Chapter 9

Dear Diary: Jul 15 — I still don't know why Joe and/or Val hasn't let something slip about those e-mails but not a word. Joe showed up at my apartment on Sunday night while I was drowning my sorrow about being dumped by Bill with what was left of the rum he'd brought last week. He's like the Energizer Bunny for sure. He made love to me (or fucked me, whatever) for more than an hour again. Thank God he's been fixed. (I know I've said that a lot but especially now that I don't have Bill to fall back on I can't afford to get pregnant.)

G'night

Dear Diary Jul 20 — It's been an awful week. It's one week since Bill called to tell me he's staying with the bitch and also one week since the last time Joe made love to me. I wish I could have back those photos I e-mailed to him amd Val. He's virtually ignored me all week and Val didn't call either. I know they got the photos and they must have figured out that I sent them and they're just going to ignore me. If Joe hadn't given me that huge raise I'd quit but now I can't afford to, not with the lease on the bigger apartment and not having my brother to depend on if all goes bad, I just don't know what I'm going to do,

G'night to my only friend and confidante.

Dear Diary Jul 27 — Now it's two weeks since I was with Joe. I know now for sure that he thinks (knows) I sent those photos. And Val has come to the office four times in the last two weeks but she never came here before. And they both act like I don't exist. It makes me sick to see them acting so lovey dovey since I know how she's cuckolded him and how he's cheated on her. It's like they don't care. Now I have to go to the store... I'm out of pads and my period is due to start soon, I think.

I'll write when I have something to say,

G'night.

Dear Diary Jul 31 — I'm still waiting... but not to hear from Joe or Val. I'm waiting for my period to begin. I'm always regular and according to something I wrote in here my last period started on June 28. That means that my next one should have started on July 26, five days ago. I looked it up on the Web and took a quick test. It says there's a 26% chance that I'd be pregnant except the sex I had was with a guy who's had a vasectomy so it should be a 0% chance. (Unless Joe lied but he had those doctors' letters so I know he was telling the truth. I know my period will start right away... it's late because of all the stress I've been under for the last few weeks.

Dear Diary Aug 3 — He lied to me, deceived me. I knew he was evil but didn't realize how evil he was. The doctors' letters must have been fakes. My period still hasn't arrived and it's not going to either. I waited until today and got a test kit. I peed in a cup and held the little test strip in it for five seconds. I waited for two minutes and then I saw the result... a blue + sign which means it's 99% sure that I'm pregnant. Knocked up. Have a bun in the oven. In the family way. But I have no family now. I'll either be one of those penniless single Moms or I'll be sick with guilt for ending the pregnancy. I just don't know what to do.

(Later) I found half a bottle of Joe's brandy in the cupboard and it's relaxing me. Probably bad for the little one inside me but right now that's the least of my worries. I'm convinced that Joe did not get himself 'fixed' as he claimed and that when he made love to me (No... he fucked me) he knew he might make me pregnant. And he didn't care. I wonder how Val would feel about that. Tomorrow I'm going to ask Val to come visit me for a heart to heart talk. And now I'm the most relaxed I've been since before I e-mailed those photos.

G'night Diary.

Dear Diary Aug 5 — Val came to visit me last night (Monday). Joe had gone out of town but she agreed to get a babysitter and come talk to me abut my troubles although I didn't tell her what they were. Maybe she guessed but she sure gave no indication of that.

She was quite cool (in the sense that she wasn't warm and friendly) when I asked why she and Joe had been avoiding me. She was drinking but out of consideration for the little one inside I just had water. She said at first that it was just the pressure of family and they hadn't had time but a few drinks later she let it all pour out.

They got the e-mails, all of them, and she'd known right away that I sent them because she hadn't shared her extra-marital escapades or the pictures with anyone else. She said it had hurt her but it also may have saved their marriage. Joe was now much more loving and he seemed to accept her poorly controlled lust for oversized genitalia. They were working it out and in the time since they first discussed the photos she'd had more sex than at any previous time in her life and all of it within the constraints of marriage.

I might have made a case for being angry and indignant toward her and Joe except that she knows everything. They've read you, Diary... all that I've written on this computer, i.e. all that I've written since I went to work for Joe. And Joe did lie to me bout the vasectomy but he hadn't intended to make me pregnant... not at first. It was only after I sent the e-mails and he accidentally got into all that I'd written that he and Val decided that it was a fair way to get back at me for faking my virginity (and Joe had believed me and felt guilty about it) and for planning to break up their marriage. She says that I deserve it but she also says that they accept responsibility and they will help me out financially... or take the baby as their own.

It's all too much for me to absorb in one evening. I felt strangely peaceful after Val left... and I didn't feel alone any more. I was going to be a single mother but I had two friends (including the baby's father) to help me contend.

"G'Night Diary

Dear Diary Aug 30 — I've had a busy month, what with morning sickness, feeling tired all the time, having to pee every hourand headaches and it hasn't been pleasant. I haven't seen much of Joe... he avoids me at work... but Val has been totally marvelous. She's helped me get out of my apartment lease and has moved most of my personal stuff to their basement. That's going to be my room when I move in and I'm moving there tomorrow, Sunday. I wonder if I'll still get horny when I hear them making love? I wonder if Joe is going to try to make out with me. I hope not because I don't want anything to happen that will hurt Val and my friendship. She's the closest friend I've ever had. Next time I write I'll be at their house.

G'night

SignifEvent Journal Sep 200-

Val met Irene at Irene's request early last month right after Irene figured out that I'd knocked her up. Her purpose no doubt was to castigate Val and especially me for deceiving her and thereby making her pregnant. However when she found out that we knew of her own deceptions and her attempt to destroy our marriage she was left with a shortage of ammunition for her attack. And then my soft-hearted wife said we'd help her. In fact, when Val said that we'd help her or even take the baby as our own Val says she became almost subservient in her gratefulness.

Val's soft-heartedness didn't stop there. Without asking me if I agreed she invited Irene to move in with us until after the baby is born and so, on the last day of August my pregnant secretary arrived at our house. (Actually, Val took the car and went and got her and the few belongings they hadn't already moved to our basement. And the basement room I'd built as a refuge where I could watch hockey and baseball (and where I'd first seduced Irene) was becoming her private room and future nursery.

It would have looked strange to a stranger. Actually, it was strange. Here were a man, the secretary he'd knocked up and the man's wife who also had been his secretary's lover and they were sitting primly around the living room. And drinking.