Chapter 41

It was sometime in mid September before Joyce asked me again about whether the four X's could have their dinner meeting at my house. This time, I agreed, which surprised and pleased Joyce. That only lasted until I told her I'd be going over to Mama's house to spend the evening with my parents.

"Kenny, they all want to see you again. How long are you planning on avoiding everybody?"

"Joyce, we've been getting along pretty good lately, because you've been staying inside my comfort zone. I don't feel like dealing with this now. You can hold your meeting here, if you want to, but, I won't be taking part in any of it."

"Kenny, that's just silly. You're the main reason everyone wants to hold the meetings here. It will be fun for you, I promise. I've been spending so much time here, I wanted to ask you if I can move some of my clothes and toilet things over?"

"You mean like move in here?" When I asked her that question, I'd only done it to buy myself some time, because her request surprised me, and caught me off guard. The way it came out, it sounded like I was saying I was rejecting her request.

"Never mind. I just thought, because you let me sleep here sometimes, that it would be easier if I didn't always have to run home before getting ready to go to the office. It would have been more convenient for me."

"You mean you want to put some of your things in one of the spare bedrooms, right?"

"I said never mind. It was just a thought I had. What am I supposed to tell the girls about you not wanting to meet with us?"

"Why do you need to tell them anything? I've never been at any of your other meetings. Just because I'm letting you hold it here, that doesn't mean I want to be involved with it."

"How about if I just invite Brenda to come over to cook for the three of us?"

"How about if you just come out and tell me what you really want?"

"I want you to go back to being how you used to be. You hardly ever go out, you never do anything. You aren't happy."

"I'm still recuperating. Why are you always in such a hurry? I thought you'd like it that I'm not out doing anything."

"I do, and I don't. You used to be fun. You'd be running around looking into all these new things, having your ideas. Now, you do the accounts for the group homes, and then you spend half the day on the telephone, talking to people about corn, wheat, and soy beans. You don't even ask me about what I'm doing, or what your father is working on. You don't have any interests anymore."

"I'm boring to you now? Is that what you're saying?"

"That isn't what I meant. I meant I'm worried because you're settling for so much less than you used to. I'm not the only one that's worried. I spend half my time answering people's questions, about when you're going to start doing things again."

"Tell them to call and ask me, if they're so damned curious. You don't need to be bothering yourself about answering anybody's questions about me. You've got plenty of other stuff you need to be doing already. Who are all these people asking you questions anyway?"

"Everyone who cares about you. We're all worried. If you'd start getting out and doing things again, maybe you'd have more energy. Mama and Shirley both say they want to play golf with you. Brenda wants to play tennis. That's what she says anyway, but we all think she's just using that as a pretext to get you alone with her. Emily wants to talk with you. Then there's the rest of your whole family, Hans and Gerta, Jane and Grace. They all want to see you acting like yourself again."

"I am acting like myself. This is who I am now. I don't have time to go around playing like I was still a kid. I've got responsibilities now. Somebody has to make the money to keep the group homes running. You think all of this doesn't cost us a lot?"

"That's just an excuse, Kenny. You have more than enough to fund that project, twenty times over. If you asked her, Mama would put in all the money you'd ever need. You never even go spend time with any of the group home kids. You used to love doing that." Joyce had started crying. I could tell she was getting frustrated. I knew she was right, but I couldn't explain to her about my lack of energy, or about no longer having a desire for doing any of that.

It was the next day that Joyce came over to my house in the early afternoon, with Brenda and Emily. I was in Uncle Bunny's office, on the phone with my broker, arguing about an out trade he was trying to stick me with. It involved several thousand dollars of my profits, and I wasn't happy that he kept trying to stick it to me. I finally told him that I wasn't going to eat losing that profit. If his pit trader was the one that made a mistake, he should eat the loss the firm said it would be taking. I just wanted all my profits credited to my account. I had earned it by making the trade. He offered to split the difference with me.

"Darrin, here's the bottom line for me on this. I'm not going to let you fuck me out of this money. I made a trade, and I got a verbal confirmation, from your own trader, of having made that trade. If it had lost seven thousand dollars, instead of making that much, we wouldn't even be having this conversation right now. I do a lot of profitable business with your firm, and so does my whole family. You have a choice, either put the money right back in my account, or I'll pull all of our trading accounts away from your firm."

"If you put it that way, I have no choice, but we're the ones taking a big loss this time. Next time it will be your turn."

"No it won't Darrin, because there isn't going to be a next time. I want you to close all my accounts with you, as of right now. I'll have my father contact you tomorrow about his accounts. When you close my accounts, every penny better be credited, just like it should be, or else we'll take our complaint to the exchange."

"Kenny, I didn't mean it that way. I just wanted you to know you have to be fair to us too."

"I don't have to be fair. I'm already paying an extra dollar a round turn with your firm, over and above what I could get by trading almost anywhere else. I never complained about that, because things were going smoothly, and I was getting good executions by using your people. I'll find somebody else to give me a better rate, and executions that are just as good."

"Kenny, your father and I go back a very long ways. We went to college together. He was my best man at my first wedding. Talk to him before you make any rash decisions."

"Close my account, Darrin. I'll arrange to have my funds transferred to another firm in the morning."

I got up and went out to see what all that noise was about. I found the girls all together, standing in the kitchen.

"Couldn't you guys be any louder? I couldn't hear half of what my broker was trying to tell me. You didn't tell me that today was your meeting, Joyce."

"It isn't. We all thought we'd come over here and surprise you. Aren't you even going to say hello to us before you start chewing us out some more?"

"Hello, girls. This is a surprise, but I'm pretty mad about something else right now, and I wouldn't be very good company for you. If you'll excuse me, I've got business I really have to attend to. Nice seeing you all again." I turned and walked back to the office. I was just picking up the phone to call my father when Joyce came storming into the room.

"You can't just brush the three of us off like this, Kenny. It's rude, and you've hurt all our feelings."

"This is my house, Joyce. I invite people here, not you. You want to invite people over, you get your own damn house. Now get out of here, and leave me alone. I told you I've got business that needs attending to."

I turned my back to her and started dialing my Dad's office number. He'd finally broken down and had a new phone system installed. Edith was moved over to supervise the phone order room. I vaguely remembered hearing Joyce leaving, with the office door being closed behind her.

I explained to my father what had happened with Darrin, even telling him about the threat he'd made, about me having to take the next big loss.

"Kenny, I've known Darrin St. Julien for more than thirty years. If he tells you it was an out trade, then it was. He wouldn't risk damaging our relationship over a measly seven thousand dollars. I'm not going to tell you what to do with your accounts, but mine are all staying right where they are."

"You aren't going to back me over him?"

"Not for this, Kenny. I honestly believe you're in the wrong."

After we ended the call, I sat in my office. First Darrin, then Joyce, and now my own father. What had started out as a normal day for me, was fast becoming a nightmare. I could feel myself being dragged back down into the pit that I'd only recently been able to pull myself out of. The only good thing was I realized I was emotionally fragile right then, and I decided to just pull all the plugs, and disconnect from it all. I stopped thinking about any of it, putting it all out of my mind, and started doing something else.

I called Frank, asking him to see to transferring all of my trading accounts to a different firm. I told him I didn't care which firm he chose, as long as they gave me good executions, and a fair price. I told him I was taking a short break, and I'd be in touch again as soon as I was ready to resume my trading activity. I told him to transfer any funds, as they were needed, into the group home accounts.

I packed a bag, got in my car, and started driving. I kept driving all that night, until midday the following day. I was stopping at a motel alongside a highway, somewhere in Texas. I paid cash for my room, for five days, in advance, and then went straight from the rental office to the bed in my room.

I moved around every few days, driving for awhile, then checking in somewhere at a motel, always staying outside of any big city. I'd find a new place, then do some more resting, staying put, until I started wanting to move on again. I was in Florida, and I saw people playing golf.