Chapter 3

Saturday was no better than Friday for the couple who'd been married only a year and a few days. They didn't try to avoid each other, but neither did they seek each other out. They spoke politely to each other, discussing inconsequential topics, but the passion between them was dead.

Sunday flowed into Monday and the weekly work schedule reasserted itself. Brad slept on the living room sofa more often than not. Ashley slept in a cold bed upstairs with the door closed so no one would hear her cry.

Brad worked a lot of hours overtime, even when he could have chosen not to. He came home after the supper table had been cleared only to be with Cathy and Cindy for a while before they had to go to bed. He was not eating well and was loosing weight but he told himself this was a good thing. He got too little exercise and could stand to lose a couple of pounds.

Ashley went to work, picked up her babies from the daycare, cooked dinners and cleaned house. Beyond that, she spent much time staring blankly into space. Playing old favorite CDs no longer consoled her and no book she picked up held her interest.

The first week passed, then a second... and a third. The children were quieter and better behaved. They couldn't comprehend what exactly had happened to their world, but they could sense its impact. Brad and Ashley lavished affection and care on the two little girls, but shared none between themselves.

Cathy and Cindy were watching the latest cartoon adventure out on DVD. They and their new daddy had picked it up just today and they paid the TV screen their whole attention as they watched the images dance and cavort on the screen.

Brad was less interested in watching the cartoon than he was in watching the two happy children. Three-year-old Cindy could barely follow what was going on but she loved the color and the action. Her sister Cathy was all of four-years-old and Cindy's idol. Cathy understood more of the storyline, but not that much more. Still, she pointed out many things to her younger sister she thought were important or interesting. The half-sisters were close. They held hands more often than not. They were tonight.

Their stepfather loved them. He couldn't imagine any father loving his children more. In the two years he'd known them, they'd slipped inside his guard and claimed his heart. He couldn't imagine living without them, but he was afraid there wouldn't be very many more evenings like this. The hurt wasn't going away. It wasn't even fading as most things did with a little time.

When Ashley came into the room and sat beside him, Brad looked up and her and nodded civilly. He didn't smile and he didn't reach out for her, as he would have a month ago. Ashley sat a few inches from him, careful not to touch him lest he move further away from her. It had happened more than once over the past few weeks.

"I have to tell you some things," Ashley said after a while. She didn't look at her husband but she could sense a sudden tension in him. He didn't reply but he inclined his head to listen.

"I... I called Ann and Floyd today," she said quietly. Brad said nothing, but the foot he'd propped up on the ottoman slipped to the floor. He leaned forward... hardly more than a tiny shift of his weight... but he was ready to stand.

"I told them I never wanted to see or hear from them ever again," Ashley said. She left the simple statement hang in the air for a moment. Brad's body relaxed slightly and he settled back into the overstuffed cushions.

"They apologized for what they did," she continued. "They said they stepped over the line and hated what they'd done. Floyd said they hated what their... irresponsibility... had done to us. He said it was unforgivable and he understood why I wouldn't ever talk to them again."

"He's right," Brad whispered, not wanting to disturb the two young girls enjoying the cartoon. "It is unforgivable."

"He apologized, Brad," Ashley murmured. "They're about as miserable as we are."

"Good," Brad said a little louder than he intended.

The girls turned to see what was going on but Brad only gestured at the TV and smiled. Cindy and Cathy smiled back. Children don't expect to comprehend everything their parents say or do... his remark disappeared into the bottomless pit of such incidents they couldn't understand. In scant seconds, the DVD was again their sole focus.

"They're responsible... partly... for what went on that day," Brad said at a more moderate volume. Ashley winced. She knew who her husband held responsible for the rest of what had happened at the hotel.

"I know," Ashley said softly. She took a deep breath.

"I've done a lot of thinking," she began slowly. "I thought about what you said about lying to you. I talked to Mom too."

"Okay," Brad said noncommittally.

"I told Mom a little about what had happened," Ashley said with a sigh. "Not the... you know... swinging stuff, but about walking off with two friends and stuff." She took a deep breath.

"Mom wanted to take a baseball bat to me," Ashley said softly. "She said she'd think better of me if I went around kicking little puppies across the house and smashing kid's toys in front of them than to have... deserted... you like that." She waited for her husband to say something.

"Ash, I don't know why you're telling me this," he said finally. "If you think I need some kind of validation for the way I feel about what happened... I don't."

"No, no," Ashley said hastily. "I was just saying she was one more person who wanted me to start thinking about what the heck I've been doing, okay?" After a moment, Brad nodded.

"Okay," Brad repeated. His tone said he neither agreed nor disagreed.

"Anyway... I did lie to you about the reservation and stuff by not telling you when I found out... and I guess I lied about the reasons I still wanted to go up there too," Ashley said in a defeated voice. "I knew I had to tell you about the convention, but I kept putting it off. I told myself there was plenty of time and I never once thought about why I was delaying." She sighed.

"I've spent a lot of time by myself lately," she said carefully, "and that makes you look pretty close at yourself. You don't get to make excuses when it's just you talking inside your head," she added.

Brad turned away from the children and the TV for the first time.

"Introspection..." He stopped to clear his voice and start over. "Taking a good look at yourself is a good thing to do sometimes," he said quietly. "Anyway, what did you decide about the "excuses" you made to yourself?"

Ashley dropped her eyes to her hands clamped tightly together in her lap. "I was putting off telling you because I was pretty sure you wouldn't want to go... that you'd want to get the hotel to move us to another place.

"And I was doing that because I really wanted to be there... where the excitement was happening and stuff, you know?" Her voice dropped in pitch and volume as she spoke. "I was lying to myself some too... I never let myself look at why I wasn't telling you... but that's no excuse. I'm a grown woman and I knew better."

She looked away to hide the sudden sheen of tears in the corner of her eyes. She dabbed at the dampness with a tissue brought with her just for this possibility.

"I've tried and tried to figure out whether you were right about me wanting to find... a specific someone there but I can't, Brad," she said in a forceful whisper. "There was no man... honey, I know you can't believe me right now, but there hasn't been a man in my thoughts except you from the day we met." She was quiet for a while.