Chapter 1

As we get older I think we all look back and wonder "What if" I did things differently? Even small things like taking the spouse out for dinner a couple of extra times, or playing catch with the kids instead of just watching them. Then there's the bigger things; what if I had a different job, followed my heart. Would I be where I am today? Would life have been better or worse? Questions, questions, and more questions, but never any real answers. There's no answers because all the results are based on 'What if's' and what might have been instead of what is real.

There I go rambling on again. All I know is, I have some decisions to make. I have cancer and am lying in a bed. The hospital is waiting for my decisions. I guess I should start at the other end of my life. Or this will be an awfully short story.

I was born and raised in a good home, actually a very good home. I have one sibling, a sister who now lives somewhere out west. In high school I was part of the geek set. I was proud of it and still am. I was always able to handle myself and had very few fights. I was named 'Most likely to succeed' and had a number of friends who were also of the geek set. I had a lot of jock friends but wasn't really good enough to play sports. I liked to watch sports but just didn't have the athletic ability to succeed in that arena.

My arena was the computer industry. I remember thirty years ago when it took a whole room of computers to do what one PC (personal computer) can do today. I went straight to the tech schools and kept learning everything I could about computers. I grew in knowledge as the computer industry was making all the big changes. I was there through it all. I didn't want to just program a computer or run a little software. I wanted to know it all, how to build them from the ground up, to learn of their inner workings.

I succeeded and worked for some of the largest computer companies. I spent a lot of time repairing, and inventing new programs and parts to make the computer more user-friendly. Eventually I went out on my own and ran my own business. I still am a major stock holder in the businesses today. I'll get into that later.

My personal life isn't exactly that of a stud or a player. I didn't date a lot in school but there were a few gals I liked. A date for me was just that; we would go to a movie, maybe go somewhere and eat. With some I had sex, and it was good. I didn't particularly fall in love or anything like that. To me some were better than others, but sex just wasn't first in my life. My inventions and learning seemed to come first.

When I turned twenty six my parents wondered why I still lived a home. It was because I felt comfortable there and Mom was the greatest cook in the world. I paid them rent even though they weren't hurting for money. It was just the right thing to do.

When I started making the big bucks, I completely remodeled their home and added a hot tub and a pool for them. I wasn't cheap or insecure, I was just happy living there.

Everyone was trying to set me up with someone. I started dating Katie who worked at one of the local banks. She seemed like a nice person but did have a little girl out of wedlock when she was in her first year of college. She never told the father but quit college and came back home to raise her child. I do have to say I enjoyed being around her. To cut to the chase, we did get married and bought a nice condo with a pool and all.

Life was different then. I'd come home to a family life which I wasn't accustomed to. I would get late night calls to go help businesses with their computer problems and Katie didn't like it. It just wasn't working out except the pretty much sex on demand, which I did like. She loved sex and was always willing.

I went to quite a few computer class updates. There was always something new coming out. When I came home from my last trip, Katie said she needed to talk. It didn't sound good.

"Harley, I met someone and I want a divorce," she said staring down at the floor.

"Do I get more information or is that it?" I asked. It really didn't bother me the way I thought it should.

"It's Carrie's father. I saw him and we talked and I still have feelings for him and he wants to see his daughter."

"He hasn't seen his daughter in six years, you see him one time and now everything is peachy? What's the real story, Katie? You can have your divorce but I want the truth."

"I've been seeing him for about four months now. You never noticed because you're never here. I'm sorry but we've been married for two years now and I'm just not happy and I don't think you are either. So just let me go." She was crying, wondering what I would say next.

"Fine. I won't pay child support or alimony. You're welcome to leave with what you brought with you. I know you set up a savings account and put money into it. I know you're surprised that I know but then you saved over sixty thousand dollars in less than two years. The bank has to report that kind of money and since you're my wife, they checked with me. You ought to have known better, working there."

She looked stunned. "That was for Carrie's education. I put it there for her."

"Fine then, transfer it to an educational account in her name and it will be there for her when she starts school in about twelve years. With the compounded interest, it should do quite well."

"You bastard, you knew about the money and never told me," she replied.

"I'm the bastard? I just gave you the money you hid from me. Why did you marry me in the first place?"

"I wanted a father for my daughter. I wanted her to have a real life and nice things but you weren't a good father. You hardly ever even played with her. It was always business with you."

"You're right about that. She is a good little girl and, believe it or not, I will miss her. I know I never treated her like a father but I never treated her badly either. Maybe her real father will do a much better job. None of this is her fault. She's only six and deserves a good life."

That was the end of my marriage and she moved out the following week. She moved out west with her boyfriend and daughter. They were going to get married when our divorce was final. I checked with the bank and she didn't touch her daughter's educational account. Each year I added five thousand dollars to it so Carrie would get a good education and start in life when she turned eighteen.

Marriage number two came when I was thirty-two. I met Trish while putting new equipment in an insurance office. She was twenty-four and a very nice looking gal. I asked her out and she accepted. We dated for about a year and decided to get hitched. Within the next couple of months she got pregnant and eventually Darren, our son, was born.

I didn't want to make the same mistake I made in my first marriage so I sold my business to all my partners. I kept a major portion of the stock and all royalty rights to the products I had invented. I was asked by the local college to be a professor at the college, teaching computer science and technology.

It started out pretty good. I figured I would have more time at home with my wife and son and wouldn't have to worry about the late night calls. My wife left the insurance company and got a job at my old business. She was a secretary for the senior partners. Of course, I stopped in once in awhile to say hello to everyone but again I had a full plate. I taught school and went back to school myself. I decided to get degrees in the technological teaching industry. In simple words I was working toward a Doctorate degree in computers.

School for me was simple. In the computer field I actually knew more than my teachers; after all I was a teacher also. I was able to test out of most every class and it moved my degree process right along.

I spent any available time with my son. He was my pride and joy. Since I always had tickets to all the sporting events, I made sure to take him to all I could. We were pretty good buddies. We attended all the events we could after he turned five. My wife on the other hand didn't like sports and didn't care to go with us.

Trish was the business woman. She was more interested in money and power than she was in our family get-together's. During one of our many arguments she told me she married me for the powerful person I was.

"What power?" I asked. "I just ran a business. I never sought any kind of power."

"It comes with the territory. You are well respected and known for your computer abilities. Now you're just a teacher. Teaching wannabe computer geeks."

"So what are you saying? You want out of our marriage because I'm a teacher and not this big power seeking exec you want?"

"Harley, it's not just that. We don't do anything together."

"You mean party and rub shoulders with the big boys? We're not the center of attention anymore. Trish, that's not me anymore. I'm a teacher, a professor of computers. I'm going to get my Doctorate soon. You will be able to call me doctor." I tried to smile but she wasn't smiling back.

"I want out, Harley, out of this marriage. The only problem is our son. We both love him and we have to do what's best for him."

"... and what's that Trish? For him to live with you?"

"Yes, with me, Harley. You can see him anytime you want. I'm sure we can work something out."

Well, marriage number two had ended. Only this time there was a cost to it. I paid a large amount of child support even though we had joint custody. I didn't care; money wasn't a big issue with me, but Darren was. I made sure he got the best life a boy could have. He and I continually went to sporting events together. I saw him regularly. I attended all his school functions.

It was a few years later that Trish got remarried to the president of the company. He was an old friend but we didn't communicate much now. I don't know if she had any affairs while we were married or not; doesn't make a lot of difference now anyway.

Life for me was pretty good. I received my doctorate in computer programming and networking. I was now Doctor Harley Davidson. Yeah, you read it right; my parents had a sense of humor. I'm the one who had to live with it.

The students either called me Dr. Harley or Dr. Davidson, I really didn't mind either. Of course many called me Professor. I really enjoyed my work. I taught college and started doing more repairs and programming on the side to help pass the time. Also the money was pretty good, setting up new accounts for computer purposes was rather expensive and I was known as the best around. Even my old partner and wife's new hubby called me a few times for set-up and repair information. I knew it had to kill them to come to me for help and I always charged them about double the going rate. I guess it was kind of a professional revenge.

My son was an honor student in high school and in college. He earned scholarships from many different universities. He decided not to attend the one I was a professor at because he was taking computer science and technology. I would have been his professor and neither of us thought it would be a good idea. He did ask me if I would help him with his homework and it made me laugh.

When he received his Bachelor's Degree his stepfather hired him instantly. I was really proud of my son. He was a real chip (computer chip) off the old block. Then tragedy struck.

I got a call from Trish saying that Darren was in a auto accident. I rushed to the hospital and held his hand while he took his last breath. I cried so hard that I was emotionally drained. He was the only person it my life that really counted and now he was gone.

I took the next two weeks off from school just to grieve for my son. After I divorced the second time, I let Trish have the condo and I moved back in with Mom and Dad. They were getting up in age and I was there to take care of them. Darren's death was really hard on them too. After all, he was their only grandchild that lived close. My sister had two kids but she lived more than five hundred miles away. Mom and Dad never got to know their kids the way they knew Darren. It was probably the darkest point in our lives. No one should have to bury their child or grandchild. It just wasn't right.

Life for me wasn't as happy after the death of my son. I spent time taking care of my parents and teaching at college. I did a lot fewer computer set-ups. My heart wasn't totally in it. Two years after the death of my son, I lost my father to a heart attack; within six months I lost my mother also. They said it was a heart condition but I know it was from a broken heart. My mom and dad lived most of their life together. They had what I always considered the perfect marriage. One could start a sentence and the other could finish it. In a really close marriage like they had, it seems that one spouse always dies within a year of the other.

My sister came home for a week for each funeral. Her husband and children, who had families of their own, came also. I had to think how much Mom and Dad would have loved to have seen the kids more often. Again I guess it's the priorities we all have in our lives. We could argue all day what's most important. I can honestly say, my son was first, then my parents. Everything else in life comes after them. Now they were all gone.

I need to drop back a few years and explain my sex life or the lack of it. After two divorces, dating wasn't a priority with me. I did date for companionship but not necessarily sex. Now I'm not an idiot and yes, I did sleep with some of my dates. I have to tell you up front that I told them I wasn't interested in a long term relationship. Two failed marriages did me in. It's funny how so many of the women I dated felt the same way.

It's nice to go out, enjoy oneself and not be worried what happens when you take the date home. Now with that explained I have to tell you my secret to my sex life. I went to a house of ill repute, whorehouse, or whatever else you might want to call it. I've been going there for years. Let me go back to when it all started.

I taught computers at the University. I don't think I have to tell anyone what some of these young girls, and even older women looked and dressed like. Everyday it was mini-skirts, or hip hugger jeans that damn near showed their pelvic region. T-shirts with no-bra's, shorts with no-panties, you could see up the oversized leg holes. This list can go on and on; anyway seeing this everyday can get to a guy once in awhile. I'll admit even though sex wasn't a priority in my life, every now and then I did get turned on.

Now I'm a teacher, a professor, and needed to have control of my class as well as myself. One thing I had always promised myself was that I would never bed down one of my students. It would be totally wrong as well as putting my profession in jeopardy. So around once a month I went to see my friend Stella. She was a Madam of her own place.

We met when I got a call one day and asked if I could put in a computer system. She said it was a private business and she was willing to pay me for services as long as I kept quiet about her business. Of course I was intrigued about this and made an appointment to see her. When I got to her place, which was a house or more like an old brick mansion with dozens of rooms, on the front porch was a neatly dressed man. He was huge, maybe 6 ft. 6 tall and weighed maybe 325 pounds. He was sitting on the porch talking to two very nice looking women. He asked me who I was and what I wanted. After telling him, he escorted me into Stella's office.

"I'm Stella Stevens, proprietor of this business. I'll tell you up front that it is basically a whorehouse even though we don't use that term here. We prefer names like Pleasure Palace, or Relaxation Therapy Center."

"I'm officially Doctor Harley Davidson," I said, and she smiled like everyone did when they first heard my name, "but you can just call me Harley. May I call you Stella or do you refer Ms. Stevens?"

"Stella's fine. What I need to know is if you can put me in a reliable computer system to cover all my needs."

"First, may I ask why you called me? There are a number of reputable technicians in this area. I know because I trained them myself."

"You were referred to me from a number of my girls. They say you are the best, and I want the best."

"I see. So some of the girls that work here are my students or at least know of my abilities. Well, Stella, let's get down to business. I can put you in a computer system that will literally do anything you want it to. Accounts Payable, Receivables, billing, taxes. I noticed you have an attached adult store. I can run your sales and inventory through it using a separate header so your customers can get receipts and use your business as a tax deduction. We can do it all above board and you will be within the law in this state,"

"Wow, you really are good if you can do all that. What kind of a price tag are we talking here? Is it affordable?"

"You tell me. You will need at least four computers at about a thousand each including the printers. I can write the programs specifically for you for three thousand dollars and another two thousand to install it all. I can have it done in about two weeks. I could do it sooner but I have classes to teach. So, talk it over with whomever you need and you can get back to me."

"I make all decisions here and you're hired. When can you start? I prefer you don't work on the Friday or Saturday; they're rather hectic days and nights here.

"I'll start next Monday after my last class. I'll only be here a couple of hours to see how we'll set it up. Then it will be the following Monday when I start putting in the equipment. I should have it installed by Tuesday night."