Chapter 12

The road to recovery for Sammi was, of course, not as easy as it sounded. The first day home was rough for her. She spent the whole day holed up in the room we had made up for her. We decided she would stay at my house for awhile, as there was always someone there to watch over her and help her when she needed it. None of us were under any illusions that the battle was over and it would be easy from now on. I finally went in to check on her late in the afternoon. Just about everyone had been in to see her that day, and she seemed to be sleeping a lot. I went in to find her crying her eyes out, big sobs wracking her lithe body.

I'm not always stupid and dense; sometimes, I am smart, although it is usually by accident. I didn't bother to ask inane questions like 'are you ok?' or anything stupid like that; I just crawled into bed and snuggled up behind her, spooning up to her and hugging her tight. I ignored the fact that she was naked. When you need closeness, you need it now, not after you stop and get dressed.

I held her tight, stroking her hair and kissing her occasionally. The kisses Sammi and I shared were soft, gentle, and hardly sexual at all. I had grown to love her dearly, but I didn't have a desire to make love to her. Odd as it might sound, it was a love that transcended sex. It was above that. There was nothing wrong with sexual love; it was wonderful. But there were times and certain people that sexual desire detracted from the love you felt for them. I assumed Sammi felt the same. She showed me how right I was (for once!).

She calmed herself after awhile, and then turned around slowly to face me. She put her hands on either side of my face and gave me a long, friendly, gentle kiss. She smiled sadly at the look on my face.

"Don't worry, Daddy. I won't try anything. It will be a long time before I will ever view sex as pleasant and desirable again. If I could, it would be with you. I would love to show you how much I love you and how much I appreciate what you did for me. But it scares me to death." She started crying again.

"Daddy, I am so sorry! I'm sorry for what I got myself into, for how disappointed you must be in me. I've never wanted anything more than to please you. Instead, you find out I am the slut that Amy said I was. God, how you must hate me! I'm such a hypocrite; criticizing something beautiful that you and Cindi had, when all the while I was common whore. Worst of all, I endangered you and Julie. I don't deserve either of you. Can you ever forgive me?" Samantha was sobbing again.

I held Sammi close to me. I could feel she was tense, lying against me, and I thought I knew why. I reached over and grabbed her nightgown. Pulling her up until she was sitting up in bed, I pulled the nightgown over her head, and, with her lifting up her butt in a way that was usually done for undressing, I slipped it over her hips and onto her completely. She looked at me with big, surprised eyes, and then hugged me close, kissing me softly. I heard her sob once

"Thank you!" She whispered softly. "I'm sorry, Daddy. I know you would never do anything to hurt me, but being naked makes me really scared and nervous, even with you. I'm sorry!" She was crying again. I hated to see her cry, but I knew it was good for her.

"It's ok, sweetheart. You're pretty and I love you, but I have no need to see you naked, or to have sex with you." I was trying to calm her down. Her reaction was surprising and interesting.

"You don't? You don't find me attractive?" She sounded disappointed and hurt.

Oh shit! I was trying to help her. I didn't dream she might be hurt that I wasn't interested in her that way. Well, not so much not interested, but not needy.

"Silly, of course I find you attractive. You are beautiful, and I love you dearly. But do you know why I don't feel the need to make love to you? Do you know what the real pleasure is in making love?" She shook her head. Of course she didn't; all she knew was rape and forced sex, abuse and terror.

"I don't feel the need with you because I know you don't feel the need, or desire, with me. Sexual love is only wonderful when it is consenting and desired by both parties. I know you don't want me that way. I could only want you if you wanted me. But I don't need it; I already feel as close or closer to you that I do with most people after sex." I kissed her neck softly to make my point. She started crying softly.

"Oh, Daddy, it's not that I don't want you. But I just can't now. I don't deserve you. I am a whore and a slut and you have two wonderful and beautiful girls who want you and you want them and why would you want me? What could I give you that they couldn't? I am damaged goods. But even without that, I can't. I just can't think of anybody like that. I'm terrified every time I think of sex. It will hurt, and I'll be afraid and I don't think it will ever be beautiful again. But if I ever do it again, I would love the first time to be with you. If you could..." She couldn't go any further. I held her tight. I needed to do some corrections here.

Before I could say anything to her, I 'felt', for lack of a better term, a white light in my mind. I suddenly knew that I had helped Cindi get over a rape crisis. I didn't know how I knew this, and was horrified as I realized what my little girl had gone through. The problem was, Cindi had never been raped, but I knew she had been. I could only assume it had been in a previous cycle. Megan's words echoed in my mind; 'The powers are activated when needed'. I knew it might be helpful to share this knowledge with Sammi.

"Sammi, I once had someone I was really close to go through a traumatic rape crisis. I was able to help her, at her insistence, through it by some unconventional means. When you are ready, maybe I can help you too if you need it." I had no idea what those means were, but I had a 'feeling' it was something I was not totally comfortable with at the time. Sammi smiled gently at me.

"I know. You helped Cindi tremendously when she was recovering from her gang rape. She wouldn't have made it through, and we wouldn't have made it through the last cycle, if it hadn't been for you. She loved you for it, and still does." Sammi looked at me with a surprised look on her face, and I looked at her, shocked as well.

"How do you know that, Sammi? I didn't tell you it was Cindi! I didn't know about it, or that it was Cindi until just now; and I still don't know how I know or when or how it occurred. What do you know about the cycles? You are not supposed to remember those. I don't even remember those." We both seemed to be just as surprised. Sammi bit her lip as she looked at me. I loved it when my girls did that; it was so cute! It also usually meant they were debating as to whether to tell me something or not.

"Daddy, you know that each of us twins share a mental connection, right?" I nodded. She continued. "I have one with Julie, of course. What I don't think is as common, and no one, not even Julie, knows, is that I can read her mind sometimes under certain conditions. It often involves jumbled visions of things that have 'happened', except they are events that I have no remembrance of them happening. I have sometimes received a cryptic reference to 'the cycles'. Sometimes, someone will say something, as you just did, that fits with those 'recollections' and makes them make sense. I am able to do this without entering Julie's mind, so she doesn't know I am doing this. Usually, it occurs without my trying to make it occur. I would never invade her mind knowingly without her permission. She seems to be a vast warehouse of memories; there is a whole area of her mind devoted just to these things. I have no idea what it all means." She looked at me, a little nervous at what she had told me.

I was shocked! Somehow, this troubled girl had access to at least some of the memories of one of the scribes. I would have to ask Megan if this had ever occurred before. Of course, to do this, I would have to admit that I had created another scribe without her knowing it. Then, she would probably kill me, slowly and painfully! Maybe I wouldn't pursue this! I set that idea aside for the moment. There was something else I needed to clear up with Sammi, though.

"Sammi, dear, you are not a slut, or a whore. You were a victim of a pedophile sexual predator. You were lonely and vulnerable. These guys are good, honey. Probably any of the girls would have ended up where you were. You didn't have a chance, sweetheart. It doesn't make you a slut. It makes you a precious little girl that was hurt very badly by a very bad man. You are every bit as beautiful and wonderful as all the girls here. Please, honey, it hurts me when you say things like that." I hugged her tight.

"Sammi, honey, you are 13 years old. You have plenty of time to get over this. It doesn't matter if you don't feel like doing anything now. You will, someday. You will meet a wonderful man and want him more than anything in the world. He won't care what you've done before, because he will love you."

We lay next to each other for a long time, cuddling. She seemed to be so happy that someone would want to hold her. I felt like crying, that some scumbag had done this to her. How could anyone mistreat a sweet young thing like this? It was a mystery to me. After a brief nap, we talked some more.

"Has your Mom been in to see you today?" I asked, trying to make her feel better. Sammi gave a deep sigh.

"Yeah, she was here, for what it's worth. Everyone has been in to see me. Do you know whose visit, besides yours, that I enjoyed the most? Amy's! She treated me just as she always has. She doesn't like me, and I don't like her. She told me she was sorry about what happened and was glad I was ok, but she didn't give me any sugarcoated bullshit. We ended up having an argument before she left. Can you believe that? I'm lying here, recuperating, and she is arguing with me! It was the most refreshing thing that happened today. She treated me like normal! That's all I want! The others made me feel ashamed and embarrassed. Not intentionally; they just don't know what to say to me or how to act around me. Except Julie. She loves me, no matter what, no conditions, and no exceptions. I could be a serial murderer and she would still love me for who I am." She sobbed quietly.

"What is it between your Mom and you? You are both wonderful people. Why don't you get along?" I had always been puzzled by that.

"Oh, several reasons. I'm a bitch. I'm hard to get along with, except with you and Julie. Julie is such a sweetheart, so sweet, I couldn't be mean to her; I love her. I could never be mean, at least intentionally, to you. Also, Mom just doesn't know what to do with me. Julie is her dream of the perfect little daughter. I don't fit in her scheme anywhere. She doesn't know how to handle me. I love her, and she loves me, but we live in different worlds. She hasn't been much of a Mom to me for several years, and it would just be too fake to try now." She looked at me wistfully. "I wish we could, though. I never had a Daddy or a Mommy. I miss it." She looked at me suddenly, feeling guilty. "But I have a Daddy now... I didn't mean..." I cut her off with a kiss.

"Daddy... what about you and Mom? It's obvious you two love each other. I've said some mean things to you, but I hope I never implied that I would object to you two getting together. I think it would be so wicked if you two got married! I dream about that a lot. She and I may not get along well most of the time, but she deserves happiness, and I think she will only find it with you." Sammi smiled gently, sadly at me. Such a perceptive girl!

We were cuddled up, ready to go to sleep when there was a soft knock on the door. When Sammi told them to come in, Julie walked in and sat on the bed. Sammi sat up next to her.

"You ok, Sammi? I could sleep with you tonight if you want. I can tell you're still scared." Julie kissed Sammi lightly and put her arm around her.

"Actually, I would like both of you to sleep with me tonight. Please? You are the two I love most in the world and I would like you with me. I don't think I am ready to sleep alone yet."

I looked at Julie as she looked at me. She smiled at me softly and I smiled back. Even though I didn't feel any sexual desire for either of them, other than what I felt for any pretty girl, I loved the thought of snuggling with two gorgeous girls.

Of course, before we did anything, Sammi had to tell Julie and me again how sorry she was and have a good cry. It was probably good for her to get the crying out, but we needed to get rid of this guilt. Julie looked at me, rolled her eyes, and took Sammi into the bathroom so they could get ready for bed together. I almost rolled on the floor laughing. That was the first time I had ever seen Julie with the eye roll. I thought it was so out of character for her, and therefore, so hilarious and so cute!

While they were getting ready for bed, I went looking for Cindi and Amy, to make sure they were not going to get all kinds of jealous. I didn't sleep with them real often, but I didn't want them to think they were being replaced. They were both asleep, however, so I figured I would talk to them later.

Julie and Sammi were both in bed when I got back. We arranged ourselves so that Sammi was between Julie and I, and we both hugged her tight until she went to sleep. We all slept the night through.

I woke up to a radically different alignment. I was laying on my back, with a girl on each side, head on my shoulder, sound asleep. Two little angels, peacefully sleeping. I couldn't resist; I reached down and kissed Julie softly. She was so cute!

Julie mumbled and sighed in her sleep, then suddenly wrapped her arm around my neck and kissed me back. Wow! Mouth open, tongue and everything. I looked closely at her, but she was still asleep. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it, so I kissed her again. Finally, she opened her eyes, saw me, and her eyes opened wide in surprise.