Chapter 5

I felt incredible, I was leaning back against the table, my son was on his knees between my wide spread legs, his mouth was pressed to my filmy little panties and his tongue was just about in my vagina!

"Tommy" I said and pushed him away as gently as I could, "No darling, not like this"

I pushed my skirt down and went back into the house where I packed all my things and rang for a taxi,

"Donna, what's wrong darling?" Frankie was beside me along with Tommy and Jim, a worried look on all their faces,

"You can stay if you want Tommy, but I'm going home, this isn't right and I want no part of it"

"Sorry mum" Tommy kissed my cheek and smiled wanly at me, "Can I really stay?"

"Of course you can darling, I'd like a few days by myself anyway"

The taxi pulled up outside and I kissed my brother briefly, said goodbye to Frankie and lugged my bags out into the cab.

The driver took just under three hours to get home and as I paid him off, I wondered how I could have almost allowed my son to make love to me!

I felt ashamed and dirty, so I drew a bath and took a glass of vodka in with me, half an hour later, I fell into bed and dreamt of the devil, a naked, horned demon with a gigantic penis in his hand and the face of my son!

I awoke in the morning and showered, after which I felt slightly better, but I'd already decided what I was going to do so a furtive run to the shops for some vodka took care of my immediate needs, another warm, scented bath soothed me and some of my favourite music on the CD put me in the mood to do it.

A sleeping pill went down with the first large glass of vodka, then two pills with the second one and I started to cry, I kissed a photograph of Tommy senior and my son and then I swallowed some more pills washed down with more vodka and waited for sleep.

Someone was banging in the background, I tried to shout at them to go away but instead my mouth filled up with vomit, I threw up all over myself and went back into oblivion.

My memories were very vague about what happened, I have a hazy recollection of people arguing and shouting, fingers were shoved down my throat and I can clearly remember vomiting again and again.

Tommy.

The stench was awful, Jim had kicked the door in after seeing mum lying on the couch, the front of her robe covered in what looked like vomit.

I was first in and gagged at the smell, she was still breathing thank God, Frankie screamed and threw up, adding to the mess and Jim was speaking rapidly on the phone, the ambulance arrived with klaxon howling and within five minutes, mum and I were in the back on the way to hospital.

It was two days later before she woke up, two days which seemed like two years, she had her stomach pumped twice, Frankie and I had a massive row when she said that mum was stupid, if she'd have been a man, I'd have floored her, but as it was Jim took her home and I wiped her number from my mobile.

"It's all my fault Jim" I told him as we sat together by her bed,

"Tommy, if it's anyone's fault, it's mine, I shouldn't have allowed it, come on mate, stop beating yourself up, she's going to be all right"

"What are you two arguing about?" came softly from her bed and we both jumped up,

"Mum" I was almost in tears, "We thought we'd lost you"

She and Jim cried too, we hugged each other, all of us saying sorry over and over again until finally a doctor came and shooed us both away whilst he looked at her.

We weren't allowed back in until after a police officer had taken a statement from her and then she was told she could go home the following morning.

Jim took me to the hospital the following morning, then took us home and then left,

Mum looked awful, but cheered up a bit when I drew her a warm bath and helped her upstairs, the ordeal had left her weak and she wasn't very talkative, when I asked her why she'd done it, she shook her head and said,

"Leave it Tommy"

The next few days were fraught with tension, I wanted to know what had gone wrong, Frankie called round a lot at first but eventually took the hint when I steadfastly refused to let her in, Jim came too with Sarah who'd returned from America, but mum didn't want to see either of them.

It was about a week later when we were sitting together on the sofa watching television when she finally spoke about it,

"Have you figured it out yet Tommy?"

I shook my head, "No, are you going to tell me mum, please?"

"I'd like a drink, shall we go to the pub?"

"Yes I'd like that"

Half an hour later, we were ready or rather mum was, I'd been ready long ago, but she'd really made an effort and looked fabulous, a hint of make up worked wonders and she was more like her old self again,