Chapter 5: Tapdancing

"Mister Anderson, I assume you know the reason you've been called here tonight?"

I stood up, straightening my wool suitcoat and adjusting my tie. I looked up at the long table where the members of the Homeowner's Association sat, looking like judges at a spelling bee. The head of the HOA was staring at me through the her trifocals, trying desperately to bring my face into focus by bobbing her head up and down while keeping her eyes locked forward.

"Yes, Ma'am, I do."

"Then, Mister Anderson, I trust you realize that this is a serious matter. We are understandably very concerned about the affect someone in your... line of work, so to speak, might have on our community. This is the reason why every potential homeowner is required to apply for approval. I have here your application..."

There was a pregnant pause as she shuffled through a manila folder on the table in front of her, finally extracting the paper in question.

"... where you claim that you are a film-maker. Don't you feel that this is a bit misleading, Mister Anderson?"

"No, Ma'am, I do not. That is indeed what I do, and in fact I own and run a company for that express purpose. I make films, Ma'am. I'm a film-maker."

"Indeed, sir... there are those who might be inclined to disagree with that innocent phrasing. What you are, in fact, Mister Anderson, is a pornographer. You produce adult films of a pornographic and very graphic nature for mass distribution. Isn't that a little more accurate?"

I took a deep breath, making my collar itch as the ill-fitting shirt dragged across my skin. I counted to five, then let the breath go before answering. I leaned close to the microphone and spoke clearly and carefully.

"Ma'am, I fail to see where the details of my professional life are the concern of this association. In actuality, I find this to be a horrific breach of privacy, and feel that it's bordering on blatant discrimination... Ma'am."

The woman raised her eyes at my tone, then removed a stack of sheets from the same manila folder.

"Do you know what I have here, Mister Anderson?"

"I fail to see how I could, Ma'am."

Her eyes narrowed a bit at my impertinence, and she brandished the stack of papers, waving them for emphasis as she spoke.

"What I have here, Mister Anderson, is a signed petition, taken today for the express purpose of providing it for this hearing. In it, Mister Anderson, is the name of every... single... family on your street. Do you understand what I'm telling you, Mister Anderson? This petition was a simple one, requiring the person to sign if they wished to see you and your family leave."

I couldn't help myself. I started to smile.

"I'd thank you to take this seriously, Mister Andrews! This is a serious matter, and one that I'm afraid you don't understand the significance of!"

I grinned outright at this point, and her jaw fell open, dumbstruck. I leaned down to the microphone.

"Ma'am, let me see if I understand exactly what's going on here. You see, I deal with contracts on a daily basis, and am quite adept at 'legalese'. I have re-read the forms that we submitted when you yourself signed off on our purchase. Nowhere in those forms did I misrepresent either myself or my profession. The exact nature of the films I make was neither required nor given. You are quite aware of this fact, and as a result have no legal leg to stand on. Nevertheless, you sit there and try to intimidate me, wanting me to take my family and leave our home. In order to help your case, you show me a petition, hoping that this will scare me even further. The problem is that I am quite aware that this petition is absolutely meaningless. You simply cannot and will not intimidate me and my family. We like our home, and until a few days ago, we liked our neighbors. It may be that we decide to leave, but we will not be coerced into that decision. Now, if you are quite finished wasting all our time... ?"

There was a long pause, and I could see a few of the board members whispering to each other. There were a few small head shakes, and an almost uniform look of disgust no matter which member I glanced at. Finally the old bird leaned forward and showed me a predatory grin.

"You're excused, Mister Anderson... thank you for your time. We'll be speaking to you soon."

I got home and closed the door as quietly as I could. The kids were supposed to be asleep by now, as the meeting hadn't even begun until 8. I muttered under my breath and took the stairs two at a time, avoiding the creaks as I went. I made it to our bedroom with almost no noise, and gently opened the door. When I eased my way in, I saw Mandy lying on her side in bed. Spooned up against her front was Laney, and Mandy's arm was draped over her waist protectively. I smiled to myself and gently closed the door, holding the knob open to prevent the tongue of the door from clicking into place. I moved as quietly as I could towards my side of the bed, removing my coat and laying it gently against the rocking chair. My slight movements made a little noise, though, and Mandy's eyes opened. She gave me a smile, and raised her hand to me in a small wave. I gave her a wink, and her smile got a little wider. She put her fingers to her lips and motioned with her eyes towards Laney's sleeping form. I nodded and got undressed as quietly as I could, slipping into some oversized boxer shorts and an old Boston Red Sox T-Shirt before lifting the edge of the bedsheet and trying to distribute my weight evenly as I sank into the mattress.