar is for married people... right?" asked Roger.

"Normally, yes, I have married couples in my seminars. That doesn't mean the information isn't valid for people who are not YET in a committed relationship." He looked at Roberta. "Those of you who ARE married may be able to affect your marriage in a positive way, as a result of the seminar. That's not a promise, because I usually work with both members of a couple, but the information could be valuable."

He looked around.

"I think I can offer you all information that will, at some point in time, make your lives... and your relationships... a lot more rewarding." He frowned. "Of course," he said, waving one hand in the air, "I'll alter the curriculum to these... circumstances. I usually have exercises in the class, which, obviously, would be a problem with this group."

The one named Woody jerked, and opened his mouth.

"That's what the blood tests were for... isn't it."

Bob nodded. "I talk about anything and everything, as it pertains to sexual behavior. Some of that involves practice... home work, in your terminology." he Grinned. "Occasionally, people interact with someone other than their spouse. There could be liability issues if I weren't sure that there were no... problems."

The tall woman shuddered. "Couldn't we just find the right seminar and switch?" asked Crystal.

"I have no idea where the seminar they thought they were sending you to is," said Bob. "I doubt seriously it's here, at the Halle Center. Wouldn't continuing education be at a college or university?"

"Not necessarily," said Roger, who had been to continuing education seminars in the past. Some of them were held in conference centers, just like this.

"I'll go find out if there's anything here," said Bob. "While I'm gone, you all can discuss what you want to do."

Again, the conversation was animated. None of the group, again, with the exception of Lori, was actually happy with the sexual life they were... stuck with. They had all made allowances for their situations, and lived with things, but they also knew that things could be better. For some of them, they just didn't know HOW to make them better.

Bob's offer was appealing.

Roger, as the elder of the group, assumed command.

"I agree with Bob. If any of us goes, I think we should all go," he said. "There could be fallout if some stayed, and some went."

"What do you think we should do?" asked Jane.

"I'd like to hear what he has to say," said Roger. "I don't know if it will be worth a plug nickel or not, but I'm curious."

There was more talk... a LOT more talk. Some worried, but almost all were, like Roger, curious. They were already here. It was a nice place. Bob seemed intelligent, and didn't sugar coat things.

In the end, they decided to stay.

Bob knew he wouldn't find anything on another seminar, but he asked. Then he went back, to find out if he'd have to deal with the bureaucracy, or not.

When he got there, they had finished talking. Most of them looked comfortable. A few looked nervous, chief among them, Lori.

"We've decided to listen to what you have to say," said Roger. "We may argue with you."

"That's fine," said Bob. "You won't be the first to argue with me."

Bob picked up where he left off, but cut to the chase.

He told them that one of the "rules" in most societies was monogamy. He gave a nod to Roger and said "It prevents warfare between the men, by and large, and makes for a more manageable society, so we might assume it's a good rule."

"Sounds like you're going to disagree," said Roger.

"I am, but only from the point of the argument that, genetically, every time a man sees a woman, he evaluates her as a potential mate, and every time a woman sees a man, she does the same thing."

"Looking for the best genetic match," said Chuck.

Bob nodded. "That puts us at odds with that rule on a genetic basis, because we continually keep looking for more mates."

"I don't," said Roberta. "If my husband would pay attention to me, I wouldn't look at other men at all."

Bob smiled. "You don't THINK you're looking at other men, because you don't think ABOUT it. But you are. The thing is, that when we do that, we make decisions almost instantaneously. We put them in the 'acceptable to mate with' category or the 'not interested' category."

"I still disagree," insisted Roberta. "I'm sure I've seen, according to your theory, a lot of men who would be acceptable, but I don't throw myself at them."