Chapter 3

"I'd really like to marry you."

Astrid looked up at Ray. He was so adorable. He was a perfect gentleman, yet she knew she wasn't in love with him. She did love him but not the way a woman loves a man.

"Ray, we've been through this before."

Ray groaned and got up. Laurie was crawling on the carpet floor around her mother. Astrid sat on the floor with her daughter that lazy Sunday afternoon.

"I want to be with you. I mean I do have the right to do that don't I?"

Astrid smiled. "Do you love me?"

Ray scoffed. "What? Of course I do!"

Astrid nodded. "No. I mean do you really LOVE me?"

Ray sighed. It was the same thing all the time. For over a year he'd been trying to convince Astrid to marry him but she wouldn't. He only wanted to do the right thing. He wanted Laurie to have a mother and father, although that was already the case; he wanted her to grow up seeing her mother and father together, not living in separate homes.

"I do love you. I want Laurie to see us living together and being in love."

"You want to portray that all American family dream huh?"

Ray nodded.

"It's not going to happen Ray. We love each other as friends not husband and wife."

"Why do you have to be so difficult Astrid? What's wrong with wanting to be a family?"

Astrid grabbed Laurie and held her in her arms. "There's nothing wrong with that, but it is wrong if mommy and daddy only married for the sake of the child."

Ray ran his fingers through his hair and paced the room. He knew he'd never convince Astrid to marry him. He knew he wasn't in love with her but did love her as a friend and because she was his baby's mother.

"Alright. I won't pressure you anymore," he blurted.

Astrid laughed softly. "Sure you won't."

Ray smiled and knelt down to look at his beautiful daughter. "You two are the most important women in my life you know that?"

Astrid reached out and touched his handsome face. "You mean the world to me Ray. I just don't want us to marry and then hate each other. This way you'll never hate me."

"I could never hate you," Ray said taking her hand and kissing it. "You had my baby, that's the most precious gift you could ever give me."

They both watched their baby girl struggle herself out of Astrid's arms and crawl to her father. Astrid laughed heartily. "Aww she wants her daddy."

"C'mere my princess. What do you say we take her to the park today? Let's buy some hotdogs and sit out on the park enjoy this sunny day?"

"Sounds good," Astrid responded never taking her eyes off her baby.

"Darling? Are you ok?"

Vicky looked up and realized Jeff was eyeing her. She knew he'd been talking hadn't heard what he'd been saying. It had been Ray's birthday earlier that week and that's all she could think of. She'd never forgotten his birthday and always became sad when it came around.

"I-I'm fine love. I'm sorry I'm just distracted."

Jeff smiled sweetly. He couldn't believe how lucky he was. He'd fallen in love with Vicky since he first saw her. He knew deep down she didn't love him the way a woman loves a man but she admired him and wanted his companionship and he didn't mind at all. He'd love her until the day he died and he enjoyed more than anything being a father to Jason even at his age.

"I was asking if you wanted to go out to dinner tonight that's all." Jeff took a sip of his morning coffee.

Vicky shrugged. After all these years why did she still think of Ray? Why couldn't she just be in love with her handsome husband? She adored Jeff, but she didn't love him and he knew that. He was a terrific father for Jason though. But she knew Ray would have made a wonderful father too.

"Sure we can. Brianna can stay with Jason tonight." Brianna was hired by Jeff to care for Jason while he and Vicky worked. She no longer lived with them but was always on call ready to care for Jason whenever it was needed.

"That sounds great. I'm starting my vacation tonight so I wanted to start with the woman I love." Jeff reached over and put his hand over Vicky's.

Vicky forced a smile. "Around eight tonight?"

He nodded.

13 years later

"I've decided I want to be a doctor," Jason blurted out.

Vicky and Jeff looked up at their sixteen year old amazed. "You do?" They both said in unison.

Jason nodded proudly. "Yup. Just like dad."

Jeff felt pride cover his entire face. "If that's what you really want son. I say go for it! I'd figure you'd want to be a writer. Remember all those quirky short stories you used to write?"

Vicky smiled. She felt her heart melt. A writer just like his father. That wouldn't be so bad. But she knew how much Jason had grown to love Jeff. He'd read Jeff's medical books and often visit him at the hospital. It was almost no surprise that he'd want to follow his father's footsteps.

"It's a hard field but you've been into medicine since you were six years old. I'm sure it'll be a piece of cake for you!" Vicky commented.

Jason chugged down his soda and belched.

Vicky frowned. "Excuse you.

"Sorry," Jason apologized and Jeff laughed. "It won't be easy mom, but I love it. I can't think of anything else I'd rather do. I want to be a plastic surgeon just like dad. Hope to get accepted to Stanford and move out to California. Manny said he'd go with me. He's still obsessed about being an actor."

"Of course Manny will follow you. You two have been inseparable since you were in fourth grade!"

"So he's my best friend. Now if you want to know who is inseparable, it's Manny and Kelly. Now THEY are joined at the hip!"

Vicky laughed. "Those two will never break up. If it were the middle ages they'd already be married with five babies."

Jason rolled his eyes. "Yeah tell me about it."

"Well I'm glad to hear my son is going places. Glad to know I did something right," Jeff said proudly.

Jason patted his dad's back. "You are the best father anyone could ask for."

Vicky winced. She wondered if he'd say the same thing to Ray.

"Daddy! What are you doing here?" Laurie yelped as she heard the front door open. Ray had decided to visit her knowing she'd just got out of school.

Ray held out his arms. "What? Your father can't visit you?"

Laurie ran to her father and wrapped her arms around him. "I'm glad you're here! I hope I can go over this weekend. You've been too busy traveling to even notice I'm alive."

Ray kissed his daughter's forehead. "Are you kidding? You're all I think about!"

"What about me? What am I? Chop liver?" Astrid called out as she entered the room.

"Hey mom. Oh, guess what?" Astrid squealed. "I got all A's this semester! And you told me if I got all A's-"

Astrid sighed. "Yes! I know! I know! You could go to France with your father."

Laurie looked at Ray with desperate eyes. "Remember daddy, you agreed too!"

Ray smiled. "Yeah, yeah. I always agree to what you say. You are one spoiled brat."

Astrid hugged her father. "Yay! I get to go! I'm going France! I'm going to France!" She chanted.

Astrid eyed Ray. "Sweetie, why don't you go change out of your school clothes I have to talk to your father."

Laurie obeyed and left her parents alone. Astrid was silent for a moment. She wasn't sure how to tell Ray. But telling Ray wouldn't be the hardest. It was going to be telling Astrid that would be the most difficult.

Ray sensed something was wrong. He couldn't quite figure it out. For some time now Astrid had been quieter. She wasn't her usual cheerful self. "So, what's on your mind?" Ray asked.

Astrid tucked her hair behind her ear and took a deep breath. "Well ... I don't know where to begin so I'm just going to say it. I've got cancer."

Ray felt as if his knees would give and he'd fall on the ground. "What?"

"Yeah. Cancer. I have it," Astrid repeated trying to keep a forced smile on her pretty face.

"B-b-but..." Ray didn't know what to say.

"It's ok. I've come to accept it. Ovarian cancer. I had some pain last year but I figured it was from stress or something minor. Turns out it was my ovaries. It has spreading though. It's in my lungs and now attacking my bones and soon enough it'll just take over my entire body."

"A-are you ... are you going to have chemo?" Ray could barely speak. His eyes were already filling with tears.

"No."

Ray was shocked. "What? Why not?"

"It's already too late Ray. It's spreading fast. Even if I do get chemo, it's not going to work. It'll just let me stay on this fuckin' earth just a bit longer."

"So what? At least stay for Laurie. Don't you think she'd want you to stick around as much as possible? I know I would."

Astrid was losing her cool. She began to shake and her bottom lip trembled. Ray had never seen her like this. She was always so calm and collective. He had never seen her sad. Or cry for that matter.

"I-I'm scared," Astrid whispered. Then she broke down and sobbed like a child.

Ray rushed towards her and held her tight. "I'm sorry baby. I'm so sorry." He cried into her soft hair. She still smelled so sweet.

Astrid slowly eased her embrace and looked up at Ray. "Take her to France. Let her have the time of her life and then when she comes back I'll tell her."

Ray shook his head. "No! I can't take her. She needs to be with you now more than ever."

"B-but I promised she could go. Please Ray. It'll only be for two weeks. Let her enjoy it and then we can deal with this when you return."

Ray couldn't stop his tears. "How can you expect me to be on the other side of the world pretending to have a good time while I know you are here suffering? I can't do that Astrid."

She pushed away. She was upset and he knew she was only trying to do the best for Laurie. "I shouldn't have told you. I should have kept my mouth shut!"

"And then what? I would have found out about it eventually. Astrid, we don't know how much time you will have on this earth so let's make the best of it."

Astrid's tears rained down like a waterfall. "I hate that this happened to me! Why was I so stupid? I should have gone to the doctor when my pain began and then maybe I could have been saved! Damnit!"

Ray walked towards her and put his arms around her again. "I love you Astrid. Please, let us be there for you. Please."

She cried hard. Ray couldn't hold back his tears anymore than she could. Just then they heard Laurie. They both separated and wiped their own tears.

"What's wrong?" Laurie asked. She was 12, not even a teenager yet. She was tall, lean and beautiful just like her mother. She looked lost as she stared at her parents.

"Laurie, sweetie, I have something to tell you..." Astrid began.

"So when's dad supposed to be home?" Jason asked peeking into the kitchen.

Vicky had started cooking dinner. She looked at the kitchen clock and began to worry. "He was supposed to be home about 30 minutes ago. He is flying from Sao Paulo remember. There was probably a delay."

Jason gave the clock another look. "I hope that's what it is. I don't know why but I got a bad feeling."

Vicky gave her son a warning look. "Don't say that."

"I worry about dad sometimes you know. Traveling so much."

Vicky laughed. "You want to travel just like him don't you?"

Jason nodded. "Yeah but I'm not worried about me. I just worry about him."

Hours before, Vicky and Jason were unaware that the plane traveling from Brazil to the USA had hit major turbulence. Jeff had been on that plane. He was all too familiar with the warnings in case a plane crashes. He felt the turbulence but didn't fear anything until he saw a few flight attendants worried faces and heard a few children crying. The plane shook more and harder. Jeff's heart raced and he had no way in calling Vicky or his son to say how much he loved them. That plane did crash. There were no survivors.

Four Years Later

Laurie walked into her father's office late afternoon. She was dressed quite posh with her black pin strip pants and white button up top. Ray had told her they'd have dinner to celebrate Astrid's birthday. Ever since Astrid had passed away three years before, they still celebrated her birthday. It had been Laurie's idea.

Ray heard a knock at his office. He turned away from his computer to see his beautiful sixteen year old smiling at him. She was even taller now, lean and her jet-black hair was past her shoulders. "Hey dad. Almost ready?"

"Yup, let me just finish up here. Why don't you go on and wait for me in the lobby. I've just got to get a few things typed out."

Laurie nodded. "Don't take too long. I'm starved." With that, she closed the door and only her footsteps were heard as she walked away.

Ray could hardly believe she was already driving and soon would be finishing high school and moving on to college and ... oh it was all so accelerating! It seemed it was just yesterday he carried her in his arms and now she was all grown up. It hadn't been easy for Laurie growing up without a mother. Ray often feared she'd turn out to become a rebellious teenager but luckily she didn't. She and Ray were closer than ever, almost like best friends. She'd talk about the boys at school and had dated one or two young men but never anything serious.

Once Ray was finished with his work, he headed down to the lobby and found Laurie talking to Elisa, the co-editor of Enchant. Elisa was in her early 40's very stylish but unfortunately also very married.

"Hey! Here's the man!" Elisa called out. "I was just telling your daughter she ought to consider modeling."

Ray laughed. "Modeling?"

Laurie narrowed her blue eyes. "What? You don't think I could?"

Ray gulped. "N-no that's not what I meant..."

"Oh men! They sure know the right thing to say to us ladies now don't they?" Elisa teased.

"I think it'd be fun," Laurie sounded excited.

Ray shrugged. "I guess. Maybe just for fun. I know a lot of young girls who let modeling take over their entire lives. I don't want that for you."

Laurie looked at Elisa with hopeful eyes. "Do you really think I have a good shot?"

Elise cupped Laurie's chin and turned her face to the side. "Hmm ... let's see ... the nose is good, the cheekbones are gorgeous, and oh look at your long eyelashes! You are tall, thin and a knockout ... yeah I say you got a good chance."

Laurie blushed.

"Uh ... sweetie why don't you go wait for me in the car I got to talk to Elisa for a minute."

Laurie groaned. "First I wait in the lobby now you want me to wait in the car. Jesus Christ dad!" She pouted.

"I'm sorry honey. It'll just take a few minutes."

Laurie left and Ray turned to Elisa with a serious look on his face. "Look, I think it's great that you think my daughter has potential to be a model, but please try not to encourage her."

Elisa looked shocked. "Why?"

Ray sighed. "Because I've seen what the modeling business has done to several young girls. You got eating disorders, older men who con them into sleeping with them and too much traveling. She can't handle that at her age."

Elisa smiled weakly. " I understand Ray. It's not like I was asking her to be a major model you know. I just meant a few photo shoots for our up and coming teen magazine. Just modeling for jeans ... things like that. Nothing too big. I promise I wouldn't have her traveling. She could do photo shoots three or four times a year ... tops."

Ray thought about it. If Laurie really wanted to model she could. She could make some decent money she could set aside for when she went to college. It could be good.

As it turned out, it became a little too good. After a year of modeling for the teen magazine, Laurie was then introduced to major modeling agents. They had seen her pictures and were amazed by the young beauty. Ray made her wait until she graduated at least. So, by age eighteen, she was on her way to Paris, France to be on some of the best runway shows ever.

"What? Red beans and rice again? Are we on a Cajun diet again?" Manny turned over the rice with his fork.

"That's all we could afford wiseass," Kelly retorted. She sat down to eat with her long time boyfriend. Long time meaning they'd been together since junior high. Manny had decided to move to California with his best friend Jason in his pursuit to be an actor. He figured California is where all with the dream went but soon discovered California was a bitch. The weather was beautiful but it was expensive. If you didn't have a good job you were fucked. He was waiting on tables at night while attending UCLA during the day and Kelly was working at a beauty salon as a receptionist and going to beauty school at night to try to get her license to become a professional hairstylist. It was tough but they had each other and that's all that mattered.

"I should call Jason up having him bring us some pizza or Chinese. This sucks," Manny complained.

"I know it does, but we can't be turning to Jason every time we are down and out."

Just then there was a knock at the door. The door was only a few inches away from the dinner table, in their tiny apartment. "Who is it?" Manny asked angrily.

"It's me," Jason's voice came from the other side.

Manny jumped up and his smile quickly disappeared when he heard a female voice. "And me!"

He looked at Kelly disappointingly. "Why did she have to come too?" He asked quietly.

Kelly shrugged. "She is his girlfriend you know. Let's play nice."

Manny went to open the door and found his best friend standing with his girlfriend next to him. Sara, that was her name. She was gorgeous he had to admit but there was always something about her that Manny didn't like. Maybe it was the way she looked at other men when Jason didn't notice. Or maybe it was the fact that she'd come on to Manny once when she was drunk. Though Manny never mentioned it to Jason of course. Jason was smitten by this girl. It had to be just her looks because everything else about her was ugly.

"Hey bro what's up?" Manny greeted his best friend. Kelly was now next to Manny eyeing Sara, who she too wasn't too fond of, after hearing what Manny had told her about Sara hitting on him.

"Come in," Kelly said invitingly. "What brings you guys here?"

"We were about to go have pizza and thought you guys might want to come along." Jason said then looked towards their table. "But I see you already got dinner going on."

Manny laughed nervously. "Yeah red beans and rice if you can believe that."

Jason laughed. "Again? Damn Cajun diet."

Kelly looked embarrassed. "We didn't' have much choice."

Jason looked as his friends who he cared about so much. He hated seeing them live this way. He was lucky to have had a father that left him enough money for his medical education and room and board. He lived in a decent apartment alone on campus. He'd helped Manny and Kelly before many times and he didn't mind. They were the only people left in his life that he cared about, besides his mother back in Chicago.

"Well, put on your jackets because tonight you DO have a choice," Jason said proudly.

Kelly and Manny rushed to get their beat up jackets on. Jason put his arm around Sara. She moved away slightly.

"What?" He asked confused.

"Why did you have to invite them? I mean I thought we were just going to stop by to have a quick drink or something."

"C'mon, they barely have anything to eat. I can't be rude."

Sara scoffed. "Of course they barely have anything to eat, look at Manny. He's a wannabe Brad Pitt. And Kelly..."

Just then Manny and Kelly showed up wearing their best jackets. "Ok are we ready to go?" Kelly asked.

Jason gulped and could only nod. If he wasn't so in love with Sara, he might have sent her home for talking about his best friends that way.

~Four Years Later~

"Stanford, here I come!" Jason declared. He'd finished his undergraduate school and now was well on his way to Medical school.

"So we are hardly going to see you now huh?" Kelly asked.

Jason, Manny, Kelly, Sara and Vicky who had visited from Chicago to see her son graduate college, were all sitting and enjoying dinner at a quiet Italian restaurant.

"You guys will see me don't you worry about that!" Jason assured.

Vicky sipped her wine. She was so proud of her son. At first she was afraid he'd wander off and leave his studies, but he stuck to them and now he was going to medical school.

"Well, he'll have time for me then you guys," Sara said semi teasingly but everyone knew she meant it.

Vicky didn't like the way Sara clung on to her son. The way she talked to his friends and the way she hardly talked to her. Jason was too much in love. Love was blind after all. Vicky could only hope he'd find a young lady that would treat him good. But he'd been with Sara all this time. Vicky feared he'd ask Sara to marry him. Then they would ALL be stuck with Sara.

~Two Years Later~

Having traveled to Paris, London, Tokyo, Sydney and Milan, not to mention a thousand other cities, Laurie was ready to call it quits. Modeling had been nice ... for a while. It was also hard work not easy like one might think. She had to constantly diet, got very little sleep and even when she was sick, she still had to look her best. She'd been doing it since age 16 and now after six years, she was ready to do something different. She hadn't even gone to college and now she thought it was time.

"What do you want to do?" Ray asked his daughter. He was visiting her in the apartment she'd been living in since she was 19. It was a two-bedroom condo overlooking the ocean. She found it and loved it and made it her first buy after her first major modeling contract.

"I don't know. I was thinking maybe design. I love clothes you know that. I think I could be a designer. What do you think?"

Ray remembered a model telling him the same thing a long time ago. "If that's what you really want to do honey I say go for it!"

"Or I was thinking ... photography."

Ray stopped breathing for a moment. "Really? Like your mom huh?"

Laurie smiled sweetly. "Yes. Remember I used to love to take pictures. I know some photographers can be real jerks because I've worked with some. I wouldn't be a jerk to the models. I'd be nice."

Ray laughed. "I'm sure you would be."

"I still don't know yet. I love design and photography."

"You can always major in two things," Ray explained.

Laurie shrugged. "I guess so. I was thinking of enrolling in UCLA perhaps."

"That sounds perfect," Ray said relived to see his daughter had made up her mind about college.

Jason hadn't wanted to go visit his mother but he did. He had been avoiding her phone calls and emails. He didn't have the balls to tell her "I dropped out of medical school."

It hadn't been intentional, but as he continued his fantasy medical career, he discovered it wasn't for him. All these years of medical education gone to waste. How would his mother take that? He felt like a failure. She'd be furious. But then again she'd find out sooner or later.

Victoria was waiting for him at home. She'd already discovered Jason's secret. When he hadn't returned her phone calls or emails, she'd phoned the school and they said Jason was no longer there. She figured it was a mistake but called three times and the same answer. She paced the living room waiting to give Jason an earful.

Jason walked in quietly and spotted his mother standing by the window. He put down his suitcase and quietly closed the door. He had a bad vibe.