Chapter 1

We've seen a glimpse of this man's deepest and darkest struggle. We've peered with perfect impunity and omniscience into this anonymous soul. Now, let us, with artistic ambition, breathe into the dust and see what we find.

John is a striking man. Everyday when he walks by one of several quite beautiful secretaries at his law firm, he's greeted with blushing smiles from girls who, without realizing it, always push their hair behind one of their ears. Mark it down, every time! It's like clockwork. A sure sign that John has an admirer or two. John just smiles and keeps walking. It's not as if he could whisk them away and fuck their brains out in a storeroom closet. Oh no, not at the risk of losing his job. It's far too lucrative to take those kinds of risks. Besides, with one exception, the secretaries are all in their mid-twenties. John, as they say, "wouldn't kick them out of bed," but they lack the youthfulness that drives him wild, that magical power which could actually cause him to have sex in a conference room at the risk of losing his job. There are other law firms. It's all a matter of weighing the benefits against the perceived risks. These ladies, well, just aren't worth the risk. Not to John. His attentions are elsewhere.

After passing by the ogling eyes of Milana, Lindsi, and Beth (the secretaries), he always stops just before the elevator and peers into the mirror on the opposite wall. He thinks he's being discreet, but Walter, the firm's head of security, notices it every time. "What a self-absorbed prick," Walter says through his teeth. Walter is jealous, of course. John has everything. Except a wife. Walter has a wife. But, like most long-married men, longs for a certain freedom outside of his grasp. He loves his wife, he really truly loves her. But we've all seen the way young women dress these days. At least Walter sure has. And John could have just about any young woman in California. Keep in mind, Walter's concept of a "young woman" differs drastically from John's. Walter doesn't know that though. He just goes on what he sees. That's why every time he sees John checking himself in the mirror he presumes John to be thinking, "Johnny baby, looking good!" Of course a book and its cover are seldom mutually representative. When John looks in the mirror, he's not looking at himself. Technically, yes, of course he is. But he's not looking to see how attractive or handsome he is. Despite John's head-turning good looks, he rarely puts stock in what other people think of him. No, John looks at himself for a different reason, one that both frightens and puzzles him.

Walter, like almost everyone at the firm, hasn't quite pegged down John's personality. There are two camps on the matter. Some think as does Walter that John is an arrogant prick who flaunts his money, good looks, and his sleek black BMW M6, no doubt fucking a different gal every night. Others think he's just a genuinely nice though supremely-confident guy. Take Beth, for example. She thinks he's too nice. She's the exception I mentioned. Only 19 years old. John doesn't pay that much attention to her though. She's very forceful and outspoken. Some might call her an extreme Feminist, though that term can mean any number of things, really. She's attractive, young, and has a beautiful body, but John's turned off by her attitude.