Chapter 59

It was good to be back in my own home again. I was in the shower, trying to organize a workable agenda for the coming week in Birmingham. So far, everything had been going even better than I'd planned.

My father had quieted down a little after I told him my plans. The only discomforting thing to happen had been the look I'd caught Shirley giving me while I'd been explaining my plans to the family. There was something different about the way she was acting around me. She hadn't stayed for long after we'd gotten home, going up to the nursery and gathering up the children's things quickly. I had barely any time with the kids before she spirited them away. I wondered if she had somehow understood the reason why I was different now.

I had put in an hour with all the kids, rolling around on the floor with them and listening to them chattering on about things that could only be of interest to a child. I knew it was necessary, and I'd already included it as something I would need to do. I could be loving and playful. I could be whatever was necessary, for however long it was necessary, just as long as I got what I wanted in the end.

I had almost finished showering when the bathroom door opened and Joyce and Eddie came into the bathroom. They had already taken all their clothes off before coming into the bathroom, and they were laughing and kidding around when they opened the shower door.

"Eddie and I thought you might need some help scrubbing your back, Kenny." Joyce was laughing and reached over to grab the soap from my hand. This was more like it. I wondered where Brenda had gotten off to. After a minute of Eddie and Joyce climbing all over me though, I put any thoughts of Brenda out of my mind. The two of them got me all worked up quickly. I hadn't had sex for awhile, and they were both acting like they were ready for it. I picked Joyce up and brought her in close so that her butt was poised just above my dick. It didn't take long to find her wet opening, so when I had the head of my cock lined up, I dropped her down on it. She wrapped her legs around my hips, worried about me dropping her. Once she felt safer, with her hands grabbing the back of my arms, she started raising and lowering herself on my pole. I knew I wasn't going to last very long. I could feel my balls starting to tighten.

"That's it you little Monkey, make me cum!"

The way she froze up on me, I knew I'd said the wrong thing to her. When she lifted herself up and off of my dick and dropped back down to the shower floor, I knew she had figured out that I was changed. She had this look on her face, and she was already starting up with the making faces, and the tears running down her cheeks. It didn't take her more than a couple of seconds to open the shower door and leave. Eddie followed right behind her.

I was glad that they'd left. It gave me time to try to think about what I could say to them to try to salvage the situation. I didn't care that much about what Eddie thought, but Joyce was someone I needed to have with me until after I brought my plan to fruition. After that, I didn't care what she did, or how she thought. I was worried though. I had planned on being able to get through the first few weeks without anyone getting upset. I'd have to improvise now.

When I finally came out of the shower, Joyce Eddie and Brenda were all waiting for me in the bedroom. They were all fully dressed and they didn't look happy.

"You do realize you left me hanging back there, don't you? I didn't mean anything by calling you a monkey. I was just joking with you, because you were climbing all over me."

"We want our Kenny back." When she said that, Shirley walked into the bedroom too. I guess they had called her back to add some reinforcements. I knew there was nothing else I could do now. I'd just have to explain things to them, and let them decide for themselves.

"I want him back too. This was supposed to be a merger, but somehow it got messed up and ended up being one of those hostile takeovers. He's still in here though. I can feel him now, but something went wrong and he can't help me yet. Maybe it will just take him longer to adjust than it took me."

"You have to go back to the clinic until he does come back. We don't want you here with us like this." This was Shirley speaking. What right did she have? She didn't even live here with us anymore. I really did wish I could turn a switch or something and have these situations handled by this other Kenny. It would make things a lot simpler if I could do that. I'd tried to tell him that too, but he'd kept insisting that it had to all be his way.

"Why do I have to go back? I'm not sick now. You can't send someone back to a clinic just because you don't like their personality, or the way they treated you. I haven't done anything wrong. I'm still me, just different for right now. All I need is some time so that I can get used to doing things more like you are used to. I hoped all of you would want to help me. I'm not crazy now."

"I called Dr. Fellows and left her a message. It would be better if you went back to the clinic. If you don't go back voluntarily, we'll go to court again and have you committed." Joyce was careful to stay far away from me when she said that. I didn't lose my temper with her though. I was actually pretty calm about things, considering that all of my careful planning had been ruined.

"If we do go into court, what makes you think they would decide I need to go back there? I'm not a danger to you, or to anyone else. Have I lost my temper? No. Am I running all around threatening any of you? No. Are you going to go into court and tell them I need to be committed to a mental hospital because I said you were a monkey? I'm sorry I said that to you. It was insensitive of me. You have to remember, most of this is new to me. I'm being truthful when I tell you that everything you liked about the other Kenny is still here with me. You should give me enough time to see if I can bring it back. The doctor didn't make me better, I did that myself, but it isn't complete yet."

"We aren't going to take a chance with you. We all remember what you said before, the things you threatened to do to all of us. You can either leave, or else go back to the clinic. You can't stay here with us." Joyce had a very determined look on her face. I wasn't hopeful of changing her mind.

"I can't just leave, where would I go? Look, even if you don't want me here with you right now, you have to help me try to bring back this other Kenny that you do want. He's in here with me, I swear he is. Something isn't quite right yet, but it will be. We still trade, and I can do things I couldn't do before, so he's here with me. Every day I get new memories and new skills. Where do these come from if not from him? I just need some time. I promise I don't want to get in trouble again, and I know I would if I did anything that you're worried about."

I could see my argument had them thinking about not sending me back to the clinic. They weren't convinced, but they at least had some doubts about sending me back now.

<GK> It took everything I had to fight my way back from just being a passive observer. More than anything I wanted to be back in control again. When I first started to realize what was happening, it was already too late. Bad Kenny had somehow surrounded me and swallowed me up. I was there, but nothing seemed to work for me. All I could do was watch and listen as Bad Kenny took complete control. This time I was awake though. The last time, I hadn't been awake. I didn't see how I could do anything to prevent him from doing what he planned. I couldn't resist him because I had nothing to resist with. In the end, I had no choice, so I tried to join him, hoping to modify and temper his thoughts, actions, and words. I thought I noticed subtle changes over the weeks, but, listening to him making his argument with my wives, I began to be sure that he was starting to change. I wished there was some way that I could communicate directly with Joyce.

<BK> I felt him. I hadn't been sure myself when I told the women that he was still in there. I thought he was, and I really had been getting his old memories, and learning to do things that only he could do before. I hoped I could use him, at my will, as a resource, when I needed him.

The women told me to stay in the bedroom while they went downstairs to talk about what they should do with me. I was suddenly tired. I went over to the bed and sat down on it. I didn't like being put in a position like this. By all rights, I should be the one who dictated to them. It was my house, my money, and my business. If anyone should be made to leave, it was them. Still, I was willing to compromise, if it would somehow prevent my having to go back there. It had been almost three years taken out of my life. They hadn't been totally wasted though, because I was better and stronger now than I'd ever been. I'd learned a lot. It was too bad I hadn't had access to this other Kenny's thoughts and memories before. He taught me some valuable lessons about needing to cooperate. I got comfortable and closed my eyes. They were sure taking a long time. Maybe that was good for me.

<GK> I have to accept the fact that I am now the one who's the appendage, not Bad Kenny. He has somehow become ascendant over me. Strangely, now that I can see through his eyes and hear his thoughts, he doesn't seem as dark and sinister to me. Like me, he is searching for a way to achieve his goals. I dislike his goals, since they are selfish and greedy. In his universe, there is only him. I don't have any sense that he wants to do any harm. It is more a case of his not wanting to do any good. Given a choice, I would decide not to work with him. With him right here, in the midst of my beloved family, I no longer have the luxury of having a choice like that. I would do anything to keep them safe and unharmed.

<BK> I'm not sure how long they were having their little conference, but I woke up as soon as they all started filing back into the bedroom. Joyce was still in the lead. None of them were smiling, but none of them looked particularly angry at me. I wouldn't have noticed things like this before. To me, this was another sign that the other Kenny was influencing me. I didn't mind the assistance, just as long as it was me that was in charge. I wouldn't ever agree to going back to how things used to be.

"Kenny, I just got off the phone with Mama and your father. I told them what we'd learned about you. I also told them about what you said about needing more time to complete the changes. Mama said you can go over to her house and live in your old bedroom. Your father says you can't have anything to do with the business until after he's satisfied that you're enough like your old self that he doesn't have to worry about you. You can do your trading over there too, if you want to. If you don't want to do that, you can leave. Mama said to tell you we would give you as much money as you need to get settled somewhere else."

"They can't kick me out of my own house, or prevent me from working at a business I own forty percent of. I have my own money, including all the money in my trading accounts."

"We live in this house, not you. The children own the stock, not you, and your father is now the trustee, not you. As for the assets in the trading accounts, I control almost all of them. I also serve as your legal guardian, until we go into court and have that changed. You can go to court and take your chances by asking the judge to remove my guardianship, or you can go live at Mama's, or take some money and leave us alone here."

I knew I wasn't ready to go into court, especially when I'd be opposed by my entire family. I hadn't taken all of the legal mumbo jumbo seriously, or else I'd forgotten about no longer having control over my assets. Either way though, I really only had one choice. I didn't want to just leave.

"I'll go live at Mama's, but I expect all of you to cooperate and try to help me bring out this other Kenny."

I could see that this surprised them. They must have expected me to take their money and leave everything that was rightfully mine behind. I looked over at Brenda and smiled. She and that Emily were the best of them. Too bad about Cindy too. If I'd had more time to get comfortable being this Kenny they wanted me to be, I could have gotten all of them back, and gone right on being the rich boy he'd been.

"Are you sure that's what you want to do? You aren't going to cause any trouble over there are you?" Joyce seemed upset at my announced choice. Good. It was better for me if she was kept a little bit off balance.

"I'll need a ride over there. Brenda, could you drive me over? It would give us a chance to talk some. Maybe, once you see I'm not some scary person, you'll give me a chance to prove I'm sincere about wanting to be more like the old Kenny you're all used to."

"I'll call Hans to come get you. You need to get your computer stuff that Jane and Grace dropped off here." Joyce was taking charge again, preventing Brenda from answering for herself. Brenda looked disappointed to me.

"Is it going to bother you if Brenda or any of my other wives decide for themselves that they want to spend some time with me? Just because you've turned against me, that doesn't mean all the rest of them have too."

"I didn't turn against you. You aren't my Kenny though. You aren't our husband. Until you change and show us that you can be that man, none of us will want to be spending time with you."

"That isn't very helpful. I've felt all along that this other Kenny of yours responds more when he's in front of you. You bring him out better than I can manage alone. I felt it in the shower, right after you and Eddie left. He wouldn't have said what I did. Maybe if you hadn't gotten all upset and left me hanging there, we could have managed to bring him out even more. All you're talking about is one side of my personality that is a little suppressed right now. It's still there. I think you're afraid one of the other wives will succeed in bringing him out where you failed. I hope you girls won't avoid me just because Miss Bossy here is jealous of all of you?"

As soon as I said that, I knew it had been the wrong thing to say. They all trusted Joyce. It wasn't going to be easy to drive a wedge between them and her. My head started hurting again. Joyce turned and walked out of my bedroom. All the others followed her. I did notice that Brenda sent me one of her most dazzling smiles before she too left. Maybe I'd been wrong about talking to Joyce like I had, maybe it wasn't the wrong tactic for me to use after all. Brenda seemed amused by it, and, if her smile meant what I thought it did, somewhat intrigued by the idea that she might be able to cure me where Joyce and the doctor had failed.

It took almost another hour before Hans showed up with the limo. I made it a point to do all of the heavy loading myself, remembering about Hans having the bad back. I also remembered to sit up front with him and to tell him that Joyce had decided that I still wasn't well enough for her yet. At the house, I insisted on carrying all of my things up to my room by myself.

Mama and my Dad were happy to see me, they said. I thought Mama was being sincere. After I got all of my stuff moved into my room and had hung up my clothes in the closet, I went back downstairs and joined them in the library. I figured it would help to clear the air if I spoke about Joyce's fears myself.

"Joyce is really upset because I'm not one hundred percent back to my old self yet. I thought Dr. Fellows had explained to her that it was a process, and it will take awhile for it to be totally completed. Instead of seeing how much I'm different from the man who went into that clinic, all she thinks about is that I'm not an exact duplicate of the Kenny she first fell in love with."

"I've noticed the changes as well, Kenny. You seem very different to me also. Joyce said you acted far differently than our Kenny would have, and that you seemed very insensitive to her." My Dad spoke in a slow, measured cadence to me. I wondered if he thought I'd become retarded in that clinic. It sounded very patronizing. Perhaps he was still pissed off about what I'd said to him in the limo driving home?

"Dad, I am different. It's been almost three years and I've had to make adjustments to get back even this far. I feel a sense of urgency now that I didn't feel before. Its like I feel the need to prove to everyone that I'm back now, and that I can do everything I did before I got sick. Maybe she's upset because I tend to be a lot more straightforward now than before. I'm sure I'm going to need to adjust my personality to fit in better with her. She's changed too though. She's a lot more bossy than before. She isn't going to let any of the other wives spend time with me."

"You need to slow down and consolidate this recovery. You might feel well, and even ready to start doing everything at full speed again. Before that happens, you need to give all of us time to get used to you, and yes, to the differences we all are seeing."

"Why do I need to do that? Do I have something to prove? The doctor released me, Dad. She gave me a clean bill of health. I admit I'm different. It's going to be hard for me to try to fit in and go back to being more like everyone wants, especially if they all avoid me like Joyce wants them to do."

"Darling, no one is talking about avoiding you. You're too tense, and too sensitive. We're all thrilled to have you back home with us. You are still so young. You have many years ahead of you to make your own mark in the business world. Listen to your father, listen to all of us. Everything will come back to you, in due course, but first you need to show all of us that this episode we've all suffered through is truly at an end. We've all suffered and agonized with you, Kenny. You tell us that you're all cured now, and that the differences we are all noting will disappear with time. We have time. No one is in a hurry here, except for you. You will help your cause best by listening to what those who love you are telling you."

"You too, Mama? I thought you'd understand how important it is to me to get my life back on track again."

"I do, dear, I do understand. I also understand that it isn't all about you, Kenny. Joyce knows you so well, dear, and she loves you more than anyone else ever could. We trust her judgment and her instincts. When you've satisfied her, then you've satisfied us. Until then, we'll just take things slow and see all these wonderful changes that you've been promising us."

Mama was a tough old broad. There was more steel in her backbone than in all the rest of them combined. I heard her message. Loud and clear. There was nothing ambiguous about it. I wondered how the other Kenny would have responded to what she'd just told me?

<GK> I almost had to laugh at Mama. I wanted to kiss her, and give her one of those great big bear hugs she'd been giving me ever since I first came to live with her. I remembered that she hadn't hugged me when she showed up to bring me back home with the others. I hadn't thought about it then, but it must have been her sensing the difference in me.

<BK> I felt him again. He's pleased, I can tell. For a minute, I actually felt like hugging Mama. Of the lot of them, it was her that had raised the greatest response from him. I thought that must be significant.

"Mama, if you think that too, then I'll just have to go along with it. Maybe it will help me get back to being closer to my old self if I do stay here with you. A lot of my memory seems impaired, but I have some nice memories from back when I used to live here. Do you still play golf?"

"We still play. Do you think you're well enough to resume playing?"

"Nothing wrong with me physically, Mama. I hope I still remember how to play. I don't think I'm ready to play for money yet, though. I'll drive over to the club tomorrow and hit some balls. If it starts coming back to me again, we can all play together next weekend. Maybe we can ask Shirley to play with us? She always liked golf."

"You know something, Kenny? I think Joyce might be overstating the case with you. You're different, but I still see my boy in there. I want to see more of him though. I can accept some changes, all of us can, but, even with any changes we accept, the old Kenny still needs to be present as well. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

"The old Kenny is welcome. I welcome him as much as you would. I feel him here in this house more than I did at the clinic, or over at that other house. I'd like to see more of him, but not so much that I feel left out of things. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

"Perfectly, dear. I must admit that I enjoy seeing you be more forceful. Before, I always thought you lacked a forceful presence. There is a time and a place to be firm. It might do Joyce and the others a world of good if you were to insist on being more in charge than you previously have been. I hope for a good balance."

<GK> It hurt to hear my own mother dealing like that with me. It wasn't my character and personality she was praising, and that felt like betrayal to me. I was forceful in business. It wasn't that I lacked the capacity to be forceful. She was right about having a good balance. I finally understood how important that was. If I'd known it before, things might have turned out much differently.

<BK> There it was again. I felt him. He wasn't happy this time though. Mama and I both see this thing pretty much the same way. At least she doesn't put the old Kenny up on some pedestal and act as though he was perfect. She recognizes the benefit of acting like a man, instead of like a boy, or some sissy.

<GK> He can feel me. That's a form of communication. He's been acknowledging my existence, and seems to be coming around as far as understanding that we each need the other. I really meant what I had said before. We do seem to have merged, although I feel like I've been engulfed, swallowed up whole, rather than merged. However it was accomplished, I'm now a part of a whole. I need to make the best of it, and try to begin to have an impact on how I do things. I'll try to work with what I have left to work with. It won't be the same, but it will be better than not existing, better than allowing myself to exist without any say so in how I'm acting.

<BK> Again! This time I can almost make out what he's thinking. Everything would be so much simpler if we could get together to make this work for both of us. No, that isn't what I meant. What I meant was that I could stand being less of me and more of him, if it meant that I didn't always have to worry about being left totally out of the mix again.

<BK/GK> We can do this. We just need to accept it happening.

It took us another month, on our own. I kept to myself for the most part. I traded grains, metals, currencies and even dabbled in some ingredients when an opportunity presented itself. During this period, I communicated with my selves, in hopes of resolving whatever control issues and fears there were still left unresolved.