Chapter 13: Jeff and Roberta

The normalcy of being seated, and giving the waitress their drink order settled Roberta, at least a little. She couldn't believe what had happened. Even more, she couldn't believe how she felt about it. She was hungry, but what she really wanted, right now, was Jeff's body, pinning her to the bed in her room. She knew she should feel like a slut, or bad for cheating, but she felt neither. All she felt was like she had been let out of prison, and was able to breath fresh air.

"You OK?" he asked, when she had sat silently for so long.

"I'm actually wonderful," she said. "How about you?"

"I don't know how to feel," he said, looking down.

"I think I know what you mean," she said. "I know how I'm SUPPOSED to be feeling right now, but I don't feel that way at all."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I'm not sorry," she said. "Not at all."

"Wow," he said. "I think I feel a little bad, but not as bad as I should... you know?"

"Yes," she said, picking up her water glass. "I've suspected for a long time that I married the wrong man, for the wrong reasons. This kind of confirms that for me."

"Really?" he asked, clearly astonished. "Are you saying you're ready to throw in the towel?"

"I may as well," she said. "He doesn't make me feel like that. I don't know if he ever did."

"Yes," said Jeff, "but sex isn't all there is."

"I know that, but it should be just as good with your husband as it is with a complete stranger... don't you think?"

"I don't know what to think. I've been expecting Melanie to file for divorce for over a year. I never thought of leaving her, because I always expected her to leave me."

"I'm not asking you for anything," said Roberta. "I wouldn't ask you to leave her."

"Are you going to leave your husband?" he asked.

The waitress arrived to take their order, and that gave Roberta time to think. She hadn't thought that far ahead. She had just submerged herself in Jeff's physical embrace, like a woman dying of thirst, who finds a pool of clear, cool water. She thought about Phillip, and wondered what he was doing. Probably working. He hadn't even kissed her goodbye when she left. He had just looked up from the computer and waved and said "Have fun." Well, she had done that, she thought wryly to herself. How would Phillip react if he knew? Would he even care?

She realized Jeff had already given the waitress his order, and that they were both waiting for her to speak.

"Pick something for me," she said.

She went back to thinking about Phillip. Could she leave him? She had no idea. She knew he'd resist that... strenuously. But she also thought it was just as likely that he'd resist because of pride, as it was because he wouldn't actually want her to go. There was the scent of perfume... strange perfume... that she sometimes smelled on his shirts, when she laundered them. There was that too. If the woman who was wearing that perfume hadn't rubbed up against his shirt, she was wearing so much perfume that no one would be able to stand anywhere near her without coughing.

She realized that the waitress had left, and looked at Jeff, who was staring at her. She tried to remember the last time she and Phillip had made love. It had been a Sunday. She knew that because the stock markets were closed, and there was nothing for him to look up on the computer. He'd actually mentioned that during their foreplay, such as that had been.