Chapter 57

I entered the room slowly, not sure of what I would find. Megan's voice had not sounded good when she told me to come in. I found her sitting on the bed, watching me with big, sad, pain-filled eyes as I entered. She had been crying.

Some women do not look good when they cry; maybe most. I'm admittedly biased, but Megan looked beautiful anytime, even when she had been crying. With her medium height, slim, athletic, attractive body, gorgeous red hair, pretty face, and stunning purple eyes, I couldn't ever imagine her looking anything other than beautiful.

She patted the bed, indicating she wanted me to sit next to her. That was a relief; I didn't know how to approach that. She looked at me for a long moment; finally, slowly, giving her plenty of time to refuse, I put my arm around her and pulled her in close to me. I almost stopped when I felt her cringe slightly, but then she wrapped her arms around me, buried her head in my chest and cried, her body wracked with deep, heartrending sobs. She cried for quite awhile as I held her gently, softly stroking her hair, careful not to imply anything sexual. Finally she calmed down and looked up at me, her eyes still sad. God, I loved those eyes but they were always so sad. I had seen them a few times when they were happy. I wanted them to be happy all the time. I could even take serious, but just not sad. I promised myself right then that I would make them happy, someday, somehow, no matter what I had to do.

"Kiss me?" She asked forlornly. I did. It was not a passionate kiss from her, so I kept it friendly also, but it was a very nice, pleasant kiss. She held on to me as if it was the last time she would ever hold me, and then she moved away and faced me, ready to talk. I wondered if it would be the last time. I knew from what Elizabeth had said that Megan would come back to me, but I was scared anyway. I didn't have first hand knowledge that Elizabeth was always right about the future. I knew Megan had this last, long time of horror ahead yet. I knew she would not handle it well. I was pretty sure of the outcome, but my heart broke at the thought of the pain, loneliness, and fear she would have to go through alone. I would be there for her the whole time, but I knew she would be alone, as I was pretty sure she would reject me.

"I'm sorry about that out there. I guess I just kind of freaked out. Patrick, I don't know what to say," she whispered softly, so softly I had to strain to hear her. She placed her finger gently on my lips as I started to answer. I couldn't help trying to answer, but I knew it was the wrong thing to do. I knew she had to cleanse herself, to tear herself down mercilessly to the base and then, hopefully, start building up anew. I knew the best thing was to just listen, to let her get it out. I loved her so much, though, I just didn't know if I could sit here and listen to her destroy herself, even if it was necessary.

"I know you say I have no need for forgiveness, that it wasn't my fault. I even understand that, Patrick, as there is no way I could ever envision that I would do anything to hurt you or the others. It's not humanly possible. Unfortunately, I'm not completely human." She paused to think. For once in my life, I kept quiet, just holding her hand. The thing that bothered me most was that she was calling me Patrick. That was ominous. She almost never called me by my name.

"I know all that, Patrick. But it's not enough to know it; I also feel that I let you down, betrayed you, and led my girls into danger. How do I deal with that?" She looked up at me, eyes full of tears, with the horror lurking just behind, threatening to take over. I felt I couldn't take much more. I couldn't even imagine how much worse it was for her.

"The thing is, it happened, and I can't escape that. No matter how we justify it, it happened. What happens next time? What if Bandor comes back?"

'He will be fucking dead, dead, DEAD!' I screamed in my mind.

"How would I deal with it then when I don't understand why it happened? What happens the first time I come home late at night and you don't know where I was? Will you think I'm off fucking someone again? How can you or the girls ever trust me again? Maybe Amy could have used nicer words, but what she said was correct."

"God, I love you so much, Patrick, especially since I know the answer to those questions. If I come home late at night, you will believe whatever I say. You always have and you always will. But is it fair to you? And how is it going to affect our relationship if I wonder why you believe me, if I don't trust myself?"

"All this time, for at least a month, maybe more, you knew what was going to happen. You knew exactly what I had done with Bandor. Ok, what Bandor had done with me, what he forced me to do," she corrected herself as she saw me start to protest.

"Semantics. You knew I would betray you and cause your death. And still, all along, you loved me just as much as always and treated me just the same. The girls showed up at the cave today with their guns. I saw the calendar on the wall when we got home today. You even called me to see what day I said it was. You knew what was going to happen today, and yet you called me this morning and wanted to make love to me." Tears were falling from her eyes. "I just don't understand that depth of love," she whispered.

Finally, I just had to speak.

"I don't understand, Megan. The answer is simple. We just start over, from here. If you feel you have to earn my trust again, then you just do it like you always have. I don't feel that, but if you do, you know how to do it. You have been doing it for 27 years and even longer than that counting the cycles and time before that. You just be you, the you I fell in love with and still love more each day. You just forget about what happened; not all at once, but you act normal and then you become normal." I kissed her quickly. "You do know and understand that type of love, Megan. For 27 years you waited for me. You lost a husband because of me. You know exactly the kind of love we are talking about, because you have lived it."

Megan dissolved into tears.

"That's the problem, Patrick. I can't go back; not ever again. I can never regain what I have lost!" She whispered brokenheartedly. I felt cold fingers run up and down my back.

"Why, Megan?" I asked, not sure I wanted to hear the answer, but knowing I must.

"Patrick, I have never had another man in my life except you before now. For 27 years I waited for you. I never so much as kissed my husband. He knew it was a marriage of convenience. Oh, I have to admit there were a couple guys that tempted me, but nothing ever happened. They were special, but I knew it was just because I was lonely that I was ever even tempted; they just weren't you. I never touched anyone but you." She cried softly. "I can't say that anymore. I resisted all those years and then became the slut of your worst enemy with hardly a fight. How can I ever forget that? How can you ever forget it? To make it worse, I had you then. I was engaged to be married to you. It wasn't as if I fell to temptation because I had pined for you for years. How can you still love me? How can you not hate me? I hate me!"

"Megan, there are reasons why you did what you did." I raised my hand to stop her as she started to interrupt, to tell me she didn't want to know. "Don't worry, I'm not going to tell you what those reasons are. I can't. But honey, believe me, it was not just a case of you giving in to him without a fight. Megan, I have never lied to you before. Believe me; it's not as simple as you make it." I tried to put all my love into that statement. I knew I was wasting my time telling her that, but I had to try.

"Whereas I have lied to you almost continuously. Why are you so goddamned nice to me? It only makes it worse," she whimpered.

How could I answer that? Because I love you? She wouldn't, couldn't accept that answer right now. Yet it was the only one. There was no answer she could accept. I knew she was wrong, but there was nothing I could say to convince her of that. She was a rape victim of the worst kind, because he had manipulated her mind to make her think she had enjoyed it, to make her think it was her fault, that she had wanted it. She'd had her virginity ripped from her by a rapist. Oh, I know, she'd had sex with me before, but it was still the same. She had saved herself for me all this time, and then had been violated by another. She was a virgin that had been raped, her virginity stolen, just as surely as if she had never known a man before. In this case, I think it was worse.

I didn't know how to deal with this. I was not a woman, had never been raped, had never lost my virginity to a rapist. I knew intellectually how she felt, but I had no idea in reality. To me, everything I could say was the equivalent of patting her on the back and saying 'Now, now, honey, it will be all right', when she knew damned well it would not be all right. The only thing I could do was be there and let her know I loved her. Right now, short term, it just wasn't nearly enough. She needed a daddy, who would be her hero, the man who made the monsters go away, the one that could do anything she needed done. For once in my life, I didn't know how to do that. I couldn't make the monsters go away. All I could do was be there to patch up her wounds after they attacked her. I hoped it would be enough. I knew short term it would not be, and even if it would, I was sure she wouldn't let me. This was not the same as when Cindi had been raped, or when Sammi had been abused. Neither of them had been saving themselves for one special man for years. That had just been so important to her, and now it was gone. How do you make that all better?

I asked the question I really didn't want to know the answer to.

"So, what does that mean for us, Megan? Where does that leave us?" I hated putting that pressure on her, but I needed some assurance too before I left the room. I was almost human too; I hurt too. I knew I wouldn't get it, though; there would be no happy ending tonight. Elizabeth had warned me about that. It would get worse, much worse, before it got better. I was pretty sure Megan wouldn't break up with me tonight. I knew her well enough to know what she was thinking. She would wait until after the ceremony with Amy, until after I had another to 'marry' me, to be my 'wife', to take care of me and my needs. She wouldn't, couldn't leave me out there alone. She loved me too much for that. Her love for me was one thing I never questioned. Besides, she didn't want to put any more damper on Amy's special time than she already had.

"I don't know, Patrick; I just don't know." She recoiled at the hurt look on my face and reached up quickly to stroke my cheek gently, probably the only affection she was capable of showing at the moment. "Please, Patrick, please understand. This is not about my love for you. I have always loved you and always will. I love you more today than I did yesterday. You gambled your life and the lives of all your girls on my love for you and my daughters today. I personally think you were a fool, but you knew what you were doing and I love you even more for it. It's not a question of our love for each other. It's a question of my love for me. I... hate me right now and I... I just don't know." She looked at me sadly.

"It's hasn't even been one day yet," she continued. "It's too early to know what will happen. A few hours ago I was still under his power, ready to suck his dick and have him fuck my brains out; making me come in front of everyone I love." She cringed as she saw my face turn white. "I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't have been so graphic, but you have to understand that's what it is to me. I just hurt you now; I don't want to hurt you for the rest of your life." She touched my cheek again. "Please, Patrick, forget about me and enjoy your special ceremony tomorrow with Amy and Cindi. You all deserve it."

"But... I thought you would want to be there. It involves you too," I protested.

"I don't think so, Patrick. I would just put a damper on things. Amy's mother's killer attending her 'engagement' party? Doesn't fly. Even if she doesn't blame me, and I'm not sure she is to that point yet, I'm just not in the mood for that. Take her to a nice restaurant, take her dancing, and then take her to bed. Spend the night with her." She saw the look on my face and correctly interpreted it. "Yes, Patrick, I'm still very ok with it. I'm not upset at all about Amy being your 'wife' also, and Cindi has always been welcome in our bed. Don't change your plans just because of my screwed up life. They don't need an excuse to hate me even more. Really, I mean it, Patrick. Those two special girls are looking forward to it. They love you so much it hurts. Don't disappoint them."

"Now get the hell out of here so I can get some sleep," she giggled. It was a sad, quiet little giggle, but I was glad to hear even that. She surprised me then by slipping her arms around my neck and giving me a nice, friendly kiss.

"I love you, Patrick," she whispered in my ear, and then pushed me off the bed and out the door, laughing all the while. It was a nice way to end our conversation, but I couldn't help but think that the 'I love you' sounded like 'goodbye'.

As I walked down the hall, I almost literally ran into Amy. I must have looked a mess, because she took one look at my face and took my hand, leading me down the hall to the bedroom. She popped her head into Cindi's room as she walked by and simply said 'come with me'. I heard the thud as Cindi dropped everything she was doing and rushed out the door to trail after us.

Amy closed the door after us as we walked into the bedroom. Suddenly, I was sandwiched between two of the most beautiful, sweetest, most wonderful teenage girls in the world, as they just hugged me as tight as they could. They wouldn't let go; that was ok, I wasn't trying to get away anyway. They didn't even ask what had happened. Like they would really need me to tell them... After a minute, the door opened and Victoria joined out little hug fest. That's when I started crying, as I felt my beloved sister hugging me.

Victoria had been a part of my life ever since I could remember; duh, she was my twin sister! Every bad time, from the little tragedies of teenagers that are so huge, to the real tragedies of life, she was there. There were a few times when I had to take care of her, but mostly she was my rock. Maybe not so much in the last few months, but now that she had her Robert back, she was my rock again. It felt so comforting, so right, to lay my head on her shoulder, hold three of the four most important girls in my life and just let go.

They just held me, taking turns kissing my face and neck, telling me they loved me over and over. I completely fell apart. I saw Amy's eyes change, going flat and devoid of all expression as she saw her beloved Daddy, the man she loved, melt down. She was ready to kill somebody, and I realized with fear who it would be. Cindi whispered soothingly to her and her eyes changed back, and were just filled with love and sympathy for me. They moved me over to the bed when it became obvious that I was not going to keep standing on my own. They undressed me and lay me down on my back on the bed. One of them always stayed with me, holding me, touching me as they all undressed. Cindi and Victoria lay next to me and Amy crawled up on top of me, stretching her length out over my whole body. I gasped with surprise and pleasure as I realized I was surrounded by some of the most beautiful, soft, smooth female flesh ever made.

Predictably, I got hard. I was surprised I even could, but those three could excite a dead man, which I almost was. At first, Amy smiled sexily at me; then she turned serious as she saw the guilty look on my face. My special girl was in her room, all alone, as miserable as she had ever been, and I was getting hard. Amy touched my face gently.

"It's ok, my love," she whispered in my ear. Despite my despair, I thrilled inside; that was the first time Amy had ever called me 'my love'!

"Tonight is just about holding you and being close, nothing more. It's ok, really it is," she reassured me. She smiled sweetly as she heard the thought in my head - 'my Amy, my Victoria, my Cindi, my heroes, the ones who make the monsters go away, the ones that could do anything I needed done.' I felt a sudden flurry of kisses and hugs as they tried to live up to their new duties, as they expressed their appreciation for my trust in them.

After a while, Victoria gave me an especially tight hug, a wonderful kiss, and rubbed her hand gently on my chest. Then she pulled away.

"I'm sorry, Patrick, but I have another problem child that I need to see to. You are in good hands with these two." I kissed her and thanked her through my tears. She smiled and left. Amy and Cindi did their best to squeeze me to death to make up for the loss of Victoria.

I don't know when I fell asleep, but I woke up about 2:30 in the morning. Cindi and Amy were both asleep, their heads on my shoulders, their hair spread out everywhere. My heart lurched as I saw how beautiful they were, how innocent as they slept peacefully, how much I loved them. I felt better as I softly stroked their hair, smiling gently as I saw them smile and purr like big contented cats in their sleep. I knew I would miss Megan terribly while we were apart, but I also knew that all my special girls would help me weather it. I just hoped Megan would let them help her too.

I managed with some difficulty to slip out from between them without waking them up and head off to the bathroom. I smiled when I came back into the room. I guess I hadn't been as sneaky as I thought. Amy and Cindi were in each other's arms, holding each other tightly as they slept. I grinned as I saw their faces pressed against each other, softly breathing in each other's breath. God, they were so cute! I wondered how long it would be before they would be offended that I called them 'cute'. I kissed each one on the cheek, watching them smile, and then softly rubbed a breast on each one. I watched with surprise, after I stopped, as each one took one of the other's nipples in their hand and softly stroked and rubbed it in their sleep. I decided to leave them alone and give them some privacy when I saw them kiss each other in their sleep. I could have sworn I saw some tongue action as I left the room.

I silently padded down to the spare room, to look in on Megan to see how she was doing. I gently opened the door, and smiled as I looked inside.

Victoria was lying on her back on the bed. Megan was lying next to her, her arm and leg thrown over Victoria, her head resting on her shoulder, sound asleep. I noticed with a little thrill of excitement that they were both naked. I really felt like a voyeur when I saw Victoria was awake, watching me with an impish little smile. She beckoned me over to her, putting her finger over her lips.

I slowly, gently sat on the bed next to her and lay my cheek against Victoria's, ostensibly to be able to whisper in her ear without waking up Megan. Victoria smiled tenderly at me again as she realized it was just as much so I could touch her, wanting to feel close to her again.

"How is she?" I whispered softly in her ear. I felt her shiver at the touch of my warm breath on her ear. I realized with sympathy that someone was horny.

"She's better," she whispered back just as softly, grinning as she licked my ear softly, and grinning again at my soft moan. "Didn't those two horny little girls wear you out? I think your talk helped a lot. She's a lot calmer. It really means the world to her that you still love her and she knows that you will still be there," she told me seriously. "And no, nothing happened, pervert!" She giggled softly.

"We just cuddled; it didn't seem right to do anything else. That's nice. She's still going to break up with me, though, isn't she?" I asked. My voice sounded forlorn even to me. Victoria shrugged, and kissed me again.

"She doesn't want to, but she probably will, for awhile at least," Victoria answered honestly. We could never lie to each other. She licked my ear softly, making me jump as she giggled quietly. "Don't worry, big brother; I'll still be here for you, and I know of a couple incurably horny teenagers that will kill you if you give them the chance. Besides Eric, I mean." She giggled at my gasp of horror, running her hand slowly down my chest. I heard Megan moan in her sleep and saw her move restlessly. Victoria instantly wrapped her up in her arms and whispered softly in her ear.

"Shhh. It's ok, honey, Annie's here. I got you, I love you. Go to sleep, baby." Megan settled down and smiled in her sleep. Then she cuddled closer. I stared as she slipped Victoria's nipple into her mouth and started nursing on it. I heard Victoria gasp and moan softly as she stroked Megan's hair softly. She looked at me, her eyes on fire.

"She's been doing that all night long. God, I am sooo horny. Patrick, honey... I feel bad, but could you help me out? Please?" I wasn't sure if she was serious or not, but she sounded desperate. I couldn't leave her hanging; not after everything she had done for me tonight. The truth was, seeing her and Megan together was getting to me also, and Megan sure was out of the question.

"Not here," I whispered. Victoria looked excited that I hadn't said 'no'. "What about John and/or Robert?" I asked. "I'm sure they would be delighted to help you out." She groaned in frustration.

"Robert's too sore yet, and too shy after so long. I'll have to rape him sometime soon. John is being a shit. He won't touch me until Robert has made love to me first. It took us long enough just to agree that he would sometime. Besides, neither of them are you," she answered almost guiltily. John didn't sound like a shit to me; it sounded like he was a knight in white armor. She looked at me shyly. "Can I meet you in the spare bedroom in about five minutes? Wait for me if I'm late. Don't you dare leave before I get there, Patrick!" She threatened.

She was there in three minutes flat. She wasn't kidding about being horny. She came the first time almost before she started as she attacked me, lowering herself down on me and taking me up inside her. She came three times by the time she made me empty myself deep inside of her. I might have felt guilty under the circumstances with anyone else, but this was Victoria. We had been having sex at bizarre times for years. I owed her my life down through the years and I couldn't say no to helping her out when she needed it. Of course, I enjoyed it too.

Poor Victoria. Whatever it was that caused our race to crave sex, she had received a double gene of it. She was always horny, and it made it worse that she was very particular about who she had sex with. My teenage years would have been a dream come true for most boys that age. It was nice.

She was practically comatose by the time she was finished with her sixth orgasm of the night. After a short nap to recover myself, I picked her up and carried her back into the bed with Megan. She smiled contentedly as I carried her, her arms around my neck. I laid her down in the bed and helped her curl up around Megan again. I was startled and worried when Megan woke up briefly. She looked up at me and smiled shyly.