Chapter 8

Megan's account:

There are times, more often than not, that I just hate being the Scribe.

I couldn't believe what I had done when Patrick left the room that night. I loved him so much it hurt, but in my ignorance I had repeatedly pushed him away in the last few weeks. Finally, I had pushed too much, too hard. Sometimes I can be so stupid and blind. As I watched him leave the room, I suddenly realized I had brought to fruition the nightmare I had lived with for years, that I knew was coming. How could I be so stupid? I knew everything that had happened, I remembered everything, whether I wanted to or not. I saw the future, often as clear as a bell. I had seen this so many times in my dreams; I drove him away, and he walked out of the room to his fiery, catastrophic death. What did I do? I watched like another person while I followed my nightmares as a script, down to the last letter, without knowing what I was doing, until he walked out of that room. How could I do that? I realized at the last minute what I had done.

"Oh God, Patrick, please don't leave! Please come back! I never meant to hurt you! I love you! Please... don't let me kill you too!"

Amy looked at me strangely, then with panic in her eyes as she realized what I had said. She ran out of the room, only to return a moment later without Patrick. He had already left. I sat down, in a daze, crying, as I remembered the past between Patrick and I.

I have always loved Patrick. From the first day I remembered seeing him, as a ten year old, I knew I loved him. I knew he would be my husband. It did not take me long to realize, as a little child, that I could tell things that were going to happen. At first, it didn't surprise me. I thought everyone could do it. In fact, my parents seemed to be able to sometimes. My twin brother Eric could. My first brush with how horrible a 'gift' this was came when I foresaw Eric's death. I was devastated, terrified. After several days of panic and avoiding everyone in my fear, Eric came to me one day. We were nine years old. We were a very mature nine. He sat down next to me, looked deep into my eyes, and spoke softly, lovingly to me.

"You saw it, didn't you?" He asked. My heart froze. I knew what he meant. He hugged me and told me he had been seeing it for several months. He told me it was ok, if it had to happen, it had to happen. He said it might be for the best, as I was going to meet a wonderful man; a man that I might ignore if my brother was still there. As usual, he was right in every respect.

I first met Patrick a when we moved into a house near his family when I was ten years old. My parents had moved us to a new town, hoping it would help me put aside the despair I felt when Eric died. I had suffered the same trauma that all of us twins suffer when we lose a part of ourselves. The only thing that kept me from coming completely unglued, as the others did in the previous cycles, was the knowledge that there was someone out there for me. I knew Eric would never lie, and I knew he could not be wrong. He saw the future even clearer than me, and was never wrong or surprised. I knew if I could just hang on, incredible, undying love and happiness waited for me. I just never knew it would take so long for me to attain it, and that it would be so cruelly taken away from me so many times.

Patrick and I knew each other somewhat for years. Victoria and I became close friends. We shared almost everything, and the things we didn't share, I knew anyway. I rejoiced with them, alone in my room, when I felt him make love to Victoria for the first time. I had known they were experimenting since the first day they kissed. I was happy for them. I knew Victoria's love for him rivaled my own. I thought it was wonderful.

I didn't understand when Patrick came within one day of asking me out when we were sixteen. Had it not been for that party, the night he discovered that Elizabeth existed, we would have gone out that weekend. He would've asked me the next day. I knew it. Then, I saw him taken away from me. But it was ok. I knew he was mine eventually. Eric promised. Even when they fell in love, and got married, it was ok. I had my one night of joy with him, at the bachelor party. It was the first time I successfully tried to affect someone's memory. I left him just enough memory of that night to excite him when he thought about it, but not enough to really be sure it had happened. I couldn't sabotage things with Elizabeth that way, even though I didn't particularly like her. She would make him sad, I knew. He never knew the incredible gift he gave me that night, besides that one night of eternal love. I am reminded of that night every day when I wake up and see the gifts he gave me.

It was always ok. I knew he would be mine. Then the horrible day came when we all died, and the cycles began. The day I became the scribe, and knew I would probably live forever. But it was all ok. Until the cycle before last, when the change brought about in an effort to stop the deaths made me Patrick's wife.

Finally, I had realized the dream, the promise. I was married to my true love. Oh, I knew intellectually that it might not last. I knew if we all died again that changes would be made again, and our marriage would probably not survive the change. But I was just sure this would be the time that the changes would work. I hoped. You see, the one place I could never see the future was in relation to the cycles. I had no more idea what would happen as part of the outcome of the cycles than anyone else, except what had happened before. I was blind to the outcomes. As each cycle matured, I could tell if it was likely heading for failure again, but that was just a guess.

I was so happy! Not having been married to Patrick before had been ok, because I didn't know what I was missing and I knew it was coming. Then it happened. When I became pregnant, I knew it right away and I knew it was twins. No, that didn't take any talent on my part; our people almost always had twins. But there was never a prettier set of babies than my Amy and Cindi. I was so happy, for fifteen years, my life was full. Then, everyone died again. The cycle was renewed, everything was changed, and I saw my best friend become my husband's wife.

Poor Victoria. She never understood or even probably knew the pain she caused me, because she didn't remember. It meant so much to me during that last cycle when she insisted Patrick comfort me in the way I was dying to have him. It was so selfless of her, especially since she didn't realize the significance. But things were suddenly unbearably hard for me. It was one thing, not having Patrick but realizing, truly believing that it was coming one day. It was another to live that dream, then have it jerked out from under you. Was that it? Was fifteen years all Eric had foretold? If the cycles were successful and we went back to the original life, I would not be married to Patrick; Elizabeth would be. I was devastated. I had lost everything. It helped a little to know it was to save everyone's life, but it was still hard, to see someone deliriously happy with the one you loved. I couldn't even hate her, as she was my best friend.

All these thoughts flew through my mind as I sat there, crying, feeling the reassuring presence of Amy next to me, arm around me, pulling my head down to her shoulder. I loved this little girl like no one else except maybe Patrick and Victoria. Amy didn't remember, but we had been such close friends in the last cycle. We had killed together. That brings a closeness like nothing else. She had saved my life many times. I had almost killed Sandi because of my desire to protect Amy. Now the little girl was comforting the confused woman. She was so sweet.

It seemed like a long time but was probably only a few minutes before I was strong enough to do what had to be done. There are times when I hate being able to know what is going to happen beforehand. Actually, most of the time. Amy looked at me quizzically as I dialed 911 on my cell phone. They answered on the first ring.

"I need to report a possible fatal accident on the cross town freeway, at mile marker 17... a truck has jackknifed on the southbound lanes and a car has driven under it... no, I don't know... no, I am not that close... please hurry!" I implored, and then hung up. I had said possibly fatal accident because I just couldn't accept the inevitability of it. I had to allow for the possibility that I could be wrong. The lump in my throat and stomach told me I was not.

The girls were all looking at me as if I had two heads, and were crying. They didn't understand what had just happened, but they knew what they had heard. Cindi was the only one that seemed calm. She came over to me and sat down next to me after shooing Amy out of the way. She reached over, laid my head on her shoulder, and started whispering in my ear.

"We need to go to the hospital, Megan. He needs your help." She gave me a sad little smile. I looked at her like she was crazy.

"He's dead, Cindi! There's nothing I can do for him now. I could have helped him before, but no, I had to be a jerk! Now I've just killed him." My life was over. I had nothing more to live for.

"No, Megan, he's not dead. He might be if you don't get there to help him, but he's not dead yet." Cindi was speaking softly but forcefully. She sounded like she knew what she was talking about. I looked at her, hope in my heart.

"How do you know he is alive, Cindi? How do you know he didn't die? I... know he died." I couldn't say more without making her think I was crazy. She didn't remember the cycles; she didn't know I could see things before they happened. She didn't know I was never wrong. Cindi looked at me, biting her lower lip, seeming to decide if she should tell me something or not.

"Megan, I don't know if I can explain it or not. I don't know how I know. I just know. He was... should have died, but... he didn't." She looked really uncomfortable, worried. Worried I would think she was crazy. Me! The person who sent a man off to his death because I loved him so much! I needed to know more about this, though. Cindi was not supposed to be able to know if he died or not.

"Why did he not die, Cindi? I don't understand. Explain it to me." Cindi's answer was not what I was expecting.

"How do you know he died? How could you possibly know? How do you know what highway he was on? What mile marker the accident was at? How do you know he hit a truck? Maybe we need to have a talk." Cindi was nervous, I could tell.

"You first, Cindi. I'm older; I get to hear first." I smiled slightly at her. She sat still for a minute, staring into space. Then, she started to speak, haltingly.

"He... should have died. I... changed the... conditions of the accident. He was going to hit the trailer head on, sliding underneath. He would have died. I... caused him to skid to the left and hit it with the right side of the car. That saved him... for now. It also prevented the fire. I don't know how to explain it better than that. I don't know how I did it. I just did." Cindi looked embarrassed, afraid I would think she was crazy. Instead, I threw my arms around her and kissed her, crying. I was so stunned I forgot to hide what I knew.

"Oh Cindi, thank you so much! I didn't know if you could still do that! He's really alive? I will never forget you for this!" I was so relieved I was crying. I knew Cindi was telling the truth. Affecting the outcome of events had always been one of her powers. They activated when needed! I realized I was going to have some explaining to do.

"So... what do you mean 'I didn't know if you could still do that'? What are you not telling me?" I could see Cindi was very curious, and confused.

"Later, Cindi. If you are right, I need to get to the hospital. Julie, go find Samantha. We need to go!" I hoped Samantha was around somewhere close.

Victoria and I gathered the girls together, getting them ready to go. I was just getting ready to hunt down Julie and Samantha when Julie came running into the room, crying hysterically. I tried to calm her down, to see what was going on.

"Mommy! Something's wrong with Samantha! I can't wake her up! It looks like she took some pills! Hurry, Mommy!" Julie could hardly speak, she was so upset.

Damn it! Could anything else go wrong? Was I going to kill everyone I loved? I ran into the room. Samantha was lying on the bed, pale and barely breathing. An empty bottle of pills was lying next to her. I looked at the bottle and turned pale myself. I knew these were bad news. My little girl wouldn't make it to the hospital. I couldn't let that happen. Not to my special girl. How could I tell Patrick his special little friend died? He would think he killed her. He would be wrong because I killed her, but he would always believe that he had. Katie ran up behind me, looking scared.

"I'll go call an ambulance!" She cried, and started to run out of the room. I grabbed her arm and held her tight.

"No, Katie. She will not live until an ambulance gets here. Close the door." I spoke softly, calmly. It was time to be Megan, the Helper, not whatever I had become in the last few weeks. Katie looked at me, panic in her eyes.

"What do you mean? We can't just let her die! Oh please, don't let her die!" Katie was getting hysterical. I grabbed her and shook her, hard, to get her attention and make her listen. It worked.

"Katie! I will not let her die. But you have to promise me you will never tell anyone what you see. Close the door and promise me and I will save her! Promise me, Katie!" I had no intention of letting Samantha die; I would save her even if Katie didn't promise, but I had to try. Katie was hysterical and babbling as she closed the door.

"I promise! Oh God, I promise, Megan! Please, just save her! I will do anything you want, just don't let her die! Please?"

I knew what I had to do, but I had to do it quickly, before anyone else came in. I had Katie hold Samantha's head in her lap, more to just keep her busy than anything else. I laid my hands on Samantha and concentrated. I kept the energy inside her, as I did not want purple lightning flashing all over the whole house. Katie, Samantha and I glowed purple for several minutes, and then Samantha started breathing deeper and fell into a deep sleep.

As I removed my hands from Samantha, I looked at Katie. She was looking at me with a look of awe and fear in her eyes. I also saw understanding there. I realized too late that I had probably just awakened Katie's powers, and possibly her memories by having her in range of my power. That was the least of my worries right now. I picked Samantha up and carried her out to the car, as I reminded Katie of her promise. Samantha was still going to need medical care. I couldn't use all my power on her. I needed to save most of it in case Patrick needed it.

There are some advantages to knowing what is going to happen. I knew I didn't have to worry about our safety on the way to the hospital. We made it in record time. My driving terrorized the others, but we made it in record time. I let Victoria take Samantha into the emergency room while I headed to where I figured they would have Patrick.