Not My Type
Copyright© 2007 by firstkiss
Chapter 1
Romantic Sex Story: Chapter 1 - It's not your typical 'pick up' at the bar as a shy wallflower finds out that just because he isn't her type, doesn't mean he isn't perfect for her
Caution: This Romantic Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa Consensual Romantic Heterosexual Oral Sex Petting Slow
The crowded bar was dark and noisy; the music loud enough that my two best friends and I had to lean in closely just to carry on a conversation. Around us the table was littered with empty beer bottles; from across the table my friend Rhiannon shot me a wide grin. "Thank God you could come tonight, Lilly; Girls' Night just isn't the same without you."
I returned Rhi's toothy smile before sending the next one in Adele's direction. The three of us had been friends forever, since our freshman year at university. We'd weathered a lot together in the last decade: boyfriends, graduation, career changes, and one wedding and subsequent divorce (Adele's experience, not mine — thankfully!)
"I'm so glad I could be here too. I feel awful for missing the last few." My job as a journalist kept me busier than I'd like to admit and deadlines had lately prevented me from attending the weekly ritual. "I just don't feel the same if I don't get to see you two on Friday night."
Adele leaned in closer as the DJ switched to another song, this one full of deep bass and wailing vocals; the empties skipped across the table to the beat. "Well you didn't miss much, Lil. Just Rhi talking about her newest conquest."
"The younger guy?" I dredged my memory for anything the voluptuous brunette might have mentioned about a new guy; nothing came to mind.
"No," Rhiannon waved her half-empty beer bottle with graceful nonchalance. "He's long gone. The new one is better."
"Better than the gorgeous twenty-three year old?" I laughed and shook my head. Rhiannon was famous for her boyfriends; she managed to always find the most interesting men.
"Well, maybe he's not as cute. But he's much better in bed."
Adele and I leaned in even closer, my shoulder-length red waves mingling with her short blond ringlets as we strained across the table to hear what Rhiannon had to say. My own sex life had been lacking of late, and living vicariously through my free-spirited friends was the best I could do.
"Tell," Adele prompted with a giggle. We both had our eyes trained on Rhiannon, whose porcelain features gave away nothing, although the mischievous spark in her brown eyes told the truth.
"Well, Ladies: I think I've finally won Man Bingo."
Adele and I went off into peals of laughter which drew curious glances from the tables around us.
"Rhi, you say that every time," I chided when I regained my breath. Man Bingo was an expression we had somehow devised in our wild university days and it was an inside joke which had never died between us. I foggily recall it being Rhiannon's expression first, and it stemmed from that instant when you first see a guy with his pants off; hopefully your reaction to his endowment can be summed up with one word: "bingo!" I hadn't felt like I'd won Man Bingo in years. Mind you, I was starting to feel like I hadn't seen a naked man in years either.
"Honestly though," Adele teased, tucking a wayward honey blond curl behind her ear. "How big can he be?"
Rhiannon laughed. "Big."
"Like regular-big or porn-star-big?" I asked with a giggle; the beer had kicked in and I could feel the weeks of work stress slipping away. Beside me Adele squirmed impatiently on her bar stool.
"Like I've-never-seen-anything-like-it-before-big." Rhiannon's smile was sly over the lip of her beer bottle. Adele's mouth dropped open. I arched a sceptical eyebrow. "No, really," the brunette laughed at our dubious expressions. "It's fabulous. I was almost scared of it the first time."
I laughed loudly; I couldn't help it. "Rhi, you've seen more dicks than a doctor; how could you be scared of one?"
"Trust me, you would have been too. I was a little worried it wouldn't fit."
"But it did?" Adele giggled and blushed.
Rhiannon's smile was Cheshire-catlike. "Eventually."
"I wish I had a penis," Adele laughed. "Wouldn't it be great?"
I shrugged. "Maybe temporarily."
"What would you do first if you had a penis for a day?" Rhi asked with a smirk.
"Get a blow job," I replied automatically. "I've always wondered why guys like them so much.
"I'd jerk off," Adele added, unable to keep from blushing. "Or get a hand job, those seem popular too."
"What about you Rhi?" I asked hesitantly; I knew her answer wouldn't be run-of-the-mill.
"I'd fuck as many girls as I could, just to see if there really was a difference between them."
Adele and I laughed.
"Of course there's a difference," Adele scolded teasingly, "each dick is different; why shouldn't each pussy be different as well?"
I signalled the waitress to bring another round; my beer was almost empty and I was feeling the need for a little liquid reinforcement. Our conversations occasionally swayed in the direction of the ribald, but I never thought I'd picture the day we were discussing what we would do with imaginary penises.
"I'd fuck both of you if it means anything," Rhiannon smiled brightly.
I buried my head in my hands and shook it in disbelief. Beside me Adele was laughing loudly.
"Oh don't be such a prude," Rhiannon admonished. "I would. I think you'd be great in bed; you've got fabulous tits and such nice curves. And Adele is so tall and slim; she could just wrap her legs around me. You're both hot; I'd fuck you both if I had a cock."
"At the same time?" Adele asked with a giggle.
"Oh my God," I cried, too embarrassed to look up at either of them. "Can we just go back to discussing something normal?"
"Like the size of Rhi's new man's dick?" Adele shoved my arm teasingly.
"Yes, please!" I cried. "Anything!"
"What do you want to know?" Rhiannon asked archly.
Adele leaned closer to Rhiannon and invited me to do the same. "Exact dimensions?"
I couldn't help but laugh; before the divorce Adele had been with Harry for seven years, yet despite her limited experience she seemed much more open to all things sexual than I was. We both watched Rhiannon expectantly.
Rhiannon leaned back on her bar stool and tossed her long brown hair carelessly over one perfectly tanned shoulder before gesturing with her hands.
I could feel my jaw drop. "Oh my God," I cried, throwing up my hands in defeat. "I give up, you always win Man Bingo! What about me? When's it my turn?"
Adele patted my arm reassuringly but said nothing; she was still recovering from her recent divorce and hadn't been dating much either. Mind you, my single status wasn't by choice; I just hadn't had any luck with a man in ages.
"I'll lend him to you, if you want," Rhi teased. "Except he's not your type."
"What's my type?" I asked wryly.
"Intelligent," Adele replied instantly.
"Boring," Rhi chimed in.
"Ha, ha," I quipped dryly, trying to make my scowl genuine.
Adele looped an arm around me in a hug. "She has a point, you know Lilly. You always date the safe guys. The accountants of life, so to speak."
"There was only one accountant!" I cried defensively.
"And a politician, a banker, a lawyer, a doctor, a teacher, a laboratory researcher, a computer programmer..." Rhiannon ticked each off on a perfectly manicured finger. "You always go for the smart, career-driven men. Maybe you need to start thinking differently."
"I don't want to date some slacker bum," I muttered into my beer, resenting that the girls knew me well enough to speak the truth; it usually hurt less when they didn't.
"They don't have to be a bum," Rhiannon admonished with a smile. "Just try someone you wouldn't normally consider."
"Like who?" I asked incredulously; trust Rhi to make it sound easy.
"Like that guy over there," Rhiannon motioned towards the bar area. "He's been checking you out all night."
I shook my head and pushed my red hair out of my eyes at the same time. "No, Rhi; he's probably been checking you and Adele out all night. I'm the ugly duckling of the group, remember?"
"You're not ugly," Adele cried, "you're adorable. So you're shorter than us, who cares? If you'd put some makeup on once and awhile you'd feel better about yourself, trust me."
"Yeah, I spent an hour getting ready for tonight," Rhiannon added teasingly. "And if only you'd show a little cleavage now and then. You have the best tits."
I buried my head in my hands again with a groan. "Look, I love you both, but I'm not going to get all slutted up just to go out with the two of you."
Rhiannon eyed my button up cardigan with mocking distain. "What do you have underneath that thing anyway? A chastity belt?"
"Fuck off," I muttered with a laugh. "It's a tank top if you must know."
"Lose the sweater then! It's hot as hell in here anyway." Rhiannon encouraged. "And then you're going to go put some lipstick on and go over and talk to that guy."
I chanced a casual glance over my shoulder at said guy and balked. He was most definitely not my type and all the lipstick in the world wouldn't change that fact. Tall, slim, dark haired, pierced, and tattooed; he didn't look a day over twenty-five and I was a little more than a year away from thirty. He also didn't look like he'd shaved in days.
I shook my head vehemently. "No," I cried as Adele leaned close to tackle the buttons which fastened my sweater closed. "This is crazy."
"No it's not," Adele countered while Rhiannon fished about in her ridiculously small handbag for lipstick. "It's brilliant. You need a man, Lilly. And he's really cute."
"He looks like a juvenile delinquent," I squealed as Rhi sprayed my cleavage with cold perfume. I felt naked without the sweater on; my white cotton tank wasn't much coverage and despite what Rhiannon had said there was a definite chill in the air.
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