Chapter 30

Having my own castle was not my biggest shock about being back in the there and then. The things a castle, or more correctly a Barony, involved were.

A castle is not just a castle or at least this one wasn't. It was the residence of the head of government for a particular area. As such it was pretty much in the center of a small town that just happened to be within walls. I didn't so much own a castle now, I owned a walled city, and my castle was in that city. I was also pretty sure that I owned, or at least controlled even more land than what my walls surrounded.

Thanks to Big Boy and his henchman, my walled city now encompassed more area than it had. In fact, the two nearest outlying villages had been brought in out of the cold, so to speak.

My walls were now surrounding a four-mile by five-mile roughly rectangular area, and until my house landed, there hadn't been one fucking commode anywhere near. You had to be careful where you stepped to keep from cutting your foot.

All in all, sixteen hundreds France was filthy, to put it mildly. Horse shit, dog shit, cat shit, chicken shit, bullshit, and even human shit was everywhere. This could not go on, not if I was going to spend any time here.

I didn't know what I was going to do about it but I was going to do something. I didn't want to rely on Big Boy to take care of every detail, but I couldn't see a way out of putting the shitty job on him.

Speaking of shitty jobs, Fawne had surprised and delighted me by volunteering to take over running the castle. This was no small job; there were over a hundred servants, including the gardeners, and those that took care of the livestock.

The castle had its own barn for carriage and riding stock, and separate fields held animals intended for the Baron's table, plus a dairy barn. I didn't know how I felt about that; it seemed just a little to upper crusty for a good old boy like me. I didn't demand any changes, yet.

Frankly I didn't know enough about it to demand changes. That's why I was so happy when Fawne wanted the job. I had visions of letting her run the whole mess if she would.

The shit in the streets was on my mind though and I couldn't think of anyone better to ask for suggestions than Fawne. I tracked her down in a small study type room where she was going over some kind of paperwork.

"I need a suggestion, or maybe more than one," I said, as I entered the room.

"I hope I can help," she said.

It was a little embarrassing at first; discussing what to do about the shit getting too deep was not something I normally did, and I didn't like it in the least. Fawne listened to my tale of woe though and seemed to smile wider and wider as my discomfort became apparent to her. When I finished she didn't even take any time to think it over.

"Don't worry about it, I've already taken care of that?" she said.

I was stunned, or nearly so. I'd been wondering what to do about it all morning and she just said she'd already taken care of it. I couldn't help myself.

"But, how?"

"Pierre was a pig, he didn't care about it, even though he had men here who were supposed to keep at least the main streets clean. I sent for them and asked their lead man what the problem was. As I expected, there was no real problem, he and his men had discovered Pierre didn't pay it any attention so they had just stopped keeping it cleaned up," she said.

"Did you explain the error of their ways?" I asked.

"No, I didn't bother. They knew they weren't doing their job and needed no explanation. I simply told them that they'd be licking any shit off the boots of everyone in the castle if they didn't have the streets clean by this time next week.

"They'll also be acquiring large barrels and carts to pull around to every house or shop from now on so that people can empty their chamber pots into the barrels instead of throwing them onto the street. That will save having to shovel it up later," she said.

"Do you think they will wait for the wagon?" I asked.

"The ones that don't will be licking boots too, I made sure the word would get around. I don't think we'll have any trouble. Of course we can't train the horses, mules, and other animals to do better but that comes under the clean up men's duties too," she said.

I was amazed that she was doing so well already so I thanked her and got out of her hair. But the shitty problem kept gnawing at me.

What she had arranged would probably do the job, but sewers and toilets would be so much better. Come to think of it, my nose would appreciate it a lot if some accommodation for more baths or showers were made.

"I can almost feel you wanting to asks me something," Big Boy put into my head, and it nearly seemed like he was amused.

"Remember, you started this. How much trouble would a sewer system, running water, bathtubs, and showers be?" I asked, going for the whole deal in one question.

"As a matter of fact, nearly none. The biggest difficulty will be stretching their hovels to include a bathroom and that won't really be significant. While we're at it we might as well rearrange a few things; straighten out the streets, do a little city planning, that sort of thing.

"In fact, plumbing the castle will need the most attention. It will probably require some structural work. That's no bother either and actually, it needs some reinforcing anyway," Big Boy said, and he seemed almost eager.

"Will we need to move everyone out, like we had to do for my house?" I asked.

"No. It will be done in the morning, the only thing odd about it will be the violent thunderstorm just after sunset and everyone's urge to go home and go to bed. Of course there will be some questions in the morning," Big Boy told me.

"Excellent. I'm glad you're available to help me, I don't know a damned thing about being a Baron," I said.

"Actually it's duc in French, but the titles are nearly equivalent. You should also be thinking about a name for your holdings. Pierre was the "le Duc d'Aumale," but we have increased your holdings somewhat, and no doubt you will increase them even more in the next few days," Big Boy told me.

"How will I increase them?" I asked, skeptical at least.

"By conquest, of course."

"Do I need to start a war or something?" I asked.

"No, it will come to you. Pierre's and his son's deaths will bring nearby nobles to challenge your assumption of his lands," Big Boy explained.

"So I should prepare to defend this place?"

"You might want to let your head man know that two small armies are approaching, but he probably knows already, or suspects at least. Your main defenses have already been provided," Big Boy said.

"They have?"

"Yes, we took the liberty of expanding and upgrading your walls when we moved your home here. Nothing available in this time can do them damage.

"We estimate that the best policy would be to spread riflemen at positions on top of the wall, with the longer range rifles we have provided; then simply kill the leaders of those that are going to attack," Big Boy said, as if it were an everyday thing, and then I could tell he had gone.

He had an annoying way of doing that, but I guess it was for the best. It would be pointless for me to just ask him everything. There were people I could interact with and I probably should be doing more of it.

"Fawne, I have a feeling that we need to be watching for an attack from without," I said, hoping she could give me a clue.

"I've directed Geron to send scouts out. I know there will be an attack, I'm just not sure how soon. Surely they will come within a few days though," she said.

"Geron, who is Geron?" I asked.

"He is the leader of all the men within these walls, especially the fighting men. He is the one who was miraculously healed after Jaycee shot him," Fawne said.

"Oh, I didn't know his name," I said, feeling even dumber.

"Yes, he is actually quite a good one. He is very happy about the improvements to the walls too, very happy," Fawne said.

"I might just find him and make him even happier then," I said.

"Oh?"

"Yes, I've been assured of his complete loyalty and he might be a good one to share my firearms with," I said.

Fawne didn't comment, but she did call for someone named Gustav. He appeared at once and she rattled off instructions in French. After Gustav beat feet she explained that she'd sent him to fetch Geron. I found a chair and parked my ass.

Geron appeared shortly, bowing and scraping and asking my pleasure - in English this time. I didn't know if he'd been holding out on me the first time or if he'd had help in a crash course, otherworldly help at that. I didn't care which.

"Are you prepared to learn to use a new weapon?" I asked him.

"Anything for my Lord," he said.

"Come with me then," I said, and headed out the door.

I'd been intending to take him over to my house and introduce him to my underground rifle range. As we neared the ground floor I was internally guided toward a doorway that led only to stairs going down. Geron didn't seem surprised to be using the stairs so I figured things were still normal.