Chapter 6

Don't take it from the way that Jocerlyn talks to me, that she's a simple, naïve, uneducated little girl. Simple little Jocerlyn is top or near top in every advanced class in all subjects for her form at the high school. They had wanted to send her to another distant high school for gifted students but Gail, Flubberguts and I discussed it at some length before the commencement of year seven and decided that as good as it would have been for her education it would have been total poison to her social life. She would be spending two hours on assorted busses both in the morning and afternoon and doing school work almost every weekend not including the other non-syllabus events which she would have been expected to participate in at her new school. Presuming she made new friends at the new school that would be the only place she'd see them and she would have no time for her old friends on the weekend. I believe the workload is a nightmare.

What I feel when I hold this woman/girl is total confusion. That I love her is not denied but I love Angel too; but when I hold Angel all I want to do is hold her some more, to comfort her, to her protect from all the hurts that are out there looking for little girls like her and all them that would take advantage of her. Thirty or forty years ago I would have been one of those people and I remember it well.

However, I am no longer a twenty something year old. I do understand what is meant by damned if I do or damned if I don't. Shit, I'm old enough to know better, no matter what I do. I do truly love this girl but this simple fact certainly does not rule my reactions. There has to be a little more than immature emotions before you turn your complete life around and you put yourself into the position of losing everything you possess, love or cherish. I'm a respected member of the local community and that respect would definitely be lost. Gail would have me put into gaol for even thinking of touching her little girl. If it had been anyone but me I'd castrate someone who'd irresponsibly look sideways at this kid. Okay I'd do as much for my Angel as well and, after all, how much difference is there in between the two types of love.

An interrupting body caused some light blockage through the garage door. "Dad, Gail Smithton is on the phone, for you."

"Thanks, Angel." I helped Flubberguts to her feet and I supported her until we reached the breakfast bar where the phone is. "I presumed Flubberguts is with you slumming. I'm at home if you want to send her. Can I talk to you? I badly need a coffee and a sympathetic shoulder at the moment." She sounded very subdued.

"Why don't you come on down. If we need some privacy we can always go for a drive. Where's Raymond?"

"I'll be there in three minutes." She neatly ignored the question.

It will be noted that Gail did not knock on my front door before entering any more than her daughter did. They both knew with total certainty that I would be doing nothing whatsoever that would be so private that they couldn't see it. It's called total trust and I have never shown any of the girls in my life that I didn't warrant that trust.

Gail Riana Smithton is simply a slightly older version of Flubberguts, or more perhaps more accurately, Jocerlyn Roseanne Smithton is a younger clone of her mother. At the moment Gail looked a hundred years old - but that's beside the point. She posed hand on hip, hip akimbo, with an odd look on her face directly behind Flubberguts just watching her. Jocerlyn was seated on a stool resting her head on her hands on the breakfast bar, her eyes were closed but her body was tense. "Flubberguts, go to your room, please." I said quietly. She just swung herself off the stool without looking at either of us and walked straight down to my room in a snit. I felt my eyes widen at her choice of room but thought it politic not to verbalise it. Gail also noted where her little girl went and also without comment took over the stool.

The coffee had just finished steeping so I poured it into one of my good cups and added two sugars and a little milk placing it in front of her.

"That is part of the problem," she muttered tonelessly, "and it's all your fault." She looked exhausted. "I broke it off with Raymond this morning. I have just given him the best night of his life and told him to piss off." There was about twenty things I could have said at that point but decided that they were better left unsaid for the time being. I grabbed my coffee and placing my hand on her shoulder ushered her to sit on the lounge. We sat a little apart and she shuffled herself over until she leant against me resting her head on my shoulder. "You know that me an Flubberguts fight a lot, don't you?"

I just murmured, "Mmmm," as it was not something worthwhile commenting upon.

"Do you know what we're always fighting about?"

I cleared my throat, muttering, "No. She won't discuss it and I wouldn't dream of intruding."

"It's you! Always fucking you!"

"I'm sorry I didn't realise that I was causing you so much trouble. Is there anything that I can do to fix whatever it is that I'm doing. Anything at all."

She just turned her head to look straight at the side of my head and laughed humourlessly, "That is just the point. You don't do anything wrong." She rested her head back onto my shoulder again.

"I've two ex-wives who might disagree with you there."

"You're forgetting, I met Maria last year and she does hate your guts. But it wasn't about something you did wrong so much as you do everything right. I liked the expression she used, 'he's a sanctimonious perfectionist prick'." She sighed loudly, "She's a definite nutcase though so that's probably not a good example. What our Jocelyn's problem is that no matter who I start going out with they're not you and they're not good enough. It came to a head last weekend and she threw all the little annoying things that Raymond does into my face and that you don't do them. Any of them - and the little bitch was right! She did much the same thing with both Tony and Jonathon before and she was right then too!"

"We've had this discussion Gail! Besides I'm not sanctimonious or a perfectionist"

"We have, but did you have this discussion with her? And you don't preach at others it's just how you do things."

"No I didn't, I thought the discussion was a bit too mature for a seven year old."

"What our girl wants is for you to be either her husband or her father. She will even accept you being her lover. What she won't accept is living away from you any more. I know how she feels but, you're right, we did have that discussion. I think it might be time to reassess our priorities. You've lived alone with Angel, for what, ten years? I understood how you felt when we discussed everything eight years ago, I just think we have to reassess the situation and start anew. Clean slate. Our girl is far too important to us to leave her like this. You have to throw both Angel and Melinda into the equation now, for their best interest. Our Flubberguts will even accept sharing you with Melinda and that's a minor miracle within itself! Is it so important that we don't love each other?" Gail and I have discussed the ramifications of having the Bitch in the house; some of them were not pretty. Some of them have come into reality, one of them last night. Don't you hate it when they're always right? She was right. So I agreed with her.