Chapter 45

I looked up as I stepped out of the car. It was well past dark but I could tell that the sky was overcast. No moon or stars were visible. Though not as forbidding as thunder and lightning, it still fit the occasion of visiting this woman who gave birth to me so many years ago so she could confess her sins to me before her death.

The hospice was in low light mode. I'd been here before, when Daddy's expertise had been needed for one of the patients and he brought me along on a follow-up visit. They did their best to make the place bright and cheerful when people were around. But it was after 8:00, visiting hours were over and there weren't a lot of people wandering the hallways.

We entered through some double doors into a big room with chairs and couches set up to make private conversation areas. Patients who weren't completely bed-ridden could escape their rooms to visit their friends and relatives in a different environment. In turn, relatives didn't have to visit loved ones in the rooms where they would most likely die. This was the room Daddy had dropped me off in when he brought me to the hospice before.

There was a combination reception / nurses station at the far end of the room. Three hallways shot out from it like spokes of a wheel; one to each side and one to the back. The nurse brightened up upon seeing Daddy. He introduced me to her and explained I hadn't seen my mother for years and my visit might take a while. She told me to take as much time as I wanted and made me promise to call her if there was anything I needed.

Daddy held my hand as we walked down the hallway to the left. I squeezed it and said, "Daddy, how can you afford this place? I know she's not on your policy."

"No, she's not. I'm actually getting it as a professional courtesy. I've helped out a lot over the years and never charged for my services. Sometimes those things come back to you."

"I bet you still argued with them about paying, didn't you?"

He sighed. "Guilty as charged."

I squeezed again. "I have such good men in my life."

We came to an open door and Daddy stopped, knocking a couple of times on the doorframe before entering. The woman from the tournament was in the only bed in the room, sitting up with a couple of pillows behind her. This room was lit normally.

Daddy said, "Hello, Vivian."

"Hello, Jonny. Hello, Jillian."

I said, "Hello."

She smiled a bit and looked at my father. "That's it? No Hello Mother or Mommy or Mom?"

I said, "Hello, Vivian."

She chuckled and shook her head once. "Well, I guess I can't really expect more than that." She looked back at my father. "She's grown up strong. You did a good job, Jonny."

He said, "I did the best I could."

I moved next to him and wrapped my arm around his waist

Vivian said, "Are you going to stay here and protect her?"

"No, I just have some things to talk to you about and then I'm going to leave the two of you together."

"No referees, huh?"

"No referees."

"OK. Tell me what you came for and let me talk to my daughter."

He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out an envelope, then got a pen from his shirt pocket. He handed them to her. "Wanda has a friend at school who will be glad to pay $500 for your car. I figured I'd put the money in a trust account for Laurie."

"Use it to buy her some clothes or food or something."

"I already told you, Vivian. I'll take care of her."

"But she's not your kid. How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"You can tell me as many times as you want. I'm still going to make sure she doesn't do without."

"God, you always were such a nice guy. Shame I wasn't in the market for a nice guy, isn't it?"

"Just sign the pink slip, Vivian."

"Boy, I'm going to miss that old thing. But these people won't let me drive to the store so I guess I might as well sell it. Hand me that book on the table there, Jillian."

There was a leather bound book with JOURNAL carved in the leather. I gave it to her.

"Thanks. Where do I sign, Jonny?"

He leaned over and pointed to the line. Her handwriting was very tight, as if she was tensing up as she wrote.

"You'll take care of writing down the milage and sending in this other form to the DMV, right? I'd hate to have them come after me a year from now if this kid gets a ticket or something."

He took the form back but she held onto the pen.

"I'll take care of all the forms."

"Good. That's one thing that won't keep me up at night. This is a nice pen. Can I keep it?"

"Sure."

"Don't worry, it will be right here with my Journal. You're on the list to get my personal effects."

"I'll make sure Jill gets your underwear."

She chuckled again. "God, Jonny. You always could make me laugh. Jill wouldn't want to touch that. I haven't been very good in the control department for a week or so. Imagine, a thirty six year old woman wearing diapers. It's not that long ago I got Laurie out of them."

"How are you feeling, Vivian?"

"Like shit. How do you think I'm feeling?"

"They said you would have a morphine drip."

"I do. I haven't used it since you called this afternoon. I can't be spaced out when I talk to my daughter."

He reached over and brushed a couple of hairs off her forehead. "I understand. If you don't need me for anything else, I'm going to take off and let the two of you talk."

"I think that's best, Jonny. Have I told you that you're a saint?"

"Several times."

"Well, you are. I can't imagine what Laurie would have to go through without you. Take care, Jonny. Let Laurie know that I'll be watching her."

"I will, Baby. You take some of that morphine if the pain gets too bad."

"That's one of the few vices I've never indulged in. Might as well give it a try before I'm gone. Take care, Jonny. And thank you."

Daddy leaned over and gave her a soft kiss on the lips. When he stood up, I could see tears in his eyes. He kissed me on the cheek and said, "Call me about Thursday."

"I will."

He went out of the room, closing the door on the way.

We just looked at each other. She finally said, "Pull up a chair and stay a while, Jillian."

I saw a metal chair with a padded seat against the wall and brought it over. I sat down facing her, my hands in my lap. If I chose, I could take her hand without moving the chair.

She held up the Journal and the pen. "Put these back on the table for me."

I took them from her and put them where I originally got the journal.

I sat back in the chair and we both sized each other up. Laurie has that gorgeous cornsilk blond hair that very rarely lasts past the tenth birthday while mine had changed years ago and was now a thick, dirty blond color. Vivian's was cut short, just below the ears. It was a tad darker than mine. It was beautiful, even though it wasn't styled.

But the most striking thing about her was her eyes. They were the same deep blue as mine and Laurie's. Some shampoo company missed their chance. The three of us in a commercial with those beautiful blue eyes and our three shades of blond hair would have sold a lot of product.

She saw where I was looking. "Amazing, isn't it. Do you know that both of you were born with those eyes? Everyone in the delivery room was amazed, both times."

She closed her eyes and I could see her straining to hold off the pain. That's why the writing had been so stifled.