Chapter 16

The next morning, their father was already gone when they got up. The car was gone too. Their mother was fixing breakfast. She didn’t turn around and look at them when they came in, and her shoulders looked stiff. They sat down, quietly, uncomfortable with their knowledge now that they could see this strange woman they had known all their lives.

“Your father had to go to a meeting up in Atlanta,’ she said, still not turning to face them.

“Oh,’ said Nathan. “Mamma... ‘ he said. She almost turned. “I don’t know if I’m going to take that job or not, Mamma.’

“You’re a grown man,’ she said. “You’ll do what you have to do.’

Marian let out a yelp as hot grease burned her hand and grabbed at a towel. She banged the pan onto another burner and then grabbed the handle with the same towel and turned around to serve them, only to see the table empty ... unset. She stood there, holding the pan as her face crumbled.

“I behaved badly last night,’ she said, misery in her voice. Her shoulders began to shake.

Bernadette got up and took the pan from her. Hilda Mae got up and got plates to put on the table. Nathan went to his mother and took her in his arms. She melted against him, sobbing.

“I’m so sorry you had to hear that last night,’ she sobbed. “You must think I’m a whore.’

Everyone stopped, and the only sound was their mother’s broken-hearted crying. Then, as if they had been put on pause, and then activated again, they went on. Bernadette shoveled eggs and bacon onto plates, and Hilda Mae got silverware, then glasses. By the time she had them on the table, Bernadette was there with a bottle of milk, and poured. Nathan just held his mother.

“It’s okay, Mamma,’ he said softly. Her hair smelled like his sister’s hair. He shoved that thought away. “Daddy talked to us.’

His mother stiffened in his arms, and she looked up, uncomprehending. She couldn’t believe that Harvey would have been able to explain the savage needs she felt sometimes, or the way he met them.

“He said we’d understand when we were older,’ said Nathan. “It’s okay, Mamma, really. Don’t ever call yourself a whore, Mamma,’ he pleaded. “You’re our Mamma and we love you.’

The girls joined the hug, crying also, though they couldn’t explain why. Everyone swayed, holding on to everyone else. Finally Marian pushed them back. Bernadette handed her the towel and she wiped her eyes. They sat and ate quietly. Finally, Marian was able to look up.

“Thank you,’ she said softly, looking back down again immediately.

The incident was never mentioned again, either in the house, or out of it.

They got to school late because they pedaled very slowly. They pedaled slowly because they didn’t want to face Curtis Lee. When they got there it was quiet, the older ones bent over their desks, practicing writing longhand, and Flossie working on letters with the younger ones.

“We got a late start,’ said Nathan, in explanation.

“That’s fine. You all write very well already anyway,’ said Flossie.

Curtis Lee looked up, and met Nathan’s eyes, but then he looked back down again. It just so happened that the desk next to Curtis Lee was vacant. Bernadette and Hilda Mae slipped into other seats, so Nathan had to either sit next to the boy, or six seats away ... an obvious snub. When he sat down, he looked over, to find Curtis Lee looking sideways at him.

“What are we s’posed to do?’ asked Nathan, trying to be casual.

Curtis Lee showed him the page he was copying from a book onto butcher paper. The paper had been used to wrap meat, and the pencil slipped sometimes. Nathan hadn’t seen a real tablet since he came to this town. Other children were writing on the back of scraps of wallpaper, or pieces of newspaper, simply writing on top of what was already there. Somehow, they could see what they did. So could Flossie, who came to stand between them.

“Your penmanship is excellent,’ said Flossie, looking at Curtis Lee’s work. She was used to all the children now, and didn’t guard her tongue as well as she had in the beginning. “If you were white you could pass the test to register to vote with penmanship that good.’ She realized Nathan was sitting right beside her, but it was too late. He didn’t say anything ... didn’t react at all, in fact, and she was surprised.

“You want me to copy too?’ the boy asked her.

“No, we’re almost done. As I said, your penmanship is impeccable.’

She went back to wrap up with the little ones.

Nathan looked around and then said softly under his breath “Thanks for not telling.’

Curtis Lee looked uncomfortable. “What white folks do is none of my business,’ he said.

It was as if a wall had been built instantly, and Nathan, for the first time in his life, felt what it was like to be shut out by another person his age. He didn’t like that feeling. Even worse, he didn’t know what to do about it.

“Well thanks anyway,’ he finally whispered. “I mean that.’

“Curtis Lee?’ called out Flossie.

“The rope on that tire swing out in the yard has been broken for two weeks now. I got Mr. Hawthorn to give me an old one. Would you and Nathan get that swing fixed so we can have a proper recess?’ She went to a cubby hole and retrieved a coil of rope, holding it out.

Both boys stood up, looking uncertain. Johnnie Sue stood up. “I’ll do it Miss Flossie,’ she said animatedly.

“Let the bigger boys do the climbing this time, Johnnie Sue,’ said Flossie, smiling.

Nathan reached for the rope, and they went outside. It was an easy climb, and Curtis Lee started up gracefully. Nathan found the tire leaning against the tree, and untied the old knot, having to work at it for a while because it was tight. When he got done he looked up to see Curtis Lee staring down at him.

The only thing he could think of to say came to his lips again.

“Thanks. I mean it.’

“I don’t have a sister,’ said Curtis Lee.

“It’s complicated,’ said Nathan, helplessly.

“Didn’t look complicated,’ said Curtis Lee, softly. He had been dreading seeing them this morning too. He had expected Nathan to threaten him, not thank him. Now he was curious.

Nathan had expectations of Curtis Lee that hadn’t been met too. He had expected Curtis Lee to blab it to everyone. That’s what he’d have done ... back in Atlanta ... he realized. But he wasn’t back in Atlanta. This was a whole new world he was in.

“We got curious,’ he said tentatively. “You know, because of health class.’

“I’m not sure,’ said Curtis Lee carefully, “but I ‘spect you wasn’t s’posed to get that curious.’

“I know,’ sighed Nathan, throwing the loose end of the rope up. Curtis Lee caught it and made a quick knot around the tree limb. He left the broken rope right where it was, since it wouldn’t get in the way. “I’m tellin’ you, Curtis Lee, that sex is powerful ... stuff.’

“I could see that,’ said Curtis Lee. “Can I ask ... what was it like?’ He stayed in the tree, just in case Nathan took offense to asking what oral sex with a white girl was like.

Nathan didn’t think about it that way. Had it been his girlfriend Curtis Lee had seen, he might have. He would have demanded their privacy. But being caught with his sisters was something completely different, and he thought about that completely differently.

“I don’t know if I can explain it,’ he said. “I mean, to say it was fun isn’t right, because ... I don’t know ... I didn’t do it for fun. I feel something for them ... something powerful ... and it sort of makes me want to do things I know I shouldn’t.’

“You think you’re in love with your sisters?’ Curtis Lee said, incredulous.

“No, it’s not that,’ insisted Nathan. “I mean I do love them, but it’s not like I want to marry them, or have sex with them or anything like that.’ He looked confused. “At least I don’t think I do.’

“Iff’n I were you, I think I’d shy clear of that ... if you haven’t already... ‘ Curtis Lee stopped talking.

“No, we haven’t done that,’ said Nathan, urgency in his voice, and a clear desire for the other boy to understand the truth of his denial.

“Well, like I said, what white folks do is none of my business,’ said Curtis Lee, getting back on familiar ground. He hadn’t talked to a white boy this frankly ... ever. “But I think I’d try not to do that.’

“Don’t you think about having sex?’ asked Nathan.

“Sure ... all the time,’ admitted Curtis Lee, feeling uncomfortable again.

“So what do you do?’ asked Nathan, honestly curious.

“Same thing you do,’ said Curtis Lee. Then his face wrinkled up. “I mean ... you know ... like I said, I don’t have a sister ... I masturbate.’

“That’s all I used to do,’ said Nathan, feeling uncharacteristically honest. “But then they wanted to see me do it ... and things kind of got carried away.’

“I guess they did,’ agreed the other boy.

“So ... how come you didn’t tell?’ asked Nathan, still curious.

“Like I said ... not my business.’

“You could have blackmailed us,’ said Nathan.

“A nigger boy, blackmailing a white boy and two white girls?’ asked Curtis Lee, incredulous. “I’m not looking to get hanged.’

“Oh,’ said Nathan, uncomfortable, for some reason with Curtis Lee’s self characterization and the image the rest of his comment provoked. “You’re not a nigger, you know,’ he finally added, almost shyly.

“Thank you,’ said Curtis Lee, climbing down. “But there’s folks in this town that would disagree with you.’ He held out his hand and grabbed the rope. “And those people got nice new rope.’

“I know,’ said Nathan.

“What do I do if they try to talk to me too?’ asked Curtis Lee suddenly.

“Who?’ asked Nathan, thinking of the men with the nice new ropes.

“Your sisters,’ said Curtis Lee.

“I don’t know,’ said Nathan. “Talk to them, I guess.’

“You wouldn’t get mad if I talked to them?’ asked the other boy.

“You talk to them all the time,’ said Nathan.

“Not after what I saw,’ he said.

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.’

“They’re all embarrassed now, and probably hate me.’ said Curtis Lee. “I don’t want to get in trouble just for seeing them ... you know?’

“That isn’t going to happen,’ said Nathan firmly. “We weren’t supposed to be there, and we weren’t supposed to be doing ... what we were doing.’ He looked at Curtis Lee. “In fact, they haven’t said one word about that.’

“I was sure they’d come for me,’ sighed Curtis Lee. “Seeing a white girl naked is a killing thing.’

“Not this time,’ said Nathan. “You didn’t tell, and we owe you for that. Besides, if they complained about you seeing them, people would find out I did too.’

“They might whip you,’ said Curtis Lee. “They’d hang me.’

Just then the children started coming out of the school house, and the boys had to lift up the tire and tie the new rope on. Soon the bigger children were pushing the smaller ones through the air. Nathan was standing off to one side, watching, when his sisters came up to him, questions in their eyes.

“Did he say anything?’ asked Hilda Mae anxiously.

“He said that if anyone finds out he saw you two naked, he’ll probably swing from a rope for it,’ said Nathan.

Both girls looked horrified.

“But that’s not right!’ said Bernadette, her voice hushed.

“That’s what he thinks.’

“But he didn’t even do anything!’ said Hilda Mae.

“I know that,’ said Nathan. “But you know what Daddy would do if he found out any colored man saw you naked.’

“But he didn’t do anything!’ said Bernadette, repeating what her sister had said.

“He was colored, and he was there and he saw you naked. That’s all Daddy would care about,’ said Nathan. “Curtis Lee knows that too, and he’s scared.’

“I’ll talk to him,’ said Bernadette.

“That’s one of the things he’s worried about,’ said Nathan.

Bernadette looked confused. “Why would he be worried about me talking to him?’

“Because he saw you naked, and you know he saw you naked. I guess most white girls would have already screamed their heads off about that by now.’

“Well then what am I supposed to do?’ she asked, frustrated.

“I don’t have the foggiest idea, Bernie,’ admitted her brother.

Because she couldn’t think of anything to do, Bernadette did what came naturally when someone is trying to appear non-threatening. Whenever she caught Curtis Lee’s eye, she smiled. It was, at least to some extent, a forced smile. It was intentional, that is, rather than natural. But Curtis Lee couldn’t tell that. All he saw was a white girl, who he had seen naked, smiling at him. It was very confusing to him, because he couldn’t tell if that was a feral smile, as in “I have you now, my pretty, and your little dog too!’, or a real smile, as in “You saw me naked, and that just doesn’t make me all that unhappy.’ He didn’t know what to think.

The next thing that happened that would have far-reaching consequences was when Nathan went for a bike ride one night after supper. He had gotten into the habit of going out for three reasons. First, he was bored. He no longer enjoyed watching TV, with his father making a running, and usually negative commentary on what was showing. Second, it got him away from his sisters. The three teens had all agreed to slow things down, after being seen by Curtis Lee. They were afraid to go back to the fire barn, and didn’t have any place else to go. As such, Nathan hadn’t had a chance yet to taste Bernadette, but he was nervous about that. He’d been having dreams lately, about his sisters, and in one of them he’d stuck way more in their pussies than just his tongue. Being away from them made it a little easier to deal with things. He could duck into the woods and masturbate, for instance, and there was no chance his sisters would catch him at it, strip naked and cause him, as he saw it, to lose control.

The third reason was that he just enjoyed moving around. He saw things through different eyes these days, and actually looked at things now ... buildings ... people ... even vehicles. He’d polished up the old fire engine while he’d been living in the fire barn, and it now sparkled. Seeing it spruced up let him look at other things in town and imagine what they might look like spruced up too. While he didn’t know it, part of liking to be out on his own had to do with his building desire to be free of parental restraint. Going out each night had begun to bring about a situation where, his being gone didn’t seem odd any more. In the beginning, he was questioned quite closely, by both his mother and father, about where he was going and what he was doing. Now, they barely looked away from the TV when he left the house.

On this night, he happened to be pedaling at a side of town he’d never been in before. Here the houses were smaller and scattered, with large gardens between them, and huge old oak trees that leaned over the houses like protecting hands. At the very edge of town was one that was bigger, but looked different. The architecture was more along the lines of a barn or outbuilding, rather than a house. Clearly, though, someone lived there, because there were flowers planted along both sides of the front door. There was no garden, and no car or truck. There was also no dog, something he was aware of on an unconscious level. As he stood there looking at the place, the door opened and a woman came out. She was dressed in baggy clothes that were way too big for her, and her head was wrapped in a towel or rag of some kind. She was a Negro, but her hands had large areas of white on them, as if her skin were different colored there. About the time he realized it was paint on her hands, she looked over at him.

“Nathan!’ she said, plainly surprised.

“Miss Flossie?’ He gaped.

“What on Earth are you doing here?’ she asked.

“I was just out for a ride. What are you doing here?’ he asked.

“I live here!’ she said, as if he should know that.