Chapter 3: Inner Sight

And so I began my new life, holding to that promise that I made to earn any kind of life at all. I had been afraid of my promise, afraid of what I would have to do. But when it came to it, I had nothing to be afraid of at all. In fact, those first weeks were the best yet of my life. The best part is that I knew, even at the time, how good it was. In the morning I arose full of excitement for a new day, and in the evening I fell onto my bed, tired but satisfied from a day full of enjoyment and purpose.

My days very quickly fell into a pattern. I would awake with the squad as the sun first peeked into the valley, and I would share their morning exercises with them. They told me that I didn't have to do it, but I wanted to share in their lives as much as I could. Then, after breakfast, I would do a short clinic checking on the various running health issues some of the squad had. After this, those in the squad who were on patrol for the day would leave. I would spend the next hour or two cleaning and washing, and then one by one, I would work my way through the soldiers who were having a rest day. By the time I had done this, with lunch thrown in, it would be late afternoon, and I had a little free time, before the patrols returned, and we shared an evening meal. Over the evening meal and then into the evening we would share each others company, with music and stories and much laughter, before falling into bed once it was truly dark.

There were many things that made me so happy.

I quickly came to think of the camp as my home. The camp was nestled in the hollow of a small valley that ran east to west. There were tall steep mountains to the north and south, with forest reaching up towards their peaks. The base of the valley between them was about a mile wide, with a river running down one side of the valley. On the opposite side of the valley, the camp was nestled on the edge of the forest partially protected by a rocky outcrop. Between the camp and the river was an open grassland where the horses roamed. Eventually we built a shelter for the horses to protect them from the wind through the depths of winter.

The centre of the camp was a log cabin which we completed not long after my new life began. The log cabin was set low into the ground, with a fairly steep roof because of the snow. In each end of the log cabin there was a window — made with logs, not glass - which could be opened when it wasn't windy or cold. One end of the log cabin was curtained off for my use, and the rest of the cabin was a single room with a large fireplace in the centre. I chose to sleep in the main room with the squad. If it was good enough the captain, then it was good enough for me. In my other life, I had lived in a stone hovel that was falling apart, and then, in the city, in a tiny dirty room with no light, so this was more than good enough for me.

Outside the camp there was a scattering of tents and log huts used for various purposes. Behind the log cabin there was a small spring, with a small pipe running out if it bringing water into my bath, and further downstream, a couple of outhouses positioned over the stream. There was also a cool cave in the mountainside where the food was stored. I thought that we were very lucky to find a place like that but it turned out that Ferret had known of the location.

We ate well. The patrols hunted, usually successfully. The captain encouraged them to hunt. Tracking, stalking and killing wild animals was good practice for doing the same to any people who tried to cross the mountains. They caught deer, and mountain goats, and once or twice a large bear. There was a prize for anyone who could catch a mountain goat with their bare hands, as they were particularly tricky to catch. Even if the patrols didn't catch a large animal, they regularly caught birds such as pigeons or petrels. So we had a regular supply of fresh meat, enough to start storing dried smoked meat in the cave for later in winter when meat wasn't so readily available. We also had good stores of grains, vegetables, oils and herbs, so we ate well. Much to my surprise, most of the soldiers were competent cooks. They took turns, each night, two of them cooking. I had never eaten so well.

So I was comfortable and eating well in the camp, in my surprise new life. But there were far more important reasons why I was enjoying myself so much.

At last, I was truly a healer. My small flock was actually in fairly good shape, so I could have stepped back and waited for things to go wrong. But this wouldn't be doing my best for my master to prepare for the darkness I foresaw for the squad as they battled with winter. And I welcomed the chance to practice prehealing, something I had longed for when I trained for all those years in the village of Undartha. I paid attention to the smallest cut each of the men had. I inspected and cleaned their teeth and insisted that they clean their mouths with the herb mixture I gave them. Not only did it protect their teeth, it made their breath smell better; I was able to get them to clean their teeth even though it did truly taste foul. It helped that the captain ordered them to use it day and night once I explained to him why. And it worked. I didn't have to pull one tooth in the whole time we were in the mountains, which pleased me greatly since I wasn't sure I could have done it. Imagine trying to hold Gong down for that!

So though my healing duties were light at that point, I felt as though I really was taking very good care of the squad, and finally, I was fulfilling my destiny as a healer. Not, perhaps, how I had originally looked for it, but I was happy.

I fell into the duties the captain gave me with joy. I had eighteen good men at my beck and call. They worshipped me. I expected they would be focused on me, as the only female within two days journey, and available too. But the adoration I got from them went far beyond that. I used all the skills I had to look attractive and available, without being too obvious, and when they were with me, I gave them my total attention, the best time I could, with no thought of holding back.

And, oh, how they repaid me! Almost all of them treated me with tenderness, respect and enthusiasm, like a lover, and at least twice a day I would get earth shattering orgasms. I felt like I had my own harem, eighteen strong, fit men just hanging out to give me the time of life. They were good men. I got to know them all well.

The captain had told me that I needed to get them into bath, and wash them. For most of them, the hardest thing about that was making them wait for the sex they hungered for until after the bath. But I knew how to control things. For me, sometimes, it was hard to make myself wait till after the bath, but I had decided early that I had to have that discipline, and they did smell terrible before their bath, so that helped me to remember.

I chose Scar as my very first. It was an easy choice, he had been nice to me from the start, and even though his face was quite disfigured from the scar, he had a nice body and I liked him. I was filled with anticipation when I called him to me. I had mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I still had a very pleasant tingling between my legs from my wonderful session with the captain the day before, and I was looking forward to more of the same. I could really get used to that. On the other hand, I was nervous and alert; I had to give my best.

I sat Scar down on the bed, and placed my hand on his arm. He placed his other hand over mine and smiled at me, that same wonderful smile he gave me on the first day we met. I was glad that I was able to choose him first. I explained what would happen, about the bath and massage, that he could have more if he wanted, and that I would speak of nothing that happened between us to anyone else. I gave this same introduction to each of the men.

"Great" was all he said.

I undressed down to my wrap, and then undressed him. I was intrigued to find that the name Scar went deeper than I thought. Like the captain, he had a wonderful hard body, though he did not radiate power in the same way. But what fascinated me was his scar: three deep parallel lines running across his chest and stomach, but fortunately stopping a little above his groin. That there was no functional effect was evident from the hardness of his erection. I sat next to him on the bed, and traced the scars with my fingers, and drew in my breath. "A bear?" I guessed from the size of the marks. He nodded. "You were very lucky then." He nodded again, and told me the story. He was with the captain, in a foreign land, hiding in the bush when they had accidentally got between a bear and it's cub. It had attacked them, and Scar had jumped in front of the captain to protect him. The bear had mauled him, but he had killed the bear with a spear. He considered himself very lucky since it had been two days before the captain had been able to get a healer to look at it. I was amazed he was still alive, this was one tough man. But they had completed the mission, he was at pains to tell me.

"Do you regret what you did?", I asked.

"I would be honoured to die for the captain", he said. "You can see for yourself what a great leader of men he is."

I nodded. I had watched him already, in the few days I had, working with each of the men, teaching them, leading them. I shivered. "He is a great man." I felt some special bond with Scar. We were bound by our service to the captain. I leaned into him, holding his chin and kissed him.

I had given some thought to the kiss question. Maybe I could avoid kissing the men, even though they had open access to the rest of my body. A kiss was so intimate, they would likely not expect or want to kiss me. But I realised that the kiss question was the same question as to what degree I was committed to my mission, to my master's desires. And I had decided that I was completely committed. I would hold nothing back. Nothing at all. If the men wanted to kiss, I would kiss them with all the passion I could imagine. But I had decided that I wouldn't initiate a kiss.

So I was rather surprised then, to find myself in a dreamy, drawn out kiss with Scar. How he felt about that captain had drawn me in. I broke the kiss, and we both breathed deeply. "Woo, and I hardly know you yet", I said, with a smile.

While I bathed him, I asked him about his past. He had grown up with the captain, served with him on the same fishing boat, and run away with him to join the army when they were just fifteen, and then served with him for twelve years.

"I do his dirty work for him." Scar said this with a smirk in his voice, as if it was a joke, but that somehow it meant something.

Dirty work... I thought about that. Maybe the dirtiest work recently had been looking after me while I was insane. I looked in his eyes.

"You looked after me?"

He nodded.

I felt weak at the knees. I actually fell in the bath. I suddenly felt empty, worthless. I was about to break into tears. I steeled myself. I would not cry. I would turn myself off and let this man use me, if he still wanted.

He reached to me and lifted my face to his. "Don't be upset. None of it's your fault, I know what happened to you."

That didn't make me feel any better. But a bitter curiosity crept over me. What had I been like during that time that didn't exist? I asked him.

"You spent almost the whole time in the meditation pose. You hardly said anything. Just a few times you cried out, mainly when we moved you, and tied you over the horse. You looked empty, it broke my heart."

Somehow, I felt a little better. I remembered deciding that I would be silent and keep as much dignity as I could. It seemed that it had worked. But my bodily functions had gone on, and while I had stunk when I recovered, I had evidently been cleaned. So Scar had done that? So much for dignity.

It was as if Scar could read my mind. "Yes, I cleaned you. I felt honoured to do it. But you shouldn't feel humiliated. We've all cared for mates who have been badly injured and done the same for them."

I blinked. Yes, and I wouldn't have hesitated to do the same for any of them if they were wounded, nor would I think anything of it. I grabbed Scars hand and kissed it. "Thank you."

Scar pulled on my hand and pulled me forward into him with a splash. He pulled me up and kissed me forcefully on the lips. He broke off, and said, "You have won our respect by the way you carried yourself. Now, show me a good time."

I laughed, and as he stood, I dried him off. I couldn't help it, I knelt before him, took him in my mouth and made him come. I watched his eyes, and he watched mine till his eyes rolled into his head. I was impressed though, he didn't fall down. I think the captain would've.

I gave him a long deep massage. He was cooing with pleasure when I finally finished and I sat over him to take him into me. As soon as I did, he sat up, held me tight and kissed me. He took control of me, lifting me up and down with one hand while exploring my body with the other and my mouth with his tongue. I'd never had such intimacy before, it really blew my mind. I could feel myself getting worked up towards an orgasm. Scar was taking me along for the ride. I didn't need to help, in fact I couldn't do anything. I broke the kiss. As much as a loved it, I just couldn't hold myself together anymore.

When I recovered, I looked into his eyes. He smiled and kissed me. I sighed. "I was noisy wasn't I?." He nodded and smirked. Well, I wasn't having that, I was supposed to be the expert, the one in control. I squeezed his erection, still hard within me, and he shut his eyes and sighed. Time to make up for lost ground. I wasn't used to this — I rarely came before the man, if at all. What had come over me?

When we had finished, I felt like I'd made up for lost ground. Scar had come again, and then I'd brought him to the dry orgasm that some men get when they are empty and exhausted but still completely turned on.

Scar held me tight and said "Thanks for the good time." The inflexion in his voice told me how deeply he meant it. I snuggled up to him and kissed him. I wasn't sure I would be able to cope if it was always as emotionally intense as that.

But mostly, it wasn't that intense. Most of the men were very straightforward. They liked me undressing them, they liked me washing them, they liked the massage, they really liked it when they screwed me, and they loved it when I sucked their dick. No emotional involvement, just straightforward sex.

Not all of the squad wanted sex. Digger was a good example. He was one of about half the squad who had families, and the first time he came to me, he told me that he loved his wife and that he didn't feel right cheating on her. I didn't know that such honourable men existed, and I told him so. He smiled, and told me that he hoped I would find one.

"Ha, I don't think I have any chance now", I told him.

He thought differently. He said that the squad had been very doubtful about me, but that I had won their respect. This was a common theme, that I'd won their respect, and they were comfortable sharing themselves with me. It was important to all of them that they believed that I would never say anything to anyone about what happened in my parlour. I told him that, that no one would ever know what happened in here, but he said that he would know. Ok, I said, so I'm here to do whatever you want. A bath and a massage were fine, he said, but no more. So I didn't get undressed, and did my best to give him a bath and a massage without making them sexual. But he got an erection anyway. The second time I served him, he told me, stuff it, he needed to come, and I brought him to orgasm with my hands. It was the same with all of them. They all wanted me naked, and by the end of the winter I had taken every one of them in my mouth, though several of them had refrained from having sex with me. I didn't mind.

So they all adored me. None more so that Junior. He was the youngest of the squad, barely a babe. I wondered why he was here. He was so very nervous when he first came to me, shaking like a leaf. I sat him down on the bed, and held his hand.

"You're nervous" I said. He nodded. "Is this your first time?." He nodded again. I smiled at him. I enjoyed virgins. I'd seen a fair few, their father's would bring them in for an education. I usually ended up educating the father too while I was at it. So I taught Junior about sex, how to pleasure a woman, what to expect from a woman. He learnt well, and after a few times he was one of the men who could reliably give me an orgasm.

It certainly helped me understand their health, being so intimate with them all. One of the most important times was when I was lying in their arms, relaxed and mellow, when we finished. I managed to get nearly all of them into this habit. While they were doing this I concentrated on their aura, and put everything together, the feel of their bodies, the sound of their breathing, the taste of their seed. I listed to their heartbeat slowing and tried to work out how they really were. I started keeping a score for each of them, points for how much energy they had, for any sore spots on their body, for how happy they were. I kept a little diary, with their names, the day, and how they were.