Chapter 10

I was sitting on the floor in my living room Sunday morning, Shirley and Joyce having decided that I could be trusted to keep an eye on three sleeping babies, while they rustled something up for lunch. Brenda and Emily were still over at Mama's house.

I had spoken with Mama, and told her about my worry for Emily. I didn't go into any details about what she and I had done, just concentrating on my worry about whether Emily might feel abandoned by all of us.

Mama told me that there had been some kind of large rift, between Emily and both her parents, that had gone on for over a month. Mama had heard Joyce discussing it with Brenda. It had started out with an argument about Emily's decision not to go to Columbia in the Fall, but had ended up with Emily telling her parents that she didn't want to be separated from her lover, Brenda.

Apparently, Emily's parents had no idea of the true nature of her friendship with Brenda. Their reaction had been extreme, and had left Emily devastated. To me, this partially explained the high receptivity Emily had demonstrated for being abused and punished by me. She must have been carrying a lot of guilt over disappointing her parents like she had.

I was glad that I'd thought to send Emily over to Mama's house. I hadn't been told about her situation back at her parent's house. I had known that Emily's father had gotten upset when she had elected not to attend Columbia. This explained at least part of Emily's non-cooperative mood lately. I wondered if she had been consciously pushing people away from her, deliberately being obstructive, hoping, with her display of recalcitrant behavior, to bring down punishment from Brenda, and the rest of the group, on herself.

"Is Emily still planning on attending KU, Kenny?" I heard Mama's question, realizing that I hadn't thought to ask Emily about that. I really didn't know what any of her plans were. I guess I had been hoping that she would confide her future plans to either Brenda or Mama, and they would tell me her intentions. I wasn't going to be able to make any plans about the group, with Joyce, not without knowing what Emily was planning.

Lunch for us turned out to be leftovers, the remains of two meals that had originally been cooked by Brenda. I was starting to get the idea that Joyce and Shirley didn't really know how to cook. We needed to discuss who was going to take over the task of cooking for all of us. I had a real fondness for eating well. I had gotten used to it, and it wasn't something I was planning to give up again, not willingly.

I wasn't sure what would happen at work the next day. Joyce and Ellen were working together, and had been for several weeks. Joyce reported that she and Ellen weren't having any problems working with each other, but the two of them hadn't really clicked together, not like all of us had been hoping for.

They each had their own ways of doing things, and these differences were sometimes getting in the way of them being productive together. They both needed to work on getting into some kind of sync, and working out some strategy changes, so they could both be on the same page, when it came to communicating together.

Several times already, Shirley had needed to be brought in to help resolve some minor conflict that arose between the two. Joyce wasn't used to having her subordinates decide that their way was superior to hers. Ellen wasn't used to someone looking over her shoulder, constantly checking on the way she was doing things.

It was a very big job that Ellen would be handling after Joyce left for school. They needed to find a way to mesh better. They really needed to gain confidence in the skills that each possessed. Time was becoming critical, because it was already the middle of July. We only had another five weeks or so before Joyce was going to be gone from the office.

The thing that was worrying my father was the lack of any credible fall back position, in the event Ellen and Joyce couldn't develop some workable relationship. Joyce had just gotten too entrenched, handling all the details in our shipping, storage, and delivery mechanism. She was the only one in the company capable of keeping all the parts running smoothly with each other. That fact alone had my father very worried. It had just happened that he was too busy expanding to worry about systematizing the shipping, storage, and delivery protocols.

Everything was too fluid in those areas in any case, because we were constantly adding new customers and locations. When something new needed to be added, Joyce would fit it into the system, which she apparently kept mostly stored inside her head. She was somehow able to make it all run well. It baffled the rest of us, as to how she managed to do it.

Because Joyce made it run so smoothly, no one had been particularly concerned, until she went into the hospital to have the twins. In the three days she was out of phone contact, there were several serious shipping mistakes made. Luckily, they were caught early enough, so we were able to work around them, getting the right products delivered, almost on time.

In a way, it had been a good thing it had happened, because it served as a wake up call for the rest of us, making it very clear we needed to do something to assure continuity in the shipping, storage, and distribution areas of our businesses, just in case something happened to Joyce in the future.

Joyce herself was having our resident computer whiz set up something called a product data base for us, which she said would allow the system that was already in motion to become easier for all of us to keep track and coordinate like she did. What she wasn't telling us, was that it would also allow her, with the help of her modem, to port everything from Bolling, to wherever she was. Joyce had her own plan for ensuring continuity.

The personal computer she had couldn't possibly handle everything we were using on our much larger company computer, but it would allow her to access the overall production figures from each baking plant. This, along with her shipping, storage, and delivery figures, as well as arrival and departure product flow from each hub point, would allow her the ability to keep close tabs on how everything was running. She had arranged to be faxed daily, with all the information on the railroad's shipping schedule for our products, along with our own, separate, listing of each of the cargo manifests.

She couldn't process all the data on her personal computer, but she could take the product the company computer processed from all the raw production and sales data, and, working from that, devise a plan for scheduling new shipments. It was like having access to what was in the warehouse, without being able to take any current inventory. It wasn't perfect, but Joyce believed it would be adequate.

At the time, we didn't even know that Joyce was working on having all this capability up in Lawrence. If we had known, we wouldn't have been so worried. We believed we were all going to have to depend on Ellen. All of us were nervous, anxious to see if Joyce and Ellen could bridge their differences, finding some way to work well together.

Monday, Brenda and Emily drove into work together, in Brenda's car. Emily spent most of her time with the babies that morning, while Brenda took care of things in the kitchen, and was preparing another one of her wonderful meals for all of us.

I came up to my old office at eleven thirty, to look in on the twins, and find out what we were having for lunch. I also wanted to see if I could detect anything, by watching and observing how Emily was acting around the rest of the people in our group.

Joyce had taken over my office, installing Ellen in what used to be hers. As soon as I showed up, and started talking to Joyce, everyone else gathered in her office too. Even Emily came out, carrying Bunny, while Brenda brought in Bertie, and Shirley carried Derek. Ellen came in from her office as well.

"Brenda, you aren't letting my lunch burn are you?" I was only half kidding when I asked the question. I hadn't had any breakfast, and dinner the night before had been cold cut sandwiches, and milk. I had told Joyce I'd be eating my dinners over at Mama's house from then on, until Brenda returned back home to resume preparing our meals. She and Shirley both told me they would be joining me in eating there also.

"Relax, Kenny. I'm cooking spaghetti and meatballs. The sauce is all ready, I've got it on low simmer, all I need to do now is throw the spaghetti noodles in the pot to cook. We're having a nice salad, with some garlic bread to go with it. Emily wants to talk to you now, privately, before lunch. You go with her, and I'll call your father to tell him we're eating at twelve thirty."

I looked over at Emily, and then started heading through the office, into the bedroom. When Emily stepped through, still holding Bunny, I shut the door behind her, and we walked back to the nursery. Inside the nursery, I shut that door as well. I turned and smiled at her expectantly.

"Kenny, thank you for sending Brenda. She helped me, a lot. We talked about the differences in the way we see this group thing. I told her how I'd been looking at it, and she explained her way. Did you know that Brenda thinks she's your wife?"

"No. She never said she thought that. I don't see what difference that would make though. If she wants to think she is, it's all right with me."

"It makes a big difference to her. In her mind, this is all some polygamous relationship, and all the other X's are her sister wives. She doesn't see it as a competition that all of the other X's have already lost to Joyce."

"I don't see it that way either, Emily. Joyce told me the same thing that Brenda told you. She said all the X's were one wife to me. I thought she meant that all of you loved me like a wife would, not that she thought of all the X's as my wives. If she did think of all of you as co-wives, I can see where that would make a difference."

"The only thing that makes a difference to me is how you see me, as far as what our relationship is, and what it's going to be." Bunny started fussing, squirming around in her arms and then he started crying. Bunny cried quietly, not insistently like Little Bertie did. "He's hungry. Let me take him to Joyce, then I'll be right back. Don't leave."

Emily left with Bunny, and I tried to figure out what she was getting at with what she was saying. I had been somewhat surprised by what she had told me. Emily had told me that Brenda considered herself a wife of mine, but Brenda herself had never talked to me about anything like that. I had always assumed that Brenda wasn't interested in putting a label on what we were to each other. I'd have to treat her differently in the future, now that I did know.

At various times, in my relationships with all the X's, I had felt like I might marry each of them. I figured that was just normal for any young boy, with a girlfriend he loved, and who he was physically intimate with. Sex leads to thoughts of permanence, At least, it always had with me. I'd thought of marriage because I had loved all of them like that, at one time or another. Now, I loved Joyce like that, and we were, in actual fact, married.

I was definitely planning on making Brenda pregnant. I knew, from Joyce's pregnancy, that having a baby with someone, drew you much closer to them. No matter what might happen later, having a baby in common, would ensure this permanent bond. How could it not? The idea that Brenda considered herself to already be my wife, made me feel better about what I'd promised Mama. My thoughts were interrupted by Emily returning.

"Joyce is feeding the twins now. Brenda says I'm to tell you we're eating in half an hour. Let me tell you what I've been thinking about, Kenny. It's different than what the other X's think and feel. I love you, and I love Brenda. I like Joyce and Shirley too, but I don't love them. If it were me alone deciding, I wouldn't have sex with either Joyce or Shirley. If I was married to you, and to Brenda, and both of you were married to Joyce and Shirley, I could be married to them too." She stopped, looking uncertain and vulnerable, rather than angry, and expecting to have to fight me to win her side of some confrontation. I liked the change, although I didn't really trust it yet.

"I'm married to Joyce. Joyce might be married to all you X's, or feel like you're all my wives. I don't want to try to change you, or force you to do what makes you feel bad or uncomfortable. Joyce already accepts you, I'm pretty sure, and she seems to want all of this to revolve around me. I see it differently, like it all has to revolve around her. She's the one who works hard to try to hold all of this together, and it's a really difficult thing to do that. I've thought about it, and the only way it might ever work is if it was one of you X's that was the focus of this group. It would have to be either Joyce or Brenda, and I'd vote for Joyce."

"I'd vote for Brenda." She laughed when she said it. I knew she meant it, but I also knew she didn't believe that was what would ever be decided by the group.

"No matter how it turns out, Brenda will still be your main focus, Emily. You have to be able to accept that you won't always be Brenda's main focus. I think it would be healthier for you and me, if we allowed Joyce to be Brenda's main focus. We wouldn't always have to be competing, and we both know that Brenda's real main focus will always be Brenda."

"What about Shirley?"

"Same thing for Shirley, as it is for Brenda, but for a different set of reasons. Shirley needs Joyce's stability, just like I do. If she focuses on Joyce, she'll be concentrating on the most stable part of this group. All the rest of us might, and probably will, rebel at some point, but not Joyce. She'll always be right there, to help us get back to where we should be."

"The biggest problem I have with the whole group idea is you not letting Brenda and I stay together, like we both want."

"That's wishful thinking on your part, and you'll need to finally admit it. It's only what you want. Brenda didn't come to us to say she had reservations about being with any member of the group. You've been in bed with both her and Joyce, so you've seen how she gets with Joyce. The only way you're ever going to retain a part of Brenda is to let her go, so she can be with Joyce, and all the rest of us. You can't own her, or reserve her affections or attention just for yourself. I know you want to, but you can't. She'd never allow it, and it wouldn't be good for her if she tried."

"I can't help being possessive, Kenny. I've really tried. I can share her with you, maybe, but not with everyone."

"It isn't your choice, to share her or not. Brenda has made her choice pretty clear already. You know it too. Joyce and I are both ready to share Brenda with you, but only if you can accept that you have to willingly share yourself with the rest of the group too. The key word is willingly. This is the same for you as it is for Shirley. The honest truth is that Brenda, Joyce and I are the core members of our group. You and Shirley can only be satellites, revolving around us. Joyce thinks both of you will one day be able to be fully integrated into the group, but I'm not so confident."

"Does it bother you that I love Brenda more than I love you?" An interesting question, and the first time she'd ever come out and admitted what I already had known. I felt relieved that it was out in the open between us now. It would make things easier if we all understood our place on everyone else's pecking order.

"No, why should that bother me? I love Joyce more than I love you. This isn't some competition, where any of us have to be the most loved, by everybody, or by anybody. Sex can represent many things. I like fucking all of you, but it doesn't mean the same thing to me with each of you. It doesn't have to. I don't think you'd like it if Brenda, Shirley, or Joyce treated you like I sometimes do, but, I really do believe you very much like having me treat you like I did the other night. Maybe you even need someone like me to do that to you once in awhile. I like fucking Brenda, but I like it a lot more when she's going crazy, trying to stick her tongue in as deep as she can in Joyce's pussy. I wouldn't want a steady diet of nothing but that though. Joyce likes to be forced, and played with roughly too, but she also likes to be treated nice and gently too."

"I didn't like that time with Joyce. I did that to her because Brenda had just done it, and I was mad at her for wanting to. I'm not as possessive now, when it's you and Brenda, but Joyce and Brenda really bothers me."

"Joyce is mad at you about that too. She practically begged me to let her watch me when I hold you down and fuck you as rough as you can take it. She wants to see it when I make you submit to me. You think of Joyce as competition with Brenda, but she isn't. Joyce is more like me. She wants to dominate you too."

"She does? She'd want to watch us while you fucked me rough, like you did on Saturday?"

"It makes her really hot. Joyce has a wild side to her. You've only seen her being taken advantage of, by you and Brenda. There's this other side, a side that might appeal to you. She gets as worked up as anyone, even Shirley, and Shirley goes absolutely crazy. You should hear some of the things Shirley says when I've really got her going. Joyce thinks I should do the same thing I do to you, to her, but I don't think she has any idea how rough you want to be treated sometimes."