Chapter 43

Most people who know me will tell you that I always speak my mind and I always have something to say, but I was speechless when Daddy told that little girl that I was her sister. I totally spaced out, kind of in a trance; my mind in overdrive, trying to figure out how Daddy could have had a child without me knowing. There had to have been some woman around three or four years ago who disappeared long enough to finish a pregnancy and give birth. Someone Daddy got close enough to impregnate without my knowing.

In the meantime, Laurie looked up at Wanda. Wanda smiled at her, let go of her hand and pushed her gently to get her moving toward me. She took a few steps, then came to an abrupt stop as Bozo went over to her, not sure whether to continue, run away or just stay where she was and cry.

Jack said, "It's OK. He won't hurt you." I watched, detached from the scene, as he glided out of his chair, sliding towards her on his knees, staying as close to her height as possible. "Sit, Boy."

Bozo's butt hit the floor. His head looked massive, almost touching her shoulder. Jack said, "Lie down." Bozo's front feet slid out in front of him as he worked his hind legs, pulling him back so the little girl could still see his head without turning around. Even lying down, the top of his head was as high as her waist.

Jack said to her, "It's OK. He likes you. You can pet him if you want."

She looked at Bozo. His tongue was hanging out of the side of his mouth, his teeth exposed. She turned toward Jack, then ran the two or three feet to him. He took her in his arms as hers wrapped around his waist and she buried her face in his chest. Jack just held her safe, stroking her, calming her, as he had so many times with me.

It finally hit me that the reason she had shown up at the same time as Vivian was that Vivian was her parent, not Daddy. As much as I hated to admit it, that would make her as much a sister as if she had been parented by Daddy.

I started coming back to my senses. Jack was a couple of feet away from the table, his back to me. The only thing I could see of Laurie was her hands as she held onto Jack. Bozo was a couple of feet away, closer to the hallway, back where he'd been when she ran into Jack's arms. He was sitting up now and facing this way but he seemed to know to wait until he had permission from Laurie.

Wanda had moved over to Daddy, across the table from me. She was standing next to him, leaning into him, her arm around his neck, his around her waist. They were both looking at me, concern on their faces. I thought it strange that they didn't seem concerned about Laurie.

My attention was pulled back to Jack as I heard him whisper something, then saw a hint of movement in front of him that I took to be a cautious nod.

Jack stood up and turned around. He had one hand holding Laurie's back while the other went underneath her bottom, his forearm making a seat.

He came over to the table and pulled his chair out a bit further, twisting it so it faced me. He moved in front of it and sat down. This time I heard him. "Wow, you're heavy." Laurie giggled as he set her down on his knee. She still leaned into him, her cheek now at the top of his stomach, one arm around his waist and the other hand holding one of his. He supported her with his other arm.

Jack looked at me and I gave him a halfhearted smile. He kept the eye contact for a moment and then seemed to make up his mind.

"Laurie, this is your sister Jill. She's my girlfriend."

She looked at him and he nodded to her. Turning around, she kept the one hand around his waist but let go of his arm with the other one, reaching out toward me. I leaned forward and gently took it in both of mine.

"I'm happy to meet you, Laurie."

She pulled her hand back, putting it in her lap, lowering her gaze to it.

I stayed where I was, leaning forward in the chair. "That's a pretty dress, Laurie."

She looked up at Jack and he nodded again. She looked at me, then twisted in her chair, pointing across the table. "Daddy John got it for me."

"That was nice of him."

"And he got me ice cream."

"Really."

She nodded her head up and down.

Jack leaned forward and said, "Are you hungry?"

She didn't answer but pointed at the bowl of peaches on the table.

"You like peaches, huh?"

She nodded again.

"Well, these peaches are real messy. You don't want to ruin your new dress, do you?"

She thought for a minute. I could tell she really wanted the fruit but didn't want to mess up her new clothing.

I said, "Laurie? How about if I cut one up into little pieces. Then you can eat it without getting it on your dress."

She looked over at me shyly and nodded.

I got up and got a bowl, knife and two forks and a napkin. I glanced at Wanda and Daddy. He had his attention on Jack and Laurie; she was looking at me, smiling.

I sat down and picked up a peach. I cut it in half and got the pit, putting it on the table next to the bowl. I started to cut the first half and Jack picked up the fork, spearing a piece. He held it up for her and she opened her mouth, taking it off the fork when he put it in.

She chewed and swallowed then Jack wiped her mouth with the napkin. In the meantime, Bozo came over to see if there was anything for him. Jack said, "No, Bozo. Dogs don't like peaches."

Laurie shook her finger at him, "No, Bozo."

He sat, then looked at me to see if I had anything for him. I scratched him behind the ear.

I cut the rest of the peach up, stopping a couple of times for Jack to spear a piece with his fork. She seemed perfectly content for him to feed her; he seemed content to do so.

I sat back and took a good look at her. I could see some similarities with me. The hair was the most striking. It came halfway down her back, clean and silky. Someone had recently spent a lot of time on it. It was a beautiful, light blond, just like mine used to be before it started getting darker. I thought back to a time when I was her age, maybe a little older. Every once in a while, usually on a Saturday, we'd have a Daddy / daughter day. Maybe a trip to the park where he'd push me on the swings, threatening to push me over the top, me holding on tight as I could, thrilled and scared at the same time, screaming when he pushed and laughing when I didn't go over. Daring him to really do it this time. Going down the slide into his arms, breaking away and running to the top as fast as I could, only to do it all over again. And again and again until neither of us could do it anymore because we were laughing so hard. If I was really good (which I always was), there would be the ride around the whole park in the train. The train was built to scale, the cars reaching just above Daddy's knees. The cars had hollowed out seats that would take two kids sitting down or one kid on the seat and one adult who kept his feet in the car but had to sit on the top of the car behind the seat, as did the engineer in his gray and white striped hat. I would sit in the car and lean back against Daddy's legs, each of us pointing out things to each other.

Then it was out for an ice cream and home for a bath. Not just any bath — a bubble bath. I got to play to my heart's content, then Daddy would come in with a washcloth as smooth as silk and would warm up the water and wash every inch of me. I don't know what he used but it felt soft like Bozo rubbing against my bare skin. After I was washed all over, Daddy would shampoo my hair, his surgeon's hands massaging my scalp. He'd use a big cup we got at Disneyland to rinse off all the shampoo and he'd put on the conditioner. After disappearing for a few minutes to put the pizza he'd gotten on the way home in the oven, he'd turn the shower on and I'd rinse my hair and get rid of all the soap on my body. After I was dry, I'd put on a nightgown. Depending on the time of year, it was either silky smooth or warm and snuggly flannel, with a nice, cozy robe.

Then it would be out to the living room where Daddy would sit on the couch and I'd sit on the floor between his legs. There would be a Disney movie on the TV and the pizza on the table in front of us. We'd both eat pizza and watch the movie while Daddy first dried and then brushed my hair. And by the end of the movie, my hair looked like Laurie's did today.

Her eyes were the same bright blue as mine. Daddy's are blue but it's a darker shade. I was going to have to take a look at Vivian's when I saw her. I knew I'd made up my mind to see her. This little girl, sitting so happily on Jack's lap, was the reason. I don't think I could answer her questions about why I wouldn't go to see our mommy sometime in the future.

Her arms and legs were thin, almost like sticks. It was difficult to tell what her body looked like because of the dress, but her face look gaunt. This poor girl had been starving.