Chapter 1

Vicky held on to her pillow tight. Ray undressed slowly, as he always did, teasing her. He loved her so much and couldn't wait to get into bed with her but he liked to take his time with his girl. Vicky tossed her long red hair back and giggled. She was getting impatient.

"Are you going to make love to me today Ray Milton or am I going to have to play with myself again?"

Ray stopped before taking off his boxer shorts. "Excuse me? Did you just say you want to play with yourself?" He sat on the bed and raised an eyebrow. "By all means darling, as long as I get to watch."

Vicky laughed softly. "I knew you'd say that, you pervert!"

Ray reached over and took the pillow that was held by her naked body and tossed it to the floor. "Look sweetheart, don't be telling me you're going to do something and not do it."

Vicky blushed. She put her arms around his neck and pulled him close. She pressed her lips against his and soon their tongues touched. She loved how he kissed her and how his big hands explored her naked body.

"Oh Ray, my love, my darling," Vicky whispered in between kisses.

Ray's hand moved down to her breasts. He held her hard nipples between his fingers and began to play with them, knowing that always drove Vicky wild.

"Oooh! Oh fuck!" Vicky cried out.

"You like that, don't you love?" Ray murmured in her ear.

"Take me Ray. Please," Vicky implored.

Ray quickly removed his boxer's and slid into bed with the woman he loved more than anything in the world.

Ray had met Vicky over three years ago at the college orientation. She was a nursing major while he was going for his journalism degree. He was a year ahead of her but when they had asked him if he wanted to volunteer to be a freshman mentor he almost didn't agree. The last thing he had wanted was to spend the first few hours of the day showing some lost freshman around. Even though he was glad he had a mentor when he'd arrived at the college.

He showed up that Friday before classes began the following week and saw everyone was being paired up with the freshmen. It was as if fate had brought her to him. She stood by the wall looking lost, lonely and scared. Her red hair was pulled back in a ponytail and her green eyes could be seen from a mile away. She wore a knee length red and black plaid skirt and a tight black turtle neck with knee high black boots. Ray swallowed hard when he saw her. It was love at first sight.

By lucky he got her to be in his group. It was Vicky and three other students that even up until this day Ray doesn't remember. He only remembered her. She was quiet at first. She was so shy, yet so beautiful. She was the most beautiful young lady he'd ever seen.

After the tour of the college and answering questions, the group broke up each student going their own way but Ray stayed behind watching to see where Vicky was going. He saw her holding on to her putting her notepad in her backpack. She'd been busy taking notes. Not once did she ask a question but she took plenty of notes. Ray smiled. He loved just looking at her.

Vicky's hands trembled as she closed her backpack. The mentor had been such a gorgeous man! She had tons of questions she had wanted to ask but she didn't dare. She always got so shy around men that gorgeous. She thought about those deep brown eyes and his dark silky short hair. He was tall, almost 6 feet, towering over her. He wasn't the type of man you see every day. He seemed smart, funny, gorgeous, sweet, gorgeous, admirable, and did she mention gorgeous? Suddenly she felt someone staring at her from behind. She wanted to turn but was almost scared to. She went on and tossed her backpack over her shoulder and walked away.

Ray watched her and quickly ran to catch up to her. He had to talk to her. There was no way he was letting this girl go.

"Hey! Hey!" He shouted trying to get her attention. He felt like a jerk for not knowing her name.

Vicky heard someone calling out something. She turned and saw the same gorgeous mentor running towards her. He smiled sweetly as he approached her making her heart pound.

"Hey, oh I'm sorry I never got your name," He said breathlessly finally standing in front of her.

Vicky licked her dry lips. "Victoria. Well ... Vicky. Most people call me Vicky."

Ray felt his heart racing, not because he'd just finish running after her. "Hi Vicky. I'm Ray, but you probably knew that already since I introduced myself earlier."

She shyly nodded.

"So ... where you headed off to?"

She shrugged and looked down. "Just going to my dorm to finish unpacking."

"Ah, I see. You met your roommate yet?"

Vicky nodded.

Ray was so nervous. She was shy and reserved but he felt so comfortable talking to her. "I was just going to ask, when you're done unpacking and if you're not too tired, you'd want to maybe grab a cup of coffee later on tonight?"

Vicky slowly looked up at him. His eyes bore into hers. He seemed so confident and she liked that. He'd had the balls to ask her out and he liked that even more. "Um ... yeah. I mean sure."

Ray exhaled. "Really?"

Vicky smiled shyly. "Yes."

"Ok, great! Uh do you mind if I walk you back to your dorm?" He couldn't stop staring at her pretty face.

"I don't mind," She managed to whisper.

They walked back to her dorm and she'd agreed for him to pick her up at seven that night. They went out that night and coffee led to dinner, dinner lead to more dates, more dates led to long lingering kisses, which then led to true love.

Ray and Vicky had been living together for over a year. They had found a cheap but cozy one-bedroom apartment not too far from campus. They were madly in love and had talked about marriage a few times. Deep down Ray knew Vicky was his soul mate. He knew everything about her. He knew what got her mad, what made her happy, sad and even what food she liked to eat. It was almost as if they were already married.

Vicky loved Ray more than anything and did want to marry him. She did however, want to finish school first. Ray was already finished and was currently doing an internship for a fashion magazine. He worked evenings waiting tables at a fancy downtown restaurant to help pay for the bills. Vicky also held a part-time job at a nursing home three days out of the week after classes.

They were barely making ends meet but life was good. They had each other and nothing else mattered. Once they were finished with their education and got into the real word, making real money, life would be sweet.

It was almost Christmas time when Vicky realized she hadn't been feeling well.

"It's probably that pesky flu that's going around," Ray assured her.

She'd been nauseous, tired and had already missed a week of work because of it.

"I probably won't be able to buy Christmas presents because of this," she warned him.

Ray put his arms around her. "So what? Your health is more important. Why don't I take you to the doctor's tomorrow?"

Vicky hated going to the doctor. She'd always been in perfect health. She figured it was about time she got sick. It was probably the flu or just stress. She agreed to go to the doctor hoping it wasn't anything serious.

"What if they tell me I have cancer?" Vicky asked Ray in a trembling voice.

Ray's smile faded. "How can you say that sweetheart? Please don't say that?"

"But what if?" Vicky asked.

He kissed her forehead and cupped face in his hands. "Look, if it IS cancer, we'll deal with it. Don't think I'm going to go away if it's cancer or anything else for that matter. I'll always be here for you. I hope you know that."

Vicky looked into her man's eyes. He was so sincere and gentle. He was assuring her that he would love her no matter what. She felt so at ease when he looked into her eyes.

"I love you," she said softly.

Ray kissed her lips gently. "I love you."

They held each other tight, both secretly hoping it wasn't anything serious.

Vicky's jaw dropped when the doctor gave her the news.

Doctor Laughlin, a tall pretty brunette with short hair smiled sweetly at her.

"W-what?" Vicky asked feeling her eyes fill with tears.

"You're pregnant! Congratulations!"

Vicky sat still for a moment. She felt as if she was glued to the chair at the doctor's office. For some odd, sick reason, she had hoped the doctor would say she had the flu or something else, not a baby!

"Ms. Jensen? Hello?"

Vicky could hear Dr. Laughlin's voice far away.

Vicky wanted to make time stand still for just a moment so she could think straight. It was all so fast. She'd been on the pill, why had this happened? They make birth control so things like this don't happen damnit!

"Ms. Jensen?"

Vicky took a deep breath and tears spilled down her pretty face.

"Did you want me to call your husband? He's in the waiting room right?"

Vicky nodded. "He's not my husband," she said barely audible.

"Excuse me?" Dr. Laughlin asked leaning closer to her.

"I said he's not my husband!" Vicky snapped. She hadn't meant to snap but she did.

"Oh," Dr. Laughlin said quietly. "Your ... boyfriend?"

Vicky nodded.

Dr. Laughlin stood up and moved towards Vicky. She placed a friendly hand on her shoulder. "It's going to be ok Ms. Jensen. I'll go get him and you can tell him. If that's ok with you?"

Vicky nodded again. Dr. Laughlin left the room. Vicky sat in the cold, unfriendly doctor's room all alone. She looked down at her flat tummy, which would soon swell up. She sobbed quietly.

A few minutes later Dr. Laughlin let Ray in and muttered something to him and then closed the door leaving the two lovers together. Ray stared down at his woman and felt sudden fear. What if it was cancer? Oh God!

"Sweetheart?" Ray approached her slowly.

Vicky continued to sob. Ray took a seat next to her and put his arms around her. "What is it darling? Are you ok?"

Vicky held him tight and cried hard. It was only a baby, nothing like cancer or some horrible illness. Why was she acting as if it was the end of the world? Because she wasn't ready for a child. She still had school to finish, to look for a job and to be able to enjoy the rest of her 20's without having to worry about changing diapers, or getting up in the middle of the night to feed a crying baby. She was only 21 for Christ sakes! She wasn't a teenager but she wasn't ready to be a mom. She could barely take care of herself!

"Vicky, baby, tell me please," Ray said softly.

Vicky looked up at him. Her eyes water, red and swollen.

"Is it bad baby?" Ray asked concerned. He brushed her hair away from her face.

"I'm ... I'm pregnant." Vicky said it flat out.

Ray gasped. "What?"

"I'm pregnant!" Vicky shouted. She pulled away from him and stood up. She began pacing the room.

"P-pregnant? But how?"

She stopped and glared at him. "How do you think?"

"Well I know how, I'm just asking ... you know I thought you were on the pill."

"I am on the pill!" Vicky raised her voice again. "The fucking pill doesn't protect you 100% obviously! Now look at me! I'm pregnant! Why? Why us?"

Ray stood up and put his hands on the side of her arms. "It's ok sweetie. Let's just talk about this."

Vicky felt her lower lip trembling. "There's nothing to talk about! It's already done! What now? What the fuck are we going to do?"

"What do you mean?" Ray asked almost shocked.

"I don't want to have this baby and I know you don't either! I mean we are barely making ends meet for crying out loud! How in the world are we going to take care of a child?"

Ray gulped. "I-I don't know. We can manage-"

"Manage?" Vicky cut him off. She pulled away from him again. "Manage? What?"

Ray sighed. "Well, I don't know!" He knew he was raising his voice.

"That's right you don't know! It's easy for you! You're a man. You can just get up and walk away from this anytime! I'm going to be the one stuck with a fat belly and swollen feet and a bratty kid who wakes me up in the middle of the night wanting for me to feed them! I'm going to be the one to suffer! Not you! YOU don't have to worry about anything!"

Ray felt his heart sink. "How can you say that? Vicky, I love you. I wouldn't leave you because of this."

"Look, there's a simple solution. Abortion." She couldn't believe she said it, but it was too late. She saw the way his eyes filled with tears.

"What?" Ray choked.

"Abortion. I'll have an abortion," Vicky said quietly.

Ray couldn't breathe for a moment. He wanted to hold back his tears but it was impossible. "You're not serious."

Vicky flashed him angry eyes. "Yes I am."

Ray felt tears roll down his face. He wiped them away quickly. "Vicky, let's just talk about this."

Vicky quickly nodded. "There's nothing to talk about. It's my decision and I think it's best for me to get rid of it."

Ray inhaled and slowly exhaled. "It's part of me too you know."

Vicky forced a laugh. "Part of you? You say that now and then you'll end up hating me when you realize your career never happened because of this child." She moved closer to him and held his hands. "Ray, believe me it's for the best."

Ray released her hands. He was fuming. "Let's talk about this at home."

They drove home in silence. Vicky watched through the window of the car people buying Christmas trees. She saw families going into the toy stores and she tried to imagine herself doing the same thing but couldn't.

Ray wanted to say something but he feared he might say something he'd regret. How could she even think of abortion? It was the dirtiest word he'd ever heard. He loved her, what else did she want from him?

Vicky loved Ray so much but a baby was just too soon! She'd been taking the pill so this wouldn't happen. But it had happened and she wasn't ready. She still had so much she wanted to do in her life. She wasn't about to let a baby stop her.

Once at the apartment, Vicky and Ray stood in front of each other not saying a word at first. Ray ran his hand through his thick hair and kept trying to breathe right.

"So I'm the scum of the earth right?" Vicky asked softly.

"What?" Ray asked confused.

"I want an abortion and that makes me scum. You know it's funny, they give women so many choices but when she makes a "wrong" choice, everyone treats her like shit."

"Vicky, why do you want an abortion? I mean besides the fact that you say you're not ready for a child."

Vicky looked down and then her looked up into his eyes. "That's just it. I'm not ready. I already feel it. Ray, I didn't want a child. Why do you think I've been on the pill? If I had wanted a baby, I wouldn't have been taking birth control."

"But you don't think we can do this? I mean seriously, we are both adults. We're not teenagers. It's not like we don't have an education."

She looked into his eyes again for a long time. "I'm not ready. How else can I put it?"

Ray sighed impatiently. "What about what I think?"

"You're not the one having this baby," Vicky raised her voice slightly.