Chapter 5: New Moon, Different Day

After leaving my resignation letter, I went home only long enough to dump six months of ill-laundered clothes that would probably never become clean again, and grabbed the remaining part of my casual wardrobe that I hadn't taken on tour, and threw it all into a different overnight bag. After checking over six months of accumulated mail (my rent was automatically debited from my checking account and I had no other recurring monthly bills that I hadn't paid while on the road), I skipped town as fast as I could.

Call me chicken, if you will, but I wasn't going to let everyone talk me out of my 'noble act' of quitting.

I hit Hwy 288 South and headed south for the beach and spent the entire next month being a beach bum, traveling from one small coastal town to next. Being a redhead, of course I didn't tan, but my freckle collection did increase. I fell in love with the southern Texas coast, and drove as much of it as the poor coastal county roads would allow. I especially fell in love with a small forgotten coastal town called Lovett that had an extremely casual laid-back (and clothing optional) view of life. I made a note that when I got rich and famous with my next band I was going to retire here and live the proper lifestyle of a rock and roll degenerate. The problem was, I really didn't have any urge to find another band or get back to work right away, or even to play music for just myself. I took out my acoustic guitar for a few nights camped alone on the beach, but I was never really in the mood to play for very long, and soon the only sounds that was being made was by the wind and the surf. I did write one song I rather liked, another song that didn't quite suck, and had a few odd pieces left over for fixing sometime in the future.

I returned home not much poorer than when I left, I've always been good about saving my earnings and not spending like a drunken sailor on shore leave when a tour was over. Braving the fates, I went to collect my hate mail ... and there was a lot of it. Over a dozen pleading letters from every member of the band, including five tearful ones from both Erin and Faith, together and separately, that hinted that 'special accommodations' could be made if I would return. I was much saddened, but still resolved.

A love triangle might settle the issue for the short term, but eventually Erin would have to make a choice between her two lovers that she probably by then would love nearly equally. Feelings would be hurt; someone would undoubtedly have to leave. Since I'd already left ... it just might as well be me, and I resolved to stay gone.

There were undoubtedly also untold numbers angry phone messages, possibly hundreds of them. I couldn't bear the thought of actually having to listen to them all, so I just unplugged the frantically flashing and beeping answering machine and threw it straight into the trash without playing a single message. Another problem solved.

I started to look for a new apartment so I could move and make a clean break with everyone for a year or two, and I would have gotten away with it... 'if it hadn't been for those darned kids'. Someone (probably one of my neighbors) ratted me out that I was back but moving out for good, and I soon faced Irv's mighty wrath just as I was walking out of my old empty apartment for the last time with my final box of stuff to take to the new place. I missed a clean getaway by less than five minutes.

He called me every name in the book, and I 'fessed up to some of them. I let him finish his speech, which he had obviously spent some time rehearsing and I didn't want to spoil his moment. When he finished, I said simply, "My mind hasn't changed. I've quit and I'm not coming back."

He blinked at me a few times and muttered, "Well, I wanted to hear the words from your own mouth. Still friends?"

"Forever!" I assured him, and I promised that I would get back in touch after a few months or so. He didn't ask for my new address or phone number, I think he could tell that I wouldn't even give it to him, or worse ... would lie to him.

After over half a year on the road, I would have thought that I'd be glad to be home, to stay, but I was soon nearly bored to tears.

I did try to get back into my pre-Ravens routine of teaching bass classes again and looking for a good band that would be fun to play an occasional weekend gig with. My reputation had never been higher. Bass Player Magazine did a brief story on me as a 'new rising star', and I started to receive offers from long established local working and touring bands, but I couldn't seem to find a good fit. I did eventually accept one offer from a nationally established and well known band with a big record catalog to fill in on short notice for a twenty city US tour followed by a ten city European tour after the sudden illness of their bass player.

It was a fun series of concerts, playing to stadiums and big auditoriums with tens of thousands of screaming fans (and first class groupies waiting to party backstage or at the hotel suite after the show — usually both). But although my playing was top notch and I had fully earned the respect of my illustrious peers, I was after all, just hired help, and I never quite fit in with them. Most of the group had various assorted chemical dependencies and I've never been comfortable in that sort of environment. I did enjoy seeing Europe for the first time in my life and that alone was worth my time, and the primary reason that I agreed to do the tour. At the end, there was a vague offer to stay with their organization for awhile and maybe help add redubs onto their next studio album, but I gracefully declined and they didn't press the offer.

Home once again, I found that DROoL had finished their 2nd CD, actually technically their first commercial CD to receive national and worldwide distribution under the new fat contract from the major label. It was obviously recorded and remixed in a hurry, and it included most of the older songs from their original demo CD and nothing that was new since the tour. I bought a copy and played it; it was good but I didn't think it was great. I'd heard all of the songs performed much better before. It was also little over-produced, like Byron was desperately trying to do too many things at once and had gone crazy with the over-dubs. But the main flaw to my ears seemed to be that the music just sounded flat, that no one had played particularly up to par.

It sounded nothing like our previous live shows, even the singing sounded flat and listless, as if something was missing and they were just going through the motions. The less I say of their replacement bass player, the better. His playing made me nostalgic for the MR's first original bass player, the one who just banged the root note repeatedly for every song.

My own opinion notwithstanding, most of the music critics loved the record anyway. It peaked at number eighteen on Billboard and I assumed my friends were now rolling a bit in the filthy lucre!

Right now they were just starting a short spring tour to promote the new album at a select number of dates, mostly big cities with at least a couple of days between shows. The tour seemed to be going ok, and the album was getting good airplay on the independent college radio circuit and the CD still seemed to be selling well, staying in the Billboard Top 50 all spring and summer. I did read one concert review in Rolling Stone about their Indianapolis show that suggested all was not total happiness and joy, and hinted that there was 'unrest backstage' and wondered, "What the heck happened to their original 'genius' of a bass player anyway?" Sorry, I made that last bit up, but there was a comment about the rhythm section being out of synch.

I saw further hints of trouble in paradise when Spin ran an interview with DROoL's songbirds, Erin and Faith, who gave their usual routine interview answers to most of the questions, but mentioned that they were 'playing without their musical anchor'. The interview also hinted that the girls didn't seem to be having as much fun on stage and the overall tone of the tour backstage was alike to 'the sadness and silence of a half-filled in grave'.

The apparent fact that the group after my departure was a much saddened one, significantly depressed me. I began to feel I had acted selfishly and immaturely, and had unknowingly caused my friends a good deal of hurt. I left a phone message with Bryon's answering service (they didn't quite have a permanent office and staff set up yet) saying I'd like to swing by and say 'Hi' the next time everyone was back in town and I even very bravely left my new unlisted home phone number.

A few weeks later I received a very strange phone call; it was from Erin's father, inviting me to a fancy restaurant for dinner with him and Erin's mother. I had no idea what this was all about and knew little more several hours later after we all left. I had dressed in my best (and only) suit and employed the best table manners I knew. I hadn't quite been brought up in a barn but I am fairly rough around some of the edges. All I could gather is that Erin spoke of me often, and had asked if they would 'check up on me' for her, as she was very worried and hadn't heard from me in some time.

I was glad to see that her family relations seemed to be much improved, and she called them nowadays at least once a week. I definitely got the impression that her mother knew much more than she was willing to impart to lowly me. Still, I enjoyed my evening with her parents, and might possibly have removed from them the fear that I was a deviant sex fiend and tattooed rock and roll maniac. I think we parted friends, but they kept their cards awfully close and hidden from me.

DROoL returned in early summer from their tour and everyone split their separate ways for at least the next month. Darryl headed immediately to Denver to spend some time with his girl, where he did finally pop the question. I got to catch up on things with Irv and Simon, who cautiously admitted after four or five drinks that the last half of the tour had been a 'rat-fuck'. Everyone had unanimously fired my replacement with still two shows left to go, and played the remaining shows with Irv's girlfriend.

Apparently the entire mood of the tour had been bad to start with, and everyone soon got on each other's nerves. For awhile, nearly everyone had become angry at me, because I had been seen as the anchor of the band, and now that I had deserted them, they seemed hopelessly adrift. The band more than once had nearly split, and they still seemed deeply fragmented.

I was asked if I would at least consider doing the bass lines for their next studio album that they would be starting in early August before their next tour? I wouldn't have to see either of the girls if didn't want to, and I could come in to work on doing my tracks later or earlier than everyone else, and avoid anyone I wanted. There was more than a strong hint of 'please' involved and I honestly could no longer come up with any valid reasons to decline.

I said "Yes", but I would indeed prefer to work a bit on my own, at least at first, and more importantly I'd like to get a rough demo tape of the new songs now with their lyrics so that I could take some time to provide a proper accompaniment. Also, if no one objected, I had a small original instrumental song of my own, probably a 'B' side, but I thought it would fit the band ... if they needed 'filler'.

They gleefully agreed, and I soon had the proposed track list. It included four new songs from Darryl that were quite up to his usual high standards. There were three songs from Erin, all older poems from her notebooks that I had liked very much and had bookmarked for her to use, but there was nothing 'new'. They were all absolutely beautiful and I already had ideas about how I wanted to perform them. Faith had also contributed a lovely little bittersweet song that spoke of the 'sadness of joy' and 'thorns of the rose'. A nice song full of angst that teens ought to love. Irv and Simon had even collaborated on an interesting little number of their own. Not bad at all. The tenth and last song was an old cover song that we had turned completely inside out and that we often had performed on stage. For good measure, another half dozen other songs were added to the mix as backups, but weren't expected to make the final cut this time around.

All of them seemed to be much better than my tiny contribution.

Using the rough demo tapes as a beginning, I began to craft my first rough bass line recordings. The record process continued in a very haphazard fashion the whole month, sometimes one or two folks drifting in and working for awhile but leaving right when they thought someone else might be coming in soon. Their nerves from the tour still seemed to be a bit frayed.

Occasionally Irv, Simon and I would all be there together and we'd get in some serious jamming and we developed more than a few good melody arrangements that way. It was almost like old times again. They tinkered with my arrangement for my instrumental song contribution a bit, and they thought it had some real potential and would probably make the final cut. There was also a cryptic comment that some of the other band members had been giving my tape a listen and might have an idea or two to contribute to it later.

By the end of August my work was mostly done, the band started to gather together in full force to review the raw demos in detail and started to work on the lead instrumental solos and the vocals. I still wasn't quite up to seeing Erin or Faith and I tried to avoid them. Since my work was mostly done for now, I didn't have much difficulty. Arriving late one night, I did find that Faith was still there, hours after I had expected her to have left, listening to various takes and consulting with Bryon and Irv, who tended to be the main producers for this album. Both having the best ears for listening to endless retakes and knowing which one was the exact right one to use.

She greeted me with a squeal of delight and ran up to me and just about squeezed me half to death, before rewarding me with a kiss right on the lips. Wow. She scolded me at great length and with words I could not even begin to repeat, about my overlong absence and not calling some folks who 'loved me very much and were saddened by my disappearance and negligent silence'. She then quite forgot that she was still rather angry with me and took my hand, so that she could play me the latest new vocal arrangements she and Erin had devised. I, in turn played her the instrumental song I had written and that Irv, Simon and now Darryl had just recently added their own accompaniment to. She soon left for the night, but not before kissing me goodbye, again right smack on the lips, and growled that she expected to see much more of me in the near future.