Chapter 18: Mary

I went to Still Waters one Wednesday. I thought Anne would be there, and she was. Out by the pool in the sun. I went and lay beside her on the lounge.

"Hi," I said.

"It's Wednesday. You usually don't come on Wednesday any more. I'm glad to see you."

"I wanted to see you. Talk some."

"Anything wrong?"

"No, Anne, I just felt like I hadn't been with you for a while, and I wanted to spend some time."

"Good. I've missed you."

"Have I been away so long?"

"Not really, of course. You're always here and always your wonderful self. But I've felt the same thing. I've missed the closeness we had."

"Yeah. That's it. I've been around you, but we haven't been close in a while. When did that happen?"

"I guess it was when you went to Colorado last summer with Will and your folks. When you came back, you were a different person. Still you. Still the Mary I — we all — love. But different."

"It was a very important time for me, Anne. I saw Mom and Dad being themselves. We sort of submerged ourselves in each other."

"Will told me. He said it was beautiful, the way the three of you almost swept away all those awful years and loved each other."

"Did he tell you about the drawing he did out at the ranch?"

"He said he did one of you watching your folks make love."

"Anne, it was beautiful. My mom burst into tears when she looked at it. She hugged Will for about an hour, it seemed. It made me cry, too."

"And when you came back, you were different. Better, but I don't think you realized it."

"I knew I felt better. More together. Closer to being whole, if you know what I mean."

"Yeah. That's what it felt like to me."

I turned and hugged her for a while. She hugged me back.

"'S funny, you know," I said in her ear, "I came back and went to work just like nothing happened, only the whole world was different. I just can't describe it." I laid back again in the hot sun.

"First thing you did was talk to Sarah about helping the girls."

"Was it? Well, almost the first. I always used to shy away from teaching little girls, you know. I just couldn't handle their pain."

"Because of your own, you mean?"

"Yeah, but I didn't realize it then, except that I really felt for Jane. Only began to think about it since we started the Riders."

"But it was strange, too. You were a hell of a lot better — that is, you seemed so much more at peace. But at the same time, you kind of had a shell around you. Even when I talked to you last summer, after you got back. You understood what I meant, but the shell was still there."

"Really? Gee, I hope I didn't hurt anyone's feelings. I sure wasn't aware of it."

"Well, you really didn't hurt anyone. In the first place, you were pretty much your old self around us."

"That's good. You guys are home base for me. Without you all, I'd be lost."

"Oh, I think that's going too far. You're a tough girl underneath it all. It took toughness to get through eighteen years without a mom and still be a great person."

"Just the same..."

"Just the same, I know what you mean. We're all support for each other. Look how Tom's blossomed out. When we first knew him, he wasn't sure he'd make it through college."

"Yeah. Now, we all rely on him as Mr. Steady."

"Right... No, with us you were fine. But you really shut the rest of the world out, you know. You put all the energy you had into your work, your riding and the girls. And bless you for it, it's done them a world of good."

"They're coming along."

"You're happy with Ken, that's clear."

"God, yes. Anne, one reason I came today was to say 'Thank you' for wising me up that day."

"None needed, Mary. You were so funny, though, mooning around like..."

"Well, that's over. I don't know why I didn't see it."

"Mary, you didn't see anything from the time you got home last summer until you finally lit out after Ken Chance."

"Really?

"Know when we met Ken?"

"No."

"Last fall, just after Labor Day. We were at the stables one day after you'd won another show. He was there, too. We all got to know him, like him. I don't think you even saw him."

"I sure don't remember seeing him."

"You didn't see him at all until Easter, when he was helping out May."

"And I nearly snapped his head off. What must he have thought of me?"

"Ask him. None of us ever said anything to him, we just used to talk and kid around at shows, and when he'd be hanging out at the stables, drooling over you."

"Oh, come on."

"No, really. He's a big boy, he wasn't obvious, and he handled it well. But there wasn't one of us who didn't see he was crazy about you. We were all rooting for him."

I just sat there for a while in the sunshine. A lot had happened that I'd missed.