Chapter 2

Mom raised an eyebrow when she saw me eating breakfast with two lovely girls, but she also couldn't resist smiling.

"Mom, this is Julie Pinsky," Karen said. "Julie, this is Jason's real mom, and my second mom, Dana Thompson."

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Thompson," Julie said.

"We were just thinking about who Julie ought to go to the prom with," Karen said.

"How about Gordon?" Mom said as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

"Gordon Ackerman?" I asked, a little puzzled.

"Gordon Ackerman?" Julie repeated, a little alarmed.

"Gordon Ackerman," Karen echoed, as if she'd just had a revelation. "You know Gordon, right?"

"Well, yeah," Julie said. "But..."

"But what?" Karen pressed her. "He's a nice guy."

"Well, yeah, he's nice," Julie agreed.

"And cute," Karen prompted.

"Well, yeah, he is cute, but he's kind of... geeky," Julie finally said.

Karen just stared at her for a minute before speaking.

"Yeah, how's that geek, non-geek thing working for you, anyway?" she said, not giving Julie a chance to answer before turning to me. "I forgot to tell you, when I first talked to Julie about this, the first thing she said to me was, 'You go out with Jason Thompson, right? I mean, he's kind of cute, but isn't he a little... geeky?' So what did you think of geeky, Pinsky?"

Her eyes wide, Julie looked over at my mom.

"Oh, I'll just take my coffee into the other room," Mom said with a smile, "and you guys can discuss all Gordon's and Jason's geekiness to your heart's content."

Julie blushed as my mother left, and then turned shyly back to Karen.

"So do you think that Gordon is as geeky as Jason?" she asked.

"I'm sure he has the potential," she said, "though I'd be surprised if he had as much practice. You might have to coach him up a little. But he's such an excellent student at everything else..."

Julie took a deep breath.

"Besides, I can make him even cuter," Karen added off-handedly.

"Excuse me?" I butted in. "You can go around making guys cuter?"

"Not all guys," Karen said. "You, for example, are just about cuted out. But Gordon, with a better haircut, and a nice tux — he's gonna be a real good-lookin' guy."

"I think I'm offended," I pouted.

"I think you're just full of crap," Karen said without any sympathy. "Well?"

"All right, God help me," Julie said after a deep breath. "I'll go to the prom with Gordon Ackerman. How do you know he hasn't asked anyone else? How do you know he'll ask me?"

"Gordon Ackerman, ask a girl out on his own?" Karen snorted. "Not likely. However, I do know a way to prod him along. I don't suppose you'd be willing to sign a paper, which we will witness, stating that you'll go out with him?"

"Well, I guess," Julie began, "but —"

"And notarized," I pointed out. "It has to be notarized."

"My dad's secretary is a notary," Julie said eagerly. Wait a minute, this hottie actually wanted to go out with Gordon Ackerman now? Maybe Karen pulled a switch with the dolls. "And they always work at the bank on the first and third Saturdays of each month."

"Well, let's get a move on," Karen said.

After breakfast, we drafted what we thought sounded like an official acceptance and I drove the group to the bank. We walked through the lobby to the offices in the bank and Julie started singing out.

"Hi, Mrs. Ack — kerman."

Julie had stopped dead in the middle of the door, so I had to slide around her to get into the office. Fortunately, as we were walking through the bank, I'd remembered that Gordon's mom worked there; otherwise I would have done the same stop-and-stare that Julie was now in the middle of. Not for the same reason, though. Julie, for example, had only just now realized that she was committing herself to date her father's secretary's son.

For me, it was a little different. After I'd dropped Shelly Johnson at door on New Year's morning, I'd gone home to watch the football games. Mom and Dad went out around one o'clock to a party, and as soon as they left I'd summoned Shelly Johnson.

"Master," she purred, her eyes lighting up. "You were wonderful last night."

"Thanks," I said. "You were pretty amazing, too."

Well, I couldn't very well turn down a blow job from Shelly, could I? A few minutes later, though, I broached the subject that I'd summoned her to discuss, the crush she'd mentioned the night before. She explained that in her freshman year of college, she and her roommate had both had a crush on some Steve guy from their Intro Psych class, and that I was, if not a dead ringer for Steve, the next closest thing. Right before Thanksgiving, they both had a little too much wine and the roommate, Andrea, had called him and invited him over. Before anything could happen, a fire alarm sent the entire dorm out into the street.

Shelly also explained that after they got home for break the next day, Andrea had reunited with her high school sweetheart and, a month later, found herself pregnant. After that, she never came back to school. With Andrea spoke for, Shelly had dated Steve a few times after Thanksgiving, but, because of her exams and some problems he was having at home, they never seriously hooked up. And then he too hadn't shown up at school after Christmas break, and had never answered any of Shelly's letters to boot.

Shelly was blushing so furiously when she told the story, particularly the first part, that I decided to have a little fun. I summoned the two beautiful, horny eighteen-year-old coeds, Shelly Havelmeyer and Andrea Hanson, and "reenacted" the incident. While I was doing it, though — specifically, while Shelly was sitting on my cock and Andrea — "call me Andy, Steve" — was sitting on my face — I couldn't help but think that Andrea looked vaguely familiar.

After we were finished, I used the dolls to find out why.

"Andrea Hanson," the current version, was my buddy Gordon's mom, Andrea Ackerman. Interesting, I remember thinking, that the dolls respond to either the maiden name or the married name. Huh.

And while I was thinking about this interesting phenomenon, Andrea Ackerman, twenty pounds heavier, maybe, with much shorter hair and a much, much more conservative outfit, was dropping to the floor to give me a blow job.

"No, no, no," I said. Shelly was one thing. Gordon's mom was something else. She was still very attractive, but no, no, no. In fact, if I'd known it was her when I was, er, enjoying the teenaged version, it would have put a serious damper on the afternoon's activities. There were some things you just didn't do in Hardwood, Pennsylvania.

The adult version of Andrea confirmed Shelly's story, and told me that she'd married Gordon's dad after she'd dropped out of college. He'd died when Gordon was ten years old. She hadn't been working at the time, but had found a nice job in the bank and, with a little insurance money, had made a nice life for herself and Gordon. It was a cute little story and I dismissed her.

I'd long since forgotten it. It was only while Karen, Julie, and I were trooping through the lobby of the bank today that I remembered that Andrea Ackerman worked there. Fortunately, Julie's surprise gave me time to cover up my own.

"Hi, Mrs. Ack - kerman," I mimicked Julie. "I had no idea you pronounced it that way."

"Hello, Jason," Andrea looked up and smiled. "Julie. Your dad's busy at the moment."

"That's all right," I said. "We wanted to see you. Mrs. A, this is Karen McCarthy. Karen, this is Gordon's mom."

"It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Ackerman," Karen said.

"And it's nice to finally meet the gorgeous redhead I've heard so much about," Mrs. Ackerman smiled. "Gordon's been telling me that his friends are dating the hottest girls in school. And I saw Gunner and his girlfriend at the mall yesterday evening. You boys are certainly doing all right for yourselves, aren't you?"

Karen immediately picked up on the wistfulness in her voice.

"So Gordon hasn't asked anyone to the prom, huh?" she said.

"No," Mrs. A sighed. "I keep telling him that he's going to regret not going, even if it's just with a friend. But who listens to mothers?"

"I always listen to my mother, Mrs. A," I said. "And my mother would tell you not to give up hope quite that quickly. Speaking of which, could you notarize something for us?"

"Certainly," she said, happy for the change of subject. "All three of you?"

"Julie's going to sign it, and Karen and I will witness it," I explained. "Maybe you should read it first."

"Oh that's not necessary," Julie managed to speak for the first time since her initial greeting. I snatched the paper out of her hands and put it in on Andrea's desk. I watched Andrea read it and then stiffen.

"This is not very funny, Julie Pinsky," she said in a somewhat loud and trembling voice. She glared over at me, and I just grinned back at her.

"Jason Thompson," she began to scold me as well before stopping short. Apparently, it occurred to her that I was one of her son's best friends, and unlikely to be involved in a practical joke this hurtful. She turned back to Julie in confusion.

"But you're dating that assho—" she started before abruptly shutting her mouth. I couldn't help but start laughing, and Karen was about to join me when we heard another voice from the doorway on the opposite side of the room.

"That asshole Andy Richardson?"

We looked up to see a good-looking guy in his early forties with a broad grin on his face leaning against the door frame.

"Daddy!" Julie squeaked.

"Hi, punkin," he said. "Sorry, I just couldn't resist finishing one of Andrea's sentences. She's been doing that to me for years."

"Mister Pinsky, I am so sorry," Mrs. Ackerman said.

"Oh, you are not," Mr. Pinsky said. "And I think my daughter knows by now that you call me Gene. Hi, I'm Gene Pinsky."

"Oh, excuse me," Mrs. Ackerman said, still flustered. "Mr. Pinsky, this is Jason Thompson, one of my son's friends, and Karen McCarthy."

"Very nice to meet you," he said jovially. "Although I have to tell you that what got me out of my seat was that voice. 'This is not very funny, Julie Pinsky.'"

He added the last in a high falsetto that had Mrs. Ackerman squirming in her seat.

"Just last week," Mr. Pinsky pressed on, "she used the very same tone of voice on me when I gave her her bonus. 'This is not very funny, Gene Pinsky.' Apparently, she thought that I, a bank president, mind you, was giving her a fraudulent check."

He was clearly enjoying this, and walked over to the desk to pick up the paper we'd worked up. He read it over and cocked an eyebrow at his daughter. Without warning, he tore it in half.

I could see Karen about to explode next to me, and Julie looked like she'd just lost her best friend. Mrs. Ackerman, in the meantime, had gone from looking outraged to simply looking shocked.

Suddenly, Julie's father gave us a big smile.

"Let's do this right, shall we? Andrea, get some of the good paper. Hey, Frank, come on out here."

Another figure appeared in the doorway.

"Hi, Uncle Frank," Julie said.

"Hi, sweetie," he answered.

"Frank Tonelli, this is Karen McCarthy. Karen, Frank is the mayor of Hardwood and Julie's godfather."

"Nice to meet you, sir," Karen said, all but curtseying.

"And this is Jason Thompson," Mister Pinsky turned to me after Karen had shaken hands with the mayor. We shook hands as well.

Mr. Pinsky turned back to Julie.

"So what happened to that — to Mr. Richardson, that is?"

"My, um, new friends have convinced me that I need to date, um, other guys," Julie said shyly.

"And that's what this is, you're going to be dating this — um — Gordon Ackerman?" he smiled. "Do we know anything about him?"