Chapter 6

I awoke the next morning to the smells of breakfast and the sounds of the washer and the dryer. The sun was streaming into the living room and warming up the couch I was sleeping on. Excuse me, the couch on which I was sleeping. See, I'm getting better.

I looked at my watch: 9:30. It had probably been 3:30 when I'd finally managed to get to sleep, and I sure felt like I only had six hours of sleep. I staggered to my feet, annoyed at the giggling I was hearing from the kitchen. Pulling on my T-shirt — I'd stolen a T-shirt and sweats before Sue and Gail took over my room — I staggered to the door to the kitchen. All six women were fully dressed and looked disgustingly cheerful and wide-awake as they crowded around the breakfast table.

"Well, it's Mister Sleepy," Shelly laughed as she saw me in the doorway.

"Aww, little stud have a hard night?" Andrea snickered.

"Yeah," I muttered, "he heard too many women screaming out 'oh, yeah, that's it, lick me right there.' That made him hard."

I actually hadn't heard anyone last night. But it was a very well-placed arrow; I looked around to see six women with very sheepish expressions. I smiled at them.

"Shower time, girls. I'll be back."

"Keep an eye out for Chris, Jase?" Gail yelled after me. "He's supposed to drop his folks at a hotel and then swing by."

I grunted and left the room. After a quick shower, I pulled on my jeans and a plaid shirt, and on the way back to the food, er, the ladies, I opened the door to get the paper and came face to face with Gordon and Mr. Pinsky as they walked up the steps. A third guy, a couple of steps behind them, looked like somebody I ought to know. Oh, yeah, probably the guy with the Eagles. I must have seen his picture in the paper.

"Jason!" Mr. Pinsky grinned as offered me his hand. "I assume you have our women here?"

"Yes, sir," I grinned back. "Chained down in the dungeon with the others."

"Good job," he laughed. "Steve, this is Jason Thompson. Jason, this is my good friend Steve Riley from outside of Philly. He owns part of the Eagles. I thought I'd bring him up to Hardwood and show him the town, introduce my new bride."

I automatically stuck out my hand to meet his as he stepped around Mr. Pinsky. It wasn't until then that I processed the name. No wonder he looked familiar; he looked like me.

"Fuck me with a spoon!" I yelped. My hand refused to shake his any more, but it also refused to let it go.

"Heh, heh," Mr. Pinsky chuckled nervously as all three guys stared at me. "See, Steve, you buy a part of the Eagles and all of a sudden you're famous."

Nope, still unable to let go.

The three of them were looking at me now like I'd become dangerous.

"Jason," Mr. Pinsky said calmly. "Maybe we should just go in and get the ladies and be on our way."

I came back to the world.

"Oh, sure, that's a great idea," I said.

I opened the door for them. Steve headed in first, and I waited until he was past me to speak up again.

"I know I'm looking forward to hearing you explain yourself to Andrea Hanson and Shelly Havelmeyer, Mister Steve Riley."

Steve stopped short, and Curly and Larry almost knocked him down. We assembled back on the porch.

"What's Mom got to do with this?" Gordon asked.

"What do you mean?" Mr. Pinsky asked him.

"Hanson was her maiden name," Gordon explained. "Andrea Hanson. Shelly Havelmeyer is her best friend, Shelly Johnson. You know my mom, Mr. Riley?"

By now, Steve was backed up against the railing with three pairs of eyes boring into him. Better him than me, I thought.

"Oh, my God," he said.

He told us the story of how he'd met Shelly and Andrea. It was similar to the story I'd heard, although of course he'd just gone to their room the night before Thanksgiving to hang out. If I was friends with a guy about to marry Andrea, I'd have probably sanitized the story a little bit, too. And then he explained how, after Thanksgiving, after Andrea had reunited with her boyfriend, he'd asked Shelly out on a few dates.

"And then after Christmas," I prompted, "you never came back."

"Because my father was ill," he sighed. "He died two months later."

"So why didn't you answer any of Shelly's letters?" I asked gently.

"How do you know all this?" he asked me.

Tsk, tsk, I thought; I asked first. I waited him out.

"Embarrassment, I guess," he finally said. "I had to stay on to help my mom with the farm. She died a year later and I spent the next five years paying off their debt before I could finally sell the place."

I raised my eyebrows.

"What would she want with a farmer?" he asked. "By the time I got everything paid off and got my own business started, I tried to find her again. She was already married.

"I've never found another girl like her," he added wistfully.

"Really?" I brightened up. "So you're single?"

"Still single," he smiled. "Waiting for the next Shelly Havelmeyer."

"Not any more," I said. "Today we're having a special on the old —"

"Thompson!"

I looked up to see the much awaited Chris and the very unexpected Gunner walking up the driveway together.

"Hey!" I greeted them.

"Susan get to say thanks to you yet?" Gunner grinned.

"What happened to your tournament, Joshua?" I cut him off.

"Blown out in the first round," he said. "Michigan State."

"Whoa," I said.

"Exactly," he grinned. "So Coach gave us a choice of a weekend in Hawaii or a flight home on the redeye."

"And you said, 'oh, yes, sir, I'd much rather spend the holiday weekend in Hardwood, Pennsylvania, '" I shook my head. "'No beach babes for me, sir.' Well, as far as babes go, you'll just have to make do with something from our menu. In fact, I think we have a girl inside for everyone today. I assume you all want the usual, right?"

Chris, Gunner, Gordon, and Mr. Pinsky all nodded in agreement and then I looked at Steve.

"The usual okay with you, too?"

He looked a little flummoxed.

I appeared at the entrance to the kitchen with a clipboard in my hand.

"All right, ladies, quiet down," I said. "Your dates for the evening are here to collect you. I'll call your name, I'll give you a brief description of the gentleman who's interested in escorting you tonight, and, assuming you're interested, you can meet him in the parlor."

"Who are you, madam for a day?" Andrea cackled.

I ignored her.

"First up, a gentleman has requested Gail Dodge. He's a local graduate student, appears to be in good health, sounds intelligent, and is interested in a long-term relationship."

"I accept," Gail said. Standing up, she leaned in to whisper in my ear as she passed me.

"But if he wasn't here, you know, I'd steal you away from Karen in a heartbeat. Thank you so much for last night."

She gave me a kiss on the cheek, I kissed her hand, and she brushed by me.

"Next, a request for Andrea Ackerman, from a gentleman who appears to be reasonably intelligent except that he's requested Andrea Ackerman."

Everyone had a good laugh as Andrea stood up. She leaned in just as Gail had, and with her back to the other girls, I gave her left breast, her particularly sensitive left breast, a gentle squeeze.

"Mmmmm," she closed her eyes and moaned against me.

"See you at the rehearsal, Andy," I said, kissing her cheek.

"Next," I said loudly, to cover the squeal from the living room, "a request for Julie Pinsky. The gentleman is immature, insecure, and —"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Julie got up. "I enjoyed your sister last night, Thompson."

Sitting at the table, Karen blushed, and I got my cheek kissed again before Julie exited. That left Sue, Shelly, and Karen at the table.

"Well," Sue grinned ferally, "shall we—"

"Ah, ah, ah," I held up my hand to stop her from saying something that she might not want overheard in the living room. "I'm not done yet. I have a request for Sue Waggoner, from a tall, geeky-looking, barely coordinated—"

"Joshua!" Sue shrieked. I never got that kiss. She was through the door before I could even tell her I'd see her tonight.

I looked back at the table. Shelly looked a little sad, aware that she alone would be without a date tonight. Karen looked a little angry, aware that I'd put Shelly in a position where this had become painfully obvious.

"Excuse me a minute," I said, ducking back out of the room. I took a quick look at everyone in the living room: Andrea holding Mr. Pinsky's hand, a big smile on her face; Julie and Gordon; Gail and Chris; Sue and Gunner. I handed the clipboard to Steve — after we'd planned our attack, I'd changed into clothing that resembled what Steve was wearing — and he went through the door with his head down.

"Sorry," he said, following the script. "Next up is a request for Shelly Johnson, from an idiot who can't believe he didn't have more faith in her back in college and is here to beg her forgiveness."

Karen told me afterward that she knew it wasn't me from the word "sorry," but that Shelly didn't know something was amiss until the word "college." At that point, she simply stared at "me."

"Steve?" we all finally heard her whisper.

"Shelly Havelmeyer, I love you," he said. "If you can forgive me, I'd like to—"

At that point, all we heard was the scrape of a chair on the floor, someone running, and a body hitting the wall between the kitchen and the dining room. Peering in nervously, I saw Steve and Shelly locked in a kiss as Shelly pressed him against the wall. I smiled at Karen, and beckoned her out with my finger.

By the time Steve and Shelly finished "talking" in the dining room, Karen and I were the only ones left.

"Gail said to tell you that she'll set two extra places tonight at the rehearsal dinner for you," I told the new couple when they finally emerged. "She and Chris had a few last-minute things to do with the Pinskys, well, the Pinskys-to-be, and Sue and Gunner — let's just say that Sue's parents are gone for the weekend. But Sue assured me that they'll be at the rehearsal dinner, too. Meantime, though, they have been apart for two entire days."