Chapter 15

It was not a dream that Josh was experiencing. It was reality. As real as it could get. He was escorted by an armed security guard to clean out his desk, pickup his paycheck along with the two weeks notice and taken out of the building. Jane was in the elevator as they went down to the ground floor. She followed him outside.

"I'm so sorry, Josh," she said, almost in tears. "I was astonished to hear what happened Saturday."

"Thanks Jane, you're a good friend." She stood on her toes and kissed the cheek.

"Let me know if there is something I can do for you. I don't mean for you to sleep with me. I just want to be of help to you somehow."

Josh nodded with a weak smile and walked away. When he arrived back home at the apartment, he felt more depressed than ever. For the past few days he had searched everywhere he could think of. Their own haunts and places Victoria had mentioned were she used to go before they met. Every long haired blond he saw reminded him some how of Victoria. He even looked at girls that had any resemblence of her.

He had received an eviction notice to be out of the apartment by June 30th. This, of course, came from Bellform who owned it. He took that gray pewter satin blouse and buried his face in it. It was full of her scent since she had worn it last week and tossed into the dry cleaning bag. How could Victoria do this to him? His heart was shattered in a million pieces. If he knew for sure that she was dead, he would kill himself too. The painful memories of her tore his insides. He started crying.

Two years later, Josh was walking down Michigan Avenue. He was out of work, hungry, and out of hope. He was in rags now. Homeless. He still looked for Victoria. He was hoping that this long nightmare could come to an end. Praying that she would somehow return to him. He tried to force himself to wake up, knowing that she would be cuddling to him and all of this was a product of his imaginaton.

Josh had changed in these two years. His heart was like stone, he was too proud to call his parents for assistance, and he didn't have a penny in his pocket. He walked to the Pacific Garden Mission for his nightly meal of soup and bread with coffee. He didn't mind that he had to listen to a sermon before they fed him. He had grown a beard and his hair was long and uncombed. He was filthy from life on the streets. No one wanted to come near him. He noticed that people avoided him and he couldn't understand the reasoning of it. He lived in poverty but it didn't occur to him. He never spoke anymore. If asked a question, he ignored it. He had nothing to say to anyone. So he wandered listlessly staring at every long haired blond he ran across.

"Josh?" a voice from the past came to his ear. He walked on without turning around to see who was calling him. He heard the click of high heels running to catch up to him. He felt a soft hand on his arm. "Josh?"

He turned to see a pretty lady looking up at him. She covered her mouth from what she saw. "Oh Josh, you look a fright. I heard what happened to you."

He stared at the woman dryly, not recalling her name. He just stood there wondering why she had stopped him. She looked like someone familiar but he couldn't place the woman.

"It's me, Estelle," her eyes softened with a pitiful look. "Come with me," she took him by the hand.

He looked at her blankly. He just wanted to go to mission for his soup.

"We've got to get you something to eat," she stated, leading him across Michigan Avenue to the underground parking. She managed to get him into her car and buckle him up. Josh sat there looking like a zombie. She knew she had lost him, but at least she could help. Estelle showed her pass as a member of the faculty at Roosevelt University then eased her way onto the street heading north. She glanced at him every chance she could and felt pity for him. She managed to escape the crowd for the night game the Cubs were playing by getting off Irving Park Road. She went down the side streets until she pulled into an alley. With click of a remote, her garage door opened up.

Estelle pulled in, managed to get Josh on his feet and guide him up the back door of her apartment. The same one that she had when she moved in over three years ago. She quickly sat him down, locked the door with two deadbolts and put the keys on top of the refrigerator. She hurried to the bedroom to get out of her dress and put a sexy robe on. She came back to him as he still sat where she left him. Estelle believed that Joshua Howard had no idea where he was. He seemed to be dead on the inside. He almost looked the same in his outward appearance. He was just a ghost of what he was when they had made love so long ago.

Twenty minutes later she had a hot meal in front of him. He came to life and gobbled it all down. It looked to her he hardly took a breath. When he finished, he went back to his catatonic state. When she finished eating, she guided him to the bathroom to run a bath for him. He stood there as she undressed him. He smelled awful. Brown stains were on the inner parts of his trouser. He had urine and feces stains all over. Josh allowed her to put him into the tub and sat him down. She poured some sweet scent of bath oil beads. She was about to throw the clothes away when she felt something in his inner jacket pocket. It was his and Victoria's wedding certificate from Las Vegas.

Estelle sat there while he soaked from his armpits down. Fortunately she just finished her last classes for the semester and had the summer free to watch over him. There was so much to do. He had to get his beard shaved, a haircut, and his teeth cleaned. To her, his appearance exhibited a death warmed over look.

She washed him all over. His shit caked ass, his filthy cock, his hair and beard. She made sure that all of his was thoroughly soaped up. Estelle then pulled him to his feet looking at the water as if were raw sewage. She pulled the plug and turned on the shower to rinse him off. The tub was filthy with his scum.

She got him into her bed and had him move to the wall. Estelle was a light sleeper so he couldn't get up without her knowing it. Grabbing his grimy clothes, she tossed them into the washer along with her silky robe that had gotten wet while cleaning him. It was early but she was weary. She took a capsule for her thyroid, tossing a leg over him, and fell asleep.

The next morning, she made him some scrambled eggs. He sat there naked as he ate unaware he had no clothes on. She had the only garments he owned in the dryer. She had plans to take him to the barber, buy him some decent clothing, and shop for more food. She recalled that he liked Mexican fare.

They spent the rest of the day doing these tasks. The barber told her it would cost her fifty dollars to shave and give him a haircut. Coming out of the shop, he looked like the old Josh only he didn't possess the personality he had when they first met. Estelle did purchase him some basics. Men's deoderant, shaving gear, a toothbrush and paste, a brush for his hair, sweat clothes, mens underwear. She planned to throw those duds out once they returned home. By the time they went to the Jewel Supermarket and got everything put away in the refrigerator, on shelves, and other places; Estelle was exhausted. She threw out his old things and had him step into briefs, tshirt, and sweat shorts. It was warm outside but she had her air conditioner going full blast. Again, it was an early night for both. She cuddled up to the clean man with a leg over him and her arm about his waist. He was skin and bones now. Not the hunk he once was.