Chapter 9

Travis had insisted on casual dress, so Connie and I arrived at his house about noon, dressed in jeans, flannel shirts and boots. I'd been here only once before, more than a year ago, and I was extremely nervous as I rang the doorbell. Connie gripped my hand tightly in reassurance.

Travis opened the door and waved us inside, simultaneously yelling, "Jakey, Auntie Jean is here!"

Little Jake peered around his mother's skirts at me and said, "Dat's not Auntie Jean."

Connie stepped forward, knelt on the rug and held out her arms. "How about Auntie Connie? You wanna come see me instead?"

Jake grinned and toddled forward, holding up his arms and yelling, "Up! Up! Want up!"

I got a hug from Katherine and another from Travis as we got our coats and boots off and settled on the couch. Connie was playing peek-a-boo with Jake, who was basking in the attention. It looked like Katherine was pregnant, about four or five months' worth, which she confirmed when asked. Jake was two, she said, and this pregnancy has been planned. They were hoping for a girl.

Travis sat in his recliner, drinking beer and listening while I caught up with family news as related by Kathy. Valerie, my older sister, was in Germany, training to be a helicopter pilot. Margaret, my younger sister, had completed her third year at the Air Force Academy in Colorado. Ryan, my youngest brother, was working the farm with Dad. Since Travis had made the Police his chosen career, the farm would go to Ryan when Dad died.

I helped set the table and renewed my efforts at getting to know my nephew by tickling him. This proved to be immensely pleasurable; Connie and I had him on the floor squealing when the doorbell rang. Travis answered the door.

Dad looked about the same as he always did, except his hair was shorter and had a little more gray in it. Travis shut the door and my dad took off his coat.

Dad held out his arms and I accepted an embrace and a kiss on the cheek.

He studied me for a moment and said, "Hello, Jeanie."

I blushed and answered, "Hi, Daddy."

Travis asked, "Where's the rest of the family?"

Dad shrugged apologetically. "Your mom is sick. Ryan stayed home to help her."

Travis gave Dad a doubtful look, but he didn't say anything.

Jake ran up and hollered, "Up, gampa, up!" My dad picked him up and tickled him, smiling.

Dad gave Connie the once-over, an assessing look I knew she noticed. She held her head high and met his gaze, though, and at the end of it Dad stuck out his hand.

"I'm Howard. You must be Connie. Pleased to meet you."

Connie shook his hand and said, "Yes sir, I'm Connie. Nice to meet you, Howard."

Travis sat at the head of the table and carved the turkey; Kathy sat at the foot and served the ham. Jake was in his high chair next to Kathy, and my father sat on the opposite side of the table from Connie and me.

Dad said grace to start the meal and the conversation flowed rather easily, considering the situation. Travis and Connie told anecdotes from work, and I answered the few questions directed at me. Connie rested her left hand on my thigh through most of the meal, squeezing it rather firmly when she noticed me getting jittery.

I was nervous; who knew what the final outcome would be? Dad seemed pleasant and accepting, but I had my doubts as to his sincerity. I ate, but the little I managed to choke down formed lumps in my stomach. After the dishes were cleared, I went to the bathroom for a breather.

I peed and tried to calm myself; my father wasn't an ogre, he was a parent. I didn't know exactly what his feelings were, but I could use my imagination. Would I feel the same way if one of my kids did something I didn't condone? All I could do was wait and see what the rest of the afternoon would bring.

When I opened the door and stepped out, my dad was sitting on the phone bench, apparently waiting for the bathroom.

"Sorry I took so long. I've got a bellyache."

"Oh, I'm not waitin' on the room, darlin'. I'm waitin' on you," he said with a smile.

I took a step toward him and he rose, hugging me to him. I fought back the tears, but they came anyway. For several minutes, he and I just hugged each other. When I stepped out of his arms, he provided a clean hanky and I blew my nose.

He chuckled, "Just like old times, ain't it?"

I had to laugh; it was like old times.

Dad got serious and said, "Jeanie, can we talk a little bit? I haven't seen you in so long, and I've missed you."

I nodded and he kissed my cheek; the remembered smell of his favorite after-shave filled my nose.

We found a quiet spot on the back porch and settled into the overstuffed chairs. Dad lit a smoke and began to speak.

"You're looking good. Are you happy with Connie?"

"Yes, Daddy, I am," I replied. "She makes me very happy."

"She's a pretty girl. Tall, too."

I laughed. "Yeah, she is."

"Do you love her?" he asked.

In answer, I showed him my ring. "Yes, I love her. Very much."

Dad thought for a minute and said, "I don't know what to do to help heal the friction between you and your mother. I know she misses you, but she's a stubborn woman at times."

Having had several days to think about seeing my parents again, I uttered the words I'd rehearsed in my mind, over and over.

"You can tell her I'm sorry, and that I didn't mean to cause her any pain. I think she's disappointed in me more than anything else."

"Not in you, personally, Jeanie. It's more about your behavior than anything."

"For her, I guess it is," I said. "For me, it's the only way I feel good inside. I don't want to be like her, and I can't be like her. I can't feel for a man the way she does, and I don't want babies."

He leaned back, thoughtful and silent. After a moment he said, "You never told her that before."

"She never asked, and it wouldn't have done me any good to say it. She wouldn't have listened to me."

Dad reached over and patted my knee. "Okay, Jeanie, but I would like to help."

"I know, " I said, "but talking to her was so frustrating."

He chuckled softly. "At times, it can be."

There was a minute or two more of silence, then he said, "I'll go home tonight and talk to her, see if I can't get her to understand how you feel. I can't make no promises, but I'll try."

"Thanks. I appreciate that."

"Us older folks, we get set in our ways sometimes, and it's really hard to change our minds."

"I know," I said. I gathered my nerve and asked, "Are you okay with it? Connie and me, I mean?"

"Yes, honey, I am," he replied. "I don't understand it completely; maybe I never will. I accept it, though, and I'm happy for you."

"Thank you, Daddy," I said. "That means a lot."

We hugged then, a warm, friendly hug of love and comfort. It felt really peaceful, like I'd regained a lost treasure.

For the rest of the afternoon, I enjoyed being with my family again, even though it wasn't complete. Dad and Travis watched a little bit of football in the den, and Connie and I helped Kathy with the dishes. Jake was his usual self, running from place to place, lingering wherever he could get the most attention. I snacked on leftovers, suddenly ravenously hungry.