Chapter 8

Somehow we managed to get the remains of my frame attached to the back of the Jeep, and got me settled into the front seat, with Melody driving and Monica hovering from the back seat. We rode home in a tense silence. I kept waiting for the shoe to drop, but neither Melody nor Monica said anything, and I simply sat in sore sullen silence, reflecting on the world as it moved through space and time. In other words, I wasn’t really thinking about anything at all, apart from the ache of my body from the crash.

Once we got home, and they got me loaded into the house, the silence started to get a bit oppressive. Melody was glaring at me, no doubt, and I was simply trying to get a grip on my emotions while continuing to take inventory of my many sore muscles and joints. Monica, bless her soul, clearly felt like a third wheel, and muttering something about having homework to do, she gave me a brief peck on the cheek, whispered something to Melody that I didn’t overhear, followed by a quick sisterly hug, and then she beat a hasty retreat from the house and into her car in record time. Once the dust of her passage cleared, I was pretty sure I was in for it. Little did I know.

Melody turned her back on me and for a moment, I thought she too was going to find an excuse to leave. Instead, I saw her shoulders start to shake, and I heard her suck in a sob. In a flash, I was up and halfway across the room before I even knew I had moved. At my touch, she turned and threw herself into my arms. I was left holding a sobbing young woman, and my heart now hurt far worse than my body. I couldn’t totally tell what her mood was: was she mad, sad, or glad? Whatever her mood it was pretty clear to even dense little ol’ me, that she was upset, and I was the source of her upset and I knew it.

“I hate you!” my sweet, sweet Melody yelled as her fits pummeled my shoulders ... then more sobs overtook her, and she fell against my chest, while still feebly hitting my shoulders... “I hate you ... I hate you ... I ... I ... I love you...”, she whimpered as her tears dampened my jersey while she buried her face in my chest and held on to me like a drowning woman holds on to a bit of flotsam.

Between sobs, she said, “Nate, you could have been killed ... Then what the hell am I supposed to do? I finally find the man I need in my life, and you go and try and get yourself killed...” and a fresh burst of tears lets loose as she fought to regain control. “I mean, shit! If you would just tell me what you’re thinking maybe, just maybe, I can help ... but you shut me out and, shit, that hurts! And the thought of having to spend the rest of my life not knowing if I had caused you to kill yourself ... and Melody started to wail again, this time in real pain.

I didn’t know quite what to do ... I wanted to sooth her, to tell her ‘everything is alright... ‘, but something, perhaps the little voice that had been in hiding before said, “Just shut up and take it!” So, I stood there and took it. I rubbed her back and shoulders, and rained small kisses onto her head while she slowly fought to regain control of herself. Finally, she wound down to sniffling, so I just held her close and didn’t say a word or think about anything but her. And for once, I was a peace with it all.

“You’re right, you know?” I said, while continuing to stroke her back. “I should have talked to you ... I really should have. But...” And Melody looked up suddenly, as if that hanging but was something bad about to happen. “I didn’t, and I’m sorry. I do love you, I really do.” And I hugged her close in a fierce hug while she continued to sniffle.

“I was being a guy, and I know it ... Look, the reason I went for a ride was because I was overwhelmed by all of, all, of ... Aw, hell, all of it!” And Melody looked at me like I was nuts or something. Maybe I was. “Listen, I love that Monica chose me to be her first. I am totally astonished that anyone wants to be with me...” And I placed my hand gently on her lips when she started to protest, “shhhh ... let me finish?” At her nod, I took a breath and plowed on. “Listen, you didn’t know me when I was an awkward, shy, bike nerd of a teenager.” That, at least, got a bit of a giggle from Melody.

“Here’s the truth, if you’re ready?” Again, Melody nodded, her eyes bright with love and support for me. I gently squeezed her hands to show that I appreciated all of it. “I’ve never been popular, or in the ‘in crowd’. I never had a girlfriend until well after high school, and I was a virgin until I was twenty-one. My first time wasn’t all that great, the girl in question settled for me when she couldn’t get the guy on my team she really was after, and it didn’t take!” Melody simply nodded and waited for more.

“So, I go from nothing as a lonely cyclist, okay bike nerd, to, in the last few months, having more than any one person could hope for in his wildest dreams, and I discover that the dream that, so many men yearn to have, is way more than I can handle. I know that a lot of men dream of having multiple partners, all young and willing, and all ready to go. Hell, it’s such a guy fantasy it’s a stereotype all its own! Well, the reality is a lot harder than the dream!” Melody giggled again, then assumed a serious look for my benefit, though the twinkle in her eyes spoke volumes. “Add to this that I’m no longer a pro cyclist. And believe me, being a pro cyclist had been my one-driving goal for so long, that once I had it, I thought it would go on forever. And it didn’t. And now I don’t know what to do with myself. And I’m afraid ... I’m afraid that once you figure out that I’m just an out of work old guy, that you’ll leave me. And that scares the shit out of me more than I thought. You see, I love you too ... and, well, I’d be lost without you!” Melody gave me a fierce hug that made my back crack, but I didn’t care because the woman I loved still wanted me!