Chapter 20

Right after the incident in my room with Joyce, Mama and I got into a little situation. That Saturday afternoon, I was in my room eating some sandwiches that I'd asked Gerta to make for me. Mama opened my door, saw me sitting in there eating, then came walking into my bedroom.

"Here you are. I wondered where you'd gotten off to. I think you were very insensitive to Joyce's feelings the other night, and I wanted to get a chance to discuss that with you."

I put my half eaten, half of a sandwich, back down on my plate, so I could devote my full attention to her while we spoke. I hurriedly finished chewing the part of the sandwich that was in my mouth before she interrupted me. Even with what Joyce had claimed, I was still having difficulty believing that Mama would have encouraged Joyce to make a play for me. Maybe Joyce had misinterpreted what Mama had said?

"How was I insensitive? I didn't say anything to her. At the very worst, all I did was give her a look. That was only because it surprised me, her telling you about my scratches."

"You knew that Joyce has a crush on you. Think of how she must have felt, first from listening to what was going on in your bedroom, then, later, hearing all the details of you being intimate with Emily."

"I can't help it that she has a crush on me. I've done nothing to encourage that. Well, nothing until you set her after me." As soon as I added that last part, I saw Mama's eyes get bigger, and her nose flared open, from her inhaling a large breath in surprise. She paused only slightly before replying.

"I certainly never set her after you, Kenny. I counseled her to not lay around moping about you. I said she should either find herself someone else, or, if she didn't want to do that, she should make you aware of her feelings for you."

"She came into my room last night. Something happened." Mama tried to hide it, but, before she averted her eyes from me, I saw the gleam and twinkle of triumph in them.

"By saying that something happened, you don't mean to imply that you and she were intimate together?" She was enjoying the moment. I had no doubt that she and Joyce had already gone over every single detail of what had occurred the night before. I knew that Mama had taken Joyce's side in this, and that she was in my room, talking with me, for the sole purpose of developing intelligence so she could report it back to Joyce, enabling the two of them to plan for their next assault. I didn't understand why Mama kept interfering in my life like that.

"I'm implying nothing. Stop pretending that any of this is news to you. You think I haven't figured out what's going on? I may not know your reasons for doing it yet, but I do know what you're doing. I want you to stop doing it too, right now."

"All I've done, is to counsel Joyce on her various recourses, advising her of the many options open to her. She needed advice, the poor dear, given the awkward situation she found herself in. I would do the same for you, if you'd allow it. I'm not sure what it is you suspect me of, but I assure you I'm not involved in any plot against any of your interests. I'd never conspire to hurt you, Kenny. I'm ever so fond of Joyce, but, I would never lift one finger against your interests." She said it so sincerely, and I could see the tears of hurt welling up in her eyes as she spoke. I sat there, taking a minute to replay what she had said.

"I understand that you feel that way, and I appreciate that. I'm asking you to stop trying to encourage Joyce to continue seeking a romantic or a physical relationship with me." Mama wasn't used to my thinking before speaking. In the past, I'd always allowed my emotions to dictate my words.

"She needs no encouragement for that, Kenny. My main purpose in this has only been to lift up her spirits, to improve her self image. I wanted her to understand that she already possesses sufficient assets and attributes to achieve more than she believed she could. You should be flattered at her having such an interest in you. Joyce is a remarkable young lady. She's had to overcome hardship and adversities, perhaps ones even greater than those you encountered and overcame. She's been tested, Kenny. What is happening with her now, every day, is a phenomenal change from anything else she was used to. I'm so proud to be able to witness her coping and growing stronger with these changes. Don't mistake my protecting her in this endeavor, for me providing her with encouragement. I would much prefer that she had set her sights on someone less complex than you are dear. We both know that she is doomed to fail in securing her ultimate desire. Is it such a burden on you to allow her these lesser successes?"

"Lesser successes? Do you mean lesser successes like she had last night? She manipulated me, and then she took full advantage of it."

"She seduced you. Is that what you mean? What did she do to you that you haven't done yourself, and to several other girls? Where was the harm in it? Don't take away the added confidence last night has given Joyce. If you care for her at all, don't get up on that high horse of yours and make her feel diminished by what the two of you did."

Now, Mama really was engaged in some serious pleading with me. She knew me too damn well. She knew I'd have said or done something to negate what had happened in my room the night before. In fact, I had already been formulating a plan to do something to express my anger at Joyce's actions. I had been outflanked and out maneuvered by Mama. She hadn't come to my room looking for intelligence to help Joyce's cause. She had come to plead her own cause to me, to enlist my help in her plan for Joyce.

Mama was a formidable advocate, and she had advocated on my behalf on many occasions. She didn't come out and say it, but I knew she was counting on me to remember the many sacrifices she had willingly put up with for me. If she wanted to protect Joyce's victory, I could give her that much. I wanted to ask her to try to make sure Joyce didn't attempt yet another seduction, but I was afraid of the reply that request might elicit.

"I won't do anything to take away from last night. I'm alerted to her now though. She'll never take me by surprise again."

"Oh, Kenny, you are so cute when you say things like that. You have no idea of the many parallels I see between you and Thomas, and between Joyce and myself. All four of us are so different, and yet, we all mesh together so well. It's uncanny. I won't interfere with whatever develops, or fails to develop, between you and Joyce. I will caution you now though, to not underestimate her will, or her determination."

Mama came closer and kissed me on my cheek, placing her hand on my other cheek as she did so. She then patted my face and turned to leave. I thought I heard a sound from her as she neared my door. I sounded like a chuckle, but I couldn't be sure. What I could be sure of was that Mama had absolutely no intentions of not interfering, and not just between Joyce and me either. Mama was going to interfere, it was what she enjoyed doing most.

When I got back home from the dance Saturday night, Mama, Joyce, and my Dad were visiting some people, business friends of Dad's. I went in the kitchen and asked Gerta if there was anything sweet for me to eat. Hans was in their room, watching television. His back was acting up again, according to Gerta. She described his condition to me after I asked her about him.

While I ate the big slice of cake, and the cold milk she gave me, hoping to restore a normal feeling to my taste buds, I told Gerta about what Emily had done to me. After I told her, she asked me questions until, finally, I had to tell her the whole story about what Emily and I had agreed to, what we'd done together, and then about what happened with Joyce in my room.

"She let you off easy, Kenny. She just attacked your pride. It seems a big thing to you right now, but, in a while, you'll see that she didn't really punish you so much. She still must like you a lot."

"I'm pretty sure she doesn't still like me, a lot or a little. You didn't hear her, or feel her, when she pushed me away from her."

"So, she's still mad at you. She's mad for what you did, and she'd mad for what her being mad at you caused her to have to do. She blames you for making her do that with the other boy."

"I didn't make her do that. It was all her idea."

"You did something that hurt her enough that she needed to strike back at you. What she did was to show you how it felt, by trying to hurt you in the same way."

Having already finished my cake and milk, I tried to digest what Gerta was telling me too. I had little doubt that Gerta believed what she had told me, but she hadn't seen the look on Emily's face when she informed me of the action she'd taken against me. I didn't doubt that Emily had liked me, and I couldn't protest against her right to be angry at my actions. I even almost accepted that I'd deserved what she had done to punish me, but I wasn't going to be thankful that this was all she did to me. Even more than the kiss, I had hated what that cum being in her mouth had meant. I wasn't jealous though, how could I be?

Sunday, Joyce approached me as we were both coming downstairs for breakfast. I could see that she was nervous. We hadn't spoken at all on Saturday. I smiled at her, trying to reduce the tension she might be feeling, and then I reached out and took her hand in mine.

"Are you okay, Joyce?"

She seemed to relax when I took her hand. I guess she'd been pretty worried about how I'd react to what we'd done, especially after I had the time to think about it.

"I was a little worried about how you'd feel, Kenny. You know, about what happened."

"What happened, happened. Nothing can change it. Now, we move on from there. I'm really going to miss Emily, but I can't blame her for dumping me."

"She dumped you?" Joyce tried to look concerned, but I saw the quick grin, right before she put that concerned look on her face.

"She not only dumped me, she went out and did something with another boy, just to show me how much what I had done had hurt her. I've lost a real good friend." I was laying it on a little thick, but I wasn't saying anything bad about what Joyce and I had done, not as far as it not being enjoyable. I did want her to understand that there had already been serious consequences. I wanted her to know it wasn't just all fun and games.

"You still have me, Kenny. I'm still a good friend."

"I know that Joyce, and it helps, but now I have one less friend, and I really liked having her as a friend. That's why I'm feeling a little bit down today." We went into the kitchen and ate our breakfast out there.

As soon as I was finished eating, I left the house, driving over to the group homes. I wanted to be away from Joyce and Mama, but I didn't feel like being alone. I rounded up five of the boys, the ones who had been doing the best in their schoolwork, and we drove over to Bolling, to visit the game arcade there. I never saw so many quarters disappear so quickly. We were all competing against each other for best scores.

We couldn't compete with any of the experienced players at the arcade, but the six of us were all in the same boat when it came to playing experience. We didn't have any.

At around two, I drove us all over to the restaurant and we ate a big lunch. Jane was there, along with Grace and Marie and her sister. The place was pretty crowded when we arrived, because Grace was trying out her new, all you can eat, Sunday Brunch idea. She had learned about this from a story she read about a champagne brunch craze that was spreading all through California.

They had bought several removable serving line tables, and I had to laugh because it reminded me of the way they served us food at the orphanage. The similarities ended there though, because Marie and her sister, Sonya, had really prepared a Mexican food feast.

We had arrived for the tail end of the buffet, but there was still plenty of everything for the boys and I. Instead of champagne, we were given all the soda we wanted. It was expensive, at five ninety five for each of us, but I think the boys and I managed to get our money's worth, and then some.

Marie came out of the kitchen with Sonya just long enough to say hello, and to introduce her sister to us. Sonya looked almost twenty years younger than Marie, and Marie looked a lot younger than her real age. I found out later, that Sonya had been born out of wedlock to Marie and some boyfriend of hers, before she moved away, or had met Juan, her husband. She had left Sonya to be raised by her parents. Sonya knew that Marie was her real mother, but they had always treated each other like sisters, so that's what they referred to each other as. I also found out, again from Grace, that Sonya's late husband had been murdered by his cousin in Phoenix. It was a drunken argument over some money one of them had claimed the other owed him.

Grace was in a real good mood about how well the brunch idea was being received. She was sure, when people became aware that it was a weekly occurrence, the repeat business would be fantastic. The dinner service hadn't even been started yet, and the restaurant receipts were already greater than for any previous Sunday since they had opened. When I asked about the cost of the champagne, Grace laughed and told me it cost her less than ten dollars for a twelve bottle case of it. They had run through about five cases, and the brunch was nearly over. She told me they were being generous with the champagne, in the beginning, to build up a quick repeat customer following. It wasn't the cost that mattered she said, it was having the seats and tables tied up by people who wanted to drink more than they cared about eating. Earlier, Grace told me, several people had left the restaurant without eating, because they grew tired of waiting for a table to open up for them.

After we finished eating, I drove the boys back to their homes, and then I drove myself over to Uncle Bunny's. I didn't feel like studying. Instead, I sat in his living room, trying to decide how I was going to deal with my situation at home. At around ten o'clock, I locked up the house, and reset the alarm, before heading back to my house. I didn't see anyone downstairs when I came in, so I went up to my room, and shut and bolted my door. I went to bed, after first showering, and managed to fall asleep fairly quickly.

A week went by uneventfully. I hadn't seen or heard from Emily, and didn't expect to. Joyce was giving me a wide berth as well. I even noticed that Mama was keeping the dinner table conversation focused only on business topics. She was no longer having us all go around the table, telling each other about our day's activities. Dad did most of the talking, although he would, on occasion, ask each of us for ideas on how he should handle some problem or situation he was having. This doesn't mean that Joyce and I weren't speaking. She was still being a big help with the group homes. It was more that the two of us weren't working together as closely as we had before. A lot of the fun and the kidding had gone out of our conversations.

On Friday morning, Gerta noticed the necklace with the ring around it that I was wearing. I was in a hurry to get something to eat before heading off to school, and I had left it hanging outside of my shirt. I hadn't yet put my school jacket on. She asked me about it, and I told her I was wearing it so I'd always be reminded not to do the kinds of things that had led to my losing Emily as a friend. Gerta just nodded at me, not making any comment.

Friday night, at dinner, Mama asked me to show her my necklace. I saw Joyce look up from her bowl of soup, curious about Mama's unusual request. I hesitated, not sure I wanted to talk about it at the table like that, up until Dad made a comment about men wearing jewelry as adornments.

"It isn't an adornment, it's a reminder. I don't think of it as jewelry. It's more like a symbol to me."

"Well, now you've got me curious too. Let's see this symbol of yours." My father can be a patronizing ass at times. I knew he would make a comment about it looking like jewelry to him, if I decided to show it. On the other hand, refusing to show it would make it seem more important than it was to me. I hadn't meant for it to be any big secret anyway. I reached under my shirt and pulled the necklace out. When Mama and Joyce saw the diamond ring, both of them gasped. What the hell was that all about, I wondered?

Joyce got up and left the table then, and the main courses hadn't even been served yet. Mama waited for just a minute, then she left to go see if she could talk Joyce back downstairs, to eat her dinner. That left Dad and me all alone together.

"Is that an engagement ring, Kenny?"

"I don't know. It isn't an engagement ring as far as I'm concerned. It's a symbol, that's all."

"There are few things more symbolic than an engagement ring."

"Not this one. I bought it at the pawn shop, as a reminder, and that's all it is. I don't know what it represents to all of you, but to me, it just represents a bad decision I made."

"You do know that you're too young to get married. Your mother and I would never give our consent. Was this for Shirley?"

"If it were a real engagement ring, do you think I'd pick one like this? If I was marrying Shirley, I'd want her to have a ring like the one Mama wears. This is just something I picked up on Tuesday, and it doesn't have anything at all to do with Shirley."

"Very well. I accept your explanation. Now, can you explain to me what it is that's come between you and Joyce, and you and your mother?"

"I can, but I'd prefer not to. It's personal."

"Is it? Well, that's too bad, because it is affecting my whole family, and I want to know what's going on. I demand to know."

"I fucked Joyce, and now everybody's upset." I never saw my father move so fast, or be so upset, not even when we were at the police station and he was so mad at Mr. Connor and Richard. He stood up so quickly, I thought he was going to launch himself at me. Instead, he stood there without moving for several long seconds.

"Do you have the keys to Bunny's house, Kenny?

"Yes."

"I want you to go over there, and stay there, until I can get this straightened out with Joyce and your mother. You didn't force your attentions on her? I'm assuming this was more her idea than it was yours?" When I told him I didn't force her, he relaxed just a little bit, not much though. "I've been afraid something like this might happen. Bertie has no common sense when it comes to these kinds of situations. She encouraged Joyce in this foolishness, didn't she?"

"She says she didn't. She said she counseled Joyce to help her get a better self image, and to make the most of the assets she has."

"I had thought we were done with this sort of thing after Brenda. I thought she'd learned her lesson. She tinkers with people's emotions, with their lives, without ever once giving a single thought to the possible harm and repercussions it might produce. I won't allow her to do that with Joyce, or with you. Let her meddle with Brenda's life, as long as she aims her at someone else. I could accept that kind of meddling, I wouldn't care, but not with you and Joyce, I won't have it!"

"Mama told me after, that it was what Joyce had wanted. I think that's probably the truth, that Mama didn't try to push us together. I blame myself for falling for it, and for giving in to doing that. It ended up ruining my friendship with Emily, and its ended up making things really uncomfortable here at home."

"I'm not saying you're blameless, Kenny, but young men have no training or experience with playing the role of the responsible party, not where sex is concerned. We're natural predators, and the women are supposed to be trained to resist us and say no. They can't expect you to reverse roles successfully. Having said that, weren't you put off by Joyce's physical immaturity?"

"I was, but then, when I saw that her pu... , er, her vagina was like any other woman's, with hair around it and everything, I guess I started thinking of her as a full grown girl. I didn't hurt her, if that's what you meant."

"I'm not angry, Kenny, but I do think it would be better if we resolved this with you not being present. This is your home, and I'm not saying you have to leave, I'm asking you to go to Bunny's for a little while, just until we sort this out."

I had no idea of how he thought he could sort things out without me being there, but I was certainly willing to let him try to do so. I went up to my room to pack a few things, and to gather up my school things and some group homes and restaurant business things. It took me two trips to put everything in my car, and then I took off for Uncle Bunny's place. I might have been running away, probably that's what it was, but I thought my Dad was right in a way, that things would go better if I were out of the picture for awhile.

I managed to spend the weekend productively, although I missed not having a working phone. I made a note to ask Frank Clooney to have the phone service turned back on at the house. I went out to eat both Saturday and Sunday. I ate lunch at the club, and dinner at the diner. I was having my dinner on Sunday when Steph, Gary's groupie came in with another girl. This girl looked a lot more like Gary's type. She was tall and thin, and, when Steph introduced us, she said the girl's name was Brenda Phillips. I thought that was appropriate too, considering Gary's experience with the other Brenda. Without invitation, Steph and Brenda sat on the seat across from me, even though there were several empty booths, close to the booth where I was sitting.

"I hear that you and Emily broke up. That's too bad. You were a cute couple. I heard that she cheated on you, with Donald Featherstone. He's spreading stories about her all over the school now. He and Gary got into a shoving match, in front of the school, but some teachers broke it up before Gary could pulverize him."

I sat there, for a few seconds, trying to control my urge to run away from her. The other girl, Brenda, hadn't said anything. That was good. I wondered briefly if I could get her and Gary together. I knew that would really frost Steph's gourd, if I could somehow manage to do that.

"We don't discuss our private business, except with our close friends."

"Don't be mad at me, Kenny, all I'm doing is telling you what they're saying."

"Did I ask you what they're saying? No. I came in here to have a quiet dinner, and to forget how terrible I feel about losing Emily. I bought her a ring you know? I was going to ask her to marry me, right before she dumped me." I pulled the ring and the chain out of my shirt and showed it to both girls. "I'd really appreciate it if you'd leave now, Steph. Brenda, you're welcome to stay, if you want to. Would you like something to eat or drink?" I waited to see what Steph and Brenda were going to do. Steph finally scooted over and stood up, but Brenda just remained where she was. It took some courage to do that too, because Steph was glaring at her the whole time, trying to intimidate her into leaving with her. As soon as Steph stomped off in a big huff, I turned back to Brenda again.

"Thank you for staying. Order whatever you feel like having. Have you and Steph been friends for long?"

"We've been friends since the first grade. She's going to hate me for not going with her."

"Wow, since the first grade. What grade are you guys in now?"

"Juniors, although we don't have classes together this year. I'm in the Honors program, and Steph is in the regular classes. We have gym class together though. She only lives two doors down from me."

"Have you heard about Gary Carstairs from Steph?"

"Are you kidding? He's almost all she ever talks about. He's only a freshman though, I don't see the attraction. He looks pretty goofy, and he bounces up and down when he's walking."

"Gary is going to be a big basketball star, if not this year, certainly by next year. Steph is hoping to ride to popularity by being his girlfriend. He's such a nice guy, he deserves a lot better than her. I was thinking that you're more his type. In fact, I was hoping you'd give me your phone number, so I can give it to Gary when I tell him about you."

"I don't want my phone number given to some freshman. I thought you asked me to stay because you were interested in me."

"It isn't that I'm not interested, but I don't really know you yet. Maybe we can all go out together, the four of us, and we can have like a double date. You could get to know Gary and I at the same time. That's only if Emily ever decides to forgive me, and gives me another chance."

"I thought Steph said it was Emily that cheated on you?"

"That's the story we've been telling people, but that isn't what really happened. It was me that was fooling around with Donnie. She caught us kissing and fooling around over at the country club. We were mostly just kidding, well I was, at least, but it looked bad to Emily when she looked in my car and saw what we were doing. I had heard that rumor about Donnie and Richard Connor. His sister told me that Donnie and Richard used to do some things like that together, and I was a little curious about seeing for myself. Mostly, I wondered if all the rumors about Donnie were true. They were. I almost gagged when he started sticking his tongue down my throat, and after, when he tried to grab at my dick, saying he really wanted to suck it. That was when Emily saw us. He was bent down, over my lap, trying to get my fly opened. I don't know why he's saying he did anything with Emily though. I guess he doesn't want people to know that he really likes guys."

"I better go find Stephanie, Kenny. It was kind of nice meeting you, and I hope you do get things worked out with Emily. Bye."

I watched her slide across and out of my booth in one smooth motion. This girl was coordinated, maybe too coordinated for someone like Gary. I didn't feel that guilty about what I'd done. It had been kind of fun watching her looking at me in shock as I made that stuff up for her.

"What about your phone number, for Gary? Don't you want something to eat before you go?"

I finished my dinner alone. I saw Steph and Brenda whispering, with their heads bent close together, and then I saw Steph waving another girl over, so she could tell her the latest news. I expected that Donald Featherstone would soon be sorry that he told all those stories about what he and Emily had done. Kansas, in the mid eighties was pretty conservative, socially. Having rumors about your sexuality floating around, that wouldn't do your social life any good at all.

Dad came over later that Sunday night, saying he needed to speak with me. He told me that he'd fought the good fight, but Mama wasn't a woman easily given to accepting either criticism or compromise. The upshot of it all was, he wanted me to return home. He also made a very casual mention that he was so busy at work, he'd be spending a few nights sleeping over at the apartment we kept in Bolling. I wasn't surprised at that news. It was a usual thing for Dad to go visit the Bolling apartment for awhile, when he and Mama were engaged in one of their longer fights. He didn't have her stamina, not when it came to continuing marital discord.

"Are you sleeping there tonight?"

"Yes, I'm so far behind, and I need some peace and quiet if I'm ever going to get caught up."

"I'm sorry, Dad, I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I don't have to go back there yet, do I?"

"You should. She's pretty upset with me, and, if you stay here, its only going to get worse."

"I kind of hate to give in to her like this."

"Do it as a favor to me then. You have no idea how your mother can nurse a grudge. Believe me, you returning would help the situation, a lot. Joyce needs you there too. She feels responsible for everything. She's been talking about moving out of the house too. Which is one more reason your mother is so upset with me. This wasn't what I intended when I first got involved."

"That's what I was trying to tell you before, Dad. When either Mama or Joyce want something, and they decide to go get it, it doesn't really matter what any of the rest of us want. You've seen how Joyce is at work, she doesn't stop until she finds a way to get what we need her to get. She is the same way about personal stuff. If I go back there, there's no telling what she might decide she wants from me."

"Okay, stay here then. This isn't right, and I won't cave in to her."

"No, I'll go. Someone has to stop this, and it needs to be Joyce. She's the one who got it started."

"Kenny, I don't think you should do that. Everything hangs in such a precarious balance already. You might make Joyce feel so bad that she will decide to leave us. If she does that, there's no telling how that might affect your mother."

"Joyce isn't going to leave. What she has with us is too important to her for her to want to do that. If she threatens to leave, its only because she thinks that threat will help her to get her own way. You shouldn't let her get away with it, you'll only spoil her. I bet Mama knows I'm right about this too."